Dear The Box,

Seeing your recent flurry of posting reminded me that your one year anniversary on this board came and went with little fanfare, and that your two year anniversary is already within sight; in recognition of that, I wanted to rectify that by writing you a short letter to properly commemorate this occasion and to give us all a chance to reflect on your legacy here so far.

I remember when you began posting on this board as though it were yesterday. Your sweet innocence; your charming naivete; your burning passion for your high school sweetheart; indeed it was a far simpler time, that magical midsummer of 2009. The sun had set on a successful high school career and a bright new day was dawning for one excited freshman enrolled at prestigious Brown University.

...But let's cut the nostalgic horseshit, shall we? Revisionism and rose-tinted glasses tend to go hand in hand, and the truth is that the signs of your madness were manifesting themselves long before you began posting on XO. (You were recruited, after all, from a video chatroom where you were happily streaming a live feed of yourself to all sorts of unwholesome folks on the internet.)

Your innocence was tarnished by your obvious eagerness to trade it in for "worldliness" at the first opportunity; your naivete belied by your discomfiting capacity for soaking up XO memes faster than FBD snorts a line of coke on a Sunday night; and that storybook high school romance was built, after all, on the odd fact that your boyfriend wanted to "get big to protect you."

From what?

(Obviously not from yourself.)

But now we're jumping ahead - it wouldn't do to gloss over your glorious first semester at Brown. You remember: the one where you managed to score a 2.7 GPA at an Ivy notorious for its rampant grade inflation. You remember: the one where you managed to blow your Indian friend in the bathroom before even he, a nerdy shitskin first year at Brown, caught on to the fact that you were so fucking nuts that even a goddamn blumpkin wasn't worth the effort and subsequently reported you to campus security for harrassing him after he refused to let you into his dorm room late one night and you drunkenly pounded on the door for 20 fucking minutes. You remember: the one where you dumped your chump high school boyfriend ("should've hit the pecdeck harder, faggot") and hooked up with a shady older loser on Match.com who gladly obliged your most masochistic tendencies by facefucking you while he chocked you with his belt.

On video.

...Did I mention that he confessed that he "probably" had HPV before he did it?

(We won't talk about the XOer that you met for another blow-bang shortly thereafter.)

But surely you do remember that semester - after all, it was the one where you megaposted your way through six months of insanity, chronicling all of it in real time for a bunch of gawking voyeuristic strangers on a dying law school admissions chatboard.

I honestly felt sorry for you when some sick asshole forwarded it all to your parents, although you can't say I (and many others) didn't warn you.

But so what? People live and people learn; After all, you were young! You were dumb! And at least you weren't "full of cum"!

...How quickly that changed changed your Sophomore year.

I won't even mention the fact that you got throat banged by yet another XOer, then dumped HIM so that you could give your virginity away to YET ANOTHER XOer a week later (while you were still "heartbroken" about your latest failed relationship, of course.) Your codependency was growing like a malignant tumor and your emotional stability was rapidly spinning out of control; the shrinks you visited did nothing, but hey - at least they tried. You began posting crazier and crazier shit online as you became an increasingly schizophrenic presence here - vicious screeds one day, lighthearted jokes the next. And along the way, you became jaded and meanspirited...goodbye shitty innocence, farewell worthless naivete! You were 19 going on 35, and you wore your experience like a badge of honor.

The rest of the story, of course, can be briefly told. Then came the pumo'ing (although you thoughtfully made it abundantly clear who the master behind those puppets was every time.) Then came the thinly veiled cries for help. And when all else failed, then came the shameless suicidethreading. (Bluesmoke called - she wants her schtick back.)

So I reiterate:

Dear The Box,

I hope that you're happy with what your life has become. I hope that you're proud of the decisions that you've made, and I hope that you're at peace with the relationships that you've fostered with the people that you've loved (and lost) along the way.

And above all else, I hope that you sleep soundly when you turn out the lights.

Because there's certainly no going back now, and every night we have to lie in the bed that we've made.

Thanks for the memories!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16161987)

It sounds like u mad cuz she gettin it in wif others while you were wasting time white knighting her.

(no white knight)

(black knighting CEO status confirmed)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162644)

well, i do appreciate it. perhaps unfortunately, i was never caught up in the box's fanclub, and saw her for what she is immediately.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162029)

and it wasn't a box fanclub, I just didn't like bel at all. as of now I think they're both insane.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162037)

i respect your position, sir.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162039)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162050)

lol man this is just a collection of common board common knowledge that I typed up in about 15 minutes.

I don't think I'm the crazy one here, but I do think this whole saga is almost comically ridiculous.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162069)

hadn't seen the recent box threads when i poasted my op

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162079)

and a lot of hard dick LOLZ

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162678)

Yeah man that's why I told her it was a present to her, if she doesn't appreciate it I will be happy to have it taken down.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162070)

I have masturbated feverishly to the half dozen Box pictures I have saved on my hard drive on many cold and lonely nights if that's what you're asking

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162076)

Author: To be fair (Semi-Retired)

To be fair,

Dear The Box,

Seeing your recent flurry of posting reminded me that your one year anniversary on this board came and went with little fanfare, and that your two year anniversary is already within sight; in recognition of that, I wanted to rectify that by writing you a short letter to properly commemorate this occasion and to give us all a chance to reflect on your legacy here so far.

I remember when you began posting on this board as though it were yesterday. Your sweet innocence; your charming naivete; your burning passion for your high school sweetheart; indeed it was a far simpler time, that magical midsummer of 2009. The sun had set on a successful high school career and a bright new day was dawning for one excited freshman enrolled at prestigious Brown University.

...But let's cut the nostalgic horseshit, shall we? Revisionism and rose-tinted glasses tend to go hand in hand, and the truth is that the signs of your madness were manifesting themselves long before you began posting on XO. (You were recruited, after all, from a video chatroom where you were happily streaming a live feed of yourself to all sorts of unwholesome folks on the internet.)

Your innocence was dwarfed by your obvious eagerness to trade it in for "worldliness" at the first opportunity; your naivete by your discomfiting capacity for soaking up XO memes faster than FBD snorts a line of coke on a Sunday night; and that storybook high school romance was built, after all, on the odd fact that your boyfriend was "big enough to protect you."

From what?

(Obviously not from yourself.)

But now we're jumping ahead - it wouldn't do to gloss over your glorious first semester at Brown. You remember: the one where you managed to score a 2.7 GPA at an Ivy notorious for its rampant grade inflation. You remember: the one where you managed to blow your Indian friend in the bathroom before even he, a nerdy shitskin first year at Brown, caught on to the fact that you were so fucking nuts that even a goddamn blumpkin wasn't worth the effort and subsequently reported you to campus security for harrassing him after he refused to let you into his dorm room late one night and you drunkenly pounded on the door for 20 minutes. You remember: the one where you dumped your chump high school boyfriend ("should've hit the pecdeck harder, faggot") and hooked up with a shady older loser on Match.com who gladly obliged your most masochistic tendencies by facefucking you while he chocked you with his belt.

On video.

...Did I mention that he confessed that he "probably" had HPV before he did it?

(We won't talk about the XOer that you met for another blow-bang shortly thereafter.)

But surely you do remember that semester - after all, it was the one where you megaposted your way through six months of insanity, chronicling all of it in real time for a bunch of gawking strangers postingo on a dying law school admissions chatboard.

I honestly felt sorry for you when some sick asshole forwarded it all to your parents, although you can't say I (and many others) didn't warn you.

But so what? People live and people learn; After all, you were young! You were dumb! And at least you weren't "full of cum"!

...How quickly that changed changed your Sophomore year.

I won't even mention the fact that you got throat banged by yet another XOer, then dumped HIM so that you could give your virginity away to YET ANOTHER XOer a week later (while you were still "heartbroken" about your latest failed relationship, of course.) Your codependency was growing like a malignant tumor and your emotional stability was rapidly spinning out of control; the shrinks you visited did nothing, but hey - at least they tried. You began posting crazier and crazier shit online as you became an increasingly schizophrenic presence here - vicious screeds one day, lighthearted jokes the next. And along the way, you became jaded and meanspirited...goodbye shitty innocence, farewell worthless naivete! You were 19 going on 35, and you wore your experience like a badge of honor.

The rest of the story, of course, can be briefly told. Then came the pumo'ing (although you thoughtfully made it abundantly clear who the master behind those puppets was every time.) Then came the thinly veiled cries for help. And when all else failed, then came the suicidethreading.

So I reiterate:

Dear The Box,

I hope that you're happy with what your life has become. I hope that you're proud of the decisions that you've made, and I hope that you're at peace with the relationships that you've fostered with the people that you've loved (and lost) along the way.

And above all else, I hope that you sleep soundly when you turn out the lights.

Because there's certainly no going back now, and every night we have to lie in the bed that we've made.

Thanks for the memories!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162067)

worth reading to the last word...

would read again!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162942)

Xoxohth: Speeding people to their doom since 2004.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162705)

well, this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162073)

Next time let's all tell her to do the opposite of what we're actually thinking.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162187)

HOLY SHIT 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 GOD DAMN

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162473)

Reminds me of the old joke, what did douglas adams say after eating out the box?

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16162710)

also, what's your interest in the box? you follow these threads obsessively.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16163340)

I am a FRIEND of ohnoes and will call the box out when i see her ridiculing him.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16164783)

a creative writing exercise if a cynical revisionist

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16163147)

+1 tldr

+1 catty bitch

+1 confidently stating disputed claims to be true (e.g.: she has ever done anything with an indian? BS has ever made a suicide thread?)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16163095)

inb4 whiteknight. i'm just pedantic

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16163190)

I come back to this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16163336)

GTFO.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16168886)

You're a good poster but you're pretty mentally ill man

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16965021)

-Too $hort

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1436394&forum_id=2#16965108)