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Worst thing you've done at work?

Anyone do anything crazy at work or would be fired if found ...
self-centered pale trailer park
  10/12/09
You're a greedy Jewish prick and none of the shit here is &q...
boyish learning disabled karate multi-billionaire
  10/12/09
I admitted they are a bit tame but 95% of Ibankers do this k...
self-centered pale trailer park
  10/12/09
How is it possible to lie on your taxes like that? Doesn't ...
domesticated carmine fat ankles shrine
  10/12/09
Join an ibank and u'll see. there are ways bro, just not gon...
self-centered pale trailer park
  10/12/09
I worked at an IBank for two years. If there was a way no o...
domesticated carmine fat ankles shrine
  10/13/09
you'd have to get pretty creative with your expenses... but ...
green arousing center sneaky criminal
  10/13/09
Nothing. For hours, adding up to weeks
ivory soggy business firm
  10/12/09
cr. Never doing that again. Not having work + getting paid =...
Deranged Masturbator Home
  10/12/09
I once took a shit in the managing partner's desk drawer
green arousing center sneaky criminal
  10/12/09
Serious responses only.
self-centered pale trailer park
  10/12/09
no, I seriously did it. I was drunk after some friday happyh...
green arousing center sneaky criminal
  10/12/09
Wow. Isn't there some high-tech FBI way they can draw stool ...
self-centered pale trailer park
  10/12/09
there was a Sunny episode that dealt with this topic
poppy soul-stirring location associate
  10/12/09
it totally happened also...
dead charcoal genital piercing hairy legs
  10/12/09
The best part was that Monday evening, as I sat in my office...
green arousing center sneaky criminal
  10/12/09
lol
lavender excitant pistol
  10/12/09
180
House-broken Trust Fund Chapel
  10/12/09
180
Stimulating cobalt temple
  10/12/09
Instant all-time classic work here. A well earned 180.
Unholy insecure whorehouse police squad
  10/13/09
180
Territorial snowy principal's office jewess
  10/14/09
1
Stimulating cobalt temple
  10/12/09
8
Stimulating cobalt temple
  10/12/09
0
Stimulating cobalt temple
  10/12/09
Posted on XOXO.
drab cuck senate
  10/12/09
credited
green arousing center sneaky criminal
  10/12/09
I appreciate that no one is really answering this question.
milky bat shit crazy brunch
  10/12/09
I'm thinking most people that post here don't have jobs.
self-centered pale trailer park
  10/12/09
180
milky bat shit crazy brunch
  10/12/09
Had a rap battle with consultants.
buff angry mediation library
  10/12/09
My girlfriend came to work one day and i met her in the lobb...
tripping concupiscible public bath
  10/12/09
worked
outnumbered hairraiser set crotch
  10/12/09
Had sex with my fuck buddy in the bathroom after people had ...
naked avocado stead
  10/12/09
got a bj while sitting in my chair, then bent the girl over ...
razzmatazz free-loading blood rage lodge
  10/12/09
describe this office layout
green arousing center sneaky criminal
  10/12/09
L-shaped desk, walls lined with bookcases and windows. girl ...
razzmatazz free-loading blood rage lodge
  10/12/09
I think its fair to assume I can't post that here.
Wonderful purple meetinghouse pocket flask
  10/12/09
Italicized a comma in a citation. I almost got totally pwne...
amber glittery national security agency
  10/12/09
I TOOK A SHIT IN THE COFFEE POT WHILE IT WAS FULL OF COFFEE ...
bistre ticket booth circlehead
  10/12/09
regularly padded hours about 10-20% i'm really efficient so...
vermilion hunting ground
  10/13/09
btw- we all do this
green arousing center sneaky criminal
  10/13/09
are there people that dont do this?
maroon field
  10/13/09
I jerked off into the lounge freezer. Just right into it.
cerebral slimy piazza
  10/13/09
still there?
green arousing center sneaky criminal
  10/13/09
probably.
cerebral slimy piazza
  10/13/09
This cracked me up.
Clear odious pisswyrm azn
  10/13/09
...
green arousing center sneaky criminal
  10/14/09


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:22 PM
Author: self-centered pale trailer park

Anyone do anything crazy at work or would be fired if found out?

I've been pretty tame so far due to all the safeguards already in place. For example I can't go to porn sites or anything and some IT back office indian guy is on my screen at all times making sure I'm not doing inappropriate shit. Once he sent me a communicator message saying "Sir, I was wondering the relevance of the current program to your work." I uninstalled world of warcraft after that incident.

However, one time we had to go on a roadshow to cleveland. I had some friends there so in the downtime they took me to a strip club. We got bottle service and food and a room and I paid for all of it thinking I can get the company to expense it. The strip club shows up as "Brook brothers" or something so I listed it as a dinner. I didn't want to explain it to my VP so I just forged his signature and told HR it was good.

Also, even if I get off early, I wait until dinnertime so I can get free food comp'd from my firm. I usually time it so I have 30 minutes left so that when I go downstairs to go home, the food arrives and I am able to pick up my food in the bag and take it home. The limit for that is 25 bucks but sometimes I list 2 people dinners and spend 50 bucks if my fellow analyst leaves early and doesn't use his option. He lets me do this though through his account so I guess it's not that bad. I like having 50 bucks to play with since it covers breakfast for me the next day.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972030)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:37 PM
Author: boyish learning disabled karate multi-billionaire

You're a greedy Jewish prick and none of the shit here is "crazy"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972196)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:45 PM
Author: self-centered pale trailer park

I admitted they are a bit tame but 95% of Ibankers do this kinda shit and a good 1/3 do worse (such as using company cars to pick up dates or lying on their taxes so they can keep a 100k bonus rather than pay 50k to the gov't).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972290)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:15 PM
Author: domesticated carmine fat ankles shrine

How is it possible to lie on your taxes like that? Doesn't the firm file a W2 for you listing your bonus?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973019)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:35 PM
Author: self-centered pale trailer park

Join an ibank and u'll see. there are ways bro, just not gonna out 'em.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973209)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:06 PM
Author: domesticated carmine fat ankles shrine

I worked at an IBank for two years. If there was a way no one knew of it. You're clearly making this up as there is no way to hide W2 ordinary income from the IRS.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977677)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:10 PM
Author: green arousing center sneaky criminal

you'd have to get pretty creative with your expenses... but still no way to hide +50% of a bonus

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977705)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:37 PM
Author: ivory soggy business firm

Nothing.

For hours, adding up to weeks

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972200)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:39 PM
Author: Deranged Masturbator Home

cr. Never doing that again. Not having work + getting paid = drive yourself insane with thoughts of impending layoffs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972221)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:40 PM
Author: green arousing center sneaky criminal

I once took a shit in the managing partner's desk drawer

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972234)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:46 PM
Author: self-centered pale trailer park

Serious responses only.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972294)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:59 PM
Author: green arousing center sneaky criminal

no, I seriously did it. I was drunk after some friday happyhour event and had returned to the office to fetch my bag when the turtle "poked his head" out of the shell and I got my idea.

after I dropped my load in his desk drawer, I covered it with some papers and envelopes, shut the door, and left for a fun-filled Friday night.

That Monday was fantastic. My office is on the floor above his and I sat there awaiting my triumph and resisting the urge to head downstairs to see the fun. I almost lost it when a fellow associate came in my office and said something smelled kinds funny on the lower floors. thankfully I stayed cool but later got the full story from people down there.

Apparently, he didn't notice anything until noon (ex-smoker) when his secretary came in and complained about the smell. They both began to tear the place apart, looking for the stinky little culprit I left a mere 70hrs before.

Then BAM he finally opens the drawer and moves the papers to discover the little "intestinal sculpture" I had left in his honor.

He instantly began to gag and cough. The secretary came over and shrieked in horror. As if this was some type of cue, the managing partner sprayed vomit from his mouth, with a fair bit of it landing in the drawer and on his secretary's skirt. This in turn caused her to vomit, all over the managing partner's face, suit and desk.

They both ran to the bathrooms and went home for the rest of the day. The building's maintenance crew refused to touch it and they had to bring in a special cleaning service. There was a witch-hunt to find the culprit and the smell lingered for days. Actually the vomit smell was worse than the shit smell.

I think they ended up blaming some poor hispanic guy in office services who had recently been let go for sexual harrassment. The partner switched offices and the office stood vacant for at least 3 or 4 months until a new lateral was put there. Needless to say, I laid low, played it cool, and got away scot free.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972428)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:05 PM
Author: self-centered pale trailer park

Wow. Isn't there some high-tech FBI way they can draw stool samples from you guys and find out the culprit?

Good job though, that is one crazy story.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972477)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:11 PM
Author: poppy soul-stirring location associate

there was a Sunny episode that dealt with this topic

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972533)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:15 PM
Author: dead charcoal genital piercing hairy legs

it totally happened also...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972571)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:00 PM
Author: green arousing center sneaky criminal

The best part was that Monday evening, as I sat in my office eating my usual wretched supper of seamlessweb, I could feel like I really accomplished something.

making sure the coast was clear, I shut my office door. I then reached into my desk where I keep my hidden little bottle of vodka for such occasions. I poured about 3 fingers into my coffee cup to toast my success.

as I sipped my vodka, I decided I need to play my victory song. so I went to youtube and fired it up with my feet up on my desk. as the words washed over me, I closed my eyes and smiled, in a state of pure bliss, only hearing the words "Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you, Never gonna make you cry, Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you . . ."



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972911)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:34 PM
Author: lavender excitant pistol

lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973200)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 10:09 PM
Author: House-broken Trust Fund Chapel

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12974068)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 10:10 PM
Author: Stimulating cobalt temple

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12974074)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 12:10 AM
Author: Unholy insecure whorehouse police squad

Instant all-time classic work here.

A well earned 180.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12975050)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 14th, 2009 4:09 PM
Author: Territorial snowy principal's office jewess

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12987200)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:21 PM
Author: Stimulating cobalt temple

1

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973568)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:21 PM
Author: Stimulating cobalt temple

8

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973571)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:21 PM
Author: Stimulating cobalt temple

0

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973573)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:49 PM
Author: drab cuck senate

Posted on XOXO.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972331)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:01 PM
Author: green arousing center sneaky criminal

credited

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972914)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:07 PM
Author: milky bat shit crazy brunch

I appreciate that no one is really answering this question.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972489)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:09 PM
Author: self-centered pale trailer park

I'm thinking most people that post here don't have jobs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972512)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:13 PM
Author: milky bat shit crazy brunch

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972548)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:08 PM
Author: buff angry mediation library

Had a rap battle with consultants.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972499)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:11 PM
Author: tripping concupiscible public bath

My girlfriend came to work one day and i met her in the lobby. I was really horny so we went up the elevator to one of the lower rooms. There are conference rooms there with no one in them. We went in and I turned the blinds and locked the door and had her give me head. That was all I was planning but then I realized I wanted sex.

So I was doing her doggie style and she makes a lot of noise so I had to cover her mouth and constantly remind her to shut up. I heard a knock on the door and we both froze but it went away. I couldn't finish after that but we got dressed and I made her suck me off until I came. Then I went back to work but that was pretty scary when someone knocked.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972531)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:19 PM
Author: outnumbered hairraiser set crotch

worked

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972611)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:24 PM
Author: naked avocado stead

Had sex with my fuck buddy in the bathroom after people had left. Left the used condom on the bathroom floor.

My last job I came in at 12.30pm and went directly to lunch until 2pm, then usually went home around 6-7pm. Ah, good times.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973107)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:35 PM
Author: razzmatazz free-loading blood rage lodge

got a bj while sitting in my chair, then bent the girl over my desk.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973214)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:15 PM
Author: green arousing center sneaky criminal

describe this office layout

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973520)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:18 PM
Author: razzmatazz free-loading blood rage lodge

L-shaped desk, walls lined with bookcases and windows. girl under my desk to start. then mounted me in my chair, then i stood her up and spread her over my desk

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973546)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:18 PM
Author: Wonderful purple meetinghouse pocket flask

I think its fair to assume I can't post that here.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973545)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:19 PM
Author: amber glittery national security agency

Italicized a comma in a citation. I almost got totally pwned!!!11

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973553)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 10:10 PM
Author: bistre ticket booth circlehead

I TOOK A SHIT IN THE COFFEE POT WHILE IT WAS FULL OF COFFEE AND THEN I STUCK AN AMERICAN FLAG IN IT

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12974075)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 12:06 AM
Author: vermilion hunting ground

regularly padded hours about 10-20% i'm really efficient so this was easy for me to do.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12975034)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 12:57 PM
Author: green arousing center sneaky criminal

btw- we all do this

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977596)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:46 PM
Author: maroon field

are there people that dont do this?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977933)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 12:59 PM
Author: cerebral slimy piazza

I jerked off into the lounge freezer. Just right into it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977617)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:05 PM
Author: green arousing center sneaky criminal

still there?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977663)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:14 PM
Author: cerebral slimy piazza

probably.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977726)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:15 PM
Author: Clear odious pisswyrm azn

This cracked me up.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977730)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 14th, 2009 4:06 PM
Author: green arousing center sneaky criminal



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12987178)