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"Rudy" reimagined as a tale about BIGLAW

"Ready?" "Let's go." "I'm sick of...
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Reply Favorite

Date: September 2nd, 2016 11:23 AM
Author: Violent abode police squad

"Ready?"

"Let's go."

"I'm sick of being all time bailiff."

"What?"

"I'm sick of being all time bailiff."

"Rudy, I told you five times, you can't play anything else but that, you're too small."

"I can too."

"You guys, I'm going, I'm sorry, let Rudy play in place."

"Fine, Rudy you second chair this moot."

---

"Mr. Ruettiger?"

"Yeah, Pete?"

"At the first recess, could we watch some of the People's Court?"

"There's only one team of attorneys we watch in this house, right?"

"Right."

---

"Take a knee, guys. Listen up. You seniors, this is your last moot. And with the exception of Steinberg, Silver, Fischel, Yaffe, tomorrow morning will be the last time you put on a suit and tie and walk into a courtroom. You know these last four years have gone by too fast. They always do."

---

"Okay, Mr. Rudy. Here's the deal. Suffolk Law is nearby. I can get you one semester there. You make grades, you get another semester. Maybe with a good GPA, you might have a chance of getting into Harvard."

---

"Your John Quinn bullshit out there makes us all look bad, so dial it down a notch."

---

"I want Rudy to take this dep in my place. He deserves it."

"Don't be ridiculous. This expert from Georgia Tech is one of the top chemists in the country. You're a share partner and a Chambers Leading Lawyer, act like it."

"I believe I am, sir."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31321249)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 2nd, 2016 11:25 AM
Author: Swashbuckling casino

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(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31321259)



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 11:26 AM
Author: Zombie-like Faggotry Persian



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31321269)



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 11:26 AM
Author: cocky affirmative action menage



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31321271)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 2nd, 2016 11:29 AM
Author: Hyperventilating internal respiration stead

180

Junior about to quit when a MFH janitor grabs him by the lapel outside the partner's door:

"You're five foot nothin, a hundred and nothin, and you barely have a speck of legal writing ability. And you hung in there with the best scholars in the land for three years. And you're gonna walk outta here with a totebag. In this life, you don't have to prove nothin' to nobody but yourself. And after what you've gone through, if you haven't done that by now, it ain't gonna never happen. Now go on back."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31321286)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 2nd, 2016 11:31 AM
Author: Violent abode police squad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31321298)



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 12:51 PM
Author: racy principal's office



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 12:54 PM
Author: indigo razzle-dazzle locus



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 1:07 PM
Author: swollen chapel bbw



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Date: September 26th, 2016 11:40 AM
Author: Hyperventilating internal respiration stead



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 11:36 AM
Author: Swashbuckling casino

"Whoa, wait! Where are you going?"

"I'm going to the summer associate recruiting event at Davis Polk."

"Do you have some friends at Davis Polk?"

"No."

"Then there must be some other reason."

"When you announced it in class, I thought anybody could go."

"I'm sorry. This bus is for students who want to be summer associates at Davis Polk. It's not a sightseeing tour."

"Maybe someday I'll work there."

"Professor Goldberg, take over for me."

"Of course."

"Rudy...you don't have the grades for the Vault 100, much less the Vault 5. The secret to happiness in this life is to be grateful for the shitlaw firms that will recruit you. Rudy...not everyone is meant to work in BIGLAW."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31321323)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 2nd, 2016 11:40 AM
Author: Violent abode police squad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31321350)



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 1:07 PM
Author: swollen chapel bbw



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Date: September 7th, 2016 9:53 PM
Author: Misunderstood main people



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Date: September 7th, 2016 11:04 PM
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Date: September 2nd, 2016 1:06 PM
Author: swollen chapel bbw

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Date: September 2nd, 2016 3:05 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 1:18 PM
Author: Magical appetizing public bath

I laughed, I cried, I got back to work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31321957)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 2nd, 2016 2:14 PM
Author: Violent abode police squad

"Does he think I'm lying to him?"

"Nobody said anything about lying."

"I have to get pictures taken of me doing doc review to prove I'm at the firm?"

"I believe you."

"What happened to my gut? And my hair? Where did I get these?"

"So you're a glorified paralegal."

"Oh you just don't get it."

"If you are at that firm, then my opinion of Skadden has just hit the shits."

"Leave him alone."

"I come in in a suit, I sit in with partners, you just don't understand."

"Actually, it's simple. Every Monday when I log onto PACER, we see Skadden attorneys filing motions and briefs. We just don't see you."

"You will."

"What?"

"You will."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31322345)



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 2:36 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 3:49 PM
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Date: September 13th, 2016 1:35 PM
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Date: September 2nd, 2016 2:44 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino

"What are you doing, huh?"

"Break it up!"

"Get off me!"

"Come on, Ruettiger!"

"Break it up, I said. And cool down."

"You brown-nosed suck-ass! You suck ass!"

"What's your problem, O'Hare?"

"Last day of the summer associate program and this asshole thinks we're closing the Facebook IPO."

"You just summed up your entire sorry career here in one sentence! If you had a tenth of Ruettiger's heart, you'd have made Partner. As it is, you just went from Counsel to Of Counsel. Go on, get out of here. Get me another Counsel."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31322523)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 2nd, 2016 2:49 PM
Author: Violent abode police squad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31322555)



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Date: September 18th, 2017 6:20 PM
Author: Salmon Useless Piazza



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Date: September 2nd, 2016 2:52 PM
Author: Clear cumskin turdskin



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Reply Favorite

Date: September 2nd, 2016 2:56 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino

"Hey, Jim."

"Your bullshit on this deal makes us look bad, so dial it down a notch."

"Dial it down?"

"Everybody's sick and tired of hearing, 'Bill more like Ruettiger.' What do you get out of working until 3am every night, and canceling vacations? It's not worth it, you know? You gotta bring in at least one major client to officially be part of the equity partnership. The only client you'll bring in is some shitty start-up."

"If you hate it so much, why don't you just quit?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"If I quit, my father won't help pay the rent for my 2br on the Highline."

"Is that why you're here?"

"I suppose I'm under the delusion that one day I might land that major client and get a chance to run out that conference room as an equity partner."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31322605)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 2nd, 2016 3:38 PM
Author: Violent abode police squad



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Date: September 7th, 2016 9:49 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino



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Date: September 7th, 2016 9:50 PM
Author: trip silver codepig garrison

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Date: September 7th, 2016 9:52 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino



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Date: September 7th, 2016 11:11 PM
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Date: September 7th, 2016 11:42 PM
Author: racy principal's office

Somebody sold him on the idea he ought to go to law school and become a lawyer.

Well he goes to Georgetown, you know, a prestigious law center, and gets his JD.

Within 5 months of graduation he's been Lathamed and is reviewing documents in a Cravath basement.

It was ITE.

Couldn't sell his degree. There was no work. So one day he took off.

My brothers and me, we split up to live with friends and family.

Chasing a stupid dream causes nothing but you and everyone around you heartache.

Biglaw is for rich kids. Smart kids. Brilliant scholars.

It's not for us. You're a Ruettiger.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#31357706)



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Date: September 7th, 2016 11:43 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino



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Date: September 13th, 2016 1:29 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino



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Date: September 23rd, 2016 2:10 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino



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Date: November 27th, 2016 2:27 PM
Author: racy principal's office



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Date: April 4th, 2017 12:03 PM
Author: Violent abode police squad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#32990274)



Reply Favorite

Date: August 29th, 2017 9:59 PM
Author: Violent abode police squad



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Date: August 29th, 2017 10:07 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino



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Date: September 15th, 2017 1:48 PM
Author: Swashbuckling casino



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Date: September 18th, 2017 4:46 PM
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Date: September 18th, 2017 6:16 PM
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Reply Favorite

Date: September 18th, 2017 6:28 PM
Author: domesticated boltzmann crackhouse

*Fordham Law Review members stretching in the sun as it rises above 1 WTC*

Partner, Atty. Cohen: [addressing Fordham Law Review members at Fordham's OCI]

Let me tell it to you as clean as I can. We have 95 summer associate positions at Skadden, sure accomplished in law school, we gave them 12 weeks of legal work and social activities at the best law firm in the country. The managing partners allow us to keep only 60 for the New York office, which means at least 35 *top 14 law students* are gonna be stuck in DC chasing shitlib non-profit shrews, or in SF going after "49ers" every day. So if any of you has any fantasies of walking out into the subway tunnel, never seeing the sun, with your messenger bag facing outward and Skadden logo printed on the front, you best leave them right here. Of you 15 Law Review members maybe we'll keep one or two. My job is basically to work the shit out of you for the next 12 weeks, and whomever is still standing at the end, maybe we'll use for doc review. You'll be cite checking our briefs week in and out. The greatest value to the client, (and believe me we add value) if they don't care how much you bill. It's written off. Our senior associates are going to drop files on you like you're a first year M&A associate. Like what you hear so far? Any of you wanna run to NYU for that tax LL.M? Now's your chance.

No? Steinberg. They're all yours.

Well don't just stand there trying to think, let's hit those documents. Review! Review! Go!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n88hXH6_-AU

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#34238314)



Reply Favorite

Date: September 18th, 2017 6:33 PM
Author: Salmon Useless Piazza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#34238346)



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Date: September 18th, 2017 6:39 PM
Author: domesticated boltzmann crackhouse



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Reply Favorite

Date: September 18th, 2017 10:48 PM
Author: Violent abode police squad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3339505&forum_id=2,#34240170)



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Date: September 20th, 2017 1:16 PM
Author: domesticated boltzmann crackhouse



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Date: September 18th, 2017 7:45 PM
Author: Salmon Useless Piazza



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Date: September 18th, 2017 8:06 PM
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Date: September 18th, 2017 9:55 PM
Author: Salmon Useless Piazza



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Date: December 15th, 2017 8:11 AM
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Date: August 26th, 2025 8:52 PM
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