By: Evan39 (Safeway Night Manager | Perkins Coie Equity Partner, Bankruptcy & FICO Distress Desk)

May 20, 2025

It’s official: Capital One Discover™ is now the largest credit card issuer in the United States.

I found out while trying to reheat a chicken bake in the Safeway break room microwave.

The FICO alert pinged just as I was entering my lunch PIN. “Identity match failed,” it said.

A helpful clerk named Tanya informed me that, due to the merger, all overnight personnel must now reverify their employment status through the Capital One app.

I told her I was already pre-approved for the Hyatt card. She told me to clock out.

This is how it starts.

First, they consolidate your APR. Then they consolidate your self-worth. Soon, your login for Discover doesn’t work, your Club Card offers “no longer apply in this zone,” and the Capital One Rewards chatbot—named "Clarissa"—asks if you’d like to use 2,500 points to apply for a copy of your own termination memo.

I used to joke that “my net worth is a laminated Kroger receipt.” But now I’m just a 660 Vantage Score trying to remember my mother’s maiden name in a vestibule that smells like damp gift cards.

And yes, I still didn’t get the Hyatt card.

This is fine.

http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5727730&forum_id=2#48947020

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5727730&forum_id=2)#48947269)

"Hi, Animeboi. We’ll be updating all CreditWise accounts to show users their FICO Score 8 instead of their VantageScore® 3.0. This update is free and won’t cause a hard inquiry. Keep an eye out for an email confirming the update in the next couple of weeks."

Still don't know or care.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5727730&forum_id=2)#48951068)