The power of psyillium husk was not unknown to the ancient world at large. In Vedic times, the Hindus knew it as soma, the drink of the gods, but its use was restricted to the priestly class. The Nabataeans knew its power too, but they adulterated it with citrus flavoring, gaining palatability while sacrificing potency.

Only in Egypt, with the emergency of the centralized New Kingdom state, did history find a society that both knew the power of the psyillium husk and could acquire it in the large amounts sufficient for mass consumption.

Ancient chronicles told of Nechto III, the Pharaoh who expelled the "paper merchants" from Egypt. Traditionally, historians interpreted this as a ban on books: Nechto was seen as a tyrant who wanted to ban literacy and free speech. Spackler had been laughed out of the academy for interpreting things differently: arguing that Nechto had in fact banned TOILET paper, and was not a tyrant at all, but the liberator of his people from the tyranny of wiping.

Now, the discovery of tons of psyillium husk - the best and purest source of dietary fiber - in the tomb of Nechto III was about to prove him right. But this wasn't just about academic disputes. It was also about bringing that freedom to modern Americans. Spackler noted that the amount of pysillium in the pyramid was enough to supply the American market for years, perhaps decades.

Covering up the signs of his entry, Spackler hurried back to camp. He would need many strong men to begin mining operations, and hundreds of camels. And he would need excellent lawyers to clear everything with the Ministry of Antiquities.

But the excitement in his imagination was not matched by the excitement back at camp. In fact, Spackler could find very little back at camp. There was no noise, no songs in Arabic, no call to prayer. It was as if all of his men had fallen asleep...or ran away...

Then Spackler felt a powerful blow to his head. He was knocked off his mule and fell to the ground. Turning over, and spitting the sand from his mouth, he saw a dozen goons in red turbans, each pointing muskets at him. And the white man who had hired him.

Spackler squinted to get a closer look at the villain. He was too tall to be TMF, not sophisticated enough to be Foggy Bottom. As the fiend moved closer, and Spackler could see him his shorts, he realized he was nowhere near endowed enough to be :D.

"So we meet again, joe_vag", Spackler said.

"I now style myself rape101", his captor sniveled. "Here, rate this Miami MILF who is down to fuck. Tomorrow over dinner I will boast to her that I have captured Dr. Spackler."

Rape shoved a wallet-sized photo into Spackler's face. It depicted a woman in her mid 30's, her face leathery from years of tanning, her features sharp and pointed. The poor cropping job showed the upper half of her rather large breasts, giving the impression of infinite cleavage.

"No, I refuse," Spackler said. "I will not rate her."

"Then you will die! And as for your little fiber discovery, it will continue to be lost for all time. None of it will ever see the market."

Spackler's face went pale. "Which toilet paper baron is paying you? Scott? Charmin?"

"All of them!", Rape sneered. "Soon my debts will be paid off!"

"Aren't you ashamed of what you've become," Spackler said. "That psyillium husk belongs in the colons of the American people, and you know it. Let me go, and you will be able to benefit from it too."

"Very well," Rape said. "I will release you. Under one condition: that you successfully squat more than me. And if you fail, I will have you shot right here..."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1622336&forum_id=2#17797267)

"No, I refuse," Spackler said. "I will not rate her."

"Then you will die!"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1622336&forum_id=2#17797543)

minimal time spent

don't even think about it when I'm not doing it

How it should be

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1622336&forum_id=2#17799270)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1622336&forum_id=2#17799283)