In Defense of Sluts (NYT)
| Bearded flesh meetinghouse depressive | 12/22/20 | | Odious Avocado Karate Office | 12/22/20 | | Mauve Indian Lodge | 12/22/20 | | irradiated emerald mental disorder hospital | 12/22/20 | | Adulterous doctorate cuckold | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | Internet-worthy hall | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | olive twisted school cafeteria death wish | 12/22/20 | | gay medicated theatre | 12/22/20 | | Seedy bawdyhouse | 12/22/20 | | Silver jew | 12/22/20 | | Seedy bawdyhouse | 12/22/20 | | self-centered becky blood rage | 12/22/20 | | carmine ceo | 12/22/20 | | bat shit crazy appetizing range | 12/22/20 | | lavender titillating dragon | 12/22/20 | | bat shit crazy appetizing range | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | topaz home sneaky criminal | 12/22/20 | | Bearded flesh meetinghouse depressive | 12/22/20 | | Bearded flesh meetinghouse depressive | 12/22/20 | | racy locus | 12/22/20 | | iridescent stage people who are hurt | 12/22/20 | | Mauve Indian Lodge | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | light electric indirect expression bbw | 12/22/20 | | Vigorous heaven place of business | 12/22/20 | | Mentally impaired excitant forum hissy fit | 12/22/20 | | Bateful Pearl Faggot Firefighter | 12/22/20 | | Umber well-lubricated spot | 12/22/20 | | Ebony angry ticket booth | 12/22/20 | | useless gaming laptop | 12/22/20 | | Adulterous doctorate cuckold | 12/22/20 | | Chestnut Swashbuckling Lodge | 12/22/20 | | insane water buffalo | 12/22/20 | | buff coffee pot | 12/22/20 | | Deep provocative toilet seat | 12/22/20 | | Chestnut Swashbuckling Lodge | 12/22/20 | | Arousing gas station | 12/22/20 | | Opaque gay wizard | 12/22/20 | | Bateful Pearl Faggot Firefighter | 12/22/20 | | Cerise knife | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | olive twisted school cafeteria death wish | 12/22/20 | | Ebony angry ticket booth | 12/22/20 | | light electric indirect expression bbw | 12/22/20 | | Seedy bawdyhouse | 12/22/20 | | Soggy sweet tailpipe messiness | 12/22/20 | | Opaque gay wizard | 12/22/20 | | Stimulating theater | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | Odious Avocado Karate Office | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/24/20 | | Silver jew | 12/22/20 | | Bateful Pearl Faggot Firefighter | 12/24/20 | | bossy tanning salon digit ratio | 12/22/20 | | dashing stage | 12/22/20 | | Trip mother dingle berry | 12/22/20 | | dark floppy house | 12/22/20 | | Disrespectful bull headed whorehouse | 12/22/20 | | exciting zippy french chef | 12/22/20 | | fantasy-prone coldplay fan | 12/22/20 | | Insecure deranged deer antler dog poop | 12/22/20 | | Mauve Indian Lodge | 12/22/20 | | Umber well-lubricated spot | 12/22/20 | | passionate community account senate | 12/22/20 | | bat shit crazy appetizing range | 12/22/20 | | passionate community account senate | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | Mint Library Antidepressant Drug | 12/22/20 | | passionate community account senate | 12/22/20 | | buff coffee pot | 12/22/20 | | blathering university | 12/22/20 | | Carnelian state kitty cat | 12/22/20 | | Soggy sweet tailpipe messiness | 12/22/20 | | Umber well-lubricated spot | 12/22/20 | | Mauve Indian Lodge | 12/22/20 | | Carnelian state kitty cat | 12/22/20 | | Soggy sweet tailpipe messiness | 12/22/20 | | Mauve Indian Lodge | 12/22/20 | | Soggy sweet tailpipe messiness | 12/22/20 | | Mauve Indian Lodge | 12/22/20 | | exciting zippy french chef | 12/22/20 | | Umber well-lubricated spot | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | Cerise knife | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | Soggy sweet tailpipe messiness | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | Maroon Impressive Site Mediation | 12/22/20 | | Mentally impaired excitant forum hissy fit | 12/22/20 | | blue nighttime alpha hell | 12/22/20 | | bearded abode | 12/22/20 | | Duck-like Giraffe | 12/22/20 | | Maroon Impressive Site Mediation | 12/22/20 | | Sapphire orchestra pit | 12/22/20 | | Maroon Impressive Site Mediation | 12/22/20 | | ivory cerebral address | 12/22/20 | | ivory cerebral address | 12/22/20 | | irradiated emerald mental disorder hospital | 12/22/20 | | rough-skinned corner cuckoldry | 12/22/20 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: December 22nd, 2020 8:44 AM Author: Bearded flesh meetinghouse depressive
The Joys of Frivolous Sex
The pandemic has brought out a nasty puritanism.
By Megan Nolan
Ms. Nolan is a writer and critic. She is a columnist for New Statesman, where she writes about culture and politics, and the author of the forthcoming novel “Acts of Desperation.”
Dec. 22, 2020, 5:00 a.m. ET
95
Credit...Amber Vittoria
LONDON — In early lockdown, I spent most evenings in the front room of my mother’s house, drunk, staring at a computer, reeling at the prospect of my body being deprived indefinitely of touch. In those days, there was a sense that all the things that make up life really might be permanently destroyed. My father, who is a playwright, speculated with sanguine acceptance that he might never see or work on another theater production. Leaving Ireland, where I grew up and where my parents live, seemed like a remote possibility, even just to return to Britain, where I am a resident.
Only weeks earlier, I was in New York for an extended visit, recently single and pleasantly crazy with the desire to date far and wide. My romantic and sexual value seemed higher then and there than it had ever been anywhere else. I thought it would suffer by comparison to all the extra special and extra beautiful people, but it turned out that mildly manic exuberance and a complete lack of interest in anything resembling commitment made up for my physical shortcomings, and I imagine my Irish accent didn’t hurt either.
I felt almost nauseated by the overwhelming knowledge of how many attractive people were out there. Even when my dates were with guys I would never see again, I usually found something in them or the evening that I would remember happily, like the one who looked fondly down at me in a hotel room and inexplicably exclaimed, “I love New York!” at the sight of my body.
And then in March came the shutdown. Because there was no way to tell if my newfound isolation was going to last five weeks or five years, I was urgently trying to recast the concept of pleasure as something that could occur without other people. I failed completely, and was even somewhat glad of this failure, the better to confirm my long-held conviction that the point of life is simply to be with other people as abundantly as possible.
I made the mistake in this period of suggesting in a Facebook post that single people, especially those living alone, could not be expected to go an unlimited amount of time without socializing or close contact. Some people reacted to this as though I had proposed an orgy on every street corner, pandemic be damned, but that wasn’t what I meant. What I meant was that human beings can’t be expected to endure the sudden and total loss of social comfort. For some people, that social comfort comes from dating or from having sex with strangers.
Dig deeper into the moment.
Subscribe for $1 a week.
In Holland, officials advised coming to an arrangement with a sex buddy. Denmark’s health chief said: “Sex is good, sex is healthy. As with any other human contact, there is a risk of infection. But of course one must be able to have sex.” Whether you agree or disagree, at least these countries were capable of addressing what was a serious concern for many of their citizens.
PAUL KRUGMAN: A deeper look at what’s on the mind of Paul Krugman, a world-class economist and opinion columnist.
Sign Up
But these countries seem to be exceptional. Mostly, the government here in Britain — as in many other places — pretended that sex doesn’t take place except between cohabiting couples. When public health advocates have brought themselves to allude to the existence of sex, the advice is usually unrealistic and inadequate, instructing couples who don’t live together to meet up outside and not touch. News releases from sex toy companies began filling my email inbox, advertising remote-controlled vibrators, as though the loss of physical connection was purely about missing an orgasm.
EDITORS’ PICKS
A Close Reading of Ariana Grande’s Engagement Announcement
Dec. 21, 2020
Wintry Scenes From a Swedish Wonderland
Dec. 21, 2020
What Will Become of a Tycoon’s Art Gems?
Dec. 20, 2020
Escape From the City: 9 Winter Outings That Fight Cabin Fever
Dec. 18, 2020
‘The Man Took My Bag and We Walked Around the Corner to His Cab’
Dec. 20, 2020
‘Saturday Night Live’ Finds a New Joe Biden After Jim Carrey Exits
Dec. 20, 2020
The Year of Telfar
Dec. 21, 2020
Best of The Sunday Read 2020: From Female Rage to Michelangelo’s David
Dec. 20, 2020
Emerald Fennell’s Dark, Jaded, Funny, Furious Fables of Female Revenge
Dec. 17, 2020
What We Learned From Week 15 of the N.F.L. Season
Dec. 20, 2020
There has been no serious effort to confront the particular challenges of what it is to be single — to be alone — in 2020. There have been no major harm-reduction initiatives, just the deluded implication that all of us who failed to partner up by March 2020 should live without meaningful connection until there is a vaccine.
The coronavirus pandemic has brought out a nasty puritanism in some people, who luxuriate in the ability to police the way others live. One doesn’t even need to actually break a rule to earn their disgust, only to express dismay over things they consider unimportant or, worse, hedonistic. To even complain about what it feels like to live alone and not be able to date right now is regarded as unseemly, dismissed as trivial. After all, some haven’t been able to visit vulnerable elderly relatives all year. Couples have it hard too, with many working from home in cramped quarters — not to mention those living with small children.
The complaints of a single person don’t begrudge or contradict the pain of the harangued parent or the anguished daughter missing her sick father. Our struggles are not undermined if society also concedes that there are people who once got substantial meaning from interacting in ways that are now impossible — through dating or casual sex. We are also going through something painful, without even the socially approved validity of the nuclear unit to back us up.
Most of society does not really believe that casual, nonmonogamous encounters can actually hold meaning, rather than simply serve as crude ways to blow off steam. I know that they can. Living as a purposefully single and promiscuous person was one way to know others, one way to find joy in the world, and it’s gone for now. Single people have lost something important, and should be allowed to bemoan it. I don’t have to want children to sympathize with families; you don’t have to share my priority to accept its validity in my life. There are not a finite number of ways to have felt pain this year.
A friend asked me a few months ago whether I didn’t perhaps regret having ended a long-term relationship in early 2020, at such a particularly bad time in history to choose to be alone. I won’t pretend it didn’t cross my mind that life would have most likely been far more pleasant if I had been with my ex during the worst of lockdown. Not only would it have been good to have company in general, but I also missed him, specifically. I loved him; I still love him, which does not mean that it made me happy to be in our relationship.
I left because I identified that my desires and needs were not being best served by monogamy. This would have been impossible in my earlier life, when I was crippled by need, leaking out of me onto every passing man who looked like he could fill a boyfriend-shaped gap in my life. Back then, I could no more have turned down the offer of companionship and love than I could water and air.
Now, I need differently. I need very little from individuals, but I am greedy for the world. And why not? Why shouldn’t I be? It’s a reasonable and good-natured greed, one fueled not by desperation but by a tremendous love of the world and the people in it. How could I be ashamed of that? That this impulse was thwarted in 2020 does not make it a malign one.
Some single people are not living in constant wait for the relief of a marriage to put them out of their misery. The restrictions of this year happened to suit couples and families best, but that doesn’t mean that the rest of us were getting life wrong.
As we move into 2021, I know now more than ever that I was right to do what was best for me. I won’t be pretending that I want things that I don’t for the sake of temporary comfort. I’ll be waiting until the life I do want — trashy, frivolous and shallow as it might seem to some — is possible again.
Megan Nolan (@mmegannnolan) is a writer and critic. She is a columnist for New Statesman, where she writes about culture and politics, and the author of the forthcoming novel “Acts of Desperation.”
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/22/opinion/sex-relationships-covid.html
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41595689) |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 8:51 AM Author: self-centered becky blood rage
Now, I need differently. I need very little from individuals, but I am greedy for the world. And why not? Why shouldn’t I be? It’s a reasonable and good-natured greed, one fueled not by desperation but by a tremendous love of the world and the people in it. How could I be ashamed of that? That this impulse was thwarted in 2020 does not make it a malign one.
What in the living hell is wrong with these people
How does this even get published
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41595707) |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 9:04 AM Author: Bearded flesh meetinghouse depressive
SD
Mass
3h ago
Thank you for giving voice to my desires regarding sex and relationships. I’m tired of feeling the need to profess an interest in the same things other people do for the sake of...what? Moral propriety? The solidarity of shared values? Other people’s comfort? If I found someone I wanted to be exclusive with, great. But that’s not an item on my to do list or emptiness in my life. I love men and I love having sex with them and I miss it so much right now, but, for me, those don’t need to lead to commitment and exclusivity.
I also want to comment how gorgeously written this is, content aside. Brava.
Reply156 RecommendShareFlag
Alan R Brock commented 2 hours ago
Alan R Brock
Alan R Brock
Richmond VA
2h ago
''Some people are not living in constant wait for the relief of a marriage to put them out of their misery.''
This point is essential and too often missed. There are more than a few of us out there who prefer to remain unwedded.
Also, I see so many couples who, in my unspoken opinion, ''settled'' for the best deal they could find at the point they determined that they just had to get married. I don't envy them. Not at all.
2 Replies147 RecommendShareFlag
Tirv commented 3 hours ago
T
Tirv
Ontario, Canada
3h ago
The term "nasty puritanism" is absolutely brilliant! There's a lot of SNL-style "Church Ladies" (and men) out there, desperately in need of some introspection as to the source of their own unhappiness, which they are all too quick to share- in the form of judgement. Best wishes and thanks to the author.
Reply139 RecommendShare
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41595750) |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 9:07 AM Author: Bearded flesh meetinghouse depressive
SeñorWenceslaus
Chicago
2h ago
Next year is my 50-year celebration of being single. It's been a joy remaining uncoupled. There were compromises, sure, and it's not for the weak-willed or dependent types.
The only real problem is that society treats us rather shabbily and gives unfair economic breaks to heteronormative couples on the breeding program.
2 Replies99 RecommendShareFlag
Buoy Duncan commented 3 hours ago
B
Buoy Duncan
Dunedin, Florida
3h ago
It is as good a time now as any, to stop pretending that being single is a dimension of marital status we every one of us long to escape from. Not so. Being in a long term relationship right now carries the danger of actually compounding the loneliness of this moment, not for all but certainly for some!
Reply89 RecommendShareFlag
John commented 2 hours ago
J
John
Lancaster PA
2h ago
The author expresses beautifully, but indirectly, a plea for the end of the social pressure to establish long term monogamous relationships. She quite rightly recognizes that monogamy is not ideal for many people. Queer people, particularly men, who were legally excluded from socially sanctioned monogamous relationships (marriage) until quite recently, have long known this and many have built happy long-term relationships without any expectation of sexual fidelity. Sex can have many meanings, but sometimes sex is just sex. What makes this column unusual is that it is a frank admission of this by a heterosexual woman, for whom social pressure to buy in to the marriage-monogamy=happiness equation remains the greatest.
Reply87 RecommendShareFlag
Ruth commented 43 minutes ago
R
Ruth
Denver
41m ago
Times Pick
The pandemic reminds us of that secret we all try to hide. We are animals that live and die. Dignity and morality are not absolutes, especially now.
Reply85 RecommendShare
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41595755) |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 9:30 AM Author: Bateful Pearl Faggot Firefighter
https://www.instagram.com/p/CFEuUVunzJu/
Indeed, who could resist.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41595839) |
 |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 9:42 AM Author: Adulterous doctorate cuckold
I thought this was going to be some high-T tall skinny bitch.
LOL
O
L
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41595904) |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 9:45 AM Author: bossy tanning salon digit ratio
Criteria to be published in NYT:
1. Bipolar/manic
2. Woman/indeterminate mud
3. Hate all things pure in the world such as religion/family
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41595927) |
 |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 1:23 PM Author: Trip mother dingle berry
To be fair, sex sells.
No one wants to read about well-adjusted got families.
Not defending it but their existence is predicated upon publishing smut like this.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41597363) |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 9:56 AM Author: dark floppy house
Of course there’s a link why wouldn’t there be a link
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41596004)
|
Date: December 22nd, 2020 10:03 AM Author: passionate community account senate
classic bumble five
there are so many of these
ruthless sodomy
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41596060) |
 |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 10:29 AM Author: passionate community account senate
Maybe a 4.5, as 4 is more defensible than 6.
with respect, however, I disagree
this chick is thoroughly average in every way
I banged a less annoying version of her in a different east coast city for a few weeks
as 5 as the day is long
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41596232) |
 |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 10:33 AM Author: passionate community account senate
I promise that
(1) you don’t really want to see that
(2) they exist; they are real; they are spectacular
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41596257) |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 10:23 AM Author: buff coffee pot
>>My romantic and sexual value seemed higher then and there than it had ever been anywhere else.
this is classic birdbrain female logic. no, your sexual value isn't high if app guys are lining up to pump and dump you. any girl with a vagina can get pumped and dumped every single night of the week with ease.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41596201) |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 10:33 AM Author: Soggy sweet tailpipe messiness
XO: Lockdowns and frigid shrews suck!
Also XO: How dare this chick turn the NYT's message even one degree away from Lockdowns Uber Alles and say that she wants sex!
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41596258) |
Date: December 22nd, 2020 9:02 PM Author: Maroon Impressive Site Mediation
Gloria Anders
NYC35m ago
Times Pick
It all depends on your attitude. My daughter, age 22, told me she frequently encounters attractive runners when she's out for a run. Often, they duck off-trail and have a quickie. Relieves the stress! Life is too short and youth fades very, very quickly. Live while you're alive!
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4718267&forum_id=2#41600172) |
|
|