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Cowgod, thoughts on Games with 1-2 hour mandatory "tutorials?"
| michael doodikoff | 05/03/25 |
| Mainlining the $ecret Truth of the Univer$e | 05/03/25 |
| cowgod | 05/03/25 |
| michael doodikoff | 05/03/25 |
| cowgod | 05/03/25 |
| michael doodikoff | 05/03/25 |
| cowgod | 05/03/25 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: May 3rd, 2025 10:25 AM Author: michael doodikoff (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719988&forum_id=2)#48901056) |
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Date: May 3rd, 2025 10:28 AM Author: Mainlining the $ecret Truth of the Univer$e (You = Privy to The Great Becumming™ & Yet You Recognize Nothing) Opinion | A 39-Year-Old Attorney Opens a Game and Finds Only Grief By Evan J. Garrish, J.D.
DENVER — I am a man of structure. I fold laundry using firm corners, maintain a color-coded OneNote for “grocery contemplations,” and—until recently—believed there was order in this world.
Then I launched ExoProtocol: Neon Reckoning™ and spent 96 minutes trying to unholster my weapon.
The game, hailed by Polygon as “a triumph of immersive onboarding,” opens not with action but a sullen NPC named Kravix teaching me how to “press A to breathe.” I am 39 years old. I have a mortgage. I cannot earn the ability to sprint after watching a hologram explain galactic oppression through interpretive dance.
Every time I tried to skip the tutorial, it soft-locked me in a sanctimonious loop. A whispering AI voice hissed, “You are not ready.” Which, to be fair, echoes what Tabitha in HR once told me before denying my lateral transfer request.
Games like these are not onboarding—they are onboarding as performance. They are the Mahchine™ rendered in Unreal Engine 5: slow, shimmering, smug. They mock the adult with one hour to escape before the 11 PM dread hits.
I do not play games to be taught. I play them to remember who I was before I began printing emails “just in case.” When I see a blinking waypoint that says, “Follow Commander Vosk to the Empathy Chamber,” I remember there is no off-ramp—not in the game, not in life.
Bring back menus. Bring back start buttons. Bring back joy.
Link: www.nytimes.com/games-should-let-me-skip |
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Date: May 3rd, 2025 10:37 AM Author: michael doodikoff RDR2 basically had a really long one.
Last of Us even had one IIRC |
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Date: May 3rd, 2025 11:47 AM Author: michael doodikoff TLOU1 was a triumph IMO, the only good Sony developed series (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719988&forum_id=2)#48901199) |