Date: August 4th, 2010 10:55 PM Author: Flesh elite nowag
I had been dating the same girl for 7.5 years. We had a trip planned to go to Europe for three weeks. Today would have been our last day in Paris. I was going to take her to the steps of the Sacre-Cauer and ask a random tourist to take a picture of the two of us with Paris in the background. But, I was going to tell the tourist what was going to happen and to keep taking pictures. Then, while the tourist was taking pictures, I was going to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Unfortunately, she broke up with me a month ago because she couldn't wait any longer. Since then she has started seeing other people.
Date: August 4th, 2010 10:59 PM Author: Flesh elite nowag
Her reasons for breaking up basically revolved around three things: 1) I never got to know her friends, and that annoyed her, 2) she didn’t think I would ever marry her and that was a problem for her, and 3) she wanted to "have fun."
Date: August 4th, 2010 11:04 PM Author: Flesh elite nowag
She comes from a very traditional family and her mother would pressure her almost every day into breaking up with me because I hadn’t married her yet. It was a more subtle pressure at first, making little comments here and there, but over time it grew into a concerted effort. Its not that her mom didn’t like me, I got along with her parents very well, its just that women want their daughters married and I guess she sensed I wouldn’t do it. Anyway, this got to my ex and she would talk to me about marriage. I kept firm in my position that our futures were too uncertain. To me, and I mean no offense to anyone else, marriage has always been permanent institution (everyone I know comes from families that have been together for 25 years or more). I felt that if we were to get married, the financial pressures caused by our uncertain futures and gigantic debt loads would crumble us. I just kept telling her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me and how I am fully committed to her, but couldn’t risk the chance of being a 20-something divorcee.
I've been in the girl's position before and eventually dumped the BF for a combination of 2 and 3, although 3 was more like "meet a guy who's just like my BF but is less shy of marriage" than "dating around".
At this point, are you interested in winning her back? There's a decent chance that she still has feelings for you but dumped you because she thought she was wasting her time on someone that would never get her a ring. If you can prove her wrong on that point and do so sooner rather than later (so she doesn't have time to fall for someone else), there's still a good chance you could save this.
Date: August 4th, 2010 11:02 PM Author: Flesh elite nowag
I haven't told her because I thought it would be pathetic and/or pointless. The fact that she just cut me out of her life so completely and with such deliberate speed really showed that she probably wasn't the girl I should marry anyway.
Date: August 4th, 2010 11:13 PM Author: Flesh elite nowag
Background:
We met freshman year of college. We lived on the same hall. I fell in love with her the first day I met her. It took her considerably longer. We dated on and off (more on than off) throughout college. During that time, I never really hung out with her friends because she always told them the bad stuff about our relationship, and they hated me. Plus, none of my friends were friends with them, so we never had an opportunity to get along.
After college, she moved to my city, in part, to be with me. Things were great for about a year. Then, she told me she felt that I wasn’t there for her emotionally, and broke up with me. She started dating a minor league baseball player the following weekend. A month later, she realized he was a tool and came back to me. Of course, I was a dick about it and held it against her for a while, but eventually I got over it. Things were pretty amazing for the next 1.5 years. We went through a lot but got along extraordinarily well.
Then, we both went back to graduate school (but at different schools). The first year was hard. I’m not as book smart as she is, so it took me longer to get through my work and I spent pretty much every weekend in the books. During this time, we were both exceptionally busy and she surrounded herself with new friends from her school that I did not know, and never got to know really well because the insane amount of work I had. Despite the level of work, we managed to have dinner together most nights and spend at least one night a weekend together. Sometime in the fall of that year, I sort of became her de facto live in boyfriend. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any money. In fact, I had -$49k to my name. Because she was going to live in that apartment regardless of my presence, I somehow convinced her to let me get by without paying rent. After a short while she got pissed at me about this, but I managed to placate her by buying my own groceries etc. (not to mention always doing chores and whatnot).
The second year of school was even harder for me than the first. I had to focus on getting published in addition to my normal level of school work, so I somehow had even less time than I did before. She, too, had a lot of work, but she also had much more free time than I did. She spent this time with her friends who I still didn’t really know all that well. Although this was a strain, we were still happy, never fought, always had fun together and never really complained about anything.
Then, this summer, we both got jobs at different places. Her job required her to go out every night with 40 people the same age as her and from some of the best schools around the country. My job required me to work 90 hours a week and never have a waking second to myself. Two weeks into this experience, we basically never saw each other anymore. I would come home at 12:15am most nights from work, miserable, hungry and exhausted. She would come home at 12:30am from bars talking about how much fun she was having. I am a little unclear about what her social life entailed because we never talked about it since we never saw each other, but I assume that since our chosen profession skews heavily toward males, it involved many young guys from rich families and ivy league schools hitting on her and impressing her all over the place (by the way, she is drop dead gorgeous). Well, anyway, even though we barely saw each other, we agreed to go to Europe (a long-held dream of ours), and purchased very expensive plane tickets. Afterward, she refused to lift a finger to help plan the trip, so I had that additional burden on top of everything else. A couple weeks later, she wanted me to go to her hometown over Fourth of July, but I couldn’t go because I had to work all weekend. She told me that was the last straw and told me to move out. I protested, claiming the decision was rash, and she said I had to leave so she could have space. Interpreting this (stupidly or not) as her wanting to spend time with other guys without the threat of being caught, I told her that if she went forward with her decision, it was over. Needless to say, she helped me pack my bags.
I believe a lot of long-term relationships end over something small. Why? Because people who drag things out like this don't even like each other anymore and are waiting for that final "YEAH, WELL FUCK YOU!" moment.