Date: February 17th, 2006 10:16 PM
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Dion Alaniz Wants Answers, Professor Hills
On January 27, 2006, a 1L at the University of Michigan Law School sent an email to his Constitutional Law professor, taking the professor to task for being late in grading his Con Law exam. He is a douche. This is his story.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Click here to read the loathsome email in its entirety.
posted by alaniz_vs_hills at 11:47 AM 4 comments
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Dion On...
A quick Googling of Dion's name yields this blog. Whether or not it is the same Dion we don't know. That's up to you to decide (although the blogging Dion was planning to go to law school this year). He posted all of this on the internet, so of course he wouldn't mind us taking a look, right?
The bulk of the blog is made of up crazed diatribes apparently dispatched during various solitary hikes along the Appalachian Trail.
Compared to these gems, the infamous email is about as nutty as a tax return. Based upon the blog, we have concluded that it is very, very likely that Dion will track and kill us. And he'd be successful. So there's that.
What time is it? It's crazy time:
On Elves and Dew (love of):
"I didn't start out here as a naive sap. I had the 2 canonical experiences that harden a young man past his boyish love of elves and dew."
On Cannibalism:
"I think just about everything makes me cry. I indulge myself when i cry. As i'm crying outward I crawl back in on myself to eat the marrow of it - relishing every fatty delicious bite. It makes me sick and ashamed. I try not to think about it too much. Is that me? Am I doing that to myself?"
On defenses to formations of contracts, and iguanas:
"'Fuck you god – I signed that contract under duress!' and I was back out surfing before fully digesting the iguana."
On what it all means:
"Is that the final conclusion of an authentic life? Lying on the floor masturbating with a gun to one's head?"
On LSD:
"My belly button sprouted a sunflower. Sometimes i cry when that happens and look around to see if anyone saw. Often i don't know whether to cry or to fight. Often I can't tell the difference. They seem the same. I like fighting. It makes me want to cry, which makes me angry, and makes me want to fight more."
On getting stronger:
"It was a rough hike over Dugger but as soon as it was done my body felt great about continuing and there was enough light to push on to Terrapin. Damn! My body is getting so strong!"
On getting even fucking stronger than that:
"And each day I feel my body growing stronger! I feel like a monster, a complete brute, a huge twisting mass of muscle that pushes its way wherever it wills to go. I love the flesh!"
On surfing in Mexico several times:
"I went surfing in Mexico several times."
On light bestiality:
"I kissed a pony but haven't told my wife yet. She won't be jealous. She'll just laugh."
On schizophrenia:
"I signed my first register on the A.T. today. I signed it "Crom". Crom will be my trail name on the A.T. He breathed into me the gift of defiance at birth and I'll be damned if I waste it."
On Crom:
"Crom is so smart."
On schizophrenia, II:
"There are many parts of my psyche that fear this because they know it means their possible destruction. They fear what I am doing and with wild panic attempt to abort this mission. But Crom, the beast, the destroyer, the liberator will not let them."
On creating a bullshit reason to rationalize bitching out on a hike, apparently 4 hours after seeing Red Dragon:
"And shortly after passing the shelter I realized there was no need for my hike to continue. My metamorphosis was complete."
On alter-ego's reaction to above-referenced pussing-out on a hike:
"Crom raised no protest. Not a peep. Having observed that the metamorphosis he had been tasked to propel me through had been completed he once again returned to his long slumber."
On application of swidden farming techniques, or, On electroshock therapy:
"I believe I am destroying vast acres of myself. Scorching the earth on wide planes of my mind so that something new can emerge in its place."
On revisionist memory of high school:
"From confused and depressed pre-teen, to dashing high school surfer guy, to brooding collegiate intellectual, to polyester clad night club dancing performance artist...Crom has been there to destroy what was and allow what will become."
On Dasher, on Dancer...:
"In the desert, and the frozen wasteland, I - dion - reemerge as an entity distinct from and in contrast to WORLD. I am a being exposed in naked fragility. But it's *MY* fucking naked fragility! I own it. I make it. I burn it. I destory it. I heal it."
posted by alaniz_vs_hills at 1:09 PM 0 comments
Monday, January 30, 2006
Now go get your shinebox
As I understand it, Dion sent his bratty salvo around noon Friday, and grades were posted shortly afterward (likely due in no part to his tragically misguided missive). Prof. Hills followed up today with a group email describing access to a marked-up exam, as well as his dressing down of Dion. The relevant part:
One final note on professional civility: Although I am sure that this admonition is entirely unnecessary for most of you, I remind you that the rules of professional conduct of every state bar as well as the model rules of the ABA require that "[a] lawyer shall treat with courtesy and respect all persons involved in the legal process." (Michigan Rules of Professional Conduct, Rule 6.5).
This general admonition is generally taken to require that attorneys "treat all other counsel, parties and witnesses in a civil and courteous manner, not only in court, but also in all other written and oral communications" and to "abstain from disparaging personal remarks or acrimony toward other counsel, parties, or witnesses." (Local Rules of the U.S. district court for the Eastern District of Michigan).
I insist that law students follow these standards of courtesy, civility, and respect in and out of my class. In grading exams and, indeed, in teaching the course, I operated under the standing assumption that every student does their best to understand the material, attend class diligently, do the reading, and otherwise generally act in good faith. Therefore, throughout the term, I have endeavored to respond to student questions and requests with professional courtesy and civility, without invective, sarcasm, or imputations of bad faith. While perfection in class attendance, class preparation, exam-taking, etc., is not to be expected, civility and courtesy are always required.
I expect the same standard of professional conduct from you in discussing the examination procedure, grades, or any other topic. I am happy to listen to any disagreements that you might have with my grading procedures: I will not tolerate such disagreements registered with "disparaging personal remarks or acrimony" (to quote the local rules of this federal district).
I said good day!
posted by alaniz_vs_hills at 2:13 PM 4 comments
The Original Email
I'll paste the forward in its entirety, removing some formatting notations for readability.
---------------------
Forwarded Message:
From: dalaniz@umich.edu
Date: Jan 27, 2006 12:13 PM
Subject: Re: [LAW 540 001 F05-Announcement] On being late with your grades
To: rhills@umich.edu
Cc: lawofficial.1LM@umich.edu, lawofficial.1LN@umich.edu,
lawofficial.1LO@umich.edu, lawofficial.1LP@umich.edu, dbaum@umich.edu
Professor Hills,
The morning of Friday has now come and gone. A few questions and requests:
1. When did you begin grading our exams?
2. Was it not foreseeable that by giving a 20 page exam with a 6,000 word limit that you were thereby committing yourself to an extensive grading project that would require you to begin grading the exams before whatever your answer to #1 above is?
3. In our review session before the final you sermonized about the professional responsibilities of an attorney. Because we would hold such weighty responsibilities in our professional careers you said that you would impose similar responsibilities regarding the exam. In particular, you made it clear that you would brook no excuse regarding an exam turned in after the 8 hour time limit. You made it clear that we were responsible for planning ahead and ensuring that the 8 hour time limit would be honored. Do you feel no reciprocal responsibility toward us, your students? A responsibility that extends beyond ex post facto apologies?
4. Please stop saying "I'm so sorry". A) The phrase has lost all meaning from constant repetition throughout the entire semester. B) Few students believe you. C) Fewer students care whether you>subjectively impose upon yourself an appropriate level of guilt.
Sincerely, Dion Alaniz
------------------
Quoting rhills@umich.edu:
[Dear students,]
I am terribly sorry to say that, despite my best efforts, I find myself behind in my grading. I have almost completed grading the exams for Constitutional Law and hope to finish no later than the morning of Friday, 1/27.
I will post the grades with exam ID numbers on the ctools website as soon as I've finished grading -- by Friday, at the latest. I know that prospective employers will want your first term grades asap, and I will make every effort to speed the grading along.
[Professor Hills]
> > This automatic notification message was sent by CTools (
> > https://ctools.umich.edu) from the LAW 540 001 F05 site.
> > You can modify how you receive notifications at My Workspace >
> > Preferences.
>
> ----- End forwarded message -----
posted by alaniz_vs_hills at 10:01 AM 2 comments
The morning of friday has now come and gone!
On January 27, 2006, a 1L at the University of Michigan School of Law named Dion Alaniz sent an appalling email to his Constitutional Law professor (and others), taking the professor to task for being late in grading his Con Law exam. Thanks to the power of email forwarding, Dion's email made it out of the U. Mich campus and quickly spread across the Internet as all awful things these days must do.
While there's certainly something unsavory and probably misogynistic about the term, there's really never been a better fit for it: Dion Alaniz is a fucking douche.
Dion will be a minor internet footnote at best in a week or two, the latest funny email forward spawning millions of "who is this guy?" responses. But there's a lesson to be learned from Dion's douchebaggery - an important lesson.
What's truly scary about this is that Dion is not an aberration. While he may be an extreme example, there are thousands of douched-out gunner nutbag assholes just like him infesting law schools across the country.
In a disturbing example of personality-Darwinism, douchebaggery thrives at law schools across this country because more often than not, douchebags like Dion survive and become employed. Some of these douchebags then get involved in their law firms' hiring programs, and are prone to recommend the hiring of douchebags following in their douche-y trail. This has to be stopped.
Dion Alaniz can't be un-douched. But others can.
posted by alaniz_vs_hills at 10:00 AM 1 comments
About Me
Name:alaniz_vs_hills
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