i wrote the lonely hunter thread, and here's why
| rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | Fragrant Indecent Box Office Toilet Seat | 01/17/11 | | Fragrant Indecent Box Office Toilet Seat | 01/17/11 | | Alcoholic parlor | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | Maize erotic hospital chad | 01/18/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/18/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | flatulent mind-boggling principal's office sweet tailpipe | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | flatulent mind-boggling principal's office sweet tailpipe | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/18/11 | | flatulent mind-boggling principal's office sweet tailpipe | 01/18/11 | | Impressive Pit | 02/16/11 | | Fragrant Indecent Box Office Toilet Seat | 01/18/11 | | bat-shit-crazy site | 02/25/11 | | Cerebral cumskin | 01/17/11 | | vigorous foreskin electric furnace | 01/18/11 | | Wonderful crawly location | 01/18/11 | | Twinkling church | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | Twinkling church | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | purple sound barrier crackhouse | 01/17/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | Exciting Mauve Nowag | 01/17/11 | | brilliant antidepressant drug shitlib | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/17/11 | | cocky motley boiling water ticket booth | 01/18/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | Twinkling church | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | onyx razzle tanning salon famous landscape painting | 01/17/11 | | Exciting Mauve Nowag | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | Adventurous Lime Rehab | 01/18/11 | | Vengeful Coffee Pot | 01/18/11 | | Heady Multi-billionaire | 01/17/11 | | Boyish Goal In Life | 01/17/11 | | Cerebral cumskin | 01/17/11 | | Free-loading sadistic address | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/17/11 | | dashing up-to-no-good gunner | 01/17/11 | | Fragrant Indecent Box Office Toilet Seat | 01/18/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/17/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/17/11 | | Frozen Round Eye | 01/17/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/17/11 | | glassy forum | 01/18/11 | | bespoke stirring mood scourge upon the earth | 11/10/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/17/11 | | Gay Insecure Locale Sandwich | 01/17/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | Gay Insecure Locale Sandwich | 01/17/11 | | concupiscible range dopamine | 01/17/11 | | bistre learning disabled den haunted graveyard | 01/18/11 | | Exciting Mauve Nowag | 01/17/11 | | Alcoholic parlor | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | soul-stirring cruel-hearted national security agency hairy legs | 01/17/11 | | bat-shit-crazy site | 01/17/11 | | purple sound barrier crackhouse | 01/17/11 | | harsh bawdyhouse nibblets | 01/17/11 | | carnelian lascivious trust fund | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | bat-shit-crazy site | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | Frozen Round Eye | 01/17/11 | | Racy fantasy-prone international law enforcement agency | 01/17/11 | | Boyish Goal In Life | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | Heady Multi-billionaire | 01/17/11 | | Twinkling church | 01/17/11 | | dashing up-to-no-good gunner | 01/17/11 | | concupiscible range dopamine | 01/17/11 | | Excitant chapel | 01/17/11 | | sienna nudist party of the first part whorehouse | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/18/11 | | bistre learning disabled den haunted graveyard | 01/18/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | Fragrant Indecent Box Office Toilet Seat | 01/17/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | Adventurous Lime Rehab | 01/18/11 | | Submissive Corner | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | Submissive Corner | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | big wrinkle | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | Submissive Corner | 01/17/11 | | big wrinkle | 01/17/11 | | marvelous fluffy indirect expression | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | aromatic olive state | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | big wrinkle | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | aromatic olive state | 01/17/11 | | High-end skinny woman | 01/17/11 | | Racy fantasy-prone international law enforcement agency | 01/17/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/17/11 | | Free-loading sadistic address | 01/17/11 | | Comical Incel | 01/17/11 | | High-end skinny woman | 01/18/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/18/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/17/11 | | Cerebral cumskin | 01/17/11 | | bat-shit-crazy site | 01/17/11 | | big wrinkle | 01/17/11 | | flatulent mind-boggling principal's office sweet tailpipe | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | flatulent mind-boggling principal's office sweet tailpipe | 01/17/11 | | big wrinkle | 01/18/11 | | flatulent mind-boggling principal's office sweet tailpipe | 01/18/11 | | Gay Insecure Locale Sandwich | 01/17/11 | | Clear cowardly brunch friendly grandma | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/18/11 | | Gay Insecure Locale Sandwich | 01/18/11 | | glassy forum | 01/18/11 | | appetizing senate hissy fit | 01/17/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/17/11 | | appetizing senate hissy fit | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/18/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/17/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/18/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/18/11 | | aromatic olive state | 01/17/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/17/11 | | appetizing senate hissy fit | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | titillating anal school cafeteria | 01/17/11 | | charismatic fighting main people | 02/16/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | flatulent mind-boggling principal's office sweet tailpipe | 01/18/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/17/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/17/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/17/11 | | dashing up-to-no-good gunner | 01/18/11 | | cyan really tough guy hall | 01/18/11 | | useless puppy | 01/17/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/17/11 | | Comical Incel | 01/18/11 | | aromatic olive state | 01/17/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/18/11 | | hyperactive nubile dog poop | 01/18/11 | | Odious philosopher-king | 01/17/11 | | big wrinkle | 01/17/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/17/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/17/11 | | Odious philosopher-king | 01/18/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/18/11 | | multi-colored area azn | 01/18/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 01/17/11 | | Odious philosopher-king | 01/18/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/18/11 | | Trip Partner Base | 01/18/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/18/11 | | Trip Partner Base | 01/18/11 | | Cerebral cumskin | 01/18/11 | | Clear cowardly brunch friendly grandma | 01/18/11 | | carnelian lascivious trust fund | 01/18/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/18/11 | | Odious philosopher-king | 01/18/11 | | concupiscible range dopamine | 01/18/11 | | Beta Temple Faggot Firefighter | 01/18/11 | | bat-shit-crazy site | 01/18/11 | | High-end skinny woman | 01/17/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 01/18/11 | | High-end skinny woman | 01/18/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 01/18/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/18/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 01/18/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 01/18/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 01/18/11 | | Aphrodisiac Pink Mad-dog Skullcap | 01/18/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 01/18/11 | | Adventurous Lime Rehab | 01/18/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/18/11 | | concupiscible range dopamine | 01/18/11 | | brilliant antidepressant drug shitlib | 01/18/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/18/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/18/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/18/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/18/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/18/11 | | bateful laser beams | 01/18/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/18/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/18/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 01/18/11 | | aromatic olive state | 01/18/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 01/18/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/18/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/18/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/18/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/18/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/18/11 | | bespoke stirring mood scourge upon the earth | 01/18/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 01/18/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/18/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 01/18/11 | | burgundy casino dysfunction | 01/18/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 01/18/11 | | aqua vivacious masturbator fanboi | 01/18/11 | | 180 institution | 01/18/11 | | High-end skinny woman | 01/18/11 | | 180 institution | 01/18/11 | | infuriating home | 01/18/11 | | aqua vivacious masturbator fanboi | 01/18/11 | | provocative psychic | 01/18/11 | | infuriating home | 01/18/11 | | mahogany reading party | 01/18/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/18/11 | | bespoke stirring mood scourge upon the earth | 01/18/11 | | Adventurous Lime Rehab | 01/18/11 | | Vengeful Coffee Pot | 01/18/11 | | Cerebral cumskin | 01/18/11 | | bespoke stirring mood scourge upon the earth | 02/25/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 05/24/11 | | bespoke stirring mood scourge upon the earth | 11/10/11 | | hateful idiot | 11/10/11 | | Clear cowardly brunch friendly grandma | 01/18/11 | | Indigo circlehead | 01/18/11 | | Frozen Round Eye | 01/18/11 | | Confused fat ankles | 01/18/11 | | Drab stage | 01/18/11 | | Drab stage | 01/18/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 01/18/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/18/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 01/18/11 | | cyan really tough guy hall | 01/18/11 | | spruce market new version | 01/18/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/18/11 | | supple jap trailer park | 01/18/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 01/18/11 | | Dead Spot Son Of Senegal | 01/18/11 | | Frozen Round Eye | 01/18/11 | | Heady Multi-billionaire | 01/18/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 01/18/11 | | aromatic olive state | 01/18/11 | | Drab stage | 01/18/11 | | aromatic olive state | 01/18/11 | | Drab stage | 01/18/11 | | aromatic olive state | 01/18/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/18/11 | | concupiscible range dopamine | 01/18/11 | | light stimulating field | 01/18/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/18/11 | | floppy startling ape | 01/18/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/18/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 01/18/11 | | Translucent tattoo station | 01/18/11 | | dun dragon water buffalo | 01/18/11 | | Adventurous Lime Rehab | 01/18/11 | | talented space stain | 01/18/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 01/18/11 | | multi-colored area azn | 01/18/11 | | Razzle-dazzle windowlicker | 01/18/11 | | multi-colored area azn | 01/18/11 | | Razzle-dazzle windowlicker | 01/18/11 | | Doobsian contagious resort | 01/18/11 | | multi-colored area azn | 01/18/11 | | concupiscible range dopamine | 01/18/11 | | glittery nursing home half-breed | 01/18/11 | | Vengeful Coffee Pot | 01/18/11 | | floppy startling ape | 01/18/11 | | aromatic olive state | 01/18/11 | | Soggy Genital Piercing Abode | 01/18/11 | | violent histrionic affirmative action feces | 01/18/11 | | Maize erotic hospital chad | 01/18/11 | | Bearded Business Firm Messiness | 01/18/11 | | Galvanic duck-like coldplay fan | 01/18/11 | | bistre learning disabled den haunted graveyard | 01/18/11 | | glittery nursing home half-breed | 01/18/11 | | Adventurous Lime Rehab | 01/18/11 | | Vengeful Coffee Pot | 01/18/11 | | dull zippy gas station | 01/18/11 | | misanthropic deep house death wish | 01/20/11 | | Electric idiotic step-uncle's house | 01/20/11 | | multi-colored area azn | 02/25/11 | | well-lubricated bat shit crazy parlour | 01/20/11 | | Violent ceo | 02/16/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 02/16/11 | | Vibrant national | 02/25/11 | | bat-shit-crazy site | 02/25/11 | | Talking Headpube Pocket Flask | 02/25/11 | | multi-colored area azn | 02/25/11 | | Vibrant national | 02/25/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 02/25/11 | | Vibrant national | 02/25/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 02/25/11 | | Vibrant national | 02/25/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 02/25/11 | | Swashbuckling unholy stead | 02/25/11 | | bat-shit-crazy site | 02/25/11 | | Swashbuckling unholy stead | 02/25/11 | | light stimulating field | 02/25/11 | | Talking Headpube Pocket Flask | 02/25/11 | | multi-colored area azn | 02/25/11 | | cracking sticky alpha mexican | 02/25/11 | | Talking Headpube Pocket Flask | 02/25/11 | | cracking sticky alpha mexican | 02/25/11 | | Talking Headpube Pocket Flask | 02/25/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 02/25/11 | | Comical Incel | 02/25/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 02/25/11 | | Opaque Point | 02/25/11 | | Talking Headpube Pocket Flask | 02/25/11 | | sienna nudist party of the first part whorehouse | 02/25/11 | | Talking Headpube Pocket Flask | 02/25/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 02/25/11 | | Talking Headpube Pocket Flask | 02/25/11 | | sienna nudist party of the first part whorehouse | 02/25/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 02/25/11 | | Vibrant national | 02/25/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 02/25/11 | | light stimulating field | 02/25/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 02/25/11 | | lavender school | 02/25/11 | | exhilarant misunderstood toaster | 02/25/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 02/25/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 02/25/11 | | Shivering orchestra pit | 02/25/11 | | cracking sticky alpha mexican | 02/25/11 | | glittery nursing home half-breed | 02/25/11 | | Talking Headpube Pocket Flask | 02/25/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 02/25/11 | | Twinkling church | 02/25/11 | | Talking Headpube Pocket Flask | 02/25/11 | | beady-eyed ratface trump supporter | 02/25/11 | | Talking Headpube Pocket Flask | 02/25/11 | | rose laughsome jewess | 11/07/11 | | Clear cowardly brunch friendly grandma | 02/25/11 | | insane maniacal faggotry menage | 02/25/11 | | floppy startling ape | 02/25/11 | | amber theater stage | 02/25/11 | | Comical Incel | 02/25/11 | | razzmatazz university juggernaut | 02/25/11 | | cracking sticky alpha mexican | 02/25/11 | | Garnet curious potus | 02/25/11 | | Spectacular Stage Generalized Bond | 09/09/11 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:15 PM Author: rose laughsome jewess Subject: (plus some miscellaneous attention-whoring)
this thread is not primarily intended to be a vessel for drama, nor is it a plea for attention; it's merely an attempt to get the truth out there. i knew that i was probably going to post this when i posted the trueblood thread, so don't think that this is some attempt to save face.
a few things i feel should be out there, both about lh and about my personal connection to the whole fiasco:
1: the thread was stupid and disrespectful and i shouldn't have posted it.
1.1: i've wanted to post that thread for months.
1.11: i often have very strong urges that i have trouble controlling. it's pretty shitty, because it upsets me to ignore them and it upsets me to carry them out, especially because they are usually things that are hurtful toward others.
1.12: i don't mean to sound like i'm dodging responsibility by blaming my shitty behavior on some hazy notion of mental illness, but (especially given my childhood diagnosis of ocd) the thought has crossed my mind that stronger or different medication might control these urges. you'll see more about these urges later.
1.2: the thread was deliberately incendiary, and i knew that the response would be what it was. it was not a "self pwn". my style in situations like that is to post something that i know will get a certain reaction, but in a way that implies that i don't anticipate it.
1.3: "trueblood" was the only moniker that i used to post in that thread or to post anything today besides this post. the few people that agreed were other people.
2: i generally meant what i said in the thread, despite the sensationalist nature of my wording.
2.1: i think that she made some shitty decisions and that she got off easy. sure, i don't know how much pain she went through in her broken marriage or anything like that, but based on her entitled attitude now, as well as her defensiveness in the thread in which she admitted her unfaithfulness, i do not think that she learned her lesson.
2.2: the intention was not to jeopardize her career (who would get fired for being a slut?) but to embarrass her by putting that information out there in a professional setting. imo she deserves far worse consequences than that.
2.21: i don't know what it is to "deserve" something; that sort of thing isn't within the realm of philosophy that really interests me. i don't think that there's any strict, defensible notion of desert; i'm just speaking my feelings. when i first became angry about her behavior and got the urge to post the thread, the figurative voices telling me to do it were saying, "she deserves it. she deserves to suffer." so... ask them wtf that means.
2.22: however, i would feel guilty taking her punishment into my own hands. i don't know what that says about my subliminal feelings about the matter.
2.3: fml is exactly right about my irrational anger toward lh: "I think box suffered a lot over the last few months, and felt a lot of guilt and self-hatred because of her actions. Seeing LH commit a worse sin of the same sort, and then glibly excuse herself (or at least that's how box sees it), was enraging."
2.31: when she first posted about cheating in two relationships, before i even knew that one of them was in a marriage, i was appalled that someone who committed such a sin was able to go on with her life, complaining constantly about her loneliness and inability to find a man. if you do something like that, imo, you relinquish any right to complain about your love life in the future.
2.32: i was further infuriated by her defense of her actions. no, i don't know the exact situation, but i'm with tmf on this: nothing makes such an action excusable.
3: someone in the thread said that i was mad because i had done the same thing. this is false. i treated twist badly in our relationship, but i didn't cheat.
3.1: we were explicitly not in a relationship and we were explicitly not exclusive. he was going to fuck a different girl just days before. however, were were hopelessly and childishly infatuated with one another. when i told him that i was going to see ohnoes, he was visibly upset, but said that my actions were up to me. i said, "ask me to promise and i will, so you feel less uneasy about it." he refused at first, then later asked me to promise that nothing would happen. i broke a promise to someone i loved and i hurt him - but i DID NOT CHEAT.
3.2: it was only after the event that my behavior became inexcusable, but perhaps it was understandable, given his reaction to the event.
3.21: when i told him what had happened (right after it did), he was incredibly hurt. he immediately practiced self-injury that he later classified as a suicide attempt, and he continued to abuse his body for weeks. he constantly spoke of suicide, and he made a huge lifestyle change that i will not reveal for fear of outing him. he cried daily for a month or two and sent me long e-mails about what a horrible thing i had done and what i needed to change in order to "become a real person". what he went through must have been horrible and i don't pretend that i had it any worse than he did, but i can only speak for myself, and there were four months of torture on my end. it was constant "i'm so sorry, i love you, we can make this work" alternated with, at first, "i want to cut myself open in a dumpster" and later "you are a sociopath and i hate you". the ups and downs further attached me to him - he'd build me up and tear me down - and i don't think i'll ever be completely free of what he did to me.
3.211: because he has posted similarly about MY behavior throughout the destroyed relationship (threats, etc.) i feel that it is my right to share this information.
3.22: in response to his depression, which was a reaction to MY initial mistake (so, yes, this is all my fault - i'm just trying to show you that it was a chain reaction) i too fell into a deep depression. this is where my inexcusable behavior came into play. i also started injuring myself, threatening to hurt or kill myself, and threatening to out him. my harmful urges became obsessive. every time we were almost okay, i would act out and ruin things again. eventually, he stopped loving me. soon after, he started hating me. now, he posts hurtful things about me on here (e.g. "she's a shitty, horrible person"), despite my pleas for him to stop. it may be helping him cope, but i doubt it: i think he just doesn't care enough to tone it down. since he started posting again, i've cried every day in response to the comments he's made about me here. i hadn't cried since december 12th, when i started feeling the effects of my antidepressants.
i hope you understand some of the circumstances that have led to the pain i'm in right now and consequently my aggressive meanness toward someone whose apparent comparative lack of suffering i envy. again, the behavior being understandable does not make it excusable: i know that i've done a lot of things that are plain wrong.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079276) |
 |
Date: January 18th, 2011 9:30 PM Author: Wonderful crawly location
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:15 PM
Author: The Box
Subject: (plus some miscellaneous attention-whoring)
this thread is not primarily intended to be a vessel for drama, nor is it a plea for attention; it's merely an attempt to get the truth out there. i knew that i was probably going to post this when i posted the trueblood thread, so don't think that this is some attempt to save face.
a few things i feel should be out there, both about lh and about my personal connection to the whole fiasco:
1: the thread was stupid and disrespectful and i shouldn't have posted it.
1.1: i've wanted to post that thread for months.
1.11: i often have very strong urges that i have trouble controlling. it's pretty shitty, because it upsets me to ignore them and it upsets me to carry them out, especially because they are usually things that are hurtful toward others.
1.12: i don't mean to sound like i'm dodging responsibility by blaming my shitty behavior on some hazy notion of mental illness, but (especially given my childhood diagnosis of ocd) the thought has crossed my mind that stronger or different medication might control these urges. you'll see more about these urges later.
1.2: the thread was deliberately incendiary, and i knew that the response would be what it was. it was not a "self pwn". my style in situations like that is to post something that i know will get a certain reaction, but in a way that implies that i don't anticipate it.
1.3: "trueblood" was the only moniker that i used to post in that thread or to post anything today besides this post. the few people that agreed were other people.
2: i generally meant what i said in the thread, despite the sensationalist nature of my wording.
2.1: i think that she made some shitty decisions and that she got off easy. sure, i don't know how much pain she went through in her broken marriage or anything like that, but based on her entitled attitude now, as well as her defensiveness in the thread in which she admitted her unfaithfulness, i do not think that she learned her lesson.
2.2: the intention was not to jeopardize her career (who would get fired for being a slut?) but to embarrass her by putting that information out there in a professional setting. imo she deserves far worse consequences than that.
2.21: i don't know what it is to "deserve" something; that sort of thing isn't within the realm of philosophy that really interests me. i don't think that there's any strict, defensible notion of desert; i'm just speaking my feelings. when i first became angry about her behavior and got the urge to post the thread, the figurative voices telling me to do it were saying, "she deserves it. she deserves to suffer." so... ask them wtf that means.
2.22: however, i would feel guilty taking her punishment into my own hands. i don't know what that says about my subliminal feelings about the matter.
2.3: fml is exactly right about my irrational anger toward lh: "I think box suffered a lot over the last few months, and felt a lot of guilt and self-hatred because of her actions. Seeing LH commit a worse sin of the same sort, and then glibly excuse herself (or at least that's how box sees it), was enraging."
2.31: when she first posted about cheating in two relationships, before i even knew that one of them was in a marriage, i was appalled that someone who committed such a sin was able to go on with her life, complaining constantly about her loneliness and inability to find a man. if you do something like that, imo, you relinquish any right to complain about your love life in the future.
2.32: i was further infuriated by her defense of her actions. no, i don't know the exact situation, but i'm with tmf on this: nothing makes such an action excusable.
3: someone in the thread said that i was mad because i had done the same thing. this is false. i treated twist badly in our relationship, but i didn't cheat.
3.1: we were explicitly not in a relationship and we were explicitly not exclusive. he was going to fuck a different girl just days before. however, were were hopelessly and childishly infatuated with one another. when i told him that i was going to see ohnoes, he was visibly upset, but said that my actions were up to me. i said, "ask me to promise and i will, so you feel less uneasy about it." he refused at first, then later asked me to promise that nothing would happen. i broke a promise to someone i loved and i hurt him - but i DID NOT CHEAT.
3.2: it was only after the event that my behavior became inexcusable, but perhaps it was understandable, given his reaction to the event.
3.21: when i told him what had happened (right after it did), he was incredibly hurt. he immediately practiced self-injury that he later classified as a suicide attempt, and he continued to abuse his body for weeks. he constantly spoke of suicide, and he made a huge lifestyle change that i will not reveal for fear of outing him. he cried daily for a month or two and sent me long e-mails about what a horrible thing i had done and what i needed to change in order to "become a real person". what he went through must have been horrible and i don't pretend that i had it any worse than he did, but i can only speak for myself, and there were four months of torture on my end. it was constant "i'm so sorry, i love you, we can make this work" alternated with, at first, "i want to cut myself open in a dumpster" and later "you are a sociopath and i hate you". the ups and downs further attached me to him - he'd build me up and tear me down - and i don't think i'll ever be completely free of what he did to me.
3.211: because he has posted similarly about MY behavior throughout the destroyed relationship (threats, etc.) i feel that it is my right to share this information.
3.22: in response to his depression, which was a reaction to MY initial mistake (so, yes, this is all my fault - i'm just trying to show you that it was a chain reaction) i too fell into a deep depression. this is where my inexcusable behavior came into play. i also started injuring myself, threatening to hurt or kill myself, and threatening to out him. my harmful urges became obsessive. every time we were almost okay, i would act out and ruin things again. eventually, he stopped loving me. soon after, he started hating me. now, he posts hurtful things about me on here (e.g. "she's a shitty, horrible person"), despite my pleas for him to stop. it may be helping him cope, but i doubt it: i think he just doesn't care enough to tone it down. since he started posting again, i've cried every day in response to the comments he's made about me here. i hadn't cried since december 12th, when i started feeling the effects of my antidepressants.
i hope you understand some of the circumstances that have led to the pain i'm in right now and consequently my aggressive meanness toward someone whose apparent comparative lack of suffering i envy. again, the behavior being understandable does not make it excusable: i know that i've done a lot of things that are plain wrong.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079276)
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17086949) |
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:19 PM Author: titillating anal school cafeteria
I would like to perpetuate the norm that posters professional lives should be off-limits to XO retaliation. Obviously I have a lot of self-interest in putting that norm out there, and you have no self-interest in sustaining it (since you're already outed, what do you care).
But I think that most people here would agree with me, and thus found that thread extremely alarming.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079340) |
 |
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:27 PM Author: rose laughsome jewess
it's funny because the e-mail explicitly said "this is not a threat. i would never do this, as i do not wish you harm. i just want you to know what someone could do, as i'm not yet sure that you understand the weight of your mistakes."
someone lacks reading comprehension skills - not shocking.
are you fucking her again? is that why you're being a big bad white knight? hahaha you old, pathetic faggot. pick on people fewer than ten years younger than you.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079451) |
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:28 PM Author: harsh bawdyhouse nibblets
way-t-fucking-l;dr
and this schtick is played out
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079454) |
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:28 PM Author: carnelian lascivious trust fund
thanks in advance for driving all board traffic to this thread for the rest of the night. not like anyone else had shit they wanted to discuss.
Man I hate you self-absorbed posters...even moreso you self absorbed posters who manage to dominate the board with your mindless drivel.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079462) |
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:31 PM Author: titillating anal school cafeteria
Anyway, this thread convinces me that you are beyond a doubt completely insane.
Before, you only were crazy about your exes or boys you liked. That's still kind of crazy, but it's somewhat understandable for a teenage girl to act crazy about those things. But now that you randomly attacked LH like this, it's more than just teen girl drama.
Unless you've also hooked up with LH. She is hot, after all.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079503) |
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:32 PM Author: sienna nudist party of the first part whorehouse
dear box,
i truly think that you are a horrible person. i used to look at you like i did several of my cousins, your age, going to start their undergrad, and i, like many of us on this board worried about you. that being said, having seen what you've done, and worse seeing what you write now, i cannot maintain any respect for you. you are a wicked person.
you've created a story about you and twist and maybe it's fair and maybe it's not, but you constantly insist that it be true. no one person's story of the events will ever be true--it's all perception and agreements and a thousand complicated emotions and you of all people should understand it. maybe cause you take meds you think that there's a true world somewhere out there and you need others to acknowledge that world and refuse to understand that people, sane people, remember things differently. you were in a relationship that was emotional and unstable. there is no longer time for you to seek validation; you need to accept that its over, that you won't be the hero, and move on.
you felt that lh needed punishment? apart from how naive you are, that was highly inappropriate. who are you to judge her actions? and even if you must, most respectable people limit their judgment to this board, and don't try to rely on unstable lurkers to go out and ruin someone's life. what does it matter if she gets "justice"? you are acting like a dumb, spoiled child, and you prove that you're sub-3.0 gpa was earned.
you are growing more an more psychotic, less and less innocent, and quite frankly, and quite frankly, for what it's worth, this anonymous person on the internet has no more respect for you. you need to grow up girl. seek help--not just people who will confirm your warped worldview. you've let yourself focus so much on what you think is justice that you have made yourself miserable, and it's not even pitiable, just maddening.
goodbye box. please consider retiring.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079522) |
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:46 PM Author: flatulent mind-boggling principal's office sweet tailpipe
Reminder: a 20 year old girl wrote the above OP and holds those opinions.
It doesn't take xoxohth.com very long to truly rape the psyche of a person. Tomorrow, maybe we should all take a day off.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079754) |
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:48 PM Author: appetizing senate hissy fit
Box, I'm way older than you but you're already doing one of the worst possible things for any individual, male or female. You are so quick to cast judgment upon others for their shitty behavior and claim it indefensible. HOWEVUH, you have a justification and/or rationalization for all of your own personal shitty behavior.
People in glass houses, etc etc etc. Plus, judging people all the time must be exhausting. You're young. Please take steps to stop this awful awful behavior. When I'm single nothing makes girls more dumpable than this kind of shit.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079783) |
Date: January 18th, 2011 12:02 AM Author: insane maniacal faggotry menage
FYI, Box, you say you agree with me but this was some crazy shit move you pulled and I don't remotely condone it. It is up to her exes to take revenge for being cheated on if they chooses to do so, not you or other psychos from the board.
You want to think she is a shitty person for what she did? Fine, that's perfectly reasonable. But you crossed a major line by emailing her IRL with veiled threats.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17079967) |
 |
Date: January 18th, 2011 12:27 AM Author: rose laughsome jewess
it was mean-spirited, but it was not a threat.
i am not rationalizing. i said in the OP that i shouldn't have done it.
it was not a threat.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17080353) |
Date: January 18th, 2011 12:19 AM Author: infuriating home
i'm sure you don't really care what i think but for everyone's sake please leave and never return. sending "non-threatening" emails as described in this thread is fucking crazy. you don't know what has transpired in peoples lives and while i'm sure some people on this board have done lots of fucked up shit it's not your job to be captain fucking planet and run around righting every wrong. get your life in order, do the right things, live irl, and quit acting like a 19 year old know it all.
i know you'll dismiss me as a not that smart, generally uninteresting, LH white knight, and all that may be true but you have a lot to learning to do. have a little humility. box, despite the fact that you're being crazy, a lot of people here (including myself), who are older, have their shit somewhat together etc. are telling you to stop. quit talking and just listen. i really hope things get better for you but I suspect your actions make this less likely everyday.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17080226)
|
Date: January 18th, 2011 12:50 AM Author: Clear cowardly brunch friendly grandma
Box, it's clear your beef with LH is rooted in your jealousy of the relationship you believe she had with an xoxo poster. Same deal for bel.
The first step to recovery is understanding.
HTH
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17080625) |
Date: January 18th, 2011 2:43 AM Author: rose laughsome jewess
just talked to my mom for a while. among other things, she said that the vigilante justice approach is a shitty one and it's a good thing i learned that lesson. she said that it's like i'm following some distorted version of the golden rule: that instead of treating others kindly because that's how i want to be treated, i'm treating others badly because i was treated badly. i told her that that's just how the world works; people hurt each other because they're hurt. she said that it doesn't have to be like that.
she doesn't think i'm a bad person, and that matters more than anything any of you thinks. she also thinks that the must important thing is that i stay the fuck away from this website, because all it does is hurt me. she's right, of course. hopefully this is the last you guys see of me.
i've apologized to lh via e-mail. i am sorry to anyone else that this upset or scared.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17081672) |
Date: January 18th, 2011 3:05 AM Author: talented space stain
Date: January 17th, 2011 11:15 PM
Author: The Box
Subject: (plus some miscellaneous attention-whoring)
this thread is not primarily intended to be a vessel for drama, nor is it a plea for attention; it's merely an attempt to get the truth out there. i knew that i was probably going to post this when i posted the trueblood thread, so don't think that this is some attempt to save face.
a few things i feel should be out there, both about lh and about my personal connection to the whole fiasco:
1: the thread was stupid and disrespectful and i shouldn't have posted it.
1.1: i've wanted to post that thread for months.
1.11: i often have very strong urges that i have trouble controlling. it's pretty shitty, because it upsets me to ignore them and it upsets me to carry them out, especially because they are usually things that are hurtful toward others.
1.12: i don't mean to sound like i'm dodging responsibility by blaming my shitty behavior on some hazy notion of mental illness, but (especially given my childhood diagnosis of ocd) the thought has crossed my mind that stronger or different medication might control these urges. you'll see more about these urges later.
1.2: the thread was deliberately incendiary, and i knew that the response would be what it was. it was not a "self pwn". my style in situations like that is to post something that i know will get a certain reaction, but in a way that implies that i don't anticipate it.
1.3: "trueblood" was the only moniker that i used to post in that thread or to post anything today besides this post. the few people that agreed were other people.
2: i generally meant what i said in the thread, despite the sensationalist nature of my wording.
2.1: i think that she made some shitty decisions and that she got off easy. sure, i don't know how much pain she went through in her broken marriage or anything like that, but based on her entitled attitude now, as well as her defensiveness in the thread in which she admitted her unfaithfulness, i do not think that she learned her lesson.
2.2: the intention was not to jeopardize her career (who would get fired for being a slut?) but to embarrass her by putting that information out there in a professional setting. imo she deserves far worse consequences than that.
2.21: i don't know what it is to "deserve" something; that sort of thing isn't within the realm of philosophy that really interests me. i don't think that there's any strict, defensible notion of desert; i'm just speaking my feelings. when i first became angry about her behavior and got the urge to post the thread, the figurative voices telling me to do it were saying, "she deserves it. she deserves to suffer." so... ask them wtf that means.
2.22: however, i would feel guilty taking her punishment into my own hands. i don't know what that says about my subliminal feelings about the matter.
2.3: fml is exactly right about my irrational anger toward lh: "I think box suffered a lot over the last few months, and felt a lot of guilt and self-hatred because of her actions. Seeing LH commit a worse sin of the same sort, and then glibly excuse herself (or at least that's how box sees it), was enraging."
2.31: when she first posted about cheating in two relationships, before i even knew that one of them was in a marriage, i was appalled that someone who committed such a sin was able to go on with her life, complaining constantly about her loneliness and inability to find a man. if you do something like that, imo, you relinquish any right to complain about your love life in the future.
2.32: i was further infuriated by her defense of her actions. no, i don't know the exact situation, but i'm with tmf on this: nothing makes such an action excusable.
3: someone in the thread said that i was mad because i had done the same thing. this is false. i treated twist badly in our relationship, but i didn't cheat.
3.1: we were explicitly not in a relationship and we were explicitly not exclusive. he was going to fuck a different girl just days before. however, were were hopelessly and childishly infatuated with one another. when i told him that i was going to see ohnoes, he was visibly upset, but said that my actions were up to me. i said, "ask me to promise and i will, so you feel less uneasy about it." he refused at first, then later asked me to promise that nothing would happen. i broke a promise to someone i loved and i hurt him - but i DID NOT CHEAT.
3.2: it was only after the event that my behavior became inexcusable, but perhaps it was understandable, given his reaction to the event.
3.21: when i told him what had happened (right after it did), he was incredibly hurt. he immediately practiced self-injury that he later classified as a suicide attempt, and he continued to abuse his body for weeks. he constantly spoke of suicide, and he made a huge lifestyle change that i will not reveal for fear of outing him. he cried daily for a month or two and sent me long e-mails about what a horrible thing i had done and what i needed to change in order to "become a real person". what he went through must have been horrible and i don't pretend that i had it any worse than he did, but i can only speak for myself, and there were four months of torture on my end. it was constant "i'm so sorry, i love you, we can make this work" alternated with, at first, "i want to cut myself open in a dumpster" and later "you are a sociopath and i hate you". the ups and downs further attached me to him - he'd build me up and tear me down - and i don't think i'll ever be completely free of what he did to me.
3.211: because he has posted similarly about MY behavior throughout the destroyed relationship (threats, etc.) i feel that it is my right to share this information.
3.22: in response to his depression, which was a reaction to MY initial mistake (so, yes, this is all my fault - i'm just trying to show you that it was a chain reaction) i too fell into a deep depression. this is where my inexcusable behavior came into play. i also started injuring myself, threatening to hurt or kill myself, and threatening to out him. my harmful urges became obsessive. every time we were almost okay, i would act out and ruin things again. eventually, he stopped loving me. soon after, he started hating me. now, he posts hurtful things about me on here (e.g. "she's a shitty, horrible person"), despite my pleas for him to stop. it may be helping him cope, but i doubt it: i think he just doesn't care enough to tone it down. since he started posting again, i've cried every day in response to the comments he's made about me here. i hadn't cried since december 12th, when i started feeling the effects of my antidepressants.
i hope you understand some of the circumstances that have led to the pain i'm in right now and consequently my aggressive meanness toward someone whose apparent comparative lack of suffering i envy. again, the behavior being understandable does not make it excusable: i know that i've done a lot of things that are plain wrong.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17081769)
|
Date: January 18th, 2011 9:47 AM Author: floppy startling ape
damn, apologies to the people i questioned in the other thread. y'all had it right on. i stand pwned.
and for all my soapboxing against fucking with people's lives, i don't think i'll have shit to say when someone decides the box hasn't suffered enough for the shit she's done.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17082212) |
Date: January 18th, 2011 10:54 AM Author: Soggy Genital Piercing Abode
gee who called box being awful and crazy and unstable from the first day star-struck XO justin.tv trolls were welcoming "mel" as the new queen of xo?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17082471)
|
Date: January 18th, 2011 12:13 PM Author: bistre learning disabled den haunted graveyard
The pretzel thing was a bullshit stunt to pull as I stated in that thread.
Box: your behavior is not ok even for this site. fix yourself.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17082868) |
Date: January 20th, 2011 3:02 PM Author: misanthropic deep house death wish
And so The Box ascends to the XO Pantheon of Deranged Stalkers.
Sonic Youth and Mr. Jinx are personally on hand to welcome her into the elite fraternity of internet pyschos.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17100082) |
 |
Date: February 25th, 2011 12:43 PM Author: Vibrant national
tbf...this just isn't fair.
I may be a crazy female sometimes, but she should really be committed.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17369189)
|
Date: February 25th, 2011 11:56 AM Author: cracking sticky alpha mexican
tl;dr version of this???
who the fuck is LH?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1538697&forum_id=2#17368958) |
|
|