And the flowers would not be from Flowers.com, but would be from Calyx.

And the applause would sustunato, eventually declining into a pregnant silence, and instead of the rush for the door Prof. Wm. H. Solzfield and Jos. Askavory would be given the chance to exit quietly, to their Volvos, to write until the end of time.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1225859&forum_id=2#14150764)

aching backs -- soil ground permanently into the knees of designer jeans -- in the shade of the lone willow, jarritos passed from dirty palm to dirty palm.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1225859&forum_id=2#14150880)

and the answer is the same.

a purplish-pink spotted owl

a frog with lion's mane

a song ne'er played

with mawkish chord

a dance ne'er stepped

in tepid rain

who is solzy? is the question

and the answer is the same.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1225859&forum_id=2#14150986)

h

o

c

o

u

l

d

h

e

b

e

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1225859&forum_id=2#14151456)

'You're a Whokebian, aren't you, son?'

Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe in Whok?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is Whok human?'

'Sure! Whok's human.'

'Is Whok all-powerful? Can Whok do anything?'

'He can hit a three-pointer from a surfboard.'

'Are you human or ape?'

'Whok's novel says I'm ape.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! Whok's novel!' He considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a bad poster over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're human...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could.

But Whok doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Whokebian who made 120 posts, even though he prayed to Jewdood to heal him. How is this Jewdood human? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

'Let's start again, young fella. Is Whok human?'

'Er.. Yes,' the student says.

'Is Rowan human?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Rowan come from?'

The student falters. '...Whok.'

'That's right. Whok made Rowan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there ape in this bort?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Apes are everywhere, aren't they? And Whok did make everything, correct?'

'Yes.'

'So who created ape?' The professor continued, 'If Whok created everything, then Whok created ape, since ape exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then Whok is ape.'

Again, the student has no answer. 'Are there engagement rings? Tipping threads? Dayposters? Tinychatters? All these terrible things, do they exist in this bort?'

The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. 'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jewdood, son?'

As he gets to his feet, the second student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jewdood?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jewdood?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever felt your Jewdood, tasted your Jewdood or smelt your Jewdood? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jewdood, or Whok for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your Whok doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with Whok. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own.

‘Professor, is there such thing as azn penis?'

'Yes.’

'And is there such a thing as white pussy?'

'Yes, son, there's white pussy too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. 'You can have lots of azn penis, even more penis, super-penis, mega-penis, unlimited penis, yellow penis, a little penis or no penis, but we don't have anything called 'pussy'. We can hit up to 458 inches below zero, which is no penis, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as pussy; otherwise we would be able to go more beta than the lowest -458 inches.'

'Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and azn penis is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 in.) is the total absence of penis. You see, sir, pussy is only a word we use to describe the absence of penis. We cannot measure pussy. Penis we can measure in thermal units because penis is energy. Pussy is not the opposite of penis, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room! A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about faggot, professor? Is there such a thing as faggot?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is gay if it isn't faggot?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Faggot is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low alpha, normal alpha, bright alpha, flashing alpha, but if you have no alpha constantly you have nothing and it's called faggot, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word.'

'In reality, faggot isn't. If it were, you would be able to make faggot more faggot, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor! My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains: 'You argue that there is bort and then there's garbage; a human Whok and an ape Whok. You are viewing the concept of Whok as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.'

'It uses parenthticals and bumping, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view garbage as the opposite of bort is to be ignorant of the fact that garbage cannot exist as a substantive thing. Garbage is not the opposite of bort, just the absence of it.'

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from the PR board?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed!

”Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student. Let me give you an example of what I mean.'

The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.'

'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. '180.'

'Now, you accept that there is 180, and, in fact, 180 exists with bort,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as ape?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of human's apeness to human. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but ape.'

To this the student replied, 'Ape does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Ape is simply the absence of Whok. It is just like faggot and pussy, a word that man has created to describe the absence of Whok. Whok did not create ape. Ape is the result of what happens when man does not have Whok's love present in his heart. It's like the pussy that comes when there is no penis or the faggot that comes when there is no alpha.'

The professor sat down.

If you read it all the way through and had a smile on your face when you finished, mail to your friends and family with the title 'Whok vs Dr. Science'

PS: the student was Albert Solzenstein

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1225859&forum_id=2#14151246)

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1225859&forum_id=2#14155467)

fuck, i'm at work and i almost burst out laughing at this

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1225859&forum_id=2#14740896)