He wheeled into a City Market wearing a fresh diaper, a faded “TRUMP 2016” shirt, and aviators with one lens missing.

Filled his cart full of expired rotisserie chickens and dented Ensure cans.

Tried paying in Eisenhower dollars and Bicentennial quarters. Got into a shouting match over whether “fiat is theft.”

The clerk the clerk asked for ID, he produced a laminated 2009 Food Handler’s Permit and a Sam’s Club card with his photo duct-taped on.

Said he lives “out by the turbines.” Said the cabin has no address, “just coordinates.”

Claims the Airstream runs on gravity and broken promises. Says it tops out at 43 downhill—56 if he tapes over the check engine light.

Smelled like Vicks, lawnmower gas, and beef jerky he “won in a settlement.”

Told the clerk he’s not crazy—just “cash-heavy and system-averse.”

Then he winked and said: “Waiting on the Western Slope buyback program. You’ll $ee :)”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5734787&forum_id=2)#48996218)