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Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
stimulating business firm
  04/30/21
"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenge...
Glittery orchestra pit
  04/30/21
they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a ...
bearded vigorous school crotch
  04/30/21
Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, jus...
Chartreuse effete cuck coffee pot
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Drab Thriller Lodge
  05/02/21
Quick fixxx
Cracking trailer park
  02/25/22
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a ...
supple brindle address
  04/30/21
...
cruel-hearted university son of senegal
  04/30/21
i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts e...
stimulating business firm
  04/30/21
Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main pe...
supple brindle address
  04/30/21
C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "...
stimulating business firm
  04/30/21
"at this time" ROFL
Glittery orchestra pit
  04/30/21
Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually d...
bearded vigorous school crotch
  04/30/21
Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/...
supple brindle address
  04/30/21
You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be impo...
bearded vigorous school crotch
  04/30/21
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C w...
Khaki metal tattoo
  04/30/21
...
Odious domesticated heaven boltzmann
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passe...
Soul-stirring swollen spot deer antler
  04/30/21
This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just g...
crimson lascivious site death wish
  04/30/21
...
stimulating business firm
  04/30/21
...
rough-skinned lay wrinkle
  04/30/21
...
Stirring aggressive stag film
  04/30/21
...
Deranged useless brakes resort
  04/30/21
Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like...
laughsome big-titted church building
  05/04/22
As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, an...
diverse location
  04/30/21
...
ruddy geriatric garrison
  04/30/21
...
vibrant mewling idiot parlor
  04/30/21
FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshi...
fuchsia locus skinny woman
  04/30/21
...
deep beady-eyed regret
  04/30/21
...
crimson lascivious site death wish
  04/30/21
...
Swashbuckling Cyan Stage Water Buffalo
  04/30/21
...
garnet mind-boggling chapel
  04/30/21
...
chestnut free-loading field
  04/30/21
...
rough-skinned lay wrinkle
  04/30/21
...
Charcoal library
  04/30/21
...
deep beady-eyed regret
  05/01/21
As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX ...
deep beady-eyed regret
  04/30/21
i think you nailed it.
cruel-hearted university son of senegal
  04/30/21
...
Lemon motley degenerate
  04/30/21
i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being perform...
cruel-hearted university son of senegal
  04/30/21
...
rambunctious becky
  04/30/21
A and B passed D and C, who was driving.
Shimmering abode
  04/30/21
...
180 market
  04/30/21
sounds like a riddle
Glittery orchestra pit
  04/30/21
i hate this crap As A and B were driving in the X area, t...
gay base macaca
  04/30/21
i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly o...
stimulating business firm
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who...
gay base macaca
  04/30/21
doesn't it need "D's car"
stimulating business firm
  04/30/21
it says he was driving, which means an automobile. if y...
gay base macaca
  04/30/21
Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was ...
bearded vigorous school crotch
  04/30/21
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interest...
razzle magical school cafeteria new version
  04/30/21
Were A and B both at the wheel?
yapping plaza mad cow disease
  04/30/21
turns out it was a tandem bicycle.
cruel-hearted university son of senegal
  04/30/21
...
180 market
  04/30/21
As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted...
Swashbuckling Cyan Stage Water Buffalo
  04/30/21
The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the ot...
Chrome police squad shrine
  04/30/21
star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain
Shimmering abode
  04/30/21
still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of i...
Chrome police squad shrine
  04/30/21
...
supple brindle address
  04/30/21
Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going thr...
vibrant mewling idiot parlor
  04/30/21
...
ruddy geriatric garrison
  04/30/21
A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged...
Idiotic Fortuitous Meteor
  04/30/21
...
Floppy whorehouse
  02/22/22
So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's th...
Mint aphrodisiac ratface
  04/30/21
400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the for...
Curious wild stead
  04/30/21
Wow
Mint aphrodisiac ratface
  04/30/21
I just copied this from a brief.
Curious wild stead
  04/30/21
...
garnet mind-boggling chapel
  04/30/21
Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. E...
bearded vigorous school crotch
  04/30/21
...
titillating set travel guidebook
  04/30/21
...
Learning disabled boistinker
  02/22/22
...
irate smoky hunting ground hell
  06/22/22
...
Odious domesticated heaven boltzmann
  04/30/21
titcr.
180 market
  04/30/21
180
titillating set travel guidebook
  04/30/21
...
rough-skinned lay wrinkle
  04/30/21
...
Lemon motley degenerate
  04/30/21
holy shit
Learning disabled boistinker
  04/30/21
attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls
rough-skinned lay wrinkle
  04/30/21
how
Shimmering abode
  04/30/21
...
Charcoal library
  06/22/22
...
crimson lascivious site death wish
  04/30/21
...
Mentally Impaired Turdskin
  04/30/21
...
startled bipolar kitchen faggot firefighter
  04/30/21
...
Lemon motley degenerate
  04/30/21
...
Mentally Impaired Turdskin
  06/01/21
...
Learning disabled boistinker
  02/22/22
this is incredible
Mentally Impaired Turdskin
  02/22/22
...
Learning disabled boistinker
  02/25/22
...
Disrespectful Aquamarine State Telephone
  05/04/22
wow
irate smoky hunting ground hell
  06/22/22
...
titillating set travel guidebook
  06/22/22
...
zippy multi-colored ticket booth
  06/22/22
High | level | legal work
Fiercely-loyal sexy pit cuckoldry
  04/30/21
...
rambunctious becky
  04/30/21
Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car...
violet exciting queen of the night ladyboy
  04/30/21
A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as ...
excitant dog poop alpha
  04/30/21
two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his ca...
avocado shivering ape sex offender
  04/30/21
C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook a...
brass vivacious french chef gaping
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Provocative pistol principal's office
  04/30/21
Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may h...
irradiated newt bawdyhouse
  04/30/21
This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more...
Lemon motley degenerate
  04/30/21
...
Learning disabled boistinker
  04/30/21
...
crimson lascivious site death wish
  04/30/21
...
Curious wild stead
  04/30/21
...
Learning disabled boistinker
  02/22/22
writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I ...
Adventurous area wagecucks
  04/30/21
Did you try the hydro hack?
crimson lascivious site death wish
  04/30/21
What’s that
vermilion cerebral prole
  04/30/21
You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. Th...
crimson lascivious site death wish
  04/30/21
...
rough-skinned lay wrinkle
  04/30/21
Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, ...
Thirsty internal respiration
  04/30/21
A and B saw C driving in X
Thirsty internal respiration
  04/30/21
andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed ...
Glassy High-end Range Mexican
  04/30/21
I am gay
kink-friendly obsidian cruise ship
  04/30/21
great thread
Lemon motley degenerate
  04/30/21
Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence. A and...
gaped seedy home
  04/30/21
A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through ar...
razzle magical school cafeteria new version
  04/30/21
...
razzle magical school cafeteria new version
  05/02/21
...
razzle magical school cafeteria new version
  05/23/21
Where are we on this? Thank
crimson lascivious site death wish
  05/02/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Floppy whorehouse
  02/22/22
OP, does this help?
Glittery orchestra pit
  02/25/22
i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't m...
Razzmatazz Senate Partner
  06/22/22
...
Pet Relief Area
  04/19/26
"and containing D as" -> "in which D was&q...
UN peacekeeper
  04/19/26
Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not...
tubby spastic 11yo playing in toddler section
  04/19/26
...
Pet Relief Area
  04/19/26


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:48 AM
Author: stimulating business firm

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376133)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:57 AM
Author: Glittery orchestra pit

"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenger, by both A and B."

(no one gives a fuck whether A and B were driving or doing a standing 69 at the time they saw these faggots)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376836)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: bearded vigorous school crotch

they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a role potentially. Better to keep it clean.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376873)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:10 PM
Author: Chartreuse effete cuck coffee pot

Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, just that they passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42377665)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:40 PM
Author: Drab Thriller Lodge

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42386999)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:42 PM
Author: Cracking trailer park
Subject: Quick fixxx

As A and B were driving in X, they passed a car driven by C containing D as a passenger.

EDIT: LMAO at the date

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44032731)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM
Author: supple brindle address

“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”

Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376145)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:53 AM
Author: cruel-hearted university son of senegal



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376148)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: stimulating business firm

i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts emphasis on "D was a passenger in C’s car at this time" -- which is a minor detail.

it doesn't really matter whether C or D is the driver.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376159)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:56 AM
Author: supple brindle address

Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main person.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376166)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: stimulating business firm

C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "C's car" for clarity

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376201)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:51 AM
Author: Glittery orchestra pit

"at this time"

ROFL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376807)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:54 AM
Author: bearded vigorous school crotch

Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually driving. Or were they in two separate cars, both of which passed C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376155)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: supple brindle address

Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/c I didn’t know what the surrounding sentences are like.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376160)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:04 AM
Author: bearded vigorous school crotch

You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be important to be clear who was driving in the passing car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Khaki metal tattoo

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C was driving with a passenger, D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376157)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:57 AM
Author: Odious domesticated heaven boltzmann



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376168)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:58 AM
Author: Soul-stirring swollen spot deer antler

As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: crimson lascivious site death wish

This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")

WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.

WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.

Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.

[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]

Please handle and recirculate, thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: stimulating business firm



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376203)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: rough-skinned lay wrinkle



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376392)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:08 AM
Author: Stirring aggressive stag film



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376526)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:25 AM
Author: Deranged useless brakes resort



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376657)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:40 PM
Author: laughsome big-titted church building

Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44453959)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: diverse location

As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, and although none of them said a word, they understood each other perfectly. It was X area after all. Are there any Xs around, they wondered? They passed a beaten-up vehicle with ridiculous oversized chromed wheels with C as a driver and D as a passenger. X's! - thought A and B. C and D did not think anything. They were high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376178)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:36 AM
Author: ruddy geriatric garrison



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376332)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: vibrant mewling idiot parlor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376340)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: fuchsia locus skinny woman

FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshit car alone(some other NIFmGGA was drivomg alone in another car) they passed ALPHA TURD C , who has MANY DRINKING BUDDIES, SO NATURALLY HAD A PASSENGER (most likely an AZNgirl getting wet for MAMMOTH TURDCOCK)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376183)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: deep beady-eyed regret



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376187)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: crimson lascivious site death wish



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376195)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Swashbuckling Cyan Stage Water Buffalo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376249)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: garnet mind-boggling chapel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376406)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:36 AM
Author: chestnut free-loading field



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376713)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:37 AM
Author: rough-skinned lay wrinkle



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376724)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:32 PM
Author: Charcoal library



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42377057)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: deep beady-eyed regret



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42380818)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: deep beady-eyed regret

As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX area, C drove by with D cumming in his ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376184)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: cruel-hearted university son of senegal

i think you nailed it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376191)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: Lemon motley degenerate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42378174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: cruel-hearted university son of senegal

i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being performed right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376189)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: rambunctious becky



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376669)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Shimmering abode

A and B passed D and C, who was driving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376194)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: 180 market



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376341)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:52 AM
Author: Glittery orchestra pit

sounds like a riddle

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376816)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: gay base macaca

i hate this crap

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376197)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: stimulating business firm

i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376206)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: gay base macaca

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who was driving with C).

This is it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376211)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:07 AM
Author: stimulating business firm

doesn't it need "D's car"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376216)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:42 AM
Author: gay base macaca

it says he was driving, which means an automobile.

if you think specifying what kind of automobile is a key detail then can add that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376370)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: bearded vigorous school crotch

Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was driving. Ever. If he wasnt.

As A was driving, they passed ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376208)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: razzle magical school cafeteria new version

you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.

"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376212)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:08 AM
Author: yapping plaza mad cow disease

Were A and B both at the wheel?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376217)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:13 AM
Author: cruel-hearted university son of senegal

turns out it was a tandem bicycle.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376233)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:20 AM
Author: 180 market



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376607)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Swashbuckling Cyan Stage Water Buffalo

As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted area, they passed a car driven by a nigger and containing some other faggot as a passenger. Regards, I hope this helps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376246)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:26 AM
Author: Chrome police squad shrine

The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the other, C was driving D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376290)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:29 AM
Author: Shimmering abode

star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376306)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:31 AM
Author: Chrome police squad shrine

still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of items to hit: location, two cars, who was each driver and who was each passenger, that they passed.

This does it and leaves no uncertainty at all

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376317)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:34 AM
Author: supple brindle address



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376330)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:35 AM
Author: vibrant mewling idiot parlor

Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going through section X. *makes large "X" using forearms* And boom! Right there, they pass car C. *makes "C" using hand* A car which, at the time, was containing D *unzips pants* as a passenger. *pulls cock out of fly* Any questions?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376331)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: ruddy geriatric garrison



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376336)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM
Author: Idiotic Fortuitous Meteor

A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376358)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:09 AM
Author: Floppy whorehouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44008930)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: Mint aphrodisiac ratface

So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's the thing: they were in X area, and what's problematic is they passed by C—yes, THAT C. C had a passenger at the time, D. Here's why that's not okay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: Curious wild stead

400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376393)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Mint aphrodisiac ratface

Wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376411)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: Curious wild stead

I just copied this from a brief.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376419)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:15 AM
Author: garnet mind-boggling chapel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376574)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:54 AM
Author: bearded vigorous school crotch

Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. Every time, I explain that "It's just lawyers--we get bored at work--yeah, I know, that's what makes it funny--"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376824)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:21 PM
Author: titillating set travel guidebook



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42377415)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Learning disabled boistinker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44008886)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: irate smoky hunting ground hell



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44722509)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:51 AM
Author: Odious domesticated heaven boltzmann



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376432)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: 180 market

titcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376504)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:10 AM
Author: titillating set travel guidebook

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376531)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:18 AM
Author: rough-skinned lay wrinkle



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376589)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:23 AM
Author: Lemon motley degenerate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376641)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Learning disabled boistinker

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376648)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: rough-skinned lay wrinkle

attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376708)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:13 PM
Author: Shimmering abode

how

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42377366)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:36 AM
Author: Charcoal library



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44722527)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:35 AM
Author: crimson lascivious site death wish



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376711)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:00 PM
Author: Mentally Impaired Turdskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376866)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: startled bipolar kitchen faggot firefighter



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376872)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:27 PM
Author: Lemon motley degenerate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42378128)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 1st, 2021 9:20 PM
Author: Mentally Impaired Turdskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42558237)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Learning disabled boistinker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44008882)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:05 AM
Author: Mentally Impaired Turdskin

this is incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44008910)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:39 PM
Author: Learning disabled boistinker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44032706)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:31 PM
Author: Disrespectful Aquamarine State Telephone



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44453902)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:31 AM
Author: irate smoky hunting ground hell

wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44722507)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:34 AM
Author: titillating set travel guidebook



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44722517)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:44 AM
Author: zippy multi-colored ticket booth



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44722548)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: Fiercely-loyal sexy pit cuckoldry

High | level | legal work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376422)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: rambunctious becky



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376672)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:55 AM
Author: violet exciting queen of the night ladyboy

Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car driven by C with D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376456)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: excitant dog poop alpha

A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as a passenger, as they drove through the X area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376505)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:07 AM
Author: avocado shivering ape sex offender

two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376517)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:13 AM
Author: brass vivacious french chef gaping

C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook and passed them. B overtook and passed them too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376555)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:19 AM
Author: Provocative pistol principal's office

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C, which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376600)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: irradiated newt bawdyhouse

Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376651)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:27 AM
Author: Lemon motley degenerate

This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more concise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376665)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Learning disabled boistinker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376704)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: crimson lascivious site death wish



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376736)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:08 PM
Author: Curious wild stead



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42377648)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:01 AM
Author: Learning disabled boistinker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44008887)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Adventurous area wagecucks

writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I recently jumped from GOV to tech

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376695)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: crimson lascivious site death wish

Did you try the hydro hack?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376699)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: vermilion cerebral prole

What’s that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376738)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:41 AM
Author: crimson lascivious site death wish

You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. This will, among other things, improve cognitive function and therefore improve your writing. While you're at it also check your posture I bet you're slouching right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376746)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:49 AM
Author: rough-skinned lay wrinkle



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42376800)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:17 PM
Author: Thirsty internal respiration

Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, subject verb object. Not hard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42377389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:16 PM
Author: Thirsty internal respiration

A and B saw C driving in X

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42377381)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM
Author: Glassy High-end Range Mexican

andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.

this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42377449)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:38 PM
Author: kink-friendly obsidian cruise ship

I am gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42377484)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: Lemon motley degenerate

great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42378176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:39 PM
Author: gaped seedy home

Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence.

A and B were driving in the X area. [query: are they both driving separate cars?] C driving D passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42378186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 8:29 PM
Author: razzle magical school cafeteria new version

A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through area X, and with them were B and D, passengers; B was with A while D was with C; A and B passed by C and D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42379691)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:50 PM
Author: razzle magical school cafeteria new version



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42387061)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 23rd, 2021 3:44 PM
Author: razzle magical school cafeteria new version



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42509184)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:36 PM
Author: crimson lascivious site death wish

Where are we on this? Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#42386977)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:06 AM
Author: Floppy whorehouse

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C in which D was a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44008916)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:44 PM
Author: Glittery orchestra pit

OP, does this help?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44032743)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Razzmatazz Senate Partner

i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't matter. aren't state court judges borderline retarded?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#44722512)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:23 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#49827186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:42 PM
Author: UN peacekeeper

"and containing D as" -> "in which D was", otherwise fine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#49827205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 1:15 PM
Author: tubby spastic 11yo playing in toddler section

Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not sure we’ve got it figured out just yet. Let’s put a pin in it and move on. OP: what’s the next sentence?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#49827228)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 2:57 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2)#49827363)