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Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
magenta talking national nibblets
  04/30/21
"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenge...
Titillating Chartreuse Church Building
  04/30/21
they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a ...
Sinister lemon sex offender
  04/30/21
Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, jus...
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  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Cracking underhanded personal credit line
  05/02/21
Quick fixxx
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  02/25/22
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a ...
Bisexual Bearded Theater Stage Philosopher-king
  04/30/21
...
beady-eyed godawful juggernaut
  04/30/21
i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts e...
magenta talking national nibblets
  04/30/21
Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main pe...
Bisexual Bearded Theater Stage Philosopher-king
  04/30/21
C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "...
magenta talking national nibblets
  04/30/21
"at this time" ROFL
Titillating Chartreuse Church Building
  04/30/21
Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually d...
Sinister lemon sex offender
  04/30/21
Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/...
Bisexual Bearded Theater Stage Philosopher-king
  04/30/21
You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be impo...
Sinister lemon sex offender
  04/30/21
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C w...
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As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passe...
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This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just g...
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...
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Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like...
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  05/04/22
As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, an...
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FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshi...
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i think you nailed it.
beady-eyed godawful juggernaut
  04/30/21
...
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i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being perform...
beady-eyed godawful juggernaut
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A and B passed D and C, who was driving.
orange messiness principal's office
  04/30/21
...
White mind-boggling sanctuary
  04/30/21
sounds like a riddle
Titillating Chartreuse Church Building
  04/30/21
i hate this crap As A and B were driving in the X area, t...
Aggressive Mad Cow Disease Scourge Upon The Earth
  04/30/21
i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly o...
magenta talking national nibblets
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who...
Aggressive Mad Cow Disease Scourge Upon The Earth
  04/30/21
doesn't it need "D's car"
magenta talking national nibblets
  04/30/21
it says he was driving, which means an automobile. if y...
Aggressive Mad Cow Disease Scourge Upon The Earth
  04/30/21
Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was ...
Sinister lemon sex offender
  04/30/21
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interest...
jet-lagged glassy hospital wrinkle
  04/30/21
Were A and B both at the wheel?
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turns out it was a tandem bicycle.
beady-eyed godawful juggernaut
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...
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As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted...
Odious ivory sandwich queen of the night
  04/30/21
The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the ot...
floppy step-uncle's house
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star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain
orange messiness principal's office
  04/30/21
still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of i...
floppy step-uncle's house
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...
Bisexual Bearded Theater Stage Philosopher-king
  04/30/21
Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going thr...
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...
khaki big-titted giraffe
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A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged...
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So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's th...
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  04/30/21
400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the for...
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Wow
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I just copied this from a brief.
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Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car...
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A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as ...
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two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his ca...
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C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook a...
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As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
fluffy whorehouse
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Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may h...
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This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more...
boyish piazza water buffalo
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Deep Sepia Puppy Place Of Business
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writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I ...
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Did you try the hydro hack?
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charcoal diverse ticket booth
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Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, ...
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A and B saw C driving in X
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andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed ...
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  04/30/21
great thread
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Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence. A and...
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A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through ar...
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Where are we on this? Thank
Deep Sepia Puppy Place Of Business
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As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
primrose demanding garrison pistol
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OP, does this help?
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i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't m...
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"and containing D as" -> "in which D was&q...
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Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not...
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Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:48 AM
Author: magenta talking national nibblets

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376133)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:57 AM
Author: Titillating Chartreuse Church Building

"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenger, by both A and B."

(no one gives a fuck whether A and B were driving or doing a standing 69 at the time they saw these faggots)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376836)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: Sinister lemon sex offender

they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a role potentially. Better to keep it clean.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376873)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:10 PM
Author: embarrassed to the bone stage gay wizard

Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, just that they passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42377665)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:40 PM
Author: Cracking underhanded personal credit line

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42386999)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:42 PM
Author: Doobsian Abusive Casino
Subject: Quick fixxx

As A and B were driving in X, they passed a car driven by C containing D as a passenger.

EDIT: LMAO at the date

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44032731)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM
Author: Bisexual Bearded Theater Stage Philosopher-king

“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”

Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376145)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:53 AM
Author: beady-eyed godawful juggernaut



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376148)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: magenta talking national nibblets

i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts emphasis on "D was a passenger in C’s car at this time" -- which is a minor detail.

it doesn't really matter whether C or D is the driver.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376159)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:56 AM
Author: Bisexual Bearded Theater Stage Philosopher-king

Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main person.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376166)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: magenta talking national nibblets

C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "C's car" for clarity

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376201)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:51 AM
Author: Titillating Chartreuse Church Building

"at this time"

ROFL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376807)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:54 AM
Author: Sinister lemon sex offender

Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually driving. Or were they in two separate cars, both of which passed C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376155)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Bisexual Bearded Theater Stage Philosopher-king

Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/c I didn’t know what the surrounding sentences are like.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376160)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:04 AM
Author: Sinister lemon sex offender

You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be important to be clear who was driving in the passing car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376205)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Amethyst galvanic athletic conference trailer park

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C was driving with a passenger, D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376157)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:57 AM
Author: Splenetic Laser Beams Mad-dog Skullcap



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376168)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:58 AM
Author: Useless Contagious Party Of The First Part

As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376174)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Deep Sepia Puppy Place Of Business

This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")

WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.

WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.

Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.

[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]

Please handle and recirculate, thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: magenta talking national nibblets



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376203)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: charcoal diverse ticket booth



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376392)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:08 AM
Author: Fantasy-prone Field Liquid Oxygen



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376526)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:25 AM
Author: Pearly cruel-hearted resort



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376657)



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Date: May 4th, 2022 12:40 PM
Author: cerebral boiling water kitchen

Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44453959)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: clear hunting ground

As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, and although none of them said a word, they understood each other perfectly. It was X area after all. Are there any Xs around, they wondered? They passed a beaten-up vehicle with ridiculous oversized chromed wheels with C as a driver and D as a passenger. X's! - thought A and B. C and D did not think anything. They were high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376178)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:36 AM
Author: khaki big-titted giraffe



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376332)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: rough-skinned stag film old irish cottage



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376340)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: fishy rambunctious idea he suggested corn cake

FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshit car alone(some other NIFmGGA was drivomg alone in another car) they passed ALPHA TURD C , who has MANY DRINKING BUDDIES, SO NATURALLY HAD A PASSENGER (most likely an AZNgirl getting wet for MAMMOTH TURDCOCK)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376183)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: bronze vivacious faggotry location



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376187)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Deep Sepia Puppy Place Of Business



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376195)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Odious ivory sandwich queen of the night



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376249)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Misanthropic Depressive Partner



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376406)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:36 AM
Author: Umber stubborn blood rage address



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376713)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:37 AM
Author: charcoal diverse ticket booth



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376724)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 12:32 PM
Author: arousing mint dingle berry roast beef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42377057)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: bronze vivacious faggotry location



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42380818)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: bronze vivacious faggotry location

As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX area, C drove by with D cumming in his ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376184)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: beady-eyed godawful juggernaut

i think you nailed it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376191)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: boyish piazza water buffalo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42378174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: beady-eyed godawful juggernaut

i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being performed right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376189)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: Naked forum



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376669)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: orange messiness principal's office

A and B passed D and C, who was driving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376194)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: White mind-boggling sanctuary



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376341)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:52 AM
Author: Titillating Chartreuse Church Building

sounds like a riddle

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376816)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Aggressive Mad Cow Disease Scourge Upon The Earth

i hate this crap

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376197)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: magenta talking national nibblets

i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376206)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: Aggressive Mad Cow Disease Scourge Upon The Earth

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who was driving with C).

This is it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376211)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:07 AM
Author: magenta talking national nibblets

doesn't it need "D's car"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376216)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:42 AM
Author: Aggressive Mad Cow Disease Scourge Upon The Earth

it says he was driving, which means an automobile.

if you think specifying what kind of automobile is a key detail then can add that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376370)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: Sinister lemon sex offender

Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was driving. Ever. If he wasnt.

As A was driving, they passed ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376208)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: jet-lagged glassy hospital wrinkle

you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.

"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376212)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:08 AM
Author: appetizing chestnut telephone useless brakes

Were A and B both at the wheel?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376217)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:13 AM
Author: beady-eyed godawful juggernaut

turns out it was a tandem bicycle.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376233)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:20 AM
Author: White mind-boggling sanctuary



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376607)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Odious ivory sandwich queen of the night

As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted area, they passed a car driven by a nigger and containing some other faggot as a passenger. Regards, I hope this helps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376246)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:26 AM
Author: floppy step-uncle's house

The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the other, C was driving D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376290)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:29 AM
Author: orange messiness principal's office

star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376306)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:31 AM
Author: floppy step-uncle's house

still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of items to hit: location, two cars, who was each driver and who was each passenger, that they passed.

This does it and leaves no uncertainty at all

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376317)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:34 AM
Author: Bisexual Bearded Theater Stage Philosopher-king



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376330)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:35 AM
Author: rough-skinned stag film old irish cottage

Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going through section X. *makes large "X" using forearms* And boom! Right there, they pass car C. *makes "C" using hand* A car which, at the time, was containing D *unzips pants* as a passenger. *pulls cock out of fly* Any questions?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376331)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: khaki big-titted giraffe



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376336)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM
Author: Wild Aquamarine Dopamine Candlestick Maker

A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376358)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:09 AM
Author: primrose demanding garrison pistol



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44008930)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: Geriatric Set Ratface

So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's the thing: they were in X area, and what's problematic is they passed by C—yes, THAT C. C had a passenger at the time, D. Here's why that's not okay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: fiercely-loyal office indirect expression

400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376393)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Geriatric Set Ratface

Wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376411)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: fiercely-loyal office indirect expression

I just copied this from a brief.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376419)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:15 AM
Author: Misanthropic Depressive Partner



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376574)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:54 AM
Author: Sinister lemon sex offender

Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. Every time, I explain that "It's just lawyers--we get bored at work--yeah, I know, that's what makes it funny--"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376824)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:21 PM
Author: twinkling duck-like hell yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42377415)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: honey-headed theater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44008886)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Lavender bipolar crotch



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44722509)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:51 AM
Author: Splenetic Laser Beams Mad-dog Skullcap



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376432)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: White mind-boggling sanctuary

titcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376504)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:10 AM
Author: twinkling duck-like hell yarmulke

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376531)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:18 AM
Author: charcoal diverse ticket booth



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376589)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:23 AM
Author: boyish piazza water buffalo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376641)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: honey-headed theater

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376648)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: charcoal diverse ticket booth

attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376708)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:13 PM
Author: orange messiness principal's office

how

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42377366)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:36 AM
Author: arousing mint dingle berry roast beef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44722527)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:35 AM
Author: Deep Sepia Puppy Place Of Business



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376711)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:00 PM
Author: hilarious pervert filthpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376866)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: henna halford



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376872)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 3:27 PM
Author: boyish piazza water buffalo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42378128)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 1st, 2021 9:20 PM
Author: hilarious pervert filthpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42558237)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: honey-headed theater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44008882)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:05 AM
Author: hilarious pervert filthpig

this is incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44008910)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:39 PM
Author: honey-headed theater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44032706)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:31 PM
Author: Offensive balding ceo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44453902)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:31 AM
Author: Lavender bipolar crotch

wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44722507)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:34 AM
Author: twinkling duck-like hell yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44722517)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:44 AM
Author: coiffed nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44722548)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: domesticated tripping shrine elastic band

High | level | legal work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376422)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: Naked forum



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376672)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:55 AM
Author: Purple charismatic theatre antidepressant drug

Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car driven by C with D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376456)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Swollen shimmering headpube

A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as a passenger, as they drove through the X area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376505)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:07 AM
Author: talented jewess

two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376517)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:13 AM
Author: razzle-dazzle autistic public bath

C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook and passed them. B overtook and passed them too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376555)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:19 AM
Author: fluffy whorehouse

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C, which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376600)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Razzle gaped church

Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376651)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:27 AM
Author: boyish piazza water buffalo

This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more concise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376665)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: honey-headed theater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376704)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Deep Sepia Puppy Place Of Business



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376736)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:08 PM
Author: fiercely-loyal office indirect expression



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42377648)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:01 AM
Author: honey-headed theater



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44008887)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Razzmatazz space police squad

writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I recently jumped from GOV to tech

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376695)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Deep Sepia Puppy Place Of Business

Did you try the hydro hack?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376699)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Stirring selfie international law enforcement agency

What’s that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376738)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:41 AM
Author: Deep Sepia Puppy Place Of Business

You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. This will, among other things, improve cognitive function and therefore improve your writing. While you're at it also check your posture I bet you're slouching right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376746)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:49 AM
Author: charcoal diverse ticket booth



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42376800)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:17 PM
Author: Navy Plaza

Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, subject verb object. Not hard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42377389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:16 PM
Author: Navy Plaza

A and B saw C driving in X

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42377381)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM
Author: fragrant school cafeteria

andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.

this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42377449)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:38 PM
Author: Blue lay hissy fit

I am gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42377484)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: boyish piazza water buffalo

great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42378176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:39 PM
Author: aqua swashbuckling jew hominid

Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence.

A and B were driving in the X area. [query: are they both driving separate cars?] C driving D passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42378186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 8:29 PM
Author: jet-lagged glassy hospital wrinkle

A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through area X, and with them were B and D, passengers; B was with A while D was with C; A and B passed by C and D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42379691)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:50 PM
Author: jet-lagged glassy hospital wrinkle



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42387061)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 23rd, 2021 3:44 PM
Author: jet-lagged glassy hospital wrinkle



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42509184)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:36 PM
Author: Deep Sepia Puppy Place Of Business

Where are we on this? Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#42386977)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:06 AM
Author: primrose demanding garrison pistol

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C in which D was a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44008916)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:44 PM
Author: Titillating Chartreuse Church Building

OP, does this help?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44032743)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: startled hyperactive mental disorder people who are hurt

i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't matter. aren't state court judges borderline retarded?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#44722512)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:23 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#49827186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:42 PM
Author: UN peacekeeper

"and containing D as" -> "in which D was", otherwise fine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#49827205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 1:15 PM
Author: tubby spastic 11yo playing in toddler section

Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not sure we’ve got it figured out just yet. Let’s put a pin in it and move on. OP: what’s the next sentence?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#49827228)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 2:57 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2),#49827363)