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Can't tell if this lib article is flame (liking tits is sexist)
Poast new message in this thread
Date: April 6th, 2015 3:23 AM Author: Odious parlor So You’re a ‘Breasts Man’? Here Are 3 Reasons That Could Be Sexist
April 5, 2015 by Jenika McCrayer
We recently received a letter from a reader asking how she should approach her husband about some problematic comments he makes about breasts.
While her husband is an advocate for gender equality, she feels the things he says about breasts are objectifying and sexist. She goes on to say:
"But I don’t know how to explain [how this is objectifying] to him well so that he understands. On the other hand, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s okay for him to admire/be attracted to a particular body part. Is fetishising a body part okay?"
This is a sticky subject to broach with men, especially those who feel that they actively advocate for gender equality and aid us in dismantling the patriarchy.
I get it.
Most men want to be supportive and appreciative of women, not to deny us respect and equal rights.
But we all operate under a patriarchal system in which we’re taught to believe that the female body exists solely for a man’s sexual pleasure and entertainment. This sexist and dehumanizing mentality is reproduced daily in things that people deem normal or trivial...
1. It Dangerously Conflates Attraction and Fetishization
Attraction is when a person likes how a physical characteristic or trait enhances a person’s overall unique beauty.
Fetishization is when that person just likes one specific thing and reduces people to that thing.
An example of this would be when men refer to themselves as T or A men.
If that’s the primary criteria of their attraction, they’re essentially saying they would turn away a great, charismatic woman just because she may have tits or an ass that don’t live up to some socially conditioned standard.
Alternatively, they would solely date a person based on how they look – and that, my friends, is the epitome of fetishization.
As a breast owner, I can understand the fascination with them. They’re amazing – I get that.
But breasts are not solely for aesthetic or sexual purposes. They have a function. And there are painful consequences to fetishizing body parts associated with womanhood.
For one thing, it’s cisnormative to equate breasts with femininity and womanhood. Not everyone who has breasts is a woman, and not all women have breasts.
Defining people by their body parts prioritizes your perspective of their body over their definition of self – which is exactly what’s happening when men are more focused on sexually or aesthetically appreciating breast than the freedom, agency, respect, privacy, needs, autonomy, and wellbeing of the person who possesses them. 2. Fetishization Leads to Objectification and Dehumanization
Boobs are great, but forgetting there is a person behind those fleshy bits is not.
Reducing people to their anatomy creates this space that some if not most of us exist outside of because we don’t fit into the male gaze’s narrow categories of what it means to be attractive or a woman.
This dynamic further marginalizes an already marginalized group of people, which is not something I’d imagine a self-identified advocate for gender equality would want to do.
Sadly, women and those perceived as women are still being commodified, picked apart, and scrutinized by body parts.
And most of us are so accustomed to being told that our bodies must always be accessible to the sexualized viewing pleasure of men that, like in the case of our reader, we second guess and question the validity of our own discomfort when faced with this type of objectification.
It seems like normal behavior for men to “appreciate” “women’s bodies,” but not for its functional purposes. Consequently, women are given very conflicting messages about their parts.
We’re told to “save the tatas” afflicted by breast cancer, but not the living, breathing person attached to them.
We are bombarded with scantily clad women in media showing everything but areolas to sell lingerie, cheeseburgers, and washing machines, but mothers are expected to cover their nursing children with blankets or feed them in the bathroom them so they won’t make other people uncomfortable.
Young girls are told that how they look and how sexually accessible they are to men are more important than their education when they are repeatedly being sent home from school for daring to wear shorts and tank tops (read: weather appropriate clothes) because their bodies are “distracting” to boys.
Women are taught to be shameful of every stray hair, stretch mark, blemish, cellulite, freckle and embarrassed of their arm fat, flat butt, wide butt, itty bitty titties that need extra padding in our push-up bras or big-ass titties that fall out of every flimsy top and need to be covered up immediately because patriarchy dictates how female bodies are viewed, what they are best for, and how they best serve men. 3. Your Comments Make Others (Like Your Partner) Uncomfortable
This is where I forget I’m writing this for a mass audience, smack my forehead, and think, “Come on, bro.”
If you only take one thing away from this piece it should be this: If what you do makes another person, especially an intimate partner, uncomfortable, you should stop.
No, this is not up for debate. That is more than enough reason for the husband to reevaluate his actions...
But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are alternatives and solutions that wont conflict with your feminist values!
For example, you can do what a friend of mine does and first ask permission to comment on someone’s appearance before actually commenting. (“Hey, can I comment on your sweater?” “Um…yes?” “I love your sweater!”)
This was awkward at first, but I’ve grown to appreciate my friend’s willingness to respect other people’s boundaries and make an effort to give others full autonomy over messages received about their appearance.
While some of you think this route is unnecessarily extreme, it’s important to realize that some comments are neither desired nor warranted. People, especially women, are not always open and receptive to comments about their body, nor should they be.
here are some suggestions to help you discuss why objectifying statements and behaviors are harmful with your partner/s (and others): 1. Speak up immediately after the objectifying comment or behavior happens.
One of the main reasons people exhibit problematic or objective behavior is that they’re not aware that it’s harmful. So don’t be afraid to confront your partner, or anyone else, about the problematic things they say or do...
The person being confronted should respect you enough to adjust their behavior. And if they’re truly an ally, they should be actively working toward a better understanding of the marginalization that people face – even if it’s something as seemingly trivial as being really into boobs. 2. Explain why objectifying comments are problematic.
The reader mentioned in her question that she didn’t feel well equipped to call out their husband about his comments on breasts, and that’s perfectly fine. You don’t have to be well-versed in feminist theory to confront someone on behavior that makes you uncomfortable.
Allies should be willing to educate themselves on issues as well; marginalized people are not walking encyclopedias of oppression for people to demand information from.
Marginalized people are not obligated to educate another person on any subject (especially when Google exists!), but if you feel generous enough to provide them with basic knowledge and point them in the right direction, by all means, do so. 3. Keep the conversation ongoing and open-ended.
It’s an ongoing struggle for privileged people, marginalized people, and allies alike to unlearn harmful behavior symptomatic of the patriarchy.
People make mistakes. Don’t expect the other person to immediately stop saying or doing harmful things after correcting them the first time. Both parties must be open to dialogue as well.
http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/04/breasts-man/ |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:33 PM Author: Saffron Sanctuary Old Irish Cottage "But we all operate under a patriarchal system in which we’re taught to believe that the female body exists solely for a man’s sexual pleasure and entertainment"
No. No we don't. |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:34 PM Author: honey-headed base pozpig how can people even write things like this? who was ever "taught" this? how were they taught it? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632854) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:36 PM Author: Odious parlor college, freshman year seminar "Genealogies of Oppression," sat in a circle a lot and talked about how mean men have been to them. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632878) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:39 PM Author: Chrome Stubborn University (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632901) |
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Date: June 14th, 2015 12:04 PM Author: Abusive Area This. US colleges are now 4 year cultural Marxism reeducation camps. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#28116012) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:38 PM Author: Saffron Sanctuary Old Irish Cottage People seem to have a hard time distinguishing between "women have physical characteristics" and "women are only objects without any non-physical characteristics" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632893) |
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Date: April 14th, 2015 9:39 AM Author: Histrionic Pea-brained Kitchen think of all the men on here who get angry that women are fat or otherwise sexually unappealing. i don't see how you can ignore the existence of a certain entitlement (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27688174) |
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Date: June 14th, 2015 4:40 AM Author: up-to-no-good fragrant party of the first part (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#28115097) |
Date: April 6th, 2015 3:26 AM Author: honey-headed base pozpig lol. looool. loooooooool. loooooooooooooooool. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27629893) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:28 AM Author: soul-stirring bat-shit-crazy stead friendly grandma jesus christ save us:
If you only take one thing away from this piece it should be this: If what you do makes another person, especially an intimate partner, uncomfortable, you should stop.
No, this is not up for debate. That is more than enough reason for the husband to reevaluate his actions...
But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are alternatives and solutions that wont conflict with your feminist values!
For example, you can do what a friend of mine does and first ask permission to comment on someone’s appearance before actually commenting. (“Hey, can I comment on your sweater?” “Um…yes?” “I love your sweater!”) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:29 AM Author: honey-headed base pozpig No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. No, this is not up for debate. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27629897) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:43 AM Author: soul-stirring bat-shit-crazy stead friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27629920) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 4:13 PM Author: comical water buffalo shitlibs are stalinists. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633184) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:30 PM Author: laughsome institution fortuitous meteor Hey, can I comment on your poast? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632815) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:31 PM Author: metal hell crotch um..yes? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632830) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:35 PM Author: laughsome institution fortuitous meteor I like your poast! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632867) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:38 PM Author: Odious parlor *sighs*
that's very othering to posts that you didn't complement. by blank-bumping and acclaiming some posts, you imply that the unbumped posts are not worthy of inclusion into the praise-space. |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:39 PM Author: Saffron Sanctuary Old Irish Cottage Hey, can I comment on your most recent post?
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:44 PM Author: Odious parlor yes, but please include this tag at the end of your post to identify yourself as an ally:
[FUCK RFRA FUCK INDIANA FUCK THE GOP AND IF YOU DISAGREE THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!]
there we are. |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:46 PM Author: Saffron Sanctuary Old Irish Cottage Thanks.
Fuck your post and your demand to co-opt my speech!
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:48 PM Author: Odious parlor *summarily bans you from my twitter feed of insane ramblings and inane natterings*
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:46 PM Author: laughsome institution fortuitous meteor Hey, can I comment on your most recent poast? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632967) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 4:00 PM Author: avocado lascivious principal's office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633100) |
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Date: April 14th, 2015 10:57 PM Author: Multi-colored Unhinged Casino Messiness Lmao (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27693325) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:29 AM Author: Thriller locale Of course the other articles at the top are on cultural appropriation, manspreading, and white privilege. uh, tumblr called, they want their site back (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27629896) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:39 AM Author: Primrose digit ratio laser beams It's okay guys, the author *gets it* (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27629913) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:40 AM Author: soul-stirring bat-shit-crazy stead friendly grandma thank god i'm old and my wife was never infected with this nonsense (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27629919) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:35 PM Author: Chrome Stubborn University (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632864) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:44 AM Author: internet-worthy yarmulke NEWSFLASH: No one actually cares about this bullshit outside of a small echo chamber (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27629923) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:47 AM Author: Odious parlor columbia mattress girl was at the state of the fucking union this year bro. explain. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27629928) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:56 PM Author: ultramarine mood associate lol, Emma Sulkowicz
https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Emma_Sulkowicz |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:47 AM Author: Primrose digit ratio laser beams (guy with no friends under the age of 40) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27629930) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:38 PM Author: Carnelian Blathering Locus Hunting Ground lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632890) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 4:14 PM Author: comical water buffalo xo shitlibs keep posting this and it keeps being not true (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633193) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:29 PM Author: Odious parlor (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632803) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:30 PM Author: tripping telephone but wanting to stick your dick in another man's ass is totally natural (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632811) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 5:25 PM Author: provocative tank (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633829) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 5:51 PM Author: Nudist lay really tough guy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27634014) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:39 PM Author: Cerise Orchestra Pit Community Account THIS IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE
(two paragraphs later)
KEEP THE CONVERSATION OPEN :)
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:39 PM Author: Saffron Sanctuary Old Irish Cottage lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632906) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 5:38 PM Author: White Disrespectful Hall (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633923) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:40 PM Author: Cheese-eating corner background story (pumo browsing everydayfeminism.com) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27632909) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:48 PM Author: light partner theater stage *some1 somewhere on the internet says something dumb* *xo goes apeshit* |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:49 PM Author: Odious parlor http://notednews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/emma21n-9-web1.jpg (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633005) |
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Date: April 14th, 2015 9:36 AM Author: light partner theater stage fair (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27688150) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:50 PM Author: Overrated red coldplay fan new version excuse me, XO posters are SCHOLARS of crazy fringe lib movements, and this thread is groundbreaking research. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633010) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:50 PM Author: Carnelian Blathering Locus Hunting Ground titcr. we are literally experts in this subject (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633023) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 5:26 PM Author: provocative tank not flame i truly think we are (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633842) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:51 PM Author: Cerise Orchestra Pit Community Account Cr, newpoasters fucking with my daily librage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633029) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:52 PM Author: abnormal mental disorder business firm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633035) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 5:58 PM Author: Magical cobalt location (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27634087) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:55 PM Author: Cordovan Mad-dog Skullcap bc remember, the crazy lib fringes of today r the mainstream dem talking points of 5 years from now (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633058) |
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Date: April 14th, 2015 9:37 AM Author: light partner theater stage crazy lib fringes in academia become mainstream not some shit website (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27688162) |
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Date: June 14th, 2015 12:17 PM Author: Cordovan Mad-dog Skullcap brother from whom do u think these ppl learn the frameworks in which they view the world that prompts them to come up w this batshit drivel (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#28116072) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:52 PM Author: ultramarine mood associate tl;dr translation: Jenika McCrayer has no tits (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633036) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:54 PM Author: Cordovan Mad-dog Skullcap lol libs (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633051) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 3:57 PM Author: Glassy ticket booth Next month's article:
Why Doesn't My Husband Compliment Me?
Subtitle: How your "ally" husband may be crushing your self esteem, and why that is NOT okay. |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 4:00 PM Author: honey-headed base pozpig (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633103) |
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Date: April 6th, 2015 4:13 PM Author: Overrated red coldplay fan new version (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27633190) |
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Date: April 14th, 2015 9:43 AM Author: marvelous out-of-control roommate elastic band It shakes the titties. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#27688193) |
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Date: June 14th, 2015 12:32 PM Author: Submissive plaza kitty cat "Looking back over the past years of Germany’s decline, we come to the frightening, nearly terrifying, conclusion that the less German men were willing to act as men in public life, the more women succumbed to the temptation to fill the role of the man. The feminisation of men always leads to the masculinisation of women. An age in which all great idea of virtue, of steadfastness, of hardness, and determination have been forgotten should not be surprised that the man gradually loses his leading role in life and politics and government to the woman." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#28116155) |
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Date: June 14th, 2015 12:36 PM Author: Mustard Infuriating Gas Station Organic Girlfriend same website: http://everydayfeminism.com/everyday-self-love/ (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2848071&forum_id=2#28116173) |
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Date: June 14th, 2015 12:48 PM Author: Cordovan Mad-dog Skullcap "In our society filled with ‘isms’, we’re bombarded with the message that we are not good enough, not important enough, not competent enough, or not lovable enough." lol @ this pseudo-religious new age snake oil's attempt to fill the spiritual and communal void that's been inflicted upon the modern human by our ttt society... and all for 3 easy payment of 29.95! , he lisped while sitting alone in his office at 1245 on a sunday |