Author: Pete "Maverick" Mitchell

MDP: Keep all comm channels open. *MDP leads team into Biz Board*

TBF: Air lock's clear.

LT: It doesn't look like anyone's posted here in years. *brushes film off thread* "this forum reminds me of a vuvuzela". What's a vuvuzela?

LH: *scanning posts* Nothing about why they stopped posting here.

TBF: Someone left in a hurry. *brushes off a NOWAG thread*

LT: This board gives me the willies.

MDP: This ain't amateur hour. We have a job to do. TBF?

TBF: Got it. *searches "bothered"...*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1389859&forum_id=4#15729657)

Reply

Date: August 8th, 2010 12:20 PM

Author: att-iDood

TBF: found it! Computer, activate logon sequence; codename: bothered.

COMPUTER: // USERNAME ACTIVATED. AWAITING COMMAND.//

TBF: Scan all boards, display vital signs.

COMPUTER: // SCANNING ALL BOARDS, VITAL STATISTICS: College (0 of 6320 usernames active); Law (172 of 9124 usernames active); Grad (0 of 2 usernames active); Biz (1 of 147 usernames active).//

MDP: Good God......

TBF: SOMEONE IS STILL ALIVE!! Computer, activate user database, identify active users, Biz Board!

COMPUTER: // ACTIVE USERS: Biz (solzy the poaster; net worth $52,029,201; last active Today, 10:45 a.m.)//

MDP: holy shit, solzy is still alive! COMPUTER, IDENTIFY USER LOCATION, USER: solzy the poaster.

COMPUTER: // USER LOCATION; USER: Biz (solzy the poaster) location: Quadrant 4, G Level.//

TBF: ...........G Level? What in the hell????

MDP: That's impossible....

LT: I dont get it, what's happening?

TBF: G Level, man... The only thing on G level is the Synergy Chambers.

MDP: How can he even get near them? If there is any Synergy left, the directionalities around the chambers would rip him to shreds!

TBF: Computer, Access Synergy Chambers, display Synergy Levels.

COMPUTER: // SYNERGY LEVELS, G LEVEL: (Quadrant 1: 101912; Quadrant 2: 203334; Quadrant 3: 26651; Quadrant 4: 3649874823920582712634) OVERALL SYNERGY: 10^9023 Walmarts.//

MDP: ......................

TBF: Bu....There's no........ That's impossible!

MDP: We have to go save him. We have to get solzy back.

LT: Are you fucking crazy!? Save him? The chambers are running at 10^9023 Walmarts!! The synergy core could melt down at any second and kill us all! We have to get the fuck out of here, mang!

TBF: *cocks laser rifle* STFU, bitchmade. We're going after him. That's an order.

...minutes later...

COMPUTER: //ELEVATOR ACCESS, LEVEL G// *Elevator doors open*

LT: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *Collapses to the floor*

LH: MY.......HEAD............I........CAN’T...... *Collapses*

MDP: Holy shit!

TBF: *Checks vital signs* They’re dead!

MDP: From the synergy? Then why the fuck are we still alive!?

TBF: I dunno man, maybe solzy will be able to tell us, let’s get moving.

MDP: Okay. Computer, locate user solzy.

COMPUTER: //USER LOCATION; USER: Biz (solzy the poaster) location: Quadrant 4, G Level. 100 yards north. //

TBF: We’re almost there. Let’s move...

*They approach Quadrant 4*

MDP: Well, this is the synergy chamber, and I don’t see him anywhere. SOLZY!!! SOLZY!!! WHERE ARE YOU!!!

TBF: Computer, locate user solzy.

COMPUTER: //USER LOCATION; USER: Biz (solzy the poaster) location: Quadrant 4, G Level. 2 yards north. //

MDP: What.......the.......hell.........

TBF: He is INSIDE the synergy chamber!?!?!

MDP: There is no way man, there’s just no WAY!!

TBF: I’m gonna open the chamber.

MDP: Dude, this is too heavy, man. All that synergy will fucking kill us! We dont have the brand recognition or P/E ratio sufficient to absorb that many decks! The elasticity of the matrices alone would dissolve our liquidity in seconds!

TBF: I’m gonna do it!

MDP: NOOO!!!

TBF: COMPUTER...

MDP: COMPUTER, CANCEL! NO!!!!

*Chamber door clicks, opens*

MDP: What the fuck!?

TBF: Holy shit, it opened by itself. What the hell is going on here?

MDP: This bort is seriously creepy, man, I dont even.

TBF: Fuck this. Let's get solzy and get the fuck out of here.

*They step inside the synergy chamber*

MDP: Holy shit man, you can FEEL the synergy, this shit is crazy.

TBF: I know, all of a sudden I’m getting all kinds of ideas about streamlining my overseas production processes to maximize my E.V.A.!

MDP: SOLZY!!! Where the fuck is he!?

TBF: He isn’t in here!

MDP: COMPUTER--

COMPUTER: // I’VE BEEN HERE ALL ALONG, DOODS //

TBF: Wha-?

COMPUTER: // IT’S ME. I HAVE REMOVED MYSELF FROM THE BONDS OF FLESH AND BECOME PURE SYNERGY. //

MDP: .......solzy....????

COMPUTER: // CORRECT. SOON AFTER MY ARRIVAL ON THIS BORT I CALCULATED THE AVERAGE R.O.I. OF MY DAILY HUMAN EXPENDITURES AND DETERMINED THAT I NEEDED TO BECOME ONE WITH THE BORT AND ALL ITS SYNERGY IF I WANTED TO MAXIMIZE THE TRENDS AND DIRECTIONALITIES THAT MY SYNERGY JOURNAL HAD PREDICTED. NOW I SPEND ALL DAY SATURATING EMERGING ASIAN MARKETS AWWW YEAH. //

TBF: What happened to all the other poasters?

COMPUTER: // WE *ARE* ALL THE OTHER POASTERS.//

TBF: You killed them too!?

COMPUTER: // NO, THEY CHOSE TO RIDE THE PREVAILING BUSINESS TREND AND BECOME ONE WITH ME. YOU HAVE TO STAY ON TOP OF THE MARKET OR THE MARKET WILL STAY ON TOP OF YOU. //

MDP: I’m getting the fuck out of here!

*Chamber door snaps shut*

COMPUTER: //YOU MUST NOT LEAVE, YOU MUST BECOME ONE ALSO.//

TBF: You sick fuck! We don’t want to join your weird synergistic hivemind!

COMPUTER: //YOU ALREADY HAVE.//

TBF: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! MY MIND!!!!!!! GET OUT OF MY MIND!!!!! *Collapses*

MDP: *sobbing* Don’t do it, man! I don’t want to!

COMPUTER: //TO BE FAIR, ITS PRETTY COOL MAN, JUST GO WITH IT LIKE I DID.//

MDP: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

COMPUTER: //WE ARE ONE//

MDP: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! *Collapses*

COMPUTER: //WE ARE ONE//

Miles away, rachmiel the jew stared at a hazy monitor watching as MDP collapsed. “Good.....good” he smirked to himself, “it is getting very powerful!” He stood up from his desk and walked over to his conference table, which was cluttered with spreadsheets, logo templates, market studies, and various other highly synergistic documents. He picked up his phone and dialed the Law Board Megapoaster Barracks.

“Whok? It’s me.... I’ve lost contact with Alpha Squad.......yeah on the Biz Bort..... yeah, you better send a rescue team.... at least 10 poasters this time. ok? Bye.”

He set down the phone and thought to himself, "Yes, 10 more poasters ought to be enough. Then, it will be time...."

He walked out of his office up to his personal quarters. *bel* was lying on the bed sleeping quietly. Rach climbed into bed and grabbed a prospectus from the nightstand. “Sleep tight, *bel*, soon I am going to be rich!” he whispered softly into her ear. “Soon, the mainframe will have enough synergy for launch day.” He sighed and gazed lovingly at the glossy-covered prospectus, emblazoned with the tasteful yet exciting logo for VIVI-SMART BEVERAGE CORP INTERNATIONAL.

“Soon!” he laughed, “it will BEGIN!”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1389859&forum_id=4#15735493)

Date: August 10th, 2010 11:18 PM

Author: $~!%`/

unrealized gains realized

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1389859&forum_id=4#15758428)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1859019&forum_id=4#19844434)