Barring a few one-offs, I have never dated at all, so I'm definitely going to need some XO advice to get myself up to speed and avoid common pratfalls. Hence, this thread. Also, I figure content creation will keep me motivated.

The goal: Get into a marriage-track relationship with a quality genetic female prior to age 30 (T-minus 2 1/2 years).

The method: I have long despised the very concept of online dating and I think it poisons people long-term, but I may have no option but to at least try them. A friend has suggested OKC, but I'm open to trying other venues or many at once (especially early on just to get practice). And of course, I'm also willing to try developing organic relationships IRL.

Some core attributes:

Appearance- 5'10, ~160 pounds. Not particularly muscular but improving with a lifting regimen. I am a Norwood 4 and shave my head short. Facial aesthetics average at best.

Values- I practice Catholicism, and would find that preferable in a partner though it's not an absolute requirement. I would prefer to not have sex prior to marriage.

Lifestyle- I'm in journalism and work an unusual schedule. I'm typically free in the morning but work until the late evening on weekdays. Weekends are free. I live in a generic 2-BR apartment in Arlington with a roommate. Currently have no car but this is purely a money-saving choice. If I bought one, it would be very basic and unimpressive.

Income- ~75k base plus some side gigs that get me just above 90k. Family is reasonably well-off but this isn't immediately obvious and I don't get any support from them.

Perceived strengths or advantages:

-My job isn't lucrative, but is more interesting than the standard lawyer/lobbyist/bureaucrat stuff that dominates D.C. I have quite a few interesting stories I can tell.

-I'm probably in better-than-average shape, even for 20-somethings.

-Ivy UG

-I read a ton and am really well-informed on a lot of topics (or at least come off that way)

-It's hit-or-miss, but I spout a lot of XO shit IRL and some people consider me seriously funny, insightful, or at least unusual. My friends often want to introduce me to other people just to see what happens.

Perceived weaknesses:

-I have low self-esteem and while it can be suppressed for a while it inevitably shows. On a related note, I'm pretty "beta" in my personal demeanor by default.

-5'10, bald

-Total inexperience at relationships, with all that entails

-I have some absurdly nerdy pussy-repellent hobbies, in particular tabletop wargaming and retro game collecting (I have a gigantic SNES collection).

-I'm generally a homebody who follows routines; constantly trying out new restaurants or doing random shit like escape rooms every Saturday does not appeal much to me (and the expense of 'going out' so much would irritate me). I do enjoy travel, though, and if I had a car and somebody to go with I could see myself going on lots of short weekend trips to places in the vicinity of D.C.

-No outward signs of wealth.

-Zero fashion sense; I pretty much have to be told directly whether something looks good or looks bad or I won't really know.

I've rambled on long enough. To summarize:

Bros, it's me again. I'm a 27 year old virgin trying to lose his virginity this decade and any tips you could give me would be much appreciated. This is a big step in my life and I don't feel like I can do it without my Internet friends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843705)

Only one friend has ever really tried to set me up with somebody and it just didn't work out either time.

Maybe I'm unlucky but church has never been a great venue for meeting people for me. I've mentioned this before but generally I don't actually hit it off great with Catholic chicks for one reason or another.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843714)

(2) Early in your profile mention that you are trying to read 100 books in 2018, mention how many you've read so far, and namedrop some of the more interesting ones. There are nerdy girls who will find this very alluring.

(3) One of the best ways to show off your sense of humor on OKC is clever captions on your pictures

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843716)

Target 18-22 Catholicmo-ettes, conservaheroines. Get them talking about. themselves. ywia!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843717)

Unless he tries an east european dating site.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843721)

Avoid white girls like they're carrying a disfiguring disease. Do not get mixed up with E. Euro girls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843741)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2433654/Polish-women-UK-promiscuous-new-study-shows.html

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843933)

Hair - What remaining follicles you do have need to be kept short. Regularly buzz it with a #2 or thereabouts.

Glasses - I know it might be at odds with your bookworm image, but have you considered contacts? Almost nobody looks better in glasses.

Wardrobe - This could be a megathread on its own but see these Reddit threads for a starter:

https://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/comments/5da1dc/the_basic_bastard_basic_wardrobe_and_inspiration/

https://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/comments/5da1xt/building_a_basic_wardrobe_v60/

To be successful at online dating, you need good photos. Do you know anybody with a good camera?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843795)

Agree 100%

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843993)

It would be particularly useful for someone such as yourself. It's mostly common sense and will prevent you from making some stupid mistakes.

One more thing, you can't let rejection affect you. This is a difficult concept for a lot of dudes to comprehend, but you need to accept rejection early on. It's no big deal and eventually, you'll find someone you click with. It really is a numbers game. The more you practice, the better you'll get.

I'll be rooting for you, you would be a great catch for a like minded morally grounded catholic chick.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843895)

It's amazing how many of my sexless friends are mortified by rejection. I'm thinking of one in particular.

I remember when I was in high school selling newspaper subscriptions door-to-door, and the first few times I was rejected I was demoralized. I kept at it though (it was the only job I could find in the winter as a 16 year old). After like 100 rejections, I really didn't care anymore. I was just doing my job. Ever since, rejection has never really bothered me, particularly by women. I've found there are more than enough positive reactions to make the many, many negative ones insignificant. Alcohol certainly helps, but isn't necessary. I honestly think that stupid job was an essential building block in my, sometimes immoral, foundation.

I have a feeling, this will be Chucks largest hurdle, but if he persists, he'll do just fine. He also needs to learn how to feign confidence with a casual IDGAF attitude. With time he can master it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843973)

You should try to project a cooler image than your current virginal Catholic nerd one. I don't know if this is possible - what mainstream and countercultural society regards as cool is so far removed from a Catholic saving himself for marriage. Maybe you can be one of those tough broody Catholics like Damien Karras? Anyway, it's going to be hard to generate real attraction in a partner unless you do something about that, and if she was never attracted in the first place then you will make your life miserable by getting involved with her.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843924)

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pgDmGt9G1kI/TwsttuJaitI/AAAAAAAAAO0/4Z4Ytz1sf8k/s1600/ross+douthat.jpeg

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843965)

https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/commentators-douthat-and-faggioli-to-debate-pope-francis-83699

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843969)

https://static01.nyt.com/images/2007/09/21/fashion/weddings/23DOUTHAT-190.jpg

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843977)

Charles knows Ross Douthat in person right? He might want to follow him around and take his cast-off groupies.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843968)

no no no

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843970)

Not like I have any sense of style, but I dress comfortably and I don't think I look like a dweeb.

A huge step for Chuck would be not tucking in his shirt for starters... even on a date. I think he wears an outdated sort of glasses frame too (IIRC). He should try and get some new frames... well outside of his comfort zone, or go with contacts.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843986)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843945)

I've never posted about anything like that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844262)

You need a combination of finding a good person (not going to be the perfect person), be willing to accept flaws, & not self-sabotage because she doesn’t hit every checklist. No one does; you won’t for her, either.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843984)

Maybe one in a million will find something we could whimsically call a soulmate. For everybody else, the best case scenario is settling for somebody who is settling for you.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844111)

This is a way to use the internet to make a connection with multiple women, yet allow you the opportunity to meet said women organically.

This is not a fast-moving method, however. It’s a slow play, but you’ll at least know from the outset 1) that you have something in common to talk about and 2) that she’s more than some Tindr camwhore just looking for her next guy.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35843997)

Also, events put on by organizations generally (museum events, cultural groups such as Goethe Institut, etc is what I would recommend for normal people... for this guy I have no idea, but probably groups aligned with his individual interests would be better)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35845970)

Younger DC girls will not be forgiving of your looks. Possibly if you had a superior income of 200+ or more but for 75 you won’t receive any pass on that. You will also have a hard time from them due to your political leaning and even residence. There is a notion among superlibs that VA and even Arlington is gun haven KKK land or something.

If you date outside the city you’ll find more conservative types, girls who still live at home, girls who are happy to go to cheaper less pretentious restaurant options like Olive Garden, and girls who will be more impressed by your 75k year high profile job.

The best hope in DC would be Glover Park or North Arlington girls, but the former is looking for big income and family money and the latter is looking for frat stars. Even if you dip into the ballston or south Arlington crowd they are dreaming of some kind of biglaw dood and fancy dinners in DC that you don’t want to deal with. Just throw down $12k on a used accord and consider it the cost of doing business. Your initial results online should give credence to my theory. Toss out a few flyers to quirky Centerville chicks and see what happens.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844154)

Have them help you turn cold leads into warm leads

---------

Explicitly ask your irl couple friends for their help

Irl friends who are in long term relationships that you suspect aren't terrible, butter them up, tell them that it seems like to you they have a really good relationship, you would love to be in a relationship like theirs, if they have any female friends who are single who they think you might hit it off with, you would appreciate the introduction...

In general, girls in relationships tend to like setting up their single friends, but you might have to iterate this process more than once.

If they seem interested, you can try to prequalify what your looking for a little, but don't go crazy, give them a chance of actually knowing someone who might be a good match

-------

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More generally, anyone they set you up with, keep an open mind to, and give a generous chance to, don't write them off as XO stereotypes, if they express an interest in travel, or mention having ever been to brunch, or express an interest in post-graduate education, just roll with it for a while, see the good in people.

Don't pattern match people you don't know against people you've had poor experiences in the past with.

Accept that people aren't perfect.

Accept that you might have to sell your worldview a bit to find a mate who shares your worldview.

Accept that that is unlikely to be a 1 date process.

-----

Good luck, I'm rooting for you, I believe that a world in which you've found someone to treat well, who treats you well, is a better one than we currently live in.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844282)

Like all networking, people like to help people who will make them look good, the further your career progresses, the more success you're likely to have getting your network to help you on this manner,

If you feel you've sufficiently queried your social network, consider taking steps to expand your network, you probably need to know someone pretty well to make that ask, but you might get a lot of mileage out of some pretty weak ties (use your judgment)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35845621)

Then he needs to be good at being in a relationship, which he probably will be already, and which going on a high volume of app dates won't help him with

(I don't think he should rule out explicitly religious dating sites), I just think he have better luck breaking past the first date wall having his irl friends give him a warm intro and explaining why the should give him a shot even if his first 10 minute impression doesn't blow them away

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35846693)

See if there are catholic dating sites out there too. It is hard to overstate how put off you will likely be by Tinder, and how put off many of those women will be by you.

If you are only attracted to women your own race thats fine but as you know there are catholic minority women who may share a similar worldview to you.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844285)

I haven't looked into how much a man can insulate himself/enforce a prenup against a foreign bride if worse comes to worse, but I do understand there are immigration consequences (you're responsible for making sure she doesn't become a public charge) so that is something to seriously consider. But a lot of the men looking into this are probably really sleazy and a good dude CatholicMo would probably stand out among the crowd.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844554)

GDP per capita in the Phillipines is like $3K. Even lawfags like us are basically millionaires to them. Sending $800 home a month is the same as a chick from ARE COUNTRY hooking up with a millionaire who hooks her family up with $100K a year.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844625)

Charles can’t be helped if he’s drawn to the negative side. motherfucker needs to say YOLO and fuck the haters. would a Knight in the crusades listen to some pumo fag who said “you’ll never get Iberia back, let the Muslims be”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844594)

Be yourself

Don’t be picky re: looks

Realize nothing is personal and don’t get hung up on the outcome of any date and try to have fun, if it doesn’t work with a girl it takes two to tango and you guys were just incompatible etc etc

In particular:

Don’t be afraid to disagree with a girl when she says stuff (get good at disagreeing in a way that makes you seem surprised she thinks whatever she does, but also interested in why she thinks so — this might be easier for attractive people but it’s important to be authentic in your interactions with people and that includes being able to have conversations on things you disagree on.) Be good at pivoting from disagreements to new topics, though, so that conversation doesn’t get stuck.

Be calm during dates. smile and try to find humor in her jokes

Don’t be afraid to make physical contact with her if you get positive signs.

Don’t be afraid to play kiss/eat her if y’all are drinking and she gives you very positive signs

MAKE EYE CONTACT

MAKE EYE CONTACT

MAKE EYE CONTACT WHEN SHE TALKS, you DONT need to make as much eye contact while you’re talking. (Don’t know how aspie you are)

If I think of more I will poast

Edit: dress nice dude. Slacks, either dress shirt or t shirt depending on your cibe. If dress shirt then nicer slacks, nice shoes and belt. If t shirt then more like khakis, and not nice shoes (and definitely not running shoes) but some flat soled street shoes like skate shoes. Wear nice sweaters in winter, wear nice shorts (end above knee, NOT cargo shorts) in summer. Colors include khaki, blue, pink ok if you’re crafty.

Get better at taking life a little less seriously (if you’re a serious guy)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844351)

https://www.catholicmatch.com

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844678)

you mentioned in passing that you have low self-esteem. have you given thought to why this is, and how it might affect your relationships?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844757)

I suppose it's gotten worse since college or so, where I was mocked rather frequently behind my back and only found out later. As such I generally operate on the assumption that people dislike me and do not like spending time with me. This makes me shy around new aquaintances and I'm rarely one to propose doing things with other people.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3949722&forum_id=2#35844878)