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how do you avoid teaching your kids exceptionalism?
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Date: January 18th, 2020 2:57 AM Author: Peach gas station my parents taught me and my siblings exceptionalism. in our case, we were all "smart," like everyone else here. our parents reinforced that every chance they had. and we were, based on standardized testing and the ease at which we excelled at K-12.
they also taught us that we were "better" because of our money. we weren't, we have no real prestige. our parents were typical upper-middle class boomers. and we have zero inheritance coming at this point, because fucking boomers. but i think this is secondary to the main problem.
now they have a bunch of adult children who either 1) revel in being know it alls, and are insufferable to be around now that we are all older, but they cling to it; 2) sought professions that looked like they rewarded intelligence but are actually terrible (lawyer and CPA); and/or 3) have failed to achieve anything at all in life, oscillating between jobs and unemployment, because they feel ashamed about not working at all or doing shit jobs because they "should be doing more."
how do i not fuck my kids up in the same way, while still making sure they get an education and set on a good career path? i'm worried about telling my daughters they're "smart" and encouraging them when they figure things out, which is the only praise we ever received from our parents. |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:01 AM Author: Lake immigrant rigpig given your self-awareness and concern, i think you will be fine and steer them in the right direction (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449161) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:02 AM Author: turquoise milk (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449163) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:14 AM Author: Peach gas station thanks. but, i'm self aware of my own shitty qualities and that doesn't change anything. not sure i can avoid just doing what my parents did, despite self awareness. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449177) |
Date: January 18th, 2020 2:59 AM Author: Bull headed chest-beating idiot selfie send them to public school and tell them "tough shit" when their "betters" beat on dem (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449159) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:10 AM Author: Peach gas station the problem with smart kids is that no one beats them academically at public school. they don't even have to try to excel. they can easily blow off homework and studying for tests.
or do you mean send them to a school where they will be physically beaten? yeah, no. we already live in a good school district where that shit doesn't happen. |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:11 AM Author: Bull headed chest-beating idiot selfie "or do you mean send them to a school where they will be physically beaten?"
yeah that was the joke i wouldn't recommend it in any serious way. |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:02 AM Author: turquoise milk lead by example... sounds like your parents were assholes, but since u have a grasp on that, you aren't one and won't pass on shitty values (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449162) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:04 AM Author: Bull headed chest-beating idiot selfie teach them that luck typically trumps "merit," that the talents underlying merit are themselves due to fortune of a kind, and that at the end of the day nothing else matters absent kindness & love for all who deserve it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449166) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:07 AM Author: Peach gas station this will fuck them up too though, because then why bother with school or college or any of that, it will just turn them into cynics, albeit nice ones, but still. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449169) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:09 AM Author: Bull headed chest-beating idiot selfie because all other things being equal, you can do more for yourself and others with money in your wallet and accomplishment to your name. smart kids tend to come to ambition fairly naturally anyway, ime. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449170) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:13 AM Author: Peach gas station you really believe that, smart kids come to ambition naturally? maybe then all you do is provide them a solid launch pad. i like this idea. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449176) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:14 AM Author: Bull headed chest-beating idiot selfie i do. emphasize the intrinsic rewards of learning and understanding, which smart kids also tend to find more intrinsically rewarding than others anyway (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449178) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:18 AM Author: Peach gas station damn, i remember as a kid feeling that way. now i can't stand a puzzle.
good advice ITT, ty. |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:29 AM Author: transparent pistol sanctuary are you familiar with the "profit" theory of motivation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454031) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:58 AM Author: Scarlet forum macaca Sup Moshe (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454054) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:16 AM Author: Diverse knife liquid oxygen dont take any trips outside a 500 mile radius (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449179) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:34 AM Author: Bistre racy office internal respiration I remember The Box once mentioned that her parents really stressed this when raising her, they told her things like you're just average etc. Based on the results of that I plan to tell my kids that they are amazing and special. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449201) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:35 AM Author: turquoise milk they absolutely didn't do that either lol they were the perfect balance (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449202) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:23 AM Author: Bateful brass hospital (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454026) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 3:42 AM Author: aphrodisiac slimy jew prole spaceporn method (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39449210) |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 9:30 PM Author: Duck-like mediation Just be 100% honest. If they're smart then telling them they're smart is fine. They're smart because of how well they do in school, how quickly they learn, etc. But explain that for that to really matter they have to be in an elite and just being generically smart isn't enough.
My parents always did an incredibly stupid thing which was that they always told their kids that they were fucking geniuses. This, of course, was obviously bullshit and I fortunately never listened to them anyway. But we have a number of people in our family that were totally destroyed by this bullshit. |
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Date: January 18th, 2020 9:35 PM Author: Bateful brass hospital (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39452751) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:26 AM Author: floppy kitty cat My kids both tested as gifted and I do teach them that they are exceptional. What should they feel equal to dumb proles? If you don't, you're a total cuck to society. Fuck that cultural Marxism shit.
My parents did the same to me and my siblings and we all turned out highly successful (xo addiction notwithstanding). |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:30 AM Author: transparent pistol sanctuary ni hao (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454032) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:32 AM Author: floppy kitty cat This is the opposite of Asian. Asian parents teach their kids to be robots. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454033) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:46 AM Author: Rough-skinned Nibblets Abode risten , (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454039) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 9:52 AM Author: Vigorous international law enforcement agency ticket booth werr herro! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454323) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 1:46 PM Author: Duck-like mediation tcr. But you just keep things in perspective. Being top of some school district is great, but then you'll go to some good colleges/grad schools where you have to be at the top of a much tougher crowd. Being generically smart will be assumed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39455342) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:49 AM Author: appetizing range partner I had the same treatment. Attending a public school in bumfuck where I was smarter than all the dumb kids reinforced this belief system from the parents, which was obliterated by college. But I’m confident GC won’t allow that for the next generation because my kids are going to be crammed in the same competitive public school system near my urbanhell job as all my super smart coworkers kids. Makes no sense to tell them they are special if they will finish middle of the class in 2nd grade (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454042) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:50 AM Author: odious kitchen https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2015/06/the-s-word/397205/ (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454044) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:56 AM Author: appetizing range partner Had me until this:
People are born with some innate cognitive differences, but those differences are eclipsed by early achievement, Boaler argues. When people perform well (academically or otherwise) at early ages and are labeled smart or gifted, they become less likely to challenge themselves. |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 9:23 AM Author: Bateful brass hospital (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454231) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 9:55 AM Author: electric hell famous landscape painting that part is an overreach not essential to the larger point (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454333) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 10:11 AM Author: odious kitchen (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454397) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 8:07 AM Author: electric hell famous landscape painting (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454063) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 7:57 AM Author: Scarlet forum macaca I'm going to raise them in a third world country full of stupid niggers (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454053) |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 9:40 AM Author: poppy exhilarant principal's office I think the key is praising effort
The world has tons of lazy smart people, you don’t want them being one of them |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 9:44 AM Author: irate legend My parents made a big show of trying to convince me that we were just an average family financially, or even poor. Certainly not successful or elite. It had some bad consequences for me.
For years, it gave me a serious inferiority complex that impeded my social relationships. It did give me a drive to succeed, but in a crazy, imbalanced way that caused me to neglect other areas of my life. It also made me respect my family less.
As others have said, honesty is the best policy. |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 9:58 AM Author: Tripping 180 gay wizard den Be honest about where they are as compared to their peers. Teach them it is ok to fail and to build upon and learn from their failures. Just because you're smart doesn't mean you will be successful right away but with patience and perseverance you are more likely to get there.
There are people much dumber than us who know and udnerstand more about certain things. It never hurts to stay humble and listen before making your own decisions. |
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Date: January 19th, 2020 10:00 AM Author: aphrodisiac slimy jew prole If they accidentally spill their milk, start screaming at them until they're crying, pin them down to the floor and fart into their faces. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4424274&forum_id=2#39454349) |