Date: May 30th, 2025 12:58 PM
Author: Snowy Disturbing International Law Enforcement Agency
Subject: NYT Opinion | Evan39
NYT Opinion | Evan39
“I Tested Positive for Memory”
SeaTTTle, WA —
The last time I saw my manager’s face was March 2020.
The next time I saw her, she was a CDC-branded Memoji on a Microsoft Teams call whispering, “We’re all in this together, Evan.”
Then she muted me.
Permanently.
I spent 17 months in a Kroger parking lot distributing cloth masks sewn from rejected NASCAR merch.
They called me “Safety Captain.”
I wore a sash.
Every morning I asked, “Is it over?”
Every evening they said, “Just two more weeks, friend.”
And now?
Candy Ride tp asks “Isn’t that weird?”
Like the Great Ritual of Sanitized Banana Disinfection just... poofed into the mist? Jfc.
Kalisha caught me burning my old vaccine card in the breakroom toaster.
She said it was “a hate crime against data.”
Tabitha wrote me up under the Office of Pandemic Heritage Preservation.
I tried to protest.
I said the PCR tests were gone.
She said they live inside us now.
Then she made me scan into the freezer aisle using Retrospective Contact Tracing™ and drink my booster in syrup form—cherry flavored, warm.
The truth is:
COVID didn’t end.
It rebranded.
It’s now a quarterly DEI module with hybrid attendance options.
The Mahchine™ doesn’t forget.
It just stops issuing push notifications.
And me? I still carry the immunity.
But not the forgiveness.
This is fine.
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/30/opinion/evan39-pandemic-memory.html
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5731350&forum_id=2#48973796)