CharlesXII here, rating posters as made-up Harry Turtledove books
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Date: December 10th, 2019 8:38 PM Author: Sepia parlor
Emperor Alexander: Instead of dying at 33 in Babylon, Alexander the Great lives into old age. The first book of this 7-book series covers his future campaigns, which closely mimic real-life battles. Alexander conquers Italy after winning a Cannae-like victory over the Roman, his victory in Gaul closely mimics Alesia, etc. Subsequent books follow the fate of Alexander's Macedonian Empire, which is almost identical to the Roman Empire's, except events happen 300 years earlier and about 500 miles to the east. There's a first century BC crisis, where the Empire fragments into Italic and Persian Empires before being reunified by Isaurian barracks emperors, one of whom founds a new capital at the site of modern Baghdad. Eventually, the empire collapses under a wave of Gokturk invasions.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39245311) |
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Date: December 10th, 2019 8:56 PM Author: Sepia parlor
The Little Centurion: In ancient antiquity, limited forms of magic exist. They allow the Ancient Roman Republic to have a way of life comparable to late 1700s Europe. Magicians wielding spells can mass-produce pamphlets and books like a printing press would; wizards can hurl fireballs that mimic cannon shots, etc.
In this world, the reformist Gracchi brothers accidentally kick off a Roman revolution. Senators are beheaded en masse on the Capitoline hill, and a new government of reason takes power, abolishing the old Roman elite, importing new Greek customs, and adopting novelties like a new revolutionary calendar (which of course matches the IRL Julian calendar). The chaos in Rome is eventually exploited by a young Gaius Marius to make himself emperor and try conquering Europe. Marius defeats several “Pan-Mediterranean” coalitions against him, only to be undone by a ruinous invasion of Parthia. He is exiled to Elba, returns, is defeated again, and dies in an even more obscure exile on the modern-day Isle of Wight.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39245407) |
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Date: December 10th, 2019 9:32 PM Author: Sepia parlor
The Rifles of Mars: Christianity and Islam never arose, so the world still follows a patchwork of pagan belief systems. Improbably, history has otherwise gone about the same, with nations like France, Spain, and America coming into existence by what would be the year 1800. However, each nation follows its historic paganism: Anglo-Saxon Wotanism oppresses Irish Druidism; the Roman Pontifex Maximus tries to lead the scattered practitioners of old Roman paganism, and the Turkish Ottoman Empire adopted a particularly horrifying brand of the old Canaanite religion.
In this world of old-fashioned beliefs, Napoleon Bonaparte tries to create a new empire centered on the radical idea of monotheism. His actual military exploits and tragic death, though, closely follow the life of the Roman emperor Julian.
In this book Josephine is described as insanely hot and there are several graphic sex scenes involving her with Napoleon as well as the Duke of Wellington who totally cucks him.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39245572) |
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Date: December 10th, 2019 11:27 PM Author: Sepia parlor
The Dark Towers: The United States of America is an empire of science, reason, and technology. The Islamic world, in contrast, is backwards and barbaric. But Islam has something America doesn't: Black magic. Furious that American troops have defiled the Islamic holy places, the sorcerer Osama bin Laden destroys most of lower Manhattan and turns the Twin Towers into sinister underworld portals that spew demonic entities into the world. American forces invade the Middle East, kill Bin Laden, and seem to have pacified the region. But then, the Islamic Magocracy emerges in northern Iraq, and unleashes a new wave of terror against the world. Can the might of American technology overcome an enemy that possesses teleportation, necromancy, and the power to transform its enemies into pigs? And how will they overcome the enemy's most dangerous spell of all, an enchantment that makes Western elites blame America itself for IMIS's evil?
A brief epilogue to the book teases a sequel, which suggests the entire war between the U.S. and Islam was engineered by magi from yet another magical superpower in the Middle East.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39246155) |
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Date: December 10th, 2019 11:45 PM Author: Sepia parlor
Goodbye, Eugene!: In this alternate timeline, the Russian Revolution failed and Russia became a liberal democracy. In America, though, socialism is much stronger, and Eugene Debs successfully leads a Communist Revolution. The Cold War proceeds to unfold but in mirror image: Latin America and Western Europe become puppet regimes of the Red U.S., while Russia becomes a capitalist superpower leading allies such as Poland, China, and Turkey. France is divided into northern and southern halves. The Russian bloc suffers a crisis when India falls to communism. Russia struggles through proxy wars in Spain and Pakistan. The world nearly has a nuclear war when short-range nuclear missiles are discovered in newly-communist Denmark. The climax of the novel, though, chronicles the difficult years of General Secretary Jimmy Carter, who tries to revive the flagging U.S. state with economic and political reforms, but instead sees the American empire collapse in a wave of democratic, anti-Communist revolutions.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39246227) |
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Date: December 11th, 2019 12:27 AM Author: Sepia parlor
The Wealth and Poverty of Nations is a decent rebuttal to Guns, Germs, and Steel and other kinda shitlib takes on world economic history.
Your rating:
Behemoths: A short story collection set in a world where dinosaurs survived the Cretaceous extinction event and remained unchanged in a few scattered, isolated locations of earth, like Madagascar and Cuba. These dinosaurs are gradually discovered when human civilization emerges, and they are eventually tamed as weapons of war. Hannibal takes a pair of massive sauropods over the Alps. Cortez's conquest of Mexico goes awry when he is sacrificed to Montezuma's T-Rex. A charge of triceratops annihilates the Ottoman lines at the Siege of Vienna, etc.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39246383) |
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Date: December 11th, 2019 2:22 AM Author: Sepia parlor
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Germany Divided: Instead of Hitler rising to power, Weimar Germany collapses into a civil war between Communists and capitalists. The Communists win, forcing capitalist forces to flee to Taiw-whoops, I mean, East Prussia. The Cold War still happens, but for the rest of the century, German history follows the course of Chinese history in our own world. Communist Germany becomes an overpopulated, impoverished, but nuclear-armed economic mess, while the U.S.-backed "Republic of Germany" starts off as an oppressive dictatorship but later emerges as a rich market democracy. Red German volunteers intervene during the Italian War to prevent a Communist defeat. During the Second Kulturkrieg of the 60s, an aging Ernst Thalmann tries to maintain his power in Germany by mobilizing students to attack existing power structures; countless castles, cathedrals, and priceless works of art are destroyed in the process. Later, an aging Heinrich Himmler (who went Communist in this timeline) reforms Germany to have a more market-based economy...but he also shows zero hesitation in crushing student protesters in the Alexanderplatz.
As the book ends, Germany remains divided, but the still-officially-Marxist "German Democratic Republic" is a rising economic superpower of Europe, ready to challenge the fading United States for regional supremacy.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39246579) |
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Date: December 11th, 2019 2:32 AM Author: Sepia parlor
Kalter Krieg: The Soviets invaded Europe in World War 2. To stop Stalin from overrunning the entire continent, Britain and the US had to make an alliance of convenience with Nazi Germany. Now, though, Germany is a superpower, and capitalism faces off with fascism in a worldwide cold war. To contain and ultimately defeat Fascist Germany, the U.S. makes many alliances with anti-fascists around the world, no matter how brutal they are. In Korea, Eisenhower installs Kim Il-Sung as dictator after elections choose a fascist leader. In Vietnam, 50,000 U.S. troops die supporting the Communist north against the fascist south. Richard Nixon secretly bombs Cambodia to keep Pol Pot in power. In the end, the German empire collapses, and most of our old communist allies eventually embrace capitalism and democracy. But there's no shortage of dissidents on college campuses and elsewhere who say the moral compromises weren't worth it. Some even say Nazi Germany wasn't so bad, and a few extremist libs even deny the Holocaust ever happened.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39246587) |
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Date: December 11th, 2019 8:19 PM Author: Sepia parlor
Shoguns of the Patriots: The Gunpowder Plot succeeds in England, causing an anti-Catholic and anti-foreigner backlash so severe the country closes itself off from the outside world. Meanwhile, in Japan, Christians respond to anti-Christian persecution by fleeing across the Pacific and colonizing California. Eventually, they are followed by other Japanese colonists, and California becomes a prosperous colony of a more open, commercially influential Japan. After a costly war with China, though, Japan imposes new taxes and commercial restrictions on California, so the colonists rebel and establish a new republic, inspired by both Christianity and classical Confucian principles. The independent New Japan steadily pushes east, conquering new lands and calling it the "Mandate of Destiny." The novel ends with the rich, industrializing power sending an expedition around South America to force open the long-closed nation of England.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39251138) |
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Date: December 11th, 2019 8:43 PM Author: Sepia parlor
Crown World: In early-modern Europe, the vast majority of countries are republics, governed by elected representatives. Some, like England, still have chief executives with limited authority, while some like France are "absolute republics" with decentralized authority and no chief executive at all. Only a few small, mercantile city-states rely on powerful, hereditary monarchs to run things. But with the Enlightenment comes new ideas, and with modernization comes growing inequality and rising popular agitation. Finally, in France, a few failed harvests and a fiscal crisis brings to power a new group of radical ideologues, who assert the rationality of investing absolute power in a single man.
The novel ends with the top general of the "Kingdom of France" being declared the adopted son and heir of the reigning king. However, an epilogue suggests the general may secretly be plotting to restore republican principles to the country.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39251291) |
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Date: December 11th, 2019 9:55 PM Author: Sepia parlor
The Grand Alliance: A super-advanced spacefaring civilization, the K’obur Tun, has come under attack by a bloodthirsty, galaxy-conquering enemy, the Mordakeks. Having fought no wars of their own in ten thousand years, the K’obur use their limited time travel powers to recruit generals from the most warlike civilization they’ve found in all their millennia of exploration: Humans. Initially, they plan to recruit the greatest war-winners in human history, men like Alexander, Napoleon, and Genghis Khan, but there’s a problem. They’ve already been recruited by the Mordakeks! The K’obur instead must recruit history’s most famous losers. Men like Hannibal, Erwin Rommel, William Westmoreland, and of course, Robert E. Lee. Can this band of historical unfortunates come together, compensate for each other’s failures, turn the tables, and get the final victory real life denied them?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39251865) |
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Date: December 11th, 2019 10:29 PM Author: Sepia parlor
Guns, Germs, and Obsidian: Mesoamerican culture makes far more rapid technological progress, so rapid that they cross the Atlantic first. The novel follows Cuauhtemoc, an ambitious Aztec conqueror who sinks his ships behind him after landing a troop of warriors in "España." While Aztec culture left human sacrifice behind long ago, Cuauhtemoc is shocked to discover that the Spanish routinely kill men to eat their flesh and drink their blood, following the command of their ancient god who is prophesied to one day return. A badly-outnumbered Cuauhtemoc first poses as the returned "Jesus," and then forges alliances with Spain's many enemies: The Moors, the Catalans, and the Basques. Eventually, he overthrows them and carves out the first Aztec empire in the New World.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39252119) |
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Date: December 12th, 2019 8:05 PM Author: Sepia parlor
Blitzkrieg in a Teapot: In the 1930s, on the small, fictional North Sea island of Northwall, war is brewing. Despite its tiny, the island is carved up into about two dozen tiny city-states with radically different governing ideologies. The largest statelet, Ramshorn, is a socialist commune. The small offshore island of Tidegate is a constitutional monarchy led by a duke. Fernsworth is republic with a robust market economy, etc.
But the real danger comes from Oldcastle, whose extremist mayor Nigel Chambers aspires to rule all of Northwall. Chambers launches, well, not World War 2, but a very tiny version of it. Seeking living space for some additional housing, Chambers deploys four tanks and a dozen armored cars to seize neighboring Eastmont. Over the following days, his forces bring other towns to submission, but Tidegate stands defiant, thanks to a fleet of a dozen patrol boats that make invasion impossible. Chambers deploys a small force of biplane bombers to harry the island, but this fails to break the island's will. Eventually, Chambers overreaches by invading Ramshorn. A cold snap causes the gasoline in his tanks to freeze, and the subsequent thaw gets them mired in mud. Later, his attempt to capture a key apartment block is bogged down by hours of door-to-door fighting.
Eventually, wealthy and populous Fernsworth intervenes, and in alliance with Ramshorn and Tidegate, they crush Oldcastle. Chambers commits suicide. The entire war lasts approximately three weeks.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39256905) |
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Date: December 13th, 2019 10:13 AM Author: Sepia parlor
The Dynamite Corporal: For those who don’t know, Turtledove is a huge shitlib who goes on lame CNN-tier rants against Trump on Twitter. This book is his attempt to make a political statement.
Instead of being born in late 18th-century Corsica, Napoleon is born in the late 1980s in southeast Idaho. His awkward demeanor and talent for dance routines, class politics, and tetherball initially conceal his true ability as a master military tactician. In the 2010s, Napoleon joins the National Guard, only to be caught up in a new American Revolution: Ronald Drumpf, a bigoted, orange-hued reality TV star, has become president thanks to a boatload of Russian money. He soon begins abducting children at the border to sell them to wealthy Republican pedophiles, while abandoning US allies like the Kurds and Ukrainians as a favor to his Russian masters.
Soon, there is a revolution. Napoleon, educated in liberal ideas (unlike his ignorant redneck fellow officers), sides with the rebels both out of principle and to protect his trusted aide de camp Pedro. His strategic brilliance soon makes him a top commander in the American army. President Drumpf is toppled and executed. Unlike the French Revolution, though, this revolution is portrayed entirely positively, and while a few extreme right-wingers are executed they all deserve it. Thanks to the more virtuous nature of this revolution, Napoleon himself remains more virtuous and he never aspires to become a dictator.
The novel climaxes with Napoleon leading brilliant military interventions in Syria, Iran, and Ukraine to protect America’s allies and defeat sinister Russian influence. He marches on Moscow, but this time he wins, and forces the Russian President to sign a humiliating peace treaty. Napoleon is then elected as a new Democratic president and leads America into a golden age.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4398831&forum_id=2#39259115) |
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