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Frd: URGENT: re Titan Pizza matter. $ee attached. Response due Monday. Thx.
| Mainlining the $ecret Truth of the Univer$e | 08/19/25 |
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Date: August 19th, 2025 3:38 AM Author: Mainlining the $ecret Truth of the Univer$e (You = Privy to The Great Becumming™ = Welcum to The Goodie Room™) Happy Saturday, Team!
Hope you've enjoyed well-deserved downtime this morning.
Just this afternoon, however, your attention is required.
Our "Institutional Firm Client" Domino’s is already rattled (i.e., one of Pizza Hut's Of Counsel was caught sniffing around for a celestial injunction. We cannot let this spiral...).
See attached sat-image of the alleged “Titan Pep.”
I (i.e., one of our Firm's most important clients) requires a preliminary memo by Monday, 7:00 AM EDT, sharp.
Key issues:
1. Jurisdiction: Does maritime law apply to methane seas? Pull everything from the 1967 Outer Space Treaty. I want a position on salvage rights.
2. Intellectual Property: Is our "pep" swirl pattern defensible in a non-terrestrial context? Does vacuum void parody our trademark? Don’t give me excuses.
3. Clause 9.2 Implications: Cross-reference 7.6. Does “Territory” in our standard franchise agreement implicitly include Sol system bodies?
This is exploitable — find it.
4. Reputational Risk: ADM is already whispering this is “corn dump fraud.” Pre-empt with a narrative before that brain-damaged fraud (Mr. Boom) drags it into a subcommittee hearing.
—
Staffing note:
Assignment defaults, again, to the Of Counsel pool.
They will return 400 tracked comments by Sunday: every comma debated, every verb circled, no judgment rendered. None will ever make partner. None will ever leave.
Their lives are an infinite red line.
They will edit Titan pep forever.
Please confirm receipt. Silence = tacit approval.
Thankk.
- Mainlining, Parter-in-Charge, Solar System Practice Group |