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Worst thing you've done at work?

Anyone do anything crazy at work or would be fired if found ...
charcoal curious boistinker degenerate
  10/12/09
You're a greedy Jewish prick and none of the shit here is &q...
medicated bat-shit-crazy menage
  10/12/09
I admitted they are a bit tame but 95% of Ibankers do this k...
charcoal curious boistinker degenerate
  10/12/09
How is it possible to lie on your taxes like that? Doesn't ...
red rough-skinned candlestick maker
  10/12/09
Join an ibank and u'll see. there are ways bro, just not gon...
charcoal curious boistinker degenerate
  10/12/09
I worked at an IBank for two years. If there was a way no o...
red rough-skinned candlestick maker
  10/13/09
you'd have to get pretty creative with your expenses... but ...
Overrated parlour wrinkle
  10/13/09
Nothing. For hours, adding up to weeks
arrogant harsh field
  10/12/09
cr. Never doing that again. Not having work + getting paid =...
rose locale
  10/12/09
I once took a shit in the managing partner's desk drawer
Overrated parlour wrinkle
  10/12/09
Serious responses only.
charcoal curious boistinker degenerate
  10/12/09
no, I seriously did it. I was drunk after some friday happyh...
Overrated parlour wrinkle
  10/12/09
Wow. Isn't there some high-tech FBI way they can draw stool ...
charcoal curious boistinker degenerate
  10/12/09
there was a Sunny episode that dealt with this topic
Khaki Doobsian Space Knife
  10/12/09
it totally happened also...
stirring range sex offender
  10/12/09
The best part was that Monday evening, as I sat in my office...
Overrated parlour wrinkle
  10/12/09
lol
Dashing copper puppy selfie
  10/12/09
180
mildly autistic magenta pozpig personal credit line
  10/12/09
180
Appetizing university
  10/12/09
Instant all-time classic work here. A well earned 180.
Useless pit
  10/13/09
180
Chestnut Costumed Institution Multi-billionaire
  10/14/09
1
Appetizing university
  10/12/09
8
Appetizing university
  10/12/09
0
Appetizing university
  10/12/09
Posted on XOXO.
unhinged nowag
  10/12/09
credited
Overrated parlour wrinkle
  10/12/09
I appreciate that no one is really answering this question.
Jet french trailer park
  10/12/09
I'm thinking most people that post here don't have jobs.
charcoal curious boistinker degenerate
  10/12/09
180
Jet french trailer park
  10/12/09
Had a rap battle with consultants.
concupiscible double fault garrison
  10/12/09
My girlfriend came to work one day and i met her in the lobb...
olive native
  10/12/09
worked
well-lubricated stage kitty cat
  10/12/09
Had sex with my fuck buddy in the bathroom after people had ...
Fighting Digit Ratio
  10/12/09
got a bj while sitting in my chair, then bent the girl over ...
thriller cruel-hearted jap
  10/12/09
describe this office layout
Overrated parlour wrinkle
  10/12/09
L-shaped desk, walls lined with bookcases and windows. girl ...
thriller cruel-hearted jap
  10/12/09
I think its fair to assume I can't post that here.
idiotic ticket booth striped hyena
  10/12/09
Italicized a comma in a citation. I almost got totally pwne...
excitant primrose office really tough guy
  10/12/09
I TOOK A SHIT IN THE COFFEE POT WHILE IT WAS FULL OF COFFEE ...
seedy giraffe
  10/12/09
regularly padded hours about 10-20% i'm really efficient so...
flesh narrow-minded set
  10/13/09
btw- we all do this
Overrated parlour wrinkle
  10/13/09
are there people that dont do this?
self-centered rehab skinny woman
  10/13/09
I jerked off into the lounge freezer. Just right into it.
haunting smoky people who are hurt
  10/13/09
still there?
Overrated parlour wrinkle
  10/13/09
probably.
haunting smoky people who are hurt
  10/13/09
This cracked me up.
vibrant ultramarine shrine
  10/13/09
...
Overrated parlour wrinkle
  10/14/09


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:22 PM
Author: charcoal curious boistinker degenerate

Anyone do anything crazy at work or would be fired if found out?

I've been pretty tame so far due to all the safeguards already in place. For example I can't go to porn sites or anything and some IT back office indian guy is on my screen at all times making sure I'm not doing inappropriate shit. Once he sent me a communicator message saying "Sir, I was wondering the relevance of the current program to your work." I uninstalled world of warcraft after that incident.

However, one time we had to go on a roadshow to cleveland. I had some friends there so in the downtime they took me to a strip club. We got bottle service and food and a room and I paid for all of it thinking I can get the company to expense it. The strip club shows up as "Brook brothers" or something so I listed it as a dinner. I didn't want to explain it to my VP so I just forged his signature and told HR it was good.

Also, even if I get off early, I wait until dinnertime so I can get free food comp'd from my firm. I usually time it so I have 30 minutes left so that when I go downstairs to go home, the food arrives and I am able to pick up my food in the bag and take it home. The limit for that is 25 bucks but sometimes I list 2 people dinners and spend 50 bucks if my fellow analyst leaves early and doesn't use his option. He lets me do this though through his account so I guess it's not that bad. I like having 50 bucks to play with since it covers breakfast for me the next day.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972030)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:37 PM
Author: medicated bat-shit-crazy menage

You're a greedy Jewish prick and none of the shit here is "crazy"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972196)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:45 PM
Author: charcoal curious boistinker degenerate

I admitted they are a bit tame but 95% of Ibankers do this kinda shit and a good 1/3 do worse (such as using company cars to pick up dates or lying on their taxes so they can keep a 100k bonus rather than pay 50k to the gov't).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972290)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:15 PM
Author: red rough-skinned candlestick maker

How is it possible to lie on your taxes like that? Doesn't the firm file a W2 for you listing your bonus?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973019)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:35 PM
Author: charcoal curious boistinker degenerate

Join an ibank and u'll see. there are ways bro, just not gonna out 'em.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973209)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:06 PM
Author: red rough-skinned candlestick maker

I worked at an IBank for two years. If there was a way no one knew of it. You're clearly making this up as there is no way to hide W2 ordinary income from the IRS.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977677)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:10 PM
Author: Overrated parlour wrinkle

you'd have to get pretty creative with your expenses... but still no way to hide +50% of a bonus

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977705)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:37 PM
Author: arrogant harsh field

Nothing.

For hours, adding up to weeks

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972200)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:39 PM
Author: rose locale

cr. Never doing that again. Not having work + getting paid = drive yourself insane with thoughts of impending layoffs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972221)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:40 PM
Author: Overrated parlour wrinkle

I once took a shit in the managing partner's desk drawer

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972234)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:46 PM
Author: charcoal curious boistinker degenerate

Serious responses only.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972294)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:59 PM
Author: Overrated parlour wrinkle

no, I seriously did it. I was drunk after some friday happyhour event and had returned to the office to fetch my bag when the turtle "poked his head" out of the shell and I got my idea.

after I dropped my load in his desk drawer, I covered it with some papers and envelopes, shut the door, and left for a fun-filled Friday night.

That Monday was fantastic. My office is on the floor above his and I sat there awaiting my triumph and resisting the urge to head downstairs to see the fun. I almost lost it when a fellow associate came in my office and said something smelled kinds funny on the lower floors. thankfully I stayed cool but later got the full story from people down there.

Apparently, he didn't notice anything until noon (ex-smoker) when his secretary came in and complained about the smell. They both began to tear the place apart, looking for the stinky little culprit I left a mere 70hrs before.

Then BAM he finally opens the drawer and moves the papers to discover the little "intestinal sculpture" I had left in his honor.

He instantly began to gag and cough. The secretary came over and shrieked in horror. As if this was some type of cue, the managing partner sprayed vomit from his mouth, with a fair bit of it landing in the drawer and on his secretary's skirt. This in turn caused her to vomit, all over the managing partner's face, suit and desk.

They both ran to the bathrooms and went home for the rest of the day. The building's maintenance crew refused to touch it and they had to bring in a special cleaning service. There was a witch-hunt to find the culprit and the smell lingered for days. Actually the vomit smell was worse than the shit smell.

I think they ended up blaming some poor hispanic guy in office services who had recently been let go for sexual harrassment. The partner switched offices and the office stood vacant for at least 3 or 4 months until a new lateral was put there. Needless to say, I laid low, played it cool, and got away scot free.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972428)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:05 PM
Author: charcoal curious boistinker degenerate

Wow. Isn't there some high-tech FBI way they can draw stool samples from you guys and find out the culprit?

Good job though, that is one crazy story.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972477)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:11 PM
Author: Khaki Doobsian Space Knife

there was a Sunny episode that dealt with this topic

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972533)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:15 PM
Author: stirring range sex offender

it totally happened also...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972571)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:00 PM
Author: Overrated parlour wrinkle

The best part was that Monday evening, as I sat in my office eating my usual wretched supper of seamlessweb, I could feel like I really accomplished something.

making sure the coast was clear, I shut my office door. I then reached into my desk where I keep my hidden little bottle of vodka for such occasions. I poured about 3 fingers into my coffee cup to toast my success.

as I sipped my vodka, I decided I need to play my victory song. so I went to youtube and fired it up with my feet up on my desk. as the words washed over me, I closed my eyes and smiled, in a state of pure bliss, only hearing the words "Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you, Never gonna make you cry, Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you . . ."



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972911)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:34 PM
Author: Dashing copper puppy selfie

lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973200)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 10:09 PM
Author: mildly autistic magenta pozpig personal credit line

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12974068)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 10:10 PM
Author: Appetizing university

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12974074)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 12:10 AM
Author: Useless pit

Instant all-time classic work here.

A well earned 180.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12975050)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 14th, 2009 4:09 PM
Author: Chestnut Costumed Institution Multi-billionaire

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12987200)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:21 PM
Author: Appetizing university

1

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973568)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:21 PM
Author: Appetizing university

8

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973571)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:21 PM
Author: Appetizing university

0

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973573)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 6:49 PM
Author: unhinged nowag

Posted on XOXO.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972331)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:01 PM
Author: Overrated parlour wrinkle

credited

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972914)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:07 PM
Author: Jet french trailer park

I appreciate that no one is really answering this question.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972489)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:09 PM
Author: charcoal curious boistinker degenerate

I'm thinking most people that post here don't have jobs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972512)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:13 PM
Author: Jet french trailer park

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972548)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:08 PM
Author: concupiscible double fault garrison

Had a rap battle with consultants.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972499)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:11 PM
Author: olive native

My girlfriend came to work one day and i met her in the lobby. I was really horny so we went up the elevator to one of the lower rooms. There are conference rooms there with no one in them. We went in and I turned the blinds and locked the door and had her give me head. That was all I was planning but then I realized I wanted sex.

So I was doing her doggie style and she makes a lot of noise so I had to cover her mouth and constantly remind her to shut up. I heard a knock on the door and we both froze but it went away. I couldn't finish after that but we got dressed and I made her suck me off until I came. Then I went back to work but that was pretty scary when someone knocked.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972531)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 7:19 PM
Author: well-lubricated stage kitty cat

worked

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12972611)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:24 PM
Author: Fighting Digit Ratio

Had sex with my fuck buddy in the bathroom after people had left. Left the used condom on the bathroom floor.

My last job I came in at 12.30pm and went directly to lunch until 2pm, then usually went home around 6-7pm. Ah, good times.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973107)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 8:35 PM
Author: thriller cruel-hearted jap

got a bj while sitting in my chair, then bent the girl over my desk.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973214)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:15 PM
Author: Overrated parlour wrinkle

describe this office layout

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973520)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:18 PM
Author: thriller cruel-hearted jap

L-shaped desk, walls lined with bookcases and windows. girl under my desk to start. then mounted me in my chair, then i stood her up and spread her over my desk

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973546)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:18 PM
Author: idiotic ticket booth striped hyena

I think its fair to assume I can't post that here.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973545)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 9:19 PM
Author: excitant primrose office really tough guy

Italicized a comma in a citation. I almost got totally pwned!!!11

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12973553)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2009 10:10 PM
Author: seedy giraffe

I TOOK A SHIT IN THE COFFEE POT WHILE IT WAS FULL OF COFFEE AND THEN I STUCK AN AMERICAN FLAG IN IT

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12974075)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 12:06 AM
Author: flesh narrow-minded set

regularly padded hours about 10-20% i'm really efficient so this was easy for me to do.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12975034)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 12:57 PM
Author: Overrated parlour wrinkle

btw- we all do this

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977596)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:46 PM
Author: self-centered rehab skinny woman

are there people that dont do this?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977933)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 12:59 PM
Author: haunting smoky people who are hurt

I jerked off into the lounge freezer. Just right into it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977617)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:05 PM
Author: Overrated parlour wrinkle

still there?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977663)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:14 PM
Author: haunting smoky people who are hurt

probably.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977726)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 13th, 2009 1:15 PM
Author: vibrant ultramarine shrine

This cracked me up.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12977730)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 14th, 2009 4:06 PM
Author: Overrated parlour wrinkle



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1109274&forum_id=2#12987178)