when i started HS i was a pretty big dork, and i got picked on big time, and righfully so. it really sucked at the time, but im glad people were 'uncivil' to me, because it was only going to be worse at the next level unless i started becoming a little more self-aware of my social image. good, bad, right, wrong - that is just the way it is. you can stick up for this kid (or defend yourself if you are him), but the fact is, we are doing him (you) a favor.
David, it's obviously you b/c no one else would be so persistent and call us naughty names out of nowhere. and I totally don't even recognize your moniker.
also allow me take this opportunity to tell you that my LS is more prestigious than yours, David.
He says he was "featured" in Newsday, and then links to a blurb listing a bunch of local national merit scholar semi-finalists from 1997. Excellent stuff.
Date: March 9th, 2005 10:52 PM Author: glittery black dilemma
and the onion "feature" is a photograph with a bunch of people seemingly chosen because they exude douchebaggery.
every law school has one of these guys. what's most amazing here is that the list of achievements is so long without even one of them being at all impresive. and "westlaw certification" is bizarre. that's like saying you have a driver's license.
Date: March 11th, 2005 1:36 PM Author: copper chapel
Hey, this guy may be dorkey but he came by it honestly. Did you see the link to his father's website. Oh, and check out the link to Greater New York Mensa. The pictures of these losers will keep you laughing for a long, long time.
Date: March 9th, 2005 5:37 PM Author: white mental disorder
Don't know him personally, but he caused quite a stir at the EJF auction a couple of weeks ago when he bid almost $1000 for picnic with a young/popular professor.
Date: March 9th, 2005 5:45 PM Author: white mental disorder
Oh Christ, I didn't even notice that:
A pink slipper David Shifren, software engineer, was laid off from a newly built telecommunication company in November just two weeks after he was hired. "I do want to work for a IT-related company again," says Shifren, who talked to four recruiters at the party that night. "But next one must be a place where I can get a decent training."
Date: March 9th, 2005 5:45 PM Author: odious preventive strike boiling water
With all of these lame hobbies, how does he find time for the most important facet of his existence: furtively masturbating to TeenPeople for hours at a time?
his website was registered about 2 years ago, that means someone would have to hack his domain to put that stuff up there and i cant believe anyone would put that much effort into a prank
I actually know someone a lot like this in real life. These people exist. Every two months I get a listserved email update that's 20 pages long --and I'm pretty sure unless you're Batman or something no one has 20 pages worth in 2 months
Date: March 9th, 2005 7:41 PM Author: mustard dog poop national
This guy is a weirdo but its not his fault. You can't choose the way you are born or how you talk. If anyone else here was born with all the hurdles that this guy apparantly has, I guarantee they would have rolled over and given up. Personally, I think this guy is lucky he's a genius because god knows he isn't getting by on his looks or by being a smooth talker. If he has to interview aggressively because he is a social weirdo, more power to him for going after what he wants. As for talking in class, tons of people do that, he only gets picked on because he is ugly and has a stutter.
Date: March 9th, 2005 7:52 PM Author: mustard dog poop national
I understand it may be difficult for a dickhead like you to understand that nice people exist. I assure you that just because a random poster takes the opposite side from you in an argument doesn't mean that poster must be the subject of the debate.
Date: March 9th, 2005 8:37 PM Author: green kitchen
"he constantly raises his hand and has one of the worst speech impediments ive ever heard. it often takes him minutes to get out a word becuase of his stuttering problem."
Holy shit, I think I sat in on a Con Law class at Penn last year with this dude. It was the day he was called on. I was stunned.
Date: March 11th, 2005 9:34 PM Author: Flickering Stimulating Dysfunction Parlor Subject: ::passes out in shock::
Oh my god. It's like the three most annoying people I know combined into one.
My sympathies to all at Penn.
At some level I feel bad for the guy, clearly teased a lot early on in life and is compensating a hell of a lot to make up for it. Unfortunately this compensation only leads to more ridiculing for being a total weirdo.
On another level, we've all been made fun of in life. And plenty of people do not turn into completely socially inept people because of it. In fact, sometimes the most well adjusted people I know where teased a lot in grade school. So that's no excuse.
And frankly, on a personal level, I have been the recipient of strange creepy guys hitting on me and it's no fun. So if he's stalking people I have a serious problem with that.
Date: March 9th, 2005 8:06 PM Author: mahogany theatre
This Deshif guy has proven to me that not only does God have a sense of humor, He's actually a cynical bastard. Keep up the good work, oh Lord of Heaven.
Date: March 9th, 2005 8:24 PM Author: Dead sable orchestra pit round eye
I knew this guy at Duke - not well, but I took some classes with him and majored in a similar, overlapping field.
There are two types of nerds: those who are quiet, nice-guy nerds (with whom I have no problem, and often befriend, even) and those who are aggressive, obnoxious, arrogant nerds (e.g. Bill Gates). This guy is in the second class.
It's kind of TTT to do this to the poor guy, though.
Date: March 9th, 2005 8:37 PM Author: white mental disorder
I was there too... Unfortunately, what dickcheese posted was 100% accurate.
You just had to see it... He literally jumped out of his seat and was standing in front of the auctioneer waving his paddle around and around. It was insane.
Date: March 9th, 2005 8:41 PM Author: white mental disorder
She wasn't there, she just donated the item. Dunno what her reaction to this is, but like dickcheese said above, I'd be pretty freaked out. I don't even know if DeShif is going to bring 3 people with him or if he's just going to go alone with her.
The audience was laughing, but it was very uneasy... I mean, it's kind of like how a lot of people reacted to the J cutting herself thing from that xo thread the other day... The whole situation was pretty funny but when you realize that he isn't playing and is 100% serious, it kind of freaks you out after the fact.
initially i thought that reading this would do him some good. (as i posted above, i was a pretty big dork in HS, simply because i was just so unaware of social norms and my social image. getting picked on honestly did wonders for my life since then)
but in my experience there are just some kids that dont get it and dont care. the type of guys that you might invite to sit with you at lunch or invite out for a beer just to make an effort to include them, but they turn out to be even weirder than you expected. the guy obviously enjoys his life and is proud of his accomplishments. i cant imagine him reading this thread and being enlightened on the one hand or emotionally hurt on the other.
Date: March 11th, 2005 2:04 PM Author: copper chapel
"enlighten on the one hand or emotionally distrubed on the other". Are you kidding? This guy is going to update his resume/CV to include this link to show how much people are talking about him.
Date: March 9th, 2005 9:44 PM Author: boyish center headpube
i dont get it, why would anyone want to read his schedule and calendar? what is the purpose of having that shit on his website? The resume is one thing, but why do i need to know where he is every second of every single day?
from peers. likely due to stuttering and social awkwardness, as well as his looks. he might be annoying as all hell in large groups, but he's a pretty nice guy otherwise.
Date: March 9th, 2005 11:45 PM Author: Spectacular liquid oxygen
I know a guy who is a severe stutterer and he was well liked and successful at HYS -- he was on law review and ended up at a top-5 NY firm. Law school may look like high school, but it's not.
Date: March 11th, 2005 2:14 PM Author: copper chapel
Listen, this guy brings shit upon himself by creating a website like and by out-biding himself for a picnic. If he get's picked on because of his actions, it's his own fault.
I actually started to feel sorry for this guy until I read his sense of self importance. There are likeable nerds but this guy isn't one of them. So, if he gets picked on... oh well. That said, he'll probably have the last laugh after he explodes and goes postal on all of us.
Date: March 10th, 2005 12:52 AM Author: Multi-colored french chef box office Subject: Holy Crap, it's David Shifren!
I went to college with this guy. He was notorious on campus for being the biggest nerd at the entire school. I can't say I really ever talked to him, but he was a total tool.
1. I know of at least two girls that had to get restraining orders against him because he stalked them. He would wait outside their dorms for them every day, all day. No social graces, couldn't figure out that just because a girl smiled at you in class does not make her your new best friend.
2. I saw him on Halloween one year wearing a cheerleading outfit. Keep in mind, he's at least 70 pounds overweight. And he wasn't the funny fat kid in a group of friends doing it to be funny. It was very creepy.
3. As others have noted, he's the arrogant, aggressive, supernerd. We all hated him.
4. I don't know if he got kicked out of school for stalking, but it certainly wouldn't surprise me. His picture isn't in the class yearbook, and he's not listed in the online alumni directory.
Date: March 10th, 2005 7:26 AM Author: Fluffy excitant sanctuary
As soon as he finds out about all of this he's definitely adding "The Most Prestigious Admissions Board in the World" to the "featured in" section of his CV.
Date: March 10th, 2005 7:33 AM Author: big rusted casino hunting ground
Wow. I thought UVA's republican nerdy guy who everbody knows who has a website was sort of toolish, but he looks like Miles Davis compared to Mr. Shif.
I don't know why I posted this, as I won't say who the UVA guy is, so don't bother asking.
Date: March 10th, 2005 8:51 AM Author: Confused galvanic ticket booth
lmao...wow. really. wow. nobody else puts MIDDLE SCHOOL or sophomore year of high school "honors" on their stuff, right? and is a link to "Spanish" in "Proficient in Spanish - verbal and written communication" really necessary?
Date: March 10th, 2005 10:43 AM Author: Salmon know-it-all gunner old irish cottage Subject: I cant believe
Im sorry... I'm really still in disbelief that people like this actually exist. What happens to them? ARe these the kind of people who become famously successful? I have to assume no way... but I actually think his resume is preety fucking prestigious.
Nonetheless, I'm sure he scores in the bottom 10th percentile on all standardized social skill tests. He reminds me of that guy in office space, milton.
Date: March 11th, 2005 12:35 PM Author: duck-like tanning salon sound barrier
I just had to turn in the proposal (four pages plus preliminary bibliography) and he ate it up, gave me an A, and said it is a wonderful and unique topic.
I can only assume that Peen Law Review is in my future, but seriously, thanks. ;)
Date: March 11th, 2005 1:58 PM Author: high-end selfie
It's cool. Yours was an easy question, really; harder has been answering the "What should I write my college essay about?" questions (I teach high school, if you didn't already know that)
Date: March 10th, 2005 12:30 PM Author: zombie-like public bath famous landscape painting
You guys are just jealous... My resume is more prestigous than yours, my father is more presitgous than yours, and the girl that I stalk and will one day be my girlfriend is more prestigous than your girlfriend.
Date: March 10th, 2005 4:01 PM Author: Crawly mind-boggling institution community account
thanks man, I spent 10 minutes reading this post in class, then you post this, I lose my shit and starting laughing out loud in Con Law. Luckily, the teacher did not say anything.
Date: March 10th, 2005 2:31 PM Author: Thriller regret university
I'm not going to make fun of this guy because he's just emblematic of the Republican Party (David Shifren = New School Karl Rove) and Long Island as a whole.
Date: March 11th, 2005 10:42 PM Author: Slate Hideous Shrine
I feel bad for the poor guy. So he is a big nerd and he is annoying. I get it.
I would be mortified if I went on the internet and read hundreds of messages making fun of me. No one deserves that sort of public humiliation, no matter how much of a nerd they are. I say it's time to call off the hounds.
Date: March 23rd, 2005 6:17 PM Author: hairraiser heaven degenerate
Every time I start feeling bad about this thread I think about the past two presidential elections. The fact that I feel bad at all is the problem. Democrats need to learn to be heartless a$$holes. Might as well learn by practicing on Republicans. (NOTE: I do like Christine Todd Whitman, but I'm pretty sure she isn't a real Republican).
Date: March 23rd, 2005 8:47 PM Author: fuchsia idiotic trump supporter site
Oh man, I think I've passed his father's law practice in Hicksville. The one I'm thinking of has its phone number in huge gold numbers on the front of the building, so I'll have to pay more attention the next time I pass it. It's right near where LILCO was, so I think that could be it.
Date: March 23rd, 2005 11:30 PM Author: federal khaki bbw Subject: I'm touched...
... that everyone seems to find my site so hilarious.
1. Yes, the site is real. I'm real. And I'm really DEShif himself. (To prove it's me, here's the IM I got from Jim Adler: Mr Jim Adler (7:12:27 PM): You seriously have got to be the biggest tool I have ever come across in my life. Your resume is pathetic and the fact that you list the things that you do on your away message is just sad.)
2. Neither "xeris" nor "David Shifren" are me. I just found about this forum (and, indeed, this site) tonight when someone posted to my site's forum.
3. The story about my bidding for $950 for picnic with Struve is true. I did have a group lined up (although not at that price). And it has nothing to do with her looks or gender and everything to do with market competition. You may recall I also bought events with Profs. Roosevelt, Persily, Parchomovsky, and Prichett (all male). The only reason I spent $950 for this one was because a group of 1Ls bid up to $900.
4. The rumors about expulsion from Duke, restraining orders, or any stalking at all are utterly untrue. Ask the admissions office if you don't believe me - they've seen my records.
5. The photo of Judge Jones' chambers really are the clerks and interns. At the time it was taken, I was the only male in the office. And, no, that's not why I took the job!
6. Yes, the hot body championships are true. And, yes, I won them despite (or perhaps due to?) my being fat and ugly.
7. This online resume isn't the same as my actual, paper resume. That one is one page and omits almost all of the minor things which are on the online resume. This one is much more comprehensive and (perhaps exhaustively) detailed.
8. Finally, the purpose behind the event calendar and schedule is twofold: first, for my own convenience - I don't have a PDA and secondly, because my friends (yes, I do have friends!) sometimes use it to see what's going on, what classes I'm taking, or when I'm free.
9. The Cuba trip was legal (and quite fun) - I had Treasury Dept. permission through the law school to conduct academic research.
10. Finally, despite what many on the board have speculated, I am neither gay nor a virgin (although, admittedly, I am single). And, in response to your next question, I've never used a prostitute.
Date: March 24th, 2005 12:29 AM Author: Soul-stirring at-the-ready menage
Dear Mr. Shifren,
Upon examining your resume, my advisors and I have concluded that I am more prestigious than you. While you have achieved some prestigiousness in your day, you simply do not rival the glorious elitism that is 174. HTH.
Please update your resume's "Recognition" section to reflect that I responded to your post, as this surely constitutes prestigious recognition.
Feel free to ask for advice if you ever need help not being a TTT.
Date: March 24th, 2005 1:43 AM Author: Elite idea he suggested brunch
Hey douchebag,
I actually found this funny. Well done. Finally youre getting the hang of utilizing your schtick in an effective manner. Keep it up, and Ill refrain from embarassing you.
Date: March 24th, 2005 5:12 PM Author: Alcoholic antidepressant drug Subject: please grow up
Greetings.
Making fun of others is fine. We all do it.
It is extremely cowardly, however, to do so anonymously, hiding behind the cloak of a website.
Thus, I present a real, working email address:
adamspamguard-autoadmit@yahoo.com
[Of course, this is a temporary address, I can keep it as long (or short) as I want. But for now it goes straight to my inbox]
Anyway. I strongly recommend that many of you think long and hard about your desire and readiness for law school. These types of baseless attacks simply are not welcome within these halls.
If nothing else, please do not come to Penn. You won't fit in and we won't accept these types of attitudes and behaviors.
And in the future, if you have something to say, please at least attach a name and email.
Date: March 24th, 2005 1:47 AM Author: Charcoal passionate house Subject: You're all fucked.
I know David from another school he went to. Yes, he sat in the front and raised his hand, and yes he would often annoy the teacher, and yes it took him a little while to get his words out and yes he was akward with girls and akward in general.
However, he has a good heart. He is a good guy. He is never mean, always positive and if he comes off arrogant sometimes, well re-read the aforegoing posts and ask yourself why someone who is constantly made fun of might act like that. I wasn't his best friend, or really knew him, but someone told me of this post today and we all talked about why it was sad that there were so many immature children who could not be supportive of those around them who might be challenged in one way or another. Maybe sometimes people paint targets on themselves, but who are we to hurl shit at them.
I wish David the best of luck. I think he should, if he is reading this, understand that people are jealous, in the case of these posts, it pervades their comments, and finally David, all of us at Cardozo think well of you and wish you the best.
Fuck these people and keep growing, you'll learn what you need to, God knows you are smart enough to get there. Be yourself. Find your way. Keep your head up. Most importantly, don't listen to the negativity. Good Luck.
Date: March 24th, 2005 6:00 PM Author: Concupiscible crackhouse Subject: what I have learned from this thread
1. the future of the justice system will be in the hands of many childish, hateful misfits who have nothing better to do than attempt to destroy the self-esteem of an accomplished human being.
2. Posting enormous amounts of personal information online is an invariable risk and makes you vulnerable to such scrutiny.
Date: June 20th, 2005 4:08 PM Author: Amethyst Unhinged Space Subject: David Shifren
Hi, my name is Carol, and I've been friends with Dave since high school. Rather, he has been a good friend to me for almost the last 10 years, despite my immaturity throughout most of the time period. For a very long time, I was an utter douchebag who thought that popularity mattered and Dave was strange, so I wasn't a very good friend to him. (Dave, please consider this my official apology.)
Dave has stuck by me through thick and thin all of these years. He has been a thoughtful, kind, and generous friend and a great listener. He is an intelligent, patient person who gives without expecting anything in return from others. Whenever someone pokes fun at him, he takes it in stride and is never mean to the offending party. The rest of us can learn a lot from him.
Date: June 20th, 2005 4:12 PM Author: Amethyst Unhinged Space
Actually, it's very interesting that you ask this question. As a precaution, I get tested at least once every year. I just got my results back today and I've tested negative for all of the diseases. Unless you're counting intelligence as an STD. :)
Date: December 19th, 2005 10:11 PM Author: Umber tattoo
OH MY FUCKING GOD ALL MIGHTY!!!!! This has to be one of the best threads EVER! Still, after Davids response....he seems like a perfectly well adjusted, kind, if awkward feller. I for one support him despite his extreme lack of social skills. If you will allow me:
Date: December 20th, 2005 12:56 AM Author: Insanely creepy azn puppy
rock on dave!
Also, did you guys notice he attended the Institute for Justice law student conference?
He's a libertarian to boot. I don't care what his persona is (which doesn't seem all that bad). If he uses his intellectual talents and ambitions to further the cause of liberty MORE POWER TO HIM.
Date: January 16th, 2006 5:07 PM Author: kink-friendly national security agency Subject: I saw this loser in Cancun
Over Christmas break I saw this loser dancing his fat ass off in a cancun nightclub (by himself of course). I even asked him was he a Penn law student to be sure, he asked "what have I done?" I said I was a 3L and recognized him. Meanwhile I had to come up with a lie so explain to my friends why I was talking to this loser.
Date: January 17th, 2006 1:08 PM Author: federal khaki bbw Subject: Must have missed...
You must have missed the fact that I was there with, oh, 40 or so friends. (I've been going to Cancun for 20 years, so I know a lot of people down there.) Nice try, though. And, if I recall correctly, I rebuffed your advance. I didn't mean to be hurtful, I just don't swing that way.
Date: January 18th, 2006 10:44 AM Author: kink-friendly national security agency
I didn't notice the 40 friends, but I wasn't looking for them either.
I felt like I was in the presence of a celebrity. Lowly ole me watching DeShif groove on the corner of the stage. I thought DeShif only existed in my dreams. I was starstruck watching you move those meaty hips to the beat of the music. If only I had internet access that night my friends and I could have celebrated our chance encounter with xoxo royalty. Instead all I heard was "What the fuck are you doing talking to that guy." I even was going to take a photo of you with a couple of the girls we were with, but they were worried about you dripping sweat on them.
I do have a healthy measure of respect for DeShif, any dude willing to get up on the DJ stage and dance by himself is cool by me. You, Mr. DeShif, have enough balls for 8 normal men. I salute you.
By the way, there were a ton of young hotties there that night, I trust you did not go home alone.
Date: January 17th, 2006 6:49 PM Author: Vibrant navy athletic conference
whatever, this fat retarded dumbfuck is the kind of fat retarded dumbfuck that gives lawyers, republicans, Americans and white males a bad name.
Shockingly, this idiot hasn't even been compared to who he is most like. Even though, as I recall, there is a photo with him with the dude.
Karl Rove was close, but Rove at least is an architect, a strategic thinker that can assess avenues and devise tactics to negotiate them toward success.
This fat dumbass is more like Ken Starr than anyone else. His claim to fame: examining Bill Clintons spooge marks. This heeb is well on his way.
Date: January 18th, 2006 10:54 AM Author: glittery black dilemma
he seems like a perfectly decent guy. and GTO -- our "director of educational services" -- ridiculing someone for credential puffery is ridiculously ironic.