Date: December 14th, 2017 11:44 PM
Author: alcoholic school cafeteria gaming laptop
Ok so here’s the breakdown
Begins by saying First Order now in control somehow, resistance is the rebels now, and they are actually rebels not republic anymore.
There is an evacuation of a rebel, I mean, resistance base. Leigh is somehow there. They have like 3 ships-one big transport ship, one medic shop, and some other ship that you never see anyone on. Like 5 First order destroyers are watching these ships.
Destroyers getting ready to fire when single x wing flys out to confront them. It’s the brown hair curly guy w the round robot. Says he has message for red haired first order general. Some quick banter ensues where he pretends to not hear the general. Eventually general figured out Hess stalling. Orders guys to fire.
Xwing then Attacks the main dreadnaut destroyer alone. Takes out like 10 surface cannons. General orders them to hit it, some captain guy says it’s too small. great design team guys. Like 90% of the ships in the galaxy are x wing size or smaller.
Anyways, turns out he’s doing this so bomber fleet can attack first order ships. I think the bombers were in the transport ship. Leah tells brown haired guy to call off attack so they can getaway. He says no way, orders bombers in. All bombers wiped out but one. It’s bomber load gets stuck over drednaut target. Asian chick climbs down to release. She falls like 70 feet and is like paralyzed but can also work one leg. She kicks the wall until the trigger remote control for the bombs falls. She catches it, pushes button, bombs drop. She and drednaut dead.
Back in ship, Leah pissed at brown hair guy for disobeying orders and getting their entire bomber fleet wiped. They jump to light speed.
First order somehow follows them through light speed, which is impossible apparently. They only have enough fuel to jump once more but don’t want to waste it if they’re going to be tracked. Like 5-10 first order shops now follow 3 basically unarmed rebel ships. Rebel ships retreat out of range, whatever that means. First order can’t hurt them trough the shield. They just keep shooting st these 3 ships the rest of the movie waiting for them to run out of gas.
Meanwhile, luke refusing to train Jedi chick. She’s moping around, gets some brain connection with darth, jr. They seem like they got a love thing kind of brewing. Oh they can also see one another w the force. Oh, and darth jr ditches the mask after snoot makes fun of it by having a temper tantrum in an elevator and bashing it into the wall.
Meanwhile, FO ships still shooting at transport ship. Black guy on the transport ship. OH- FO ships hit transport bridge and blast Leah into space, kill admiral ackbar. Leah used the force to pull herself to the door, they let her in but she’s basically In a coma most of the rest of the movie.
So when Leah goes into a coma, some admiral is promoted to be in control. She’s a skinny 60 yr old bitch not in uniform. Brown haired guy from x wing wants to fight. Her plan is to send messages for help. He says that’s gay.
Black guy wants to sneak out of the transport ship to save Jedi girl because he has her beacon and doesn’t want her to come to transport and get killed. Asian mechanic girl in basement catches him leaving. Guess what- it was her sister that blew herself up. How do you know? She’s crying and wearing the other half of a friendship necklace that her sister had before she exploded. She and black dude get to talking about tracking through light speed. After 40 seconds, they figure out the tracking device is in the lead ship, in the hull or some shit. They tell xwing brown haired guy. He sneaks them out to go find some code breaker guy who the bug eyed lady from the last movie told them she knew.
Black guy and dead sister Asian girl hop in a transport escape pod and leave the ship. Nobody noticed because the 20 destroyers can’t see stuff leaving the one ship they were watching.
Meanwhile, Luke still not training Jedi girl. She tries to see her parents in a mirror, it’s just her. Thinks she can turn darth he to good side based on their thought convos. Chewie makes friends w brown furrow penguins.
Jedi girl goes to meet darth jr. Chewie flies her to destroyer following transport in millennium falcon. She gets in casket and flys straight into destroyer hanger bay. She is arrested by darth jr. He takes her to Smoot.
Meanwhile black and Asian chick land in Star Wars Vegas. Some story abt how all the ppl there are arms dealers. Shows animal racers abusing animals. They get arrested for parking their ship on the beach, meet some Hacker guy. Not guy they were supposed to, but he’ll do. They get on ship to go to hack into destroyer and turn off tracking devices in FO ship.
Meanwhile, Smoot tries to turn Jedi chick to dark side. He the. Tells darth jr to kill her. He acts like he’s going to, then he turns a light saber that’s like on the armrest next to Smoot w the force right like 90 degrees and turns it on, cutting Smoot in half. They both then fight the red imperial guards who all are killed. Darth jr tries to get her to come w him to rule the galaxy, she, of course, refuse, sneaks out w chewie.
Meanwhile 2 of the 3 ships left have been destroyed because they ran out of gas. Last ship is about out of gas as well. Grandma admiral decided to evacuate in escape pods. Brown haired guy is MAFand attempts a mutiny so black guy and Asian girl can turn off tracker. Black guy and Asian chick are promptly arrested after locating the tracker device. Leah blasts down door to bridge where brown haired guy is leading mutiny. Blasts him w blaster to know him out.
He wakes up on escape pod. They explain FO can’t track small escape pods w some cloaking device. Old admiral decides to go down w her ship. She was the hero w the plan the whole time. Brown haired guy humbled. She says she likes his style. Escape pods all going for planet to in eyesight of the destroyers. Somehow they think the Fo won’t figure they went there.
So then, the hacker guy who got arrested also learned all the escape pod plans (not sure how, was ever on transport ship). He tells the FO to save himself. They start blowing up transport ships like crazy, but just slow enough for Leah to not get killed. They make it to the planet, just barely. Oh, main way they got away is grandma admiral on transport ship aims ship at destroyers and goes to light speed. Not sure why last 2 ships didn’t do that
Planet is like Hoth, but salt. FO has like 10 camel transports that are walking up to the mountain w a huge door that is the base. Plan is to ask everyone for help. After like 5 min when nobody responds, Leah is like “so this is how hope dies.” Also, there’s no way out. They checked. No back door. Fight ensues on salt outside door. Black guy tries to kill himself saving them but Asian chick crashes into him to prevent it.
Then, LUKE walks in the back door. Says he’s gonna confront darth jr, who is outside directing the camel transports. He walks out, al 10 camels open up on him at once, shoot for like 4 min straight. At the end he’s still standing. Brushes his shoulder off like what son? Darth jr is pissed
He gets out of ship, some boring backstory abt apologizing etc ensues. Then darth jr decides he’s gonna kill Luke and stabs him. It goes straight they. Wait, it’s just a hologram. Darth jr is MaF. Luke says see you around.
Pan to Luke on that shitty island weak from holographing himself. He then decides life sucks and disappears himself to death.
While Luke is holographing himself brown haired guy figures out he’s doing so so they can escape. Finally someone noticed all the salt dogs in the cave w them ran out the back. They follow. Back dole is piled high w rocks. They can’t escape. Then Jedi chick and Chewbacca land. She has figured out the force and lifts all the rocks. The 10 ppl left from the beginning all climb in millennium falcon and escape. Leah says this is the spark of a rebellion or some shit and it ends.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3829598&forum_id=2#34924003)