The most prestigious law school admissions discussion board in the world.
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: June 6th, 2009 9:35 PM Author: adulterous church *hastily scrawls "Jos A Bank 2 4 1 sal..." into the dirt with a stick* *keels over and dies* |
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Date: June 6th, 2009 9:37 PM Author: Provocative Yellow Fortuitous Meteor Is Jos. A. Bank worth one good man's life? We believed it once. Make us believe it again. He was a soldier of xoxo. Honor him.
Who will help me carry him? |
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Date: June 6th, 2009 9:44 PM Author: Flushed multi-colored ticket booth hunting ground Can they hear you?
Who?
Your family. In the afterlife.
Oh yes
What do you say to them?
To my son I tell him I will see him again soon. To keep his heels down while riding his horse. To my wife... I tell her to buy my suits at Jos. A Bank where you can buy one executive suit and get 6 free. A $6,000 value. |
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Date: June 6th, 2009 9:49 PM Author: Provocative Yellow Fortuitous Meteor On my signal, unleash buy one get one 1/2 off. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1013244&forum_id=2#11934210) |
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Date: June 6th, 2009 9:54 PM Author: Flushed multi-colored ticket booth hunting ground So Spaniard! We shall go to Rome together and have bloody adventures. And the great whore will suckle us until we are fat and happy and can suckle no more. And then, when enough men have died, perhaps you will have your wool pleated front trousers, 2 for $150. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1013244&forum_id=2#11934237) |
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Date: June 6th, 2009 10:01 PM Author: Provocative Yellow Fortuitous Meteor Have I missed it? Have I missed the sale? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1013244&forum_id=2#11934267) |
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Date: June 6th, 2009 10:05 PM Author: Flushed multi-colored ticket booth hunting ground Jos. A Bank, congratulations. I will sacrifice one hundred bulls to honor your sale. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1013244&forum_id=2#11934287) |
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Date: June 6th, 2009 10:10 PM Author: Provocative Yellow Fortuitous Meteor My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have an extra 20% off on orders of $499 or more, in this life or the next. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1013244&forum_id=2#11934309) |
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Date: May 28th, 2011 3:54 PM Author: magenta locale Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1013244&forum_id=2#18107882) |
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Date: May 28th, 2011 3:54 PM Author: Brilliant Judgmental Locus Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1013244&forum_id=2#18107887) |
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Lucius: I don't know, uncle.
The little bee told him how he could get free shipping on wrinkle-free cotton twill pants starting at $31.20. |
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Date: November 2nd, 2009 11:30 AM Author: adulterous church Among the many aims of Jos A Bank, survival has never been one of them. These altruistic philosopher-clothiers have been content to spread their Wrinkle-Free Twill Pants to as much of mankind as possible, leaving the survival of the enterprise in God's hands. To this day, it would not be inaccurate to state that the Gods have smiled upon Jos A Bank. How else could a mere man who gave his life in pursuit of a greater cause be resurrected to post amongst you again? The touch of St. Joseph is truly a miraculous thing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1013244&forum_id=2#13153726) |
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Date: May 21st, 2010 4:18 AM Author: adulterous church On the first day, man was naked and Saint Joseph took pity, tailoring him a pair of fine dress slacks from his heavenly polyester.
On the second day, Saint Joseph stated that ye shall have contrast collar dress shirts to match the slacks, and it was so.
On the third day, Saint Joseph noticed his work was still unfinished, so he spunneth up a 4.25 inch width tie from the finest silk.
On the fourth day, the man cried out in pain from the blisters on his feet, upon which Saint Joseph clad him in a pair of square-toed Johnston and Murphy shoes made from the leather of Noah's calf.
On the fifth day, the man cried out from the cold, upon which Saint Joseph granted him a navy sportcoat with shiny brass buttons on the sleeves, its canvass fused from the finest chinese glue.
And on the sixth day, Saint Joseph realized his work was still incomplete, so he bellowed from the heavens that his disciple must have a suit, and this was done.
On the Seventh day, Saint Joseph rested. The man came to him, head held in reverence, and asked Saint Joseph how the kindness could ever be repaid. And Saint Joseph replied: "For the Executive 2-button Wool Suit, this is easy. You must pay me $550."
"And what of the dress slacks?"
"Free."
"The shoes?"
"Free."
"The tie?"
"Free."
"The contrast collar dress shirt?"
"Free."
"And what of the sportcoat Father? Is that free as well?"
"Yes my son, it is all free."
"Father, how shall I compensate you for the transport of these fine wares?"
"My son, shipping is free on all orders of $175."
And so it was that this man was clothed by the loving hand of Saint Joseph. But, you may ask, how is it that I came to recount this tale? A worthy question. For I am the man in this story, and I have been touched by the hand of Saint Joseph himself. All hail the divine Saint Joseph, father of Jesus. It is through his benevolence that I stand resurrected before you today, here to spread his word and bounty. Go forth and be dressed! Saint Joseph has smiled upon you all and will provide twenty percent off your entire order if ye shall scrawl this code into the annals of history during checkout: CABINAPR (not valid on gift cards, sale items and shoes). Sinners repent! Philistines who would fleece the public by selling one suit for the price of one will be smitten by the mighty hand of Saint Joseph, and shall bear the mark of an oversized cufflink for all eternity! |
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Date: May 22nd, 2010 9:46 PM Author: dashing personal credit line (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1013244&forum_id=2#15057468) |
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Date: July 7th, 2010 10:04 PM Author: laughsome pearly kitty cat volcanic crater And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the JOS. A BANK store shall be established in the top level of the malls suitably adjacent to the Orange Julius and Panda Express, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all commerce shall flow unto it.
And many early-40s mid-level managers shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the JOS. A BANK, to the store of the clothier of Mr. Smith, Vice President at First National Bank of Main Street; and he will teach us of his sales, and we will walk in his Traveler Cavalry Pleated Tailored Fit Trousers: for out of JAB shall go forth the style of Middle America, and the word of the JOS. from Westfield.
And he shall measure among the neckline, and shall fit many buyers: and they shall beat their cash into four Signature Gold (TM) 2-Button Suits in British Tan, Navy Herringbone, or Cambridge Grey for the price of two, and their credit cards into Executive 2-Button Silk/Wool sportcoats, with a second for $99: manager shall not lift up style against manager, neither shall they learn sartorialism any more. |
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