send birthday card to ex bf?
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: February 28th, 2007 1:06 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
By "ex bf" i mean that I cheated on my bf with him, then cut off contact since he lives across the country and I'm still with my current bf. Wrong or stupid to send a card? He wanted to maintain contact when I stopped talking to him 3-4 months ago.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682847) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:18 AM Author: Lilac Bbw Becky
uh she has a bf even though she likes another dood. and cheated on him...
how is she not a typical whore?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682934) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:18 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
Too complicated to explain here.
Consensus seems to be to leave the other guy alone, so that is what I will do. I've tried to get news of him through mutual friends, but have not been able to :-(
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682936) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:21 AM Author: sable awkward therapy preventive strike
"Too complicated to explain here."
Bullshit!
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682957) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:24 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
I didn't say that I am special. However, this relationship is special to me.
Breaking up with my bf would be incredibly hard since we share pets, possessions, a lease, and I dislike confrontation. Also, it would kill him.
I know that I have neither my emotions nor my life in order.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682979) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:26 AM Author: sable awkward therapy preventive strike
oh no, not the PETS. Nobody in this history of relationships has ever ever ever ever shared PETS.
The other shit is pretty manageable. This is pathetic. Are you in law school?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682990) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:27 AM Author: hairraiser zombie-like lay people who are hurt
Don't even pretend to care about your boyfriend. You think he would be upset if you broke up? How about if he found out you loved another and were sleeping around on him?
Admit it, you don't want to break up because he pays for shit, and you can just sleep around.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682998) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:34 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
He just paid the rent in the first time in 6 months after I threw a big fit, so I guess he pays about 1/6 of the rent.
I am not a liar, though I have certainly omitted to tell him about this.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683038) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:35 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"I am not a liar, though I have certainly omitted to tell him about this."
Semantics. You were completely dishonest.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683046) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:39 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
He is not planning to pay for every month from now on. If I am lucky, I might be able to get him to pay for every other month (which would be fair)
Fuckbuddy is the last word that I would use in this context.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683060) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:42 AM Author: sable awkward therapy preventive strike
"He is not planning to pay for every month from now on."
Did he tell you this? Are you assuming? Or are you making this up?
If I shouldn't call him a "fuckbuddy," then please, tell me what word I should use so as to avoid offending your delicate sensibilities.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683067) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:47 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
Yes, he has specifically indicated that he resents paying the rent.
You may call him whatever you like, but FB seems inaccurate given that we have feelings for each other.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683087) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:48 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"He is not planning to pay for every month from now on. If I am lucky, I might be able to get him to pay for every other month (which would be fair)"
Therefore, you have a financial interest in stringing along the poor bastard who calls himself your bf. If there's a hell you can bet you're going there.
"Fuckbuddy is the last word that I would use in this context."
You fuck him but he's not your bf. Fuckbuddy is as good a term as any.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683092)
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:58 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
Surely you realize this relationship is doomed. Its better for everyone if it happens sooner than later. Especially if you meet another guy or restart communication or worse with the guy you cheated with and he finds out. Seriously, he will likely beat the crap out of you and frankly, most males will think he was right. Just end it now.
There is no way staying with him can be the right decision. Any chance you had of working out ended that night. If you disagree, then tell your bf the truth and let him decide if he wants to continue. 99% chance that he ends it.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683156) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 2:03 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
The other guy would likely not be shocked by any of it. I am not sure what the point would be.
My bf would be very upset, but telling him would not really accomplish anything. I was at fault, but he has not been perfect, either.
It is funny to be in a situation where my one wrong is considered grounds to killself/be beat up/etc. regardless of the circumstances leading up to the incident.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683182) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 2:07 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"I was at fault, but he has not been perfect, either."
Say this to him and he'll probably kill you or beat you into a coma. Don't say that.
"It is funny to be in a situation where my one wrong is considered grounds to killself/be beat up/etc. regardless of the circumstances leading up to the incident."
Its that kind of "wrong." No one cares about your circumstances. All you had to do to avoid being in your position was make one phone call saying it was over. Instead, you betrayed his trust in an unforgivable way.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683195) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 2:14 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
"Say this to him and he'll probably kill you or beat you into a coma. Don't say that." That is very frightening, and likely true. He has grown to be very scary when angry in the past year or two.
I appreciate everything you have had to say here. Though you obviously think that I am a horrible person, you have responded helpfully.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683213) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 2:20 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"Though you obviously think that I am a horrible person, you have responded helpfully."
Honestly, I think if he found out and beat you within an inch of your life he'd be justified. But in reality I think this would be best for no one. The advice I give you is best for both of you.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683235) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:46 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
That is why I said it was a complicated situation. If you want a more detailed explanation, one follows:
I've been with my bf for 5 years. Our relationship was great to start, and maybe I made too many commitments so that now everything in our lives is inextricably connected. He has become controlling, pissy, and never wants to have sex with me. This drove me away from him.
I then went to another state across the country to work for a few months, then we moved to a new location together. While in the other state, I became best friends with this other guy, and then the cheating occurred. I had to leave a day or two later.
Since then, nothing has improved with my bf. He is very mean to me half of the time, apologizes and acts nice the other half of the time. I feel trapped and as a result am missing the other guy.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683084) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:54 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"I've been with my bf for 5 years."
Ugh...
"Our relationship was great to start, and maybe I made too many commitments so that now everything in our lives is inextricably connected."
So time to separate those items. Couples married for 30 years manage to do it. People with kids do it. You can do it too. You have an obligation to do it.
"He has become controlling, pissy, and never wants to have sex with me. This drove me away from him."
So why didn't you just break up with him?
"I then went to another state across the country to work for a few months, then we moved to a new location together. While in the other state, I became best friends with this other guy, and then the cheating occurred. I had to leave a day or two later."
Here's the issue - if you called your bf the night before and said "look, we don't have sex, we don't get along, hence, you and I have no relationship" then no one would have faulted you. Instead, you cheated on your bf and never told him. Now you live with him again, continue to have a relationship which he would certainly not have if he knew the truth. If you have any dignity or self-worth or at least concern for your safety then I suggest you leave now. Seriously, break it to him tomorrow morning, then make sure one of you packs your things and leaves.
"Since then, nothing has improved with my bf. He is very mean to me half of the time, apologizes and acts nice the other half of the time. I feel trapped and as a result am missing the other guy."
This doesn't help your case at all. If you don't get on with your bf then end it. That doesn't excuse cheating in any way, shape, or form.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683136)
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:57 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
I didn't say that it excused it. I am not happy about it, and I do not think that it is right. However, though it is not excusable, I think that this is why it happened. I am frankly shocked to discover that I have the capacity to do this sort of thing.
Your advice seems fairly sound, though. Thanks for your perspective.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683151) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 2:05 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"However"
There are no howevers or buts here. It doesn't matter why you did it. Seriously. I don't care if he was the biggest asshole in the world. No man deserves that. You leave him and then you can do gangbangs, star in porn, slut it up more than Paris Hilton, whatever.
"I am frankly shocked to discover that I have the capacity to do this sort of thing."
Right, and maybe in your next relationship you'll know what not to do, not that you know you are more than capable of doing the worst things imaginable. But this relationship is finished.
"Your advice seems fairly sound, though. Thanks for your perspective."
I'm a guy. All guys will have a somewhat similar perspective on this. I guarantee that this will coincide to your bf's perspective. Just end it, for both your sakes.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683188) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:31 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"Breaking up with my bf would be incredibly hard since we share pets, possessions, a lease, and I dislike confrontation."
Unbelievable. In other words, you're a selfish bitch that found the perfect victim.
"Also, it would kill him."
Secrets are a funny thing - sooner or later they get out. The longer you let this stew, or if God forbid he founds out from someone else, the worse the reaction will be. I'd worry about yourself in that case. Just end it now before something bad happens.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683021) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:15 AM Author: exciting tanning salon
wait, you mean you slept with someone NOT your boyfriend?
Don't send the card.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682917) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:18 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"wait, you mean you slept with someone NOT your boyfriend?"
Credited.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682942) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:18 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
Send the card.
Then kill self with a suicide note to your bf explaining that you're a cheating whore. TY.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682931) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:24 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"The situation is more complicated than you make it sound."
I guarantee you its not. You cheated on your bf. Don't make it worse by pretending that was somehow "not that bad."
"I was definitely wrong, but my actions were precipitated in part by various relationship troubles ranging from being constantly rejected for sex to being treated badly."
Fine, so dump your current bf and go be with someone else.
Does your bf even know?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682975) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 2:00 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"but then I worry that it might be a mistake."
That's your selfish bitchy self talking. Listening to that part of you will lead you to a world of pain sooner or later.
"I do not know how to tell when a relationship is really over."
Let me help you. When you cheat on your bf of 5 years then its over. Frankly, you should have never moved back in with him.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683169) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 1:33 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"It was probably a bad idea"
Probably? You think?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683032) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 2:15 AM Author: exciting tanning salon
that was funny
aim?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683219) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 2:49 AM Author: flatulent passionate market
"I think that it is more complicated for women because we attach more emotional weight to just about everything."
But that's not a real complication. You just think its complicated because your emotions are pushing you towards cheating. In reality its perfectly simple - you want to cheat but don't have enough respect for your bf to end it, you cheat. Then its "complicated" as a justification. That's no good.
"This guy isn't even objectively hot or anything; we just had a very intense connection."
Irrelevant. That's no better than "she was objectively a 7/10 but she was really perky and only 18 so I fucked her."
"I cannot remember feeling that way about someone before. Surprisingly, it was mutual."
Again, that doesn't make it complicated. Then you just dump your bf and get together with him.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683291)
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Date: February 28th, 2007 2:24 AM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
I heard that movie sucked.
No, this was not the situation. It was more that things were bad, we were separated (physically, not relationship wise) and I felt much happier and better generally, I met the other guy and really fell for him, then everything had to end due to the plans that I had already arranged. Then I was confused and did not know what to do, but seem to have ended up back where I started.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683247) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 1:36 AM Author: flatulent passionate market Subject: Just in case she follows imightbeagiant's example:
Date: February 28th, 2007 1:06 AM
Author: quizas
By "ex bf" i mean that I cheated on my bf with him, then cut off contact since he lives across the country and I'm still with my current bf. Wrong or stupid to send a card? He wanted to maintain contact when I stopped talking to him 3-4 months ago.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7682847)
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683051) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 1:37 AM Author: Fantasy-prone gaped regret
Stop flaming her. This is alpha dominating behavior natural in humans. To be complete however, OP must be sired by longdistance fuckbuddy and use her beta boyfriend (and his resources) to raise it.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683055) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 2:01 AM Author: exciting tanning salon
Look, if you like the other guy, dump the one you are with and try to get together with him. This isn't complicated. So your current bf won't take it well. Guess what? He'd take you cheating on him and wanting someone else over him even worse. You're even worse than one of those girls that cheats because she's drunk at a bar one night. You have formed an emotional attachment and slept with another man. Your relationship is OVER.
Be very clear on this: you are not staying with your current boyfriend for him. He would be better off without you. If you stay, it is for your own selfish reasons.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683177) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 2:30 AM Author: Aphrodisiac self-absorbed turdskin corner
The card is really the least of your worries. Everything is a big mess already and you have some bigger decisions to make than whether to send a card.
This is like Britney Spears freaking out about whether to smoke a cigarette right now and acting as though its the biggest life choice she has ever had to make.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683261) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 9:48 AM Author: glittery smoky stage
I was cheated on long ago and now nothing turns me on more than cheating or helping someone cheat. nothing. what a fucked up world i live in.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683680) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 9:56 AM Author: sable awkward therapy preventive strike
1) you will be an excellent lawyer
2) is cheating really that easy? I've never helped anyone do it, but it seemed like more of an option with girls in longer relationships who were getting bored rather than when they were starting off and happy with the person they had.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683703) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 10:06 AM Author: glittery smoky stage
1) ty
2) Its not easy, but you can usually learn who is likely to do it by the circumstances surrounding your meeting. A girl with a BF in another city visiting friends in your city and going out to bars/clubs is 10x more likely to cheat than the one who is flirting at bars/clubs with you but has a BF in the same town. I'm not saying I do it all the time, just that when it happens.. well just imagine the best sex you've had.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683749) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 10:11 AM Author: Rambunctious Sweet Tailpipe Crackhouse
No.
Twat.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683771) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 10:26 AM Author: Rebellious Codepig
Hi saltybabe!
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7683834) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 6:56 PM Author: duck-like beta foreskin field
If this ex-boyfriend had feelings for you, he'd be in a long-distance relationship with you, or at least he would be expressing some degree of feelings for you. If he's not doing any of those things, then he doesn't feel that way about you and you should get over it.
Also dump your current boyfriend. You're not doing him any favors if you're dating him while in love with another man.
With regard to the card, send it if you want. You already like the guy. Don't be surprised if he does nothing or fails to respond, though. I sent a birthday card and burned CD to a male friend that I had feelings for at the time and he never even acknowledged that he received it.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7686717) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 8:39 PM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
He implied that he would have moved to be near me. The only reason we stopped communicating is that I told him that I could not handle our relationship, and that I thought that it was wrong. He also felt guilty, but not enough to want to cut off contact...
It is possible that he would not respond at this point. Sending it would probably be a bad idea, because it might hurt him. I keep telling myself that I would have problems with any relationship, and just have different problems with him.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7687341) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 8:55 PM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
This is probably the credited response. I feel like I have to beat them off with sticks sometimes, though. It's hard NOT to be in a relationship. (Mostly kidding, but not entirely)
If I could handle FB relationships, maybe I would pursue this course of action (not getting into real relationships), but I think that I would get attached.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7687444) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 7:12 PM Author: bistre filthy jap hissy fit
wow Fish really took this personally.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7686784) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 7:12 PM Author: talking indecent pervert
it looks like fish and dracula were pretty hard on the girl in this thread.
i'd say... fuck it, go ahead and send the card. you've already cheated. current relationship is going nowhere, but you feel trapped/obligated. why not see if he's still interested?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7686789) |
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Date: February 28th, 2007 8:53 PM Author: Jet judgmental hominid senate
I still may; I am trying to decide whether it would be worth it to remind him of me (assuming he cares). The last communication we had, he told me that he is there for me if I ever need anything.
E-mailed a mutual friend to reconnoitre.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7687423) |
Date: February 28th, 2007 10:57 PM Author: Shivering Famous Landscape Painting
That you're a whore is already established as is your stupidity. I read through about 80% of the thread and am absolutely surprised that no one had by then pointed out the obvious: the dude you cheated with doesn't want your skank ass and you're delusional if you think otherwise. If he wanted anything to do with you, contact would be have already happened either through normal channels or through the friends you've desperately tapped.
News flash: he knows you're a cheating piece of shit and his only interest was in turning you out. Move on with your life, but at least have the decency to do the right thing with your current boyfriend.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=587418&forum_id=2#7688333) |
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