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Someone spilled coffee on my JoS A Bank blazer - what do I do?
| Diverse Crackhouse | 04/04/11 |
| Hyperventilating Shrine Toilet Seat | 04/04/11 |
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: April 4th, 2011 6:46 PM Author: Diverse Crackhouse OK so a partner and I were in the office speaking about a recent deal. He was telling me how great a job I was doing and complimenting my snappy JoS A Bank suit. Then my secretary came in and interrupted us rather rudely. She started talking to me about three calls I got when she "accidentally" bumped my coffee-bearing arm.
Fucking hot coffee spilled all over my goddamn red blazer. It used to be radiating with glory, with virtue - now it has the character of a Land's End shirt. I was furious brothers, so I reeled my arm back and really gave her a hard punch in the face. When she collapsed to the ground in a heap of tears, the partner took a sip of his diet Coke and shrugged. "It's hard to find good help these days," he said before walking off.
I nodded in assent, and laboriously kicked my secretary across the floor and out the door. It was hard work because she's pretty dumpy so I had to keep kicking her in the guy over and over as I shuffled across the room.
I just locked the door and I'm beginning to cool down. What do I do next? |
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Date: April 4th, 2011 6:56 PM Author: Hyperventilating Shrine Toilet Seat The loss of a Jos A Bank blazer is an experience of profound loss and disillusion. It is the sartorial equivalent of witnessing the suicide of your only son just as he is two yards away from scoring the winning touchdown in the championship high school game or a few mere ascending paces from attaining the summit of Everest and enterting the Young Mountaineers' recordbook. If a man bears the loss of such a blazer without tears, I call him heartless; if he bears it without violence, I call him weak. Go to your secretary: go to her with your coffee-stained blazer, and place it before her. Make her see the real-world ramifications of her carelessness. Make her weep her deserved tears of regret and tug at the ends of her hair. Make her curse her own existence and clambor at your feet. Make her crawl after you across the office carpeting as you walk away, stone-faced. Then go to your office, close the door, and denounce your God, who has forsaken you---nay, all of us---on this dark, dark day. And then, when your secretary has cried her last tears, and your throat has gone sore from your curses, burn the blazer. Yes, burn it. Send the smoky remnants of its finely woven sleeves and carefully crafted buttons up to the heavens, so that the angels themselves may choke and gasp for clean air. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1609361&forum_id=2#17685762) |
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