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discrimination lawyer here, taking questions
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Date: July 28th, 2012 8:57 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 8:57 PM
When we got back to her house I was shocked when she said, "alright, lets go (gesturing to the bedroom with a smile)". I don't remember asking for sex, I don't remember discussing it, I don't remember it even crossing my mind, just in her living room with her and the words "alright, lets go".
We went into her room and began to undress with what started as consensual, as we did she seemed preoccupied. We jumped into bed. Little of this, little of that. Slowly as things progressed I can't recall what happened. I honestly can't, it's not that i'm scared or afraid, I really don't remember. All I do remember is she was crying. She was having a flash back from her father raping her. I remember pulling off her and she kept crying. I then do remember doing something i'm probably most ashamed of is asking her to finish me off, more begging for it. My hormones were going insane, I didn't have any empathy in my heart at that moment just my own concerns. She wasn't a person anymore just a path, a tool, a means to an end. Then once again, I can't remember. I don't remember what happened, I never asked her. I almost don't want to know. But I know I got off.
I hate to say it but after it was done I went to bed, she stayed up crying.
It wasn't until two days later that I realized I had done something awful. She and I are still good friends, we obviously don't date. This was only because I came forward and profusely apologized for what I did and how I treated her. She didn't say she understood, she didn't say it was alright, she explained how much it took away everything that she thought made her important, special and human. As if I could have beat the fuck out of her and it would have been less painful. She didn't characterize it with words, all she said is I know somewhere underneath all of the negatives you have something positive waiting, I've been trying to live up to that since.
And she's trying to sue me now. Do I have a case? |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:00 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 8:58 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:02 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:03 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:04 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:02 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:05 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:08 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:12 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:13 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:18 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:19 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:23 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:24 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:25 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:05 PM
Miranda was very pretty. The fact that she was mature for her age was probably why I had no idea she was so much younger than me; she told me she was the same age as Corrie (16), which wasn't true. Irrelevant, I know, considering she was still a minor but at the time it didn't seem that bad and when you are eighteen sometimes the only way you learn to be a responsible adult (and say, check the ID of someone you are about to hook up with) is the hard way.
Miranda and I had instant chemistry. She was intelligent, well-spoken and flirtatious. She climbed onto my lap in the hot tub, played footsie with me throughout the night, complimented me on my body (which I’ve always been self-conscious about), and was the first person to ever tell me I was hot.
Eventually Christian and Corrie sequestered themselves in the living room to hook up, leaving Miranda and me alone. I invited her to my bedroom and she said yes. We talked for a while about random stuff. She mentioned she had an ex who was psychotic and once told her he would kill himself if she ever left. This should have been a huge red flag, but I paid it no mind.
I finally worked up the nerve to kiss her and we started hooking up. When I first tried to go down her pants she moved my hand away but when I tried a second time (not something I'm proud of, but again, I was eighteen), she took them off and allowed me to touch her. She told me it would make her very horny if I went down on her and after a short while she returned the favor and then told me to get protection so we could have sex.
At some point Corrie knocked on the door to check on Miranda and see if she was alright. Miranda said yeah and Corrie asked if we could "swap". Corrie suggested she could hook up with me and Miranda with Christian. I thought this was really weird. Miranda said no. She wanted to stay with me. I've never heard of that before or since, but who knows. Those two might have talked about it beforehand, I can't say.
Afterwards I drove everyone home and I asked if I could see her again. Miranda told me to call her tomorrow so we could go to a movie. I felt elated and couldn’t wait. Christian said he was proud of me for finally getting over my ex, an older girl I’d been with for the past few years and who slept around with other guys behind my back.
But when I met up with Miranda the next day things got ugly, quick. She said she had a boyfriend and he was looking for me. So, the first lie she told. I couldn’t believe she would deceive me like this and I asked her if there was anything else I should know. She took a deep breath and said she wasn't honest with me about her age… she was two years younger than Corrie. Fourteen. Four years my junior, just going into high school, which I had graduated from the week before. Lie number two. I was dumbfounded and enraged. I left and called Christian immediately; he said he had my back no matter what, but that he heard too that the psychotic boyfriend, let's call him Jake, really was looking for me and that I was in trouble since this dude had a reputation for being a loose canon.
Christian said he heard through the grapevine Jake was telling people he was going to kill me. So I made what was probably the second-worst decision of my life and got his number from Miranda; I thought I would be doing the right thing to call and apologize. I'd been cheated on too and I hated to know I'd been part of that.
The phone conversation was bad. Jake threatened to kill me and said he was coming for me. I apologized but he wouldn't hear it. Then he asked what kind of eighteen year old makes out with a fourteen year old girl. I said, "Jake, more happened than just kissing. We had sex. Besides, I didn't know she was fourteen. I'm sorry." (paraphrasing).
Jake hung up the phone and the next night he tried to kill my parents. He bungled the job royally, but he still tried. So naturally we called the cops.
The cops didn’t do anything since Jake was only 16. He may have spent the night in Juvy but no charges were filed. However, a few days later I got a knock on my door and it was two detectives from our local PD. They asked me all sorts of questions about Miranda (none about Jake) and I answered honestly, thinking I hadn’t done anything wrong. I vaguely knew it was illegal for adults and minors to have sex but I didn’t know the specifics and thought I’d be okay since I was barely eighteen myself, and she had lied to me about being older.
Wrong.
I also thought that telling them the truth might help the cops file charges against Jake that would stick, or at least keep him away from my family. Wrong. Wrong again.
Folks, do not ever talk to the cops, even if you think it will help you. It will not. They arrested me on the spot for multiple felonies including rape by force or fear, llegal sex with a minor, and oral illegal oral copulation with a minor. My bail was more than the cost of a new BMW.
Miranda had said I raped her. Not just that we had sex and she was under age, but forced her into my room, held her down, and raped her. My family all emptied their savings accounts to hire a lawyer. Miranda's family was pushing to have me registered as a sex offender, on top of the multiple felonies. The formal rape charge got dropped but I was still facing up to ten years in prison for felony statutory rape and a lifetime as a registered sex offender because her family made a specific request for that.
Miranda went to the cops and said I raped her only one or two days after Jake got picked up for trying to kill my parents. I'll let you make the necessary connection there. Lie number three. Number four was her telling the police she was wasted that night- first that I got her drunk and then. that she had gotten drunk at home alone before coming over.
About half a dozen people from the community including parents of friends and my classmates all wrote letters to the judge retelling times when Miranda had lied about her age to them, too. So at least I wasn't alone. And it helped me avoid prison.
The judge said he would not register me as a sex offender and scolded the family for trying. I successfully pled down to a misdemeanor, with no registration, and I was able to avoid any further jail time in lieu of community service. I had my record expunged a few years later, so now I have no convictions at all. But anyone who runs a background check on me will still see the arrest record, that I was accused of rape. Any time a cop runs my driver's license number or I interview for a new job, or a loan, or an apartment, they will see the words Rape by force or fear. It never goes away and has affected my life in the following ways:
I can't take the BAR or practice law. My LSAT score was through the roof and I regularly get solicited by top 40 law schools. I even studied an appropriate major in college so I could pursue this path. But no, the BAR association said it is forever closed to me because of my arrest and "moral turpitude".
I can never work with kids.
I will forever be treated like a piece of shit by the police. I have received traffic tickets with bail amounts over $1,000 because the cop tacked on as many frivolous charges as he could after running my license and seeing that arrest.
People in my hometown still yell things at me from moving cars. Not even Jake thinks I raped Miranda anymore; he told a buddy of mine those exact words. But his friends, and Miranda’s, never got the memo. I feel like I have a target on my back every time I go home to visit my parents.
Most people knew growing up won't even speak to me anymore. Not even Christian, who I had considered a brother since childhood. He went to bat for me during my court hearings but we fell out of touch. Jake's friends jumped him and he basically got labeled all the things I did: a rapist, a child molester, a pedophile, whatever, simply by his association with me. So eventually he started to resent me for it and we fell out of touch. Can't say I blame him, but it still sucks to lose your lifelong best friend.
My friends from college, the few who found out, immediately treated me like I was Ted Bundy or some other piece of human trash and cut ties.
I am not saying any of this to slander the girl who accused me. But there isn't a day that passes, there has not been since this happened more than a decade ago, that the thought of suicide has not crossed my mind. That word "Rape" will follow me to my grave. I could be the best person on Earth and it will still follow me. The only reason I haven't just done it, jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge or put my head in an exit bag, is because I know deep down my family still loves me. And at least some of them know I didn’t do it, would never do it, and got thrown under the bus. But the feeling that I let them down, that I shamed them and ruined their good name has never left me.
TL;DR: Was accused of rape at the age of eighteen. Underage girl cheated on her boyfriend with me, boyfriend found out and tried to kill my parents. I called the cops. Girl said I raped her. DA threw the book at me and tried to get me registered as a sex offender. Successfully pled down and have no record now, but still haunted by thoughts of shame and suicide every day. |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:06 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:09 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:13 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:16 PM
Anyways, I was made to write an apology letter to my cousin which she was never given to read. I was subjected to a year of weekly therapy, which was basically "I didn't do it" and refusing to speak to the therapist for the rest of the hour. But possibly worst of all, while I had a turbulent relationship with my parents at the time, my dad would always find a way to work in "pedophile" or "child moester" to his insult when we argued.
Lo and behold several years later it was discovered to be a childish lie for no reason other than to get attention. She was too much of a cunt to admit to it and it basically ruined the better part of 4 years of my life.
So yeah, I'm not sure how well this fits into this thread, but for a period of time I was a rape/molestation "perpetraitor". I think the worst part about all of it is that it was my cousin and it caused a huge rift in the family. We no longer speak to each other, and at this point, it happened 10 years ago.
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:13 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:17 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:21 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:18 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:19 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:24 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:28 PM
1. How much do you make a year?
2. What do your cases typically settle for?
3. What percent of cases settle in mediation? What percent get dismissed on msj?
4. How do you find clients? Internet ads? Phone book? Is it hard to find clients? |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:31 PM
2. $1mm
3. 5%
4. They find me. |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:32 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:32 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:41 PM 2. varies wildly. lowest was 1K, highest was 2M. most of them are under 50K 3. you only get mediation for eeoc cases, and only if the case is good. most that go to mediation settle. the eeoc sucks. it takes years to get a determination, and regardless of whether you win or lose, all you get is a right to sue letter so you can sue in federal court. most clients don't have the money to do this. there is no msj in DHR/EEOC. if the case goes federal, it is unlikely to be disposed of via msj. 4. internet, word of mouth from past clients, internet, etc. i do around 4 initial consultations a week, and tend to sign up 1-2 of them. there are a lot of potentials, but only a small portion of them have winable cases. hence the mixed retainer
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:42 PM |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 9:51 PM
How many years have you been doing this?
Why don't you just get a right to sue letter right away and sue in federal court? |
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Date: July 28th, 2012 10:26 PM |
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Date: July 29th, 2012 12:42 AM
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Date: July 29th, 2012 12:43 AM |
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Date: July 29th, 2012 2:32 AM |