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In this thread, we write a choose your own adventure story...

While walking home from class one day, you happen across two...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
2
Tantric beady-eyed deer antler
  10/23/05
Ok, now you need to write what happens.
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
I give up. I have some work to do before tomorrow.
Tantric beady-eyed deer antler
  10/23/05
So much potential... for naught!
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
(1) When you arrive at the bar, all the alternative non-c...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/23/05
(1) Madame Cunt is in rare fire-breathing form. She's abu...
Burgundy know-it-all dragon shitlib
  02/18/06
(2) As you are walking to the pizza joint with Dogshit a bu...
Sticky trump supporter
  10/23/05
3
jet feces old irish cottage
  10/23/05
You have to write the response.
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
This thread's working out really well.
drunken laughsome chapel
  10/23/05
I'm not sure if I started it at the right time. Maybe an ear...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
That makes it less like Choose Your Own Adventure and more l...
jet feces old irish cottage
  10/23/05
It's a hybrid, I've avant garde.
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
(3) A few vaguely obese people glance in your direction a...
jet feces old irish cottage
  10/23/05
(3) You following the mugger into an alley, but when you ...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/23/05
1) Attack the Black man As you step into the street to ...
drunken laughsome chapel
  10/23/05
(2) More blackness. (1) Blackness? (2) More blackne...
jet feces old irish cottage
  10/23/05
After lying comatose for 15 years you awake in with a start....
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
(2) As the bushes tear at your filthy skin, you peer thro...
jet feces old irish cottage
  10/23/05
(3) Tyrone Jr. approaches skeptically. You hope to win h...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/23/05
3. Pulling out your tupperware you offer him a deluctable...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
1 Tyrone, Jr. is immediately alarmed and pulls Daddy's gu...
adventurous jade fortuitous meteor station
  07/01/06
2) You're dead. (1) cremated (2) buried
green supple therapy
  10/23/05
(1) In accordance with your last will and testament, your...
jet feces old irish cottage
  10/23/05
I laughed.
Electric nowag
  10/23/05
Same. Read to GF, she laughed too.
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
1. Mustering your quickly fleeing strength you manage to ...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
2. Your body is requisitioned by the U.S. Army Delta Forc...
Adulterous Insecure Bawdyhouse Pervert
  10/23/05
1. On the way fifteen hobos stop and ask for money. 1....
Electric nowag
  10/23/05
(2) Upon walking by the hobos, you realize your error and...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/23/05
(2) You arrange for the reconstruction of a past preside...
jet feces old irish cottage
  10/23/05
(3) AFter passage however Creationists lodge a war to hav...
Electric nowag
  10/23/05
(3) After killing and devouring all the creationists in M...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/23/05
1. The NAACP stages protests against the NARLI (National ...
Adulterous Insecure Bawdyhouse Pervert
  10/23/05
(2) You entitle your campaign "Rhyming is a sneaky w...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/23/05
1. Selecting the hobos as a temporary side quest, and to...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
Why do I find this so fucking funny? I'm crying.
Electric nowag
  10/23/05
(2) At the 7-11, an artist offers to make a robo-caricat...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/23/05
3. The artist turns out to be egg. You are overcome and b...
drunken laughsome chapel
  10/23/05
Oh shit! You EGG referenced too!
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD
drunken laughsome chapel
  10/23/05
I referenced EGG implicitly in my post.
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/23/05
I know, good work.
drunken laughsome chapel
  10/23/05
3. Being a sensible robot, you ask to see photos of prev...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
1. You place a thermal detonator beside Dogshit's front d...
Adulterous Insecure Bawdyhouse Pervert
  10/23/05
1. Going inside you see, to your disgust, that the therm...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
(2) After a few quick strokes however the herpes start im...
Electric nowag
  10/23/05
(1) You kill the man who fondled your ass, but Dogshit co...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/23/05
2. Ever since you were a young child necrophilia always s...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/24/05
2. in your coup you use 1. knives 2. chains 3. black mon...
Provocative Voyeur
  07/21/06
3. Cyborg penis gets erect at the thought of nubile booty da...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  07/21/06
2. you show him you beaucoup cockrocket and his jaw drops in...
Provocative Voyeur
  07/21/06
4. *gallops across the thread and finishes with a beautiful,...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  07/25/06
(2) At the hospital you drift in and out of consciousness...
jet feces old irish cottage
  10/23/05
(1) After engorging yourself on a healthy dosage of Pitoc...
Electric nowag
  10/23/05
(2) As your stump bleeds, you learn that your doctors hav...
jet feces old irish cottage
  10/23/05
1. After searching through your local Walmart, you decide...
Adulterous Insecure Bawdyhouse Pervert
  10/23/05
(2) Realizing that American security is a joke you storm...
Electric nowag
  10/23/05
2. Rushing through the airport, you scream at people to ...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
(1) You pick up the sign. Kanye arrives shortly with Jes...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/23/05
1. Pressing a concealed button upon your chest, a beatbox...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
2 While his loafers are caught in flames from the highly ...
Autistic Twinkling Dysfunction Stain
  10/23/05
1. The black man comes over and steps on your face. Dogsh...
drunken laughsome chapel
  10/23/05
this thread is making me laugh so hard that I am crying.
Primrose school
  10/23/05
One of the best threads in a LONG time.
Thirsty elastic band
  10/23/05
I've never had thread success before. I just don't know how ...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  10/23/05
gotta keep it going
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/24/05
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. This was hilarious and I am ...
big cobalt casino
  10/24/05
Don't let it die.
coiffed striped hyena hell
  10/24/05
bump
coiffed striped hyena hell
  11/03/05
bump
coiffed striped hyena hell
  11/19/05
Fuck, this still makes me laugh like crazy. Classic.
big cobalt casino
  11/19/05
bump
coiffed striped hyena hell
  12/14/05
Fuck, I was so engrossed in the story that I didn't notice t...
Talented French Church Building Roast Beef
  12/15/05
next semester. it won't get a lot of people during finals...
coiffed striped hyena hell
  12/15/05
bump
coiffed striped hyena hell
  12/21/05
Holy shit! I thought of starting this exact thread this mor...
Maroon candlestick maker multi-billionaire
  12/21/05
Some of my finest work.
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  02/18/06
Some of my finest work.
coiffed striped hyena hell
  02/20/06
BUMP
coiffed striped hyena hell
  03/06/06
bump
coiffed striped hyena hell
  04/12/06
I have started collecting those books.
Indigo travel guidebook
  04/12/06
bump
coiffed striped hyena hell
  07/01/06
Never forget.
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  09/16/06
like http://www.jeffandwill.com/
coiffed striped hyena hell
  09/28/06
tcr.
chest-beating cerebral factory reset button liquid oxygen
  12/19/07
bump
Tripping irate step-uncle's house
  12/12/06
Bump for Horse.
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  04/12/07
Gingerly, you lift the dusty tome. Inlaid in the worn leathe...
geriatric dun parlour hairy legs
  02/07/07


Poast new message in this thread





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:29 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

While walking home from class one day, you happen across two classmates. After making small talk for a bit you receive two separate invitations. You...

1. Slap on some emo make-up and accompany Madame Cunt to the local bar for beer and bad punk music.

2. Shun the Cunt in favor of Dogshit for some pizza and cheap thrills.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120572)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:30 PM
Author: Tantric beady-eyed deer antler

2

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120580)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:30 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

Ok, now you need to write what happens.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120583)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:32 PM
Author: Tantric beady-eyed deer antler

I give up. I have some work to do before tomorrow.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120601)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:34 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

So much potential... for naught!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120615)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:04 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

(1)

When you arrive at the bar, all the alternative non-conformists are dressed in a remarkably similar manner. A 14-year old white girl, whose parents make $250,000 per year starts to talk to you about her trials and tribulations in private school. Do you:

(1) Ignore her and try to get a piece of MC

(2) Fake listening in an attempt to bone her

(3) Empathize with her situation

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120882)





Date: February 18th, 2006 7:18 PM
Author: Burgundy know-it-all dragon shitlib

(1)

Madame Cunt is in rare fire-breathing form. She's abusing you like Catherine Keener does to John Cusack's character in Being John Malkovich in that brutal emasculating bar scene.

Seeing that you've hit a dead-end, you do a complete 180 and start to pretend like you don't care about what she says (a la Neil Strauss). You ask her if she's miserable that she goes to a school slowly falling out of the T14 in an attempt to capitalize her insecurities.

MC responds by

1) Jumping up on the bar and start dancing while sticking her ass in your face

2) Punching you in the gut

3) Going to the ladies room to cry

1)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#5124942)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:35 PM
Author: Sticky trump supporter

(2)

As you are walking to the pizza joint with Dogshit a burly black man approaches and brandishes a dagger he demands your belongings

1) Attack the Black Man

2) Throw Dogshit towards him and buy yourself time to escape

3) Yell for help



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120630)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:44 PM
Author: jet feces old irish cottage

3

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120697)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:48 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

You have to write the response.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120732)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:48 PM
Author: drunken laughsome chapel

This thread's working out really well.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120735)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:49 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

I'm not sure if I started it at the right time. Maybe an early evening push off would have worked.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120748)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:49 PM
Author: jet feces old irish cottage

That makes it less like Choose Your Own Adventure and more like a chain novel.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120745)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:50 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

It's a hybrid, I've avant garde.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120753)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:56 PM
Author: jet feces old irish cottage

(3)

A few vaguely obese people glance in your direction as your wallet is forcibly removed from your pocket.

Do you...

(1) Continue on to the pizza parlor

(2) Continue yelling

(3) Run after your assailant

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120808)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:00 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

(3)

You following the mugger into an alley, but when you arrive, you don't see him. However, you do see a 225 chick who insists that you put on a condom and fuck her.

What do you do?

(1) Go back the way you came

(2) Like a real man, slap the condom out of her hand and bone her senseless

(3) Pull a :D and wear the condom, go soft during intercourse, and fail to ejaculate.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120841)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:53 PM
Author: drunken laughsome chapel

1) Attack the Black man

As you step into the street to attack the black man, you notice a truck barreling toward you. You cannot react in time. BAM! You've been hit by a TRUCK. Your body crumples, bones break, blood sprays over the hapless Dogshit who screams in terror (and is comforted by the black man, they eventually marry.) Blackness surrounds you. You are in unimaginable pain.

1) Attempt to fight the blackness and stay conscious.

2) Give in.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120778)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:57 PM
Author: jet feces old irish cottage

(2)

More blackness.

(1) Blackness?

(2) More blackness?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120811)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:03 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

After lying comatose for 15 years you awake in with a start. Your first thought is upon your impending moot court competition which has, unbeknownst to you, passed by long ago. After a few months of physical therapy you regain control of your bladder and are able to walk. Do you...

1. Return triumphantly to law school and continue with your dream of becoming a BIGlaw drone?

2. Stalk Dogshit and her husband, Tyrone, in an attempt to rekindle a love lost?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120874)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:24 PM
Author: jet feces old irish cottage

(2)

As the bushes tear at your filthy skin, you peer through the frosted glass to see Tyrone Jr. dancing giddily around the Christmas tree.

(1) Walk solemnly away.

(2) Run around the back.

(3) Knock on the window.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121162)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:29 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

(3)

Tyrone Jr. approaches skeptically. You hope to win his trust, so you decide to bribe him. Do you offer him

(1) A blunt

(2) Malt Liquor

(3) Porkchops

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121206)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:34 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

3.

Pulling out your tupperware you offer him a deluctable chop with some brown gravy. After drizzling some pepper on it you offer the meaty morsel to lure him over. To your dismal, Dogshit's food stamps has kept him well supplied with twinkies and he shuns the chop.

1. Crawl through the window in hopes of securing a hostage for ransom.

2. Weep for not only is your life a TTT, but your cooking skills are too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121272)





Date: July 1st, 2006 2:20 AM
Author: adventurous jade fortuitous meteor station

1

Tyrone, Jr. is immediately alarmed and pulls Daddy's gun on you. He slowly backs out of the kitchen and then shouts for help. Taking a chance, you dash upstairs. As you walk down the hallway, you see through a half-open door that an ASIAN exchange student is staying with Mr. and Mrs. Dogshit. She is naked spreadeagle on the bed, her eyes closed, as she practices an ancient tantric form of masturbation. A slight moan escapes from her lips. You hear footsteps on the landing and an angry black voice. A gun is being cocked. You spy a ninja knife on the ASIAN girl's dresser. You slip quietly into her room.

(1) Grab the knife and try to hold the ASIAN exchange student hostage at knifepoint.

(2) Rape her at knifepoint.

(3) Lock the door and seduce her. Then steal the pillowcase, cut out eyeholes, and set two sticks on fire.

(4) Drop your pants and stroke off to the sight of the masturbating ASIAN.

(5) Grab knife and slash throat.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#6116933)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:59 PM
Author: green supple therapy

2)

You're dead.

(1) cremated

(2) buried

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120824)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:02 PM
Author: jet feces old irish cottage

(1)

In accordance with your last will and testament, your ashes are dumped from an airplane.

(1) scatter East

(2) scatter West

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120862)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:04 PM
Author: Electric nowag

I laughed.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120886)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:05 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

Same. Read to GF, she laughed too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120904)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:00 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

1.

Mustering your quickly fleeing strength you manage to stay conscious. You keep your eyes closed in order to avoid gazing upon your broken body. You...

1. Manage to curse Dogshit and her newfound lover between bubbles of blood.

2. Conserve energy until the arrival of the paramedics, who manage to deliver you safely to the hospital.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120837)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:03 PM
Author: Adulterous Insecure Bawdyhouse Pervert

2.

Your body is requisitioned by the U.S. Army Delta Force and you are converted to a combat cyborg.

1. Go to Dogshit's house to exact some robotic revenge

2. Lead a robot coup against the U.S. government

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120869)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:05 PM
Author: Electric nowag

1.

On the way fifteen hobos stop and ask for money.

1. Kill the dirty hobos

2. Continue on, to return and kill them later.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120899)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:09 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

(2)

Upon walking by the hobos, you realize your error and accept the fact that Bush will likely appoint one to the Supreme Court, where the hobo will wield a large amount of influence. Do you:

(1) Admit your error, return and slaughter the hobos

(2) Admit your error, return and threaten the hobos until you are sure that when they ascend to the court, they will vote in the correct manner with regard to cyborgs and other forms of semi-human life

(3) Worry about them later and concentrate on the violent overthrow of the current members of the Supreme Court

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120947)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:19 PM
Author: jet feces old irish cottage

(2)

You arrange for the reconstruction of a past president. Zombie Cyborg FDR appoints all 15 of your hobolic associates to administer hoborrific justice in the land's highest court. First judicial legislation:

(1) affirmative cyborg action

(2) cyborgs have implicit eminent domain where they tread

(3) "all men created equal" implies only created men have rights. Cyborgs enslave the population.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121073)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:23 PM
Author: Electric nowag

(3)

AFter passage however Creationists lodge a war to have people classified as created.

(1) Eliminate the creationists

(2) Go have mexican food

(3) Go have mexican food while killing creationists.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121147)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:26 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

(3)

After killing and devouring all the creationists in Mexico, do you and your cyborg army:

(1) Head back towards Washington D.C. to overthrow the government

(2) Chill at Puerto Vallarta

(3) Head south towards Suriname

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121178)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:35 PM
Author: Adulterous Insecure Bawdyhouse Pervert

1.

The NAACP stages protests against the NARLI (National Association for Robotic Legislative Independence) headquarters, accusing all robots of racism.

1. Sedate protesters with N2O and surgically remove their vocal chords.

2. Initiate smear campaign against NAACP emphasizing their hypocrisy.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121273)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:43 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

(2)

You entitle your campaign "Rhyming is a sneaky way of lying." Both Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are up in arms. They accuse the cyborgs of "Instigating Hating" and "Flagrant Attacks on Vagrants and Blacks." Do you

(1) Stick to your anti-rhyming campaign

(2) Try to think up your own catchy rhymes

(3) Ask them why they are allowed to use the term "Colored People" in their title, but cyborgs are not

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121357)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:09 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

1.

Selecting the hobos as a temporary side quest, and to make sure everything is in working order before confronting Dogshit. After dispatching the hobos and collecting their scalps for sale at the local tannery you return to your original objective.

1. Continue on to Dogshit's house with Gauss Guns armed.

2. Stop by the tannery and the adjoining 7-11 for a Robo-Gulp and some easy money.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120949)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:10 PM
Author: Electric nowag

Why do I find this so fucking funny? I'm crying.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120964)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:12 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

(2)

At the 7-11, an artist offers to make a robo-caricature of you in exchange for one hobo-scalp.

Do you:

(1) Allow him to do his rendition

(2) Kill him on the spot

(3) Ask to see his prior works

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120986)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:15 PM
Author: drunken laughsome chapel

3.

The artist turns out to be egg. You are overcome and begin crying hot tears of oil.

1) You put egg on your shoulders and carry him to the White House

2) Having experienced cyborg perfection, you orgasm the only way you know how, by shooting yourself in the face repeatedly.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121008)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:17 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

Oh shit! You EGG referenced too!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121046)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:18 PM
Author: drunken laughsome chapel

GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121061)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:19 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

I referenced EGG implicitly in my post.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121068)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:20 PM
Author: drunken laughsome chapel

I know, good work.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121105)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:17 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

3.

Being a sensible robot, you ask to see photos of previous robot renderings. They are admittedly impressive but are rather robo-copesque. The artist, who signs each tat with "EGG", asks for your most prized scalp.

1. Exchange the scalp for a robo tat upon your human arm.

2. Attempt to haggle in hopes of getting a lower value metal etching upon your robo chest so that you might not lose your favorite scalp, whom you have affectionately labeled "Suds"

3. Dismember EGG for attempting to work on you with unsterilized implements and continue on to the Robo-Gulp machine.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121041)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:13 PM
Author: Adulterous Insecure Bawdyhouse Pervert

1.

You place a thermal detonator beside Dogshit's front door and arm the device. You step back 150 feet and remotely activate the detonator. Half of Dogshit's house no longer exists, and beer cans and used condoms now litter the surrounding neighborhood. You hear cries from the inside of the remainder of the house.

1. Go into the remains to investigate further.

2. Use your x-ray vision to scan the area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120992)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:23 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

1.

Going inside you see, to your disgust, that the thermal detonator has not been enough to disrupt Dogshit, who is engaging in coitus with 3 men wearing Nixon masks. Your rage at your is almost unfathomable.

1. Spray the area with gunfire and finish destruction you have begun.

2. Steal a Nixon mask and take out your frustrations on Dogshit's b-side.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121134)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:25 PM
Author: Electric nowag

(2)

After a few quick strokes however the herpes start immediately chewing through your roboform and your robotestes. Also another dude totally touches your butt while you're pounding DS.

(1) Kill the homo

(2) Get rid of the herpes

(3) infect the homo with the herpes.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121165)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:47 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

(1)

You kill the man who fondled your ass, but Dogshit continues fucking him anyway, despite knowing that he's dead. Do you

(1) Call her out on her disgusting behavior

(2) Get strangely aroused and continue tag-teaming her with a dead dude



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121395)





Date: October 24th, 2005 12:04 AM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

2.

Ever since you were a young child necrophilia always seemed like the ultimate taboo, and was thus very arousing. Dogshit's faceplant into the loins of the corpse is hot beyond belief and you quickly find your robo brain is having difficulty compensating.

1. Orchestrate an immediate shut down in order to avoid self-destruction.

2. Throw caution to the wind and go for the double anal.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121563)





Date: July 21st, 2006 1:23 AM
Author: Provocative Voyeur

2.

in your coup you use

1. knives

2. chains

3. black monstercock



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#6263630)





Date: July 21st, 2006 1:29 AM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

3. Cyborg penis gets erect at the thought of nubile booty dancing from youtube. You begin your attack at the White House. You encounter Karl Rove in the hallway.

Do you:

1. Melt his face off with your sulfuric acid cumshot

2. Impale him with your magnificent specimen of pure Alabama blacksnake

3. Pistol-whip him in the back of the head with it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#6263671)





Date: July 21st, 2006 1:33 AM
Author: Provocative Voyeur

2. you show him you beaucoup cockrocket and his jaw drops in amazement

do you:

1. bash his teeth in and fuck his crimson-melting mouth

2. gouge out his eyes and skullfuck him

3. tear off his head and shit down his neck

4. prance

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#6263694)





Date: July 25th, 2006 11:38 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

4. *gallops across the thread and finishes with a beautiful, artistic leap*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#6301185)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:04 PM
Author: jet feces old irish cottage

(2)

At the hospital you drift in and out of consciousness. At one point, a doctor tells you that the best thing to stave off infection would be a dose of Pitocin.

(1) Accept the drug

(2) Reject the drug

(3) Feign unconsciousness

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120891)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:09 PM
Author: Electric nowag

(1)

After engorging yourself on a healthy dosage of Pitocin you crave porkchops.

(1) Find the nearest thing resembling Africa

(2) Eat your own arm for no reason at all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120943)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:22 PM
Author: jet feces old irish cottage

(2)

As your stump bleeds, you learn that your doctors have gone golfing.

(1) Give birth

(2) Call your lawyer

(3) Find someone with an MBA--quick!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121125)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:26 PM
Author: Adulterous Insecure Bawdyhouse Pervert

1.

After searching through your local Walmart, you decide that nothing resembles Africa quite like Africa. You hail a taxi to take you to JFK. You walk up to the Southwest ticket counter.

1. Buy a ticket to Lagos, Nigeria for 300 American Imperial credits.

2. Attempt to break through the security checkpoint.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121177)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:30 PM
Author: Electric nowag

(2)

Realizing that American security is a joke you storm past the high school dropouts with scanners and X-ray machines. They drool on themselves for no reason.

(1)You storm onto the plane to Nigeria

(2) You storm onto the plane to Niger

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121227)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:38 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

2.

Rushing through the airport, you scream at people to get out of the way and state your destination. A bunch of college republicans, protesting Kanye West (who is arriving in the airport shortly) mistakes your destination for a racial slur.

1. Smile at the cheers of the college republicans and pick up a "rap is crap" sign.

2. Join Kanye's posse in gunning down the republicans before continuing on to the plane.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121304)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:49 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

(1)

You pick up the sign. Kanye arrives shortly with Jesse Jackson in tow, who mocks the "unrealistic and simplistic" nature of your sign. He challenges you to a rhyming duel.

Do you

(1) Try to rhyme toe to toe with Jesse Jackson

(2) Whip out your Cyborg dick and pee on his loafers

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121420)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:55 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

1.

Pressing a concealed button upon your chest, a beatbox beyond Kanye's wildest dreams begins to emit sounds. You begin to lay down rhymes like it ain't no thang. You are approached by Kanye for a possible collaberation despite Jackson's vigorous protestations...

1. Decide to collaborate with West and bring in a new era of Robo-Hip Hoppery

2. Sneer at Kanye's feeble talent and decide to go platinum solo.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121476)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:58 PM
Author: Autistic Twinkling Dysfunction Stain

2

While his loafers are caught in flames from the highly toxic urine you've been holding in since drinking moonshine and catching an STD from that transexual brazilian hooker, you grab Jesse Jackson by the face and begin face raping him, screaming to passersby "HOW DOES THIS LOOK ON TV, RODNEY KING, RODNEY KING. He struggles to get away.

1. You push your robocop penis into his skull to end his embarassing stain on existence.

2. You turn him around and ride him like a donkey making him go NEEE, NEEEE.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121502)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:04 PM
Author: drunken laughsome chapel

1.

The black man comes over and steps on your face. Dogshit is pretending nothing has happened. She's probably in shock or is perhaps just not wanting to get involved. Suddenly, you die. You find yourself hovering above your broken shell of a body.

1) Attempt to grab and choke the black man with your etherial arms.

2) Allow yourself to float higher in the air toward the light.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4120892)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:14 PM
Author: Primrose school

this thread is making me laugh so hard that I am crying.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121004)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:54 PM
Author: Thirsty elastic band

One of the best threads in a LONG time.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121470)





Date: October 23rd, 2005 11:57 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

I've never had thread success before. I just don't know how to handle this. I'm just so happy. There's so many people I want to thank.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4121495)





Date: October 24th, 2005 10:24 AM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

gotta keep it going

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4123763)





Date: October 24th, 2005 10:41 AM
Author: big cobalt casino

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. This was hilarious and I am cursing the time difference that prevented me from partaking in this exercise of collaborative literary genius.

I actually just snorted aloud and one of my partners asked me what what so funny. If only he knew...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4123807)





Date: October 24th, 2005 5:05 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

Don't let it die.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4126032)





Date: November 3rd, 2005 1:59 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

bump

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4203120)





Date: November 19th, 2005 6:23 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

bump

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4333313)





Date: November 19th, 2005 6:24 PM
Author: big cobalt casino

Fuck, this still makes me laugh like crazy. Classic.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4333321)





Date: December 14th, 2005 10:56 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

bump

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4564387)





Date: December 15th, 2005 12:29 AM
Author: Talented French Church Building Roast Beef

Fuck, I was so engrossed in the story that I didn't notice the dates. Would it be plagiarism/bad form to create another choose your own adventure thread?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4565302)





Date: December 15th, 2005 1:06 AM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

next semester.

it won't get a lot of people during finals.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4565627)





Date: December 21st, 2005 7:59 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

bump

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4633611)





Date: December 21st, 2005 8:04 PM
Author: Maroon candlestick maker multi-billionaire

Holy shit! I thought of starting this exact thread this morning when I woke up today. I didn't know it was on here. Interesting that it was bumped today.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#4633644)





Date: February 18th, 2006 6:09 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

Some of my finest work.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#5124423)





Date: February 20th, 2006 6:47 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

Some of my finest work.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#5141780)





Date: March 6th, 2006 8:31 PM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

BUMP

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#5266567)





Date: April 12th, 2006 3:04 AM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

bump

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#5566288)





Date: April 12th, 2006 3:05 AM
Author: Indigo travel guidebook

I have started collecting those books.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#5566291)





Date: July 1st, 2006 2:06 AM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

bump

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#6116873)





Date: September 16th, 2006 10:17 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

Never forget.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#6626852)





Date: September 28th, 2006 1:55 AM
Author: coiffed striped hyena hell

like http://www.jeffandwill.com/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#6689722)





Date: December 19th, 2007 4:05 PM
Author: chest-beating cerebral factory reset button liquid oxygen

tcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#9051232)





Date: December 12th, 2006 4:54 PM
Author: Tripping irate step-uncle's house

bump

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#7204245)





Date: April 12th, 2007 5:34 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

Bump for Horse.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#7920079)





Date: February 7th, 2007 9:39 PM
Author: geriatric dun parlour hairy legs

Gingerly, you lift the dusty tome. Inlaid in the worn leather are the faded words: "ITT: We write a choose your own adventure story..." You cackle maniacally, and blow the dust off of the cover. AT LONG LAST! The tome of un-ending stories! You can feel the power well up through the pages. Elated that your long quest has come to the end you...

1) Call your ex-girlfriend in a futile attempt at reconciliation after neglecting her in your quest for knowledge.

2) Immediately apply to the T-14, placing "Treasure Seeker" prominently in your list of hobbies.

3) Soil yourself from the immensity of the moment, regain your composure and head for the door.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=284518&forum_id=2#7563483)