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Sarged 25 women, still a 25 year old virgin (field report)
| passionate resort | 08/14/11 |
| olive mewling site | 08/14/11 |
| passionate resort | 08/14/11 |
| Infuriating razzmatazz telephone orchestra pit | 08/14/11 |
| Copper territorial field | 08/14/11 |
| lemon charismatic parlor | 08/14/11 |
| nubile godawful organic girlfriend church building | 08/14/11 |
| at-the-ready library | 08/14/11 |
| lavender floppy double fault | 11/29/11 |
| blathering demanding pit depressive | 08/14/11 |
| self-centered gaping hospital | 08/14/11 |
| red aromatic black woman market | 08/14/11 |
| passionate resort | 08/14/11 |
| Boyish bat-shit-crazy native hairy legs | 08/14/11 |
| aquamarine shaky school | 08/14/11 |
| Big Flesh National Reading Party | 08/21/11 |
| Big Flesh National Reading Party | 08/21/11 |
| coiffed dopamine | 08/14/11 |
| twinkling location | 08/14/11 |
| internet-worthy beady-eyed shrine chad | 08/14/11 |
| milky electric corner | 08/14/11 |
| Concupiscible Principal's Office Codepig | 08/14/11 |
| walnut slippery hall | 08/14/11 |
| aquamarine shaky school | 08/14/11 |
| histrionic shimmering toilet seat | 08/14/11 |
| Marvelous Stock Car Macaca | 08/14/11 |
| cheese-eating idea he suggested | 08/14/11 |
| passionate resort | 08/20/11 |
| aquamarine shaky school | 08/20/11 |
| walnut slippery hall | 08/21/11 |
| coiffed dopamine | 08/20/11 |
| Big Flesh National Reading Party | 08/21/11 |
| Diverse hateful pistol | 08/22/11 |
| Diverse hateful pistol | 08/22/11 |
| walnut slippery hall | 08/22/11 |
| Sapphire excitant locus | 08/22/11 |
| aquamarine shaky school | 09/18/11 |
| unhinged box office hissy fit | 10/06/11 |
| Topaz center gaming laptop | 10/06/11 |
| Chrome School Cafeteria Travel Guidebook | 10/06/11 |
| galvanic very tactful degenerate | 10/06/11 |
| Arousing glassy ticket booth dysfunction | 10/06/11 |
| alcoholic theatre | 10/06/11 |
| Burgundy insane idiot | 11/26/11 |
| histrionic shimmering toilet seat | 11/29/11 |
| Offensive new version | 01/06/12 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: August 14th, 2011 2:02 PM Author: passionate resort So last night I made it my personal goal to sarge 25 women. Here's what happened:
WOMAN #1
I said hi to her. She said hi and walked away.
WOMAN #2
She was in a 3-set. I said, "Hey girls, I need a female opinion on something. Do you think a guy who is balding should shave it off or get a toupee?" "OMG, shave it off. Toupees look weird." "What if it was like a really good toupee?" "Are you wearing a toupee?" "No, why would you say something mean like that?" "I don't know, you just randomly talked about toupees. Are you like a toupee salesman?" "No, he's just trying to hit on you." "Whoa, ladies, you're moving this a little fast." "Yeah, like I read about that pickup line in one of those pickup books." "OMG, are you a player? OMG, that is so sleazy. I do not date players." "Chill out. I just wanted to know what you guys thought about toupees." "She just said toupees look weird." "My friend has this good one and it looks just like real hair." "Trust me, your 'friend'" (makes air quotes) "doesn't look good. Maybe you're just dumb." "Wow, what's her problem?" "She thinks you're being sleazy." "So you would prefer a BALD GUY to a TOUPEE GUY?" "Yeah. Like some guys are hot when they're bald." "Yeah, like what was that guy in that movie?" "Bruce Willis?" "OMG, no, Bruce Willis is like my DAD'S AGE." "OK, what if he's just balding? Should he still shave it off?" "I don't know. It depends how much he's balding, you know." "Where do we draw the line?" "Um, we gotta go." "Yeah, gotta go." "Nice talking to you, creepy player dude." "Can you at least tell me where you would draw the line? Can I have your number?"
WOMAN #3
We made eye contact. I counted to five and she looked away.
WOMAN #4 and WOMAN #5
In a 6-set, surrounded by gorgeous babes. I went for a pivot from the second-hottest one, who was my backup plan. In sizing up my approach, I decided it was important to AMOG from the beta chodes standing nearby. I moved one of the guys out of the way, showing alpha dominance. I also decided to approach from a 37-degree angle instead of my usual 45, in order to let the strobe light hit the top portion of my face. I counted the beat to the music, walking in a slightly syncopated off-beat on the rhythm. I stood with my legs flared apart and my hands palm upward, spread apart, a king in my dominion. "Hey guys, so who lies more men or women?" "We've heard that one." "Oh."
WOMAN #6
She was on the dance floor. I danced up close to her and she went to dance with some other dude. Undaunted, I walked off the dance floor, waited until the song was done, and decided to approach another woman (see #7). Later she sat near me. "So hey, how often do you come here?" "Most weekends." "You work in retail?" "Yeah at [clothing store]." "Cool, my SISTER needs some new pants, got any styles you would recommend?" "You buy clothes for your sister?" "Yeah, for like Christmas." "Oh." "Christmas is a long way away, but I am a big planner. All my friends say I should be running a Fortune 500 company because I plan everything so well. You like gum?" "Gum?" "Yeah, you want some gum?" "No, thanks." "You know, chewing gum can help with stinky breath." She nods. "I always keep gum with me. You like Pokemon?" "What?" "You know, gotta catch 'em all?" "What?" "Pokemon." "What?" "They're like animals that you fight with. It's a Japanese cartoon. Gotta catch 'em all." "Oh. Yeah. Pokemon." "I used to have all these Pokemon cards, but I cashed out at the height of craze. My friends say I should be running a hedge fund because I cash out at the height of every craze." "Oh." "You like books?" "Some." "Books are good." "I gotta go find my friends." "Are they lost?" "They just texted me." "Cool, why don't you give me a text sometime and we can hang out?" "Um, let me go find my friends first." I didn't see her after that.
WOMAN #7
"Why aren't you dancing?" "I don't like this song." "I think it's cause you can't dance." "Please leave me alone."
WOMAN #8
"Hey." "Hey." "OK, I need a female opinion on something." "What?" "OK, my friend has been going out with a girl for about three months and they get along really well, they love each other blah blah blah, but her cat hates him. Like whenever he tries to pet it, it will just look at him like he's an idiot and walk off and one time he left his shoes by the door and it pissed on them. What do you think he should do?" "Maybe take it to the vet?" "Wow, you sound like one of those practical down-to-earth girls." "I guess." "My mom warned me about girls like you." "Why?" "I have a free spirit and she didn't want someone who'd kill that." "Huh." "What do you do?" "I'm an accountant." "Jesus Christ, what a boring job." She laughed. "You're boring. You're like the most boring person in the world. Why do you even leave the house, boring person?" She stopped laughing. "I bet people FLEE from you because you have such a boring life." She fled.
WOMAN #9
At this point, I left the dance club and went for a street approach. "Hey there." No response.
WOMAN #10
"Hey there." No response.
WOMAN #11
I jumped in front of her. "Sorry, did I frighten you?" "Yes, you did." "I actually just wanted to talk to you because you have the most incredible--" "I'm having a really bad night, sorry, I'm really sorry."
WOMAN #12
Group of four women. Hot one in a red dress, great rack. "Hey ladies." "You're awesome, man!" "Thanks. Where are you ladies headed?" "You're awesome, man!" "I know. Mind if I join you?" "You're awesome, man!" "So my friend and I had a bet going that--" "You're awesome, man!" "We had a bet--" "You're fucking awesome, man!" "He's awesome!" "Oh look at the little awesome man!" "So our bet--" "AWESOME!" "Ladies--" "FUCKING AWESOME!" "NO, NO, FUCKING AWESOME!" "FUCK THAT'S AWESOME." "Can we just--" "FUCKING AWESOME!" "We had a bet going..."
WOMAN #13
"Hey there, looking for a good time?" "Sure." "Come over here, baby. I got what you want." "Oh shit, are you a prostitute?" "Fuck you, I'M A LADY." "Oh shit, are you a man?"
WOMAN #14
I found a quiet bar where there was maybe one hot girl. "Hey, so what's your name?" "Wanda."
WOMAN #15
Went back on the street. "Hi." No response, but did have eye contact close.
WOMAN #16
I went to another bar. I saw this HB12.4 drinking from a martini glass. Her friend, HB0, was sitting nearby. "Hey there, you have incredible energy." HB12.4 says some gibberish. "What?" More gibberish. "What?" "Russian." "Oh, she's Russian?" "Yes." "So she doesn't speak English." "Only little." "Can you translate?" "I don't know." "Tell her, she is...spratzna, yeah? Is that beautiful...Spratzna? Yeah? OK, have a nice night."
WOMAN #17 and #18
"OK, ladies, I have to ask. How long have you been friends?" "I don't know. Six years." "See, I knew that." "What?" "I could tell just by looking at you. Let me show you how. This is called the best friends test." "OK." "So here's the question...Wait a second. Fuck, I forgot how it works. It's something like what's the best shampoo or...yeah, fuck, never mind."
WOMAN #19
I was standing in line for drinks and bumped into a girl on purpose and said: "Don't touch me." "Sorry." "It's OK. I understand the ladies like to get frisky with me, but I'm not a piece of meat." She laughs. "I'm Friskies catnip." "Huh?" "You know, catnip. Because I said frisky earlier, so it's like a brand of cat food too." "Oh." "You know how puns work? I do lots of puns. I'm like Shakespeare that way...OK, goodbye."
WOMAN #20
"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Matilda?" "Yes."
WOMAN #21
Approached a 4-set with 3 ugly girls and one hot chick. I said to one of the ugly girls, "Hey, so I've had this song stuck in my head all day, like the lyrics go 'Te decet hymnus, Deus, in Sion, et tibi reddetur votum...' you know where that's from?" "I have no idea." "It sounds Latin. Is it Latin? Yeah, I don't know any Latin songs. Sorry."
WOMAN #22
Approached a college-age looking girl as soon as her friends went to the bathroom. "Hey, my friend and I were making fun of some frat boys and we were wondering...is khaki a color or a fabric?" "I think it's a color." "See, I was thinking it's a color, but you never see a khaki car, right?" "I guess not. Maybe Jeeps?" "You drive Jeeps?" "No." "OK, this completely crazy, but I just had this thought. Do you believe in ESP?" "Like..." "Extrasensory perception. The Soviets had a project to mold the minds of US leaders using ESP. Sometimes I wonder if that's why we have all this debt...or maybe the Tea Party." "OK..." "Anyway, pick a number. Don't say it. Just imagine the first one that comes into your head and draw it on your mental blackboard. Got it?" "Yeah." "Is it three?" "No." "What was it?" "My Social Security Number." "You were supposed to pick a number between one and four." "You didn't say that." "OK, let's play a different game. Imagine you see a cube." "OK." "What kind of cube is it?" "It's red." "Where is it?" "Um, it's floating." "How big is it?" "Big." You are thinking of a BIG, RED, FLOATING cube." "Yeah." "OK, now imagine there is a ladder." "OK." "Where is the ladder?" "It's on top of the cube, reaching up the sky." "How many rungs are on the ladder?" "Infinity." "Wow, you're thinking of a LONG ladder PROTRUDING into the SKY?" "Yeah." "OK, now here's where it gets interesting...imagine there are flowers." "OK." "How many flowers do you see?" "A whole field." "You see a SPREADING field of flowers." "Yes." "OK. Now there's a horse. Where is the horse?" "Far off, in the distance." "You're thinking of a faraway horse?" "Yes." "What is the horse doing?" "Eating." "You see it MUNCHING on the GRASS." "Uh-huh. Why are you talking like that?" "Like what" "Like shouting." "I want you to hear the IMPORTANT WORDS." "You don't have to shout. I can hear you." "Your hair smells really good." "Thanks." "OK, now you see a storm. DESCRIBE the storm." "Um, it's like a far away tornado." "Where is it in relation to the horse?" "Coming from behind?" "OK. Based on your answers, I'm guessing you're an energetic girl, a bit on the proud side but lots of fun. You support your friends and family and are always popular. You love children and would love to raise a big family. You're waiting for an ideal lover, someone who will be strong and sweep you off your feet, but you probably meet too many timid, safe "nice" guys. You worry sometimes that your strong emotions can scare them off, because you have so much depth." "Wow, that's actually pretty interesting. How did you figure that out?" "I'll tell you, but let's go somewhere a little quiet." "I can't. My friends." "OK, well I'll call the cab and by the time it gets here, your friends will be back. Don't worry, I'm not going to bite you."
We took a cab to another bar. I got some thigh-to-thigh kino, while I pointed stuff outside to her. We got in the bar and I ordered us a pint of beer each. I told her about "my" theory about what makes a relationship work. She ate it up and told me about her last boyfriend and how he didn't understand that the difference between passion and intimacy. So I told her about my last girlfriend, who was a stripper, and how she would have sex with me all day but we couldn't agree on what TV shows to watch. I kissed her, but she got a text from her friends who wanted to meet up with her again. I forgot to get her number.
WOMAN #23
I was at the bar and a girl sat next to me. "I'll have two vodka tonics." Then I turned to her, held out one, and said, "One for me and one...for me." "Aw, buy me one." "Do a spin first." She spun around. "Hmm...that was an OK spin. Can I get another vodka tonic?...I don't think you earned this one yet. So I'm going to drink it." "Aw, that's not fair." "OK, I'll get two drinks, but I'm going to bet you five dollars I can drink more than you." "It's on."
WOMAN #24
Saw a girl sitting in the bathroom with a dude. Figured it was time to AMOG. "Hey dude, do I know you from somewhere?" "Huh? No." "Yeah, you're the dude who cleans the toilets in my apartment. Fuck man, you're the best toilet cleaner in the world." "You must have me confused--" "So how did you meet this dude? Is he cleaning your toilet?" "I'm her boyfriend." "We're together." "Oh man, are you two fucking yet?" "Dude, that's none of your business." "I'll take that as a no. You need to get on it. You can fix toilets, but can you lay pipe." "Dude, you're drunk." "After I fuck your girlfriend, will you fix my toilet?" "Man, if you weren't drunk, I'd kick your ass right now." "I would use the toilet. Where's the fucking toilet?" "Sir, everything all right in there?" "Fucking toilet."
WOMAN #25
Cooked me breakfast this morning. Thanks, Mom. |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 3:14 PM Author: olive mewling site the most impressive part of all this is ur memory (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18753450) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 3:19 PM Author: passionate resort Most of these were taped using a wristwatch cam. I would post vids, but somebody would ruin it by trying to out me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18753497) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 4:52 PM Author: Infuriating razzmatazz telephone orchestra pit 1 fucking 80 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18754228) |
Date: August 14th, 2011 2:14 PM Author: Copper territorial field 360 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18753069) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 2:19 PM Author: lemon charismatic parlor incredible (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18753097) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 2:20 PM Author: nubile godawful organic girlfriend church building lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18753104) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 2:22 PM Author: at-the-ready library couldn't even make it all the way through because i was laughing so hard
"I moved one of the guys out of the way, showing alpha dominance. I also decided to approach from a 37-degree angle instead of my usual 45, in order to let the strobe light hit the top portion of my face." |
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Date: November 29th, 2011 1:20 AM Author: lavender floppy double fault (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#19462984) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 2:33 PM Author: blathering demanding pit depressive lmao i don't want to know if this is copypasta (sadly there are 2 success stories in here where he just trails off so it probably is) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 3:14 PM Author: self-centered gaping hospital how long did this take you to write you flaming fag?
JK i laughed my ass off, ty |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 3:20 PM Author: red aromatic black woman market wtf is sarge (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18753506) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 3:21 PM Author: passionate resort http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarging_%28Seduction%29 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18753522) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 3:22 PM Author: Boyish bat-shit-crazy native hairy legs (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18753534) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 3:23 PM Author: aquamarine shaky school haven't laughed this hard from a post here since HAHAURFUCKED (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18753542) |
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Date: August 21st, 2011 12:20 AM Author: Big Flesh National Reading Party (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18799655) |
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Date: August 21st, 2011 12:20 AM Author: Big Flesh National Reading Party (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18799658) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 3:34 PM Author: coiffed dopamine 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18753639) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 4:55 PM Author: twinkling location what in god's name (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18754256) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 5:55 PM Author: internet-worthy beady-eyed shrine chad WOMAN #17 and #18
"OK, ladies, I have to ask. How long have you been friends?" "I don't know. Six years." "See, I knew that." "What?" "I could tell just by looking at you. Let me show you how. This is called the best friends test." "OK." "So here's the question...Wait a second. Fuck, I forgot how it works. It's something like what's the best shampoo or...yeah, fuck, never mind."
I can't stop laughing at this one. Brilliant writing. |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 5:57 PM Author: milky electric corner " I also decided to approach from a 37-degree angle instead of my usual 45, in order to let the strobe light hit the top portion of my face."
This was the only good line in the post. |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 6:29 PM Author: Concupiscible Principal's Office Codepig Well played...? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18754917) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 7:25 PM Author: walnut slippery hall bro woman #23 sounds promising (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18755358) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 8:18 PM Author: aquamarine shaky school word, keep going back to that bar. you'll eventually run into her again. re-work some of that magic. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18755953) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 7:48 PM Author: histrionic shimmering toilet seat great post (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18755567) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 8:19 PM Author: Marvelous Stock Car Macaca xo = still producing 180 content after all these urs (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18755963) |
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Date: August 14th, 2011 9:01 PM Author: cheese-eating idea he suggested Had to stop reading several times because I was crying. 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18756345) |
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Date: August 20th, 2011 7:20 PM Author: passionate resort Going out sarging in a half hour again. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18797909) |
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Date: August 20th, 2011 7:28 PM Author: aquamarine shaky school GOOD LUCK BRO! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18797962) |
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Date: August 21st, 2011 12:12 AM Author: walnut slippery hall like this!
Can't wait to hear all about it Bro!
Good Luck!! |
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Date: August 20th, 2011 7:21 PM Author: coiffed dopamine re-180ing for #4 and #5 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18797926) |
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Date: August 22nd, 2011 1:28 AM Author: Diverse hateful pistol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18807235) |
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Date: August 22nd, 2011 1:37 AM Author: Diverse hateful pistol This is literally the greatest thread on XO (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18807289) |
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Date: August 22nd, 2011 9:41 AM Author: walnut slippery hall I know!
So excited to hear field report 2!!! |
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Date: August 22nd, 2011 10:21 AM Author: Sapphire excitant locus where are you copying this from? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#18808203) |
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Date: September 18th, 2011 11:30 AM Author: aquamarine shaky school WOMAN #4 and WOMAN #5
In a 6-set, surrounded by gorgeous babes. I went for a pivot from the second-hottest one, who was my backup plan. In sizing up my approach, I decided it was important to AMOG from the beta chodes standing nearby. I moved one of the guys out of the way, showing alpha dominance. I also decided to approach from a 37-degree angle instead of my usual 45, in order to let the strobe light hit the top portion of my face. I counted the beat to the music, walking in a slightly syncopated off-beat on the rhythm. I stood with my legs flared apart and my hands palm upward, spread apart, a king in my dominion. "Hey guys, so who lies more men or women?" "We've heard that one." "Oh."
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you're doing it wrong http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kaes3feWfXU#t=6m26s
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Date: October 6th, 2011 3:22 AM Author: unhinged box office hissy fit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#19112875) |
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Date: October 6th, 2011 4:03 AM Author: Topaz center gaming laptop jesus christ how long did this take you? i lul'd several times though, nice work (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#19112899) |
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Date: October 6th, 2011 4:11 AM Author: Chrome School Cafeteria Travel Guidebook 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#19112906) |
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Date: October 6th, 2011 4:50 AM Author: galvanic very tactful degenerate amusing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#19112932) |
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Date: October 6th, 2011 5:08 AM Author: Arousing glassy ticket booth dysfunction practice makes perfect. you'll be banging HB10s in no time (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#19112946) |
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Date: October 6th, 2011 8:12 AM Author: alcoholic theatre ty brother. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#19113061) |
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Date: November 26th, 2011 5:51 PM Author: Burgundy insane idiot (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#19444463) |
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Date: November 29th, 2011 2:47 AM Author: histrionic shimmering toilet seat (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#19463184) |
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Date: January 6th, 2012 2:41 PM Author: Offensive new version (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1731993&forum_id=2#19721351) |