(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27684870)

Obv if i wasn't stressed the fuck out about overbilling the shit i would have read the thing like 8 times. Also this was an assignment due ASAP, meaning i got it the night before.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27684932)

azngrlification of monikers is SWEEPING the bort

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27689260)

What did you reply? Did you fix the footnote?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27687807)

The absolute worst part is when I start to internalize this and think that I suck at life because I wrote "fucknuts llc" instead of "fucknuts COMMA llc" on an internal memo three people will read

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27688927)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27689490)

agreement in good face?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27696671)

Sometimes on conference calls, some other in-house atty in another region will start ripping a document apart and my boss pretty much tells the lil dooder to calm the fuck down.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27691362)

Shitlaw dudes wouldnt last a week here. They can't write for shit and they would break down crying after they got back a few redlines from these people.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27687809)

The keyword in this entire paragraph: "she"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27689377)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27692890)

Either you work for a reasonable partner, who is going to see the senior associate as being petty here and not think anything of it or you work for an insane partner, in which case this one thing isn't going to change the fact that you are working for an insane partner.

If you want to not go crazy, you need to let shit roll off of you.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27685001)

Sent from my Iridium

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27685080)

*enters his office*

'What's up?'

"You seem confused."

'What are you talking about?'

"Let me help. You seem confused. That I'm the sort of person to be fucked with."

{laughs, uncomfortably, confusedly}

*You slide a piece of paper across the table to him*

{On the paper are names and addresses--his family home, his wife's place of work, his mother and father's home, his children's schools, most importantly, his dog groomer's business address}

{on the backside is a grid of corresponding photographs}

"Would be a shame if anything happened."

*you get up to exit*

"Thank."

Sent from my Iridium

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27685244)

Sent from my Iridium

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27685307)

burst out laughing at this part, ty

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27686045)

*You're suprised to receive an email five minutes later, marked "Urgent," copying the entire firm*

"Neumann,

Have reviewed the draft threatening note you turned this morning. Some initial comments:

My wife's middle name is "Jaycee," not "Kaycee". Also, we recently moved our youngest daughter to a new daycare facility, but I see that you have lasted the old one here--have you checked to confirm that all of these addresses are accurate and up-to-date? This is a fairly major issue.

Can you find a more flattering picture of my son to use (e.g. without any missing teeth in the simile)?

Thanks.

Dave

--

Sent from my iPhone -- Please excuse any typos."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27689427)

He handed the driver exact fare--tips were for exceeding expectations, not doing your job--and shimmied out of the backseat. As he approached the front door, he failed to notice that none of the usual exterior lights were on; he was too wrapped up in another remembrance of the day. Chuckling to himself, he thought of the exchange with the associate that morning; of the firmwide riposte he'd shot back. HR had called almost immediately: the associate would be escorted out "within the hour"; "of course, additional measures are being considered." Profuse apologies were offered all around.

He was at the door now, still wrapped in his reverie. "Well, that's what happens," he whispered, a self-satisfied smile creeping to lips, "when you mess with the best." He shadowboxed against the night air to emphasize the point.

The physical exertion--he was panting on the porch from the jabs--recalled him to the present. Eyeing the door knob, he fumbled for his keys, found them in the pocket-watch pocket of his vest, shoved them into the lock to enter his "Suburban Castle." And because of the lack of light and because he was tired and because he'd performed this empty ritual a thousand times before, he also failed to notice the four thick red smears running down the panel of the door. This would prove to be an unfortunate oversight.

He walked through the foyer into the kitchen. Mumbling to himself "honey, I'm home"--but only ironically, since he was both witty and modern--he swung open the refrigerator door.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27689873)

I lost it at that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27693224)

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1mH2yTwfmN3

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27715627)

the paycheck-to-paycheck motherfuckers (more common than you'd think) are particularly toxic.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27687788)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27687852)

This has always confounded me

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27688034)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27706922)

I thought OP was bragging about a highly productive day

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27689040)

I lost it. I immediately responded cc' partner "well I don't know what you want me to do. If you know the cite to the case please let me know, because I've read 30 cases so far and nothing on point."

I am about to walk the fuck out

Edit: I prob will be escorted out after that response

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27689070)

"Here are the six different search terms I've used trying to locate a case and I've come up empty. [List them]. [Senior associate's name], I welcome suggestions about what else to try, because I am out of ideas."

Now you've demonstrated what you've done, and basically challenged the senior associate in front of the partner to step up and contribute substantively. And you've done it without having a tantrum.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27689112)

i still think some sort of physical beating is justified

not a tantrum but rather a systematic, carefully calibrated, beating

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27689197)

He was screaming at me about how he didn't care what searches I ran and that I needed to find something no matter what because the motion we were bringing HAD to be made (even though we had no fucking legal basis to bring it).

It was utterly surreal.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27691671)

This doesn't really narrow it down

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27689456)

why not practice a division of labor? hire some proofreaders at $25K to review/format everything on an assembly line basis.

why are people with expensive 'legal educations' and $300K salaries spending all of their time discussing and bitching about comma spacing. it seems insane.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2854641&forum_id=2#27694015)