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Johnsmeyer calling Suze Orman w/ "Scream" voice distorter

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Soggy native
  06/11/14
You should've been a comedy writer
rusted incel garrison
  06/11/14
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cyan site
  06/11/14
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exhilarant charcoal rigor pit
  06/11/14
Suze: "sir, can I ask how tall you are." *very ...
rusted incel garrison
  06/11/14
LOL
exhilarant charcoal rigor pit
  06/11/14
laughing & convlusing & foamign at mouth at work lmf...
Soggy native
  06/11/14
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  06/12/14
holy shit
nudist learning disabled abode
  06/12/14
Holy shit screaming/vomiting
Sticky translucent church building
  06/12/14
JFC
rusted incel garrison
  06/12/14
i really dont know why but this cracks me the eff up
Gaped Cobalt Pisswyrm Locus
  06/13/14
Well to start, you have Suze Orman neighing a complete non-s...
exhilarant charcoal rigor pit
  06/13/14
TY FOR YOUR SERVICE
rusted incel garrison
  06/13/14
...
rusted incel garrison
  06/13/14
Poast of the year
hilarious idiot stain
  06/13/14
this is scholarship
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Loool 180
Gaped Cobalt Pisswyrm Locus
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suze orman keeping steady, unconcerned eye contact into the ...
Razzmatazz Salmon Spot Party Of The First Part
  06/13/14
I read this with the Charlie Kelly voice
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whoa
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180
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lol you're like the judge who wrote the Pepsi Points opinion...
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How did I miss this?
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there is some true comedic talent on this bort
Histrionic messiness
  08/06/15
lol damn dude, nice work
Cocky Whorehouse
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the real important part is that this only took 12 minutes to...
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curly phone cord that's way too long really hit home
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this is the best poast on xo
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Suze purses her lips, furrows her brow and nods her head s...
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this cracks me up every time i read it
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Nice find!
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http://vocaroo.com/i/s1Re4VERqiZe How it went down:
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That's pretty good.
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Thank
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lol tyft
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honey-headed marvelous milk
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has johnsmeyer seen this
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He wrote it
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LNAO
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this is one of those threads that I wish I could explain IRL...
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My coworkers don't know why I'm laughing so hard.
hyperventilating theater trump supporter
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title + 5'9 post + explanation are back-to-back-to-back unmi...
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hyperventilating theater trump supporter
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Flickering Sooty Genital Piercing Philosopher-king
  10/08/15
jfc. haven't laughed that hard since brownstone/mcbeef.
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  10/08/15
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Flickering Sooty Genital Piercing Philosopher-king
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Thank you for your service
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Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:36 PM
Author: Soggy native



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25733527)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:38 PM
Author: rusted incel garrison

You should've been a comedy writer

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25733532)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:38 PM
Author: cyan site



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25733535)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:39 PM
Author: exhilarant charcoal rigor pit



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25733537)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:40 PM
Author: rusted incel garrison

Suze: "sir, can I ask how tall you are."

*very long pause*

Robot/monster voice: " five nine"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25733549)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:40 PM
Author: exhilarant charcoal rigor pit

LOL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25733551)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:41 PM
Author: Soggy native

laughing & convlusing & foamign at mouth at work lmfao

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25733555)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 4th, 2015 3:56 PM
Author: ruddy lay liquid oxygen



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#27619755)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 11th, 2014 11:59 PM
Author: Gaped Cobalt Pisswyrm Locus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25733697)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 12:11 AM
Author: hilarious idiot stain



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25733775)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 6:22 PM
Author: rusted incel garrison



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25738401)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 6:23 PM
Author: Electric den goyim



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25738402)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 6:23 PM
Author: Shimmering tattoo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25738403)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 6:36 PM
Author: nudist learning disabled abode

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25738512)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 6:38 PM
Author: Sticky translucent church building

Holy shit screaming/vomiting

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25738527)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 12th, 2014 8:23 PM
Author: rusted incel garrison

JFC

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25739208)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:10 PM
Author: Gaped Cobalt Pisswyrm Locus

i really dont know why but this cracks me the eff up

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25743978)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:22 PM
Author: exhilarant charcoal rigor pit

Well to start, you have Suze Orman neighing a complete non-sequitur of a question that hits at the linchpin of Johnsmeyer's tragic character: his height. Who knows why that has come up? Maybe PAYE? Maybe estate planning re a farm with gold statues? Maybe what to do with his minor league performance bonus? So we get a brilliant start.

Then we get stuck in the long pause purgatory, but it's a good purgatory. We know what might happen next and on first read, 8 times out of 10 we'll guess correctly. But during the long pause your anticipation wells up. You can envision Johnsmeyer nervously fumbling with the Scream robot voice machine pressed against an old landline phone with a curly cord that's way, way too long in a dark Manhattan basement closet apartment, thinking of whether to answer truthfully and whether the Scream robot voice machine is actually working to cover his identity. It's not that he's weird, he's just shy, a little embarrassed and wants anonymity. It's really absurd, but you give the little guy the benefit of the doubt and hope he doesn't hang up out of fear while pissing his pants. Besides, chances are he already pissed his pants after the big Suze asked him about his relationship status, which prompted him to look up at an out of focus picture of some girl named Dutchess that's the only thing on his otherwise bare windowless walls.

You see all this in the long pause which is then pierced by the Scream robot voice as it responds "five nine" which is hilarious because it's earnestly delivered in such an bizarre manner. You can hear the voice clearly in your head while envisioning Johnsmeyer in his apartment and Suze and her producers in the studio wondering wtf kind of savant is on the other end of the line. But it's doubly hilarious because we all know Johnsy boy is really five seven, on a good day.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25744019)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:25 PM
Author: rusted incel garrison

TY FOR YOUR SERVICE

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25744029)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:29 PM
Author: rusted incel garrison



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25744049)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:30 PM
Author: hilarious idiot stain

Poast of the year

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25744051)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:31 PM
Author: Vibrant trust fund crackhouse

this is scholarship

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25744053)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:32 PM
Author: Gaped Cobalt Pisswyrm Locus

Loool 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25744063)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:35 PM
Author: Razzmatazz Salmon Spot Party Of The First Part

suze orman keeping steady, unconcerned eye contact into the camera during the pause

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25744079)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:42 PM
Author: Outnumbered angry travel guidebook

I read this with the Charlie Kelly voice

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25744101)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:53 PM
Author: nudist learning disabled abode

whoa

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25744164)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 3:59 PM
Author: Electric den goyim



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25744191)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 8:33 PM
Author: Saffron hideous dysfunction dingle berry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25745855)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 13th, 2014 10:55 PM
Author: Soggy native



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#25746687)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 14th, 2015 5:47 PM
Author: Saffron hideous dysfunction dingle berry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#27315083)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 4th, 2015 4:04 PM
Author: Geriatric Elite Kitchen

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#27619800)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 5th, 2015 10:01 PM
Author: razzle-dazzle massive institution



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28487531)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 5th, 2015 11:57 PM
Author: rambunctious red cuckold hunting ground



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28488640)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 9:24 AM
Author: hyperventilating theater trump supporter



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28489891)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 9:28 AM
Author: Brass big sanctuary legal warrant

lol you're like the judge who wrote the Pepsi Points opinion from 1L contracts

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28489907)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 9:39 AM
Author: rose cruise ship hissy fit

How did I miss this?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28489936)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 10:43 AM
Author: Hairraiser Autistic Business Firm



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28490163)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 1:33 PM
Author: spectacular stag film ape



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28491214)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 1:34 PM
Author: Sable misanthropic market



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28491223)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 11:56 PM
Author: Histrionic messiness

there is some true comedic talent on this bort

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28497490)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 6th, 2015 11:59 PM
Author: Cocky Whorehouse

lol damn dude, nice work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28497522)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 8th, 2015 6:05 AM
Author: spectacular stag film ape

the real important part is that this only took 12 minutes to write

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28924462)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 8th, 2015 6:39 AM
Author: Balding toilet seat really tough guy

curly phone cord that's way too long really hit home

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2591258&forum_id=2).#28924483)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 18th, 2015 3:44 PM
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Date: August 5th, 2015 8:49 PM
Author: nudist learning disabled abode

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Date: August 6th, 2015 9:24 AM
Author: hyperventilating theater trump supporter

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Date: October 8th, 2015 6:08 PM
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Date: October 8th, 2015 6:18 PM
Author: embarrassed to the bone dog poop

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Date: October 8th, 2015 8:30 PM
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Date: March 14th, 2016 12:56 AM
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Date: April 17th, 2016 2:04 PM
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Date: May 3rd, 2016 9:18 AM
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Date: May 12th, 2016 9:32 PM
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Date: May 31st, 2016 3:17 PM
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Date: November 7th, 2016 10:23 PM
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Date: November 29th, 2016 6:59 PM
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Date: February 16th, 2017 5:16 PM
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Date: April 30th, 2018 12:36 PM
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Date: November 16th, 2018 11:09 AM
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Date: September 7th, 2019 1:15 PM
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Date: December 25th, 2019 5:54 PM
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Date: January 30th, 2020 4:06 PM
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Date: March 10th, 2020 10:27 AM
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Date: October 19th, 2020 10:33 PM
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