Author: Evan39 (Juris Doctor. Former Safeway Elite. Current $hell)

Walked into Safeway this morning and almond milk was $5.29. FIVE. TWO. NINE.

I looked at the tag like it had personally insulted me.

The prole behind me said, “Inflation, man,” and chuckled.

I almost cried.

Later, a BBW with a leopard print bonnet and a Bluetooth earpiece slammed two rotisserie chickens into her cart and screamed at her phone:

“No, BITCH, you tell Ricky to buy his OWN wings!! I got SNAP not MIRACLES!”

My hands were shaking. I hadn’t even made it past the hummus case.

No one even blinked. Just another day in hell.

Then Chad—protein bars in hand, veins pulsating through his Lululemon hoodie—throws his cart because the "gains mix" went up two dollars.

He yells “They’re robbing us!” before storming out in a cloud of Ghost preworkout.

Security didn’t follow. I think they agreed.

I made it to the break room.

Tabitha was already there, breathing like a dying fax machine, dipping taquitos into Alfredo sauce from a Big Gulp cup.

She looked at me and said, “You think prices are bad now? Just wait, white boy.”

I nodded.

Sat down.

And quietly shredded my Club Card status sheet.

Because yes, friend. I am Judgment. But even Judgment kneels before the Mahchine™.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719992&forum_id=2#48901279)