180 NY Times article re: I-Bankers, models, bottles, etc.
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: January 28th, 2009 10:56 AM Author: mind-boggling impertinent plaza filthpig
The economic crisis came home to 27-year-old Megan Petrus early last year when her boyfriend of eight months, a derivatives trader for a major bank, proved to be more concerned about helping a laid-off colleague than comforting Ms. Petrus after her father had a heart attack.
For Christine Cameron, the recession became real when the financial analyst she had been dating for about a year would get drunk and disappear while they were out together, then accuse her the next day of being the one who had absconded.
Dawn Spinner Davis, 26, a beauty writer, said the downward-trending graphs began to make sense when the man she married on Nov. 1, a 28-year-old private wealth manager, stopped playing golf, once his passion. “One of his best friends told me that my job is now to keep him calm and keep him from dying at the age of 35,” Ms. Davis said. “It’s not what I signed up for.”
They shared their sad stories the other night at an informal gathering of Dating a Banker Anonymous, a support group founded in November to help women cope with the inevitable relationship fallout from, say, the collapse of Lehman Brothers or the Dow’s shedding 777 points in a single day, as it did on Sept. 29.
In addition to meeting once or twice weekly for brunch or drinks at a bar or restaurant, the group has a blog, billed as “free from the scrutiny of feminists,” that invites women to join “if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life.”
Theirs is not the typical 12-step program.
Step 1: Slip into a dress and heels. Step 2: Sip a cocktail and wait your turn to talk. Step 3: Pour your heart out. Repeat as needed.
About 30 women, generally in their mid- to late-20s, regularly post to the Web site or attend meetings.
“We do make light of everything on the blog and it’s very tongue in cheek,” said Laney Crowell, 27, who parted ways with a corporate real estate investor last month after a tumultuous relationship. “But it all stems out of really serious and heartfelt situations.”
When she introduces other Wall Street widows to the group, Ms. Crowell added, “They call their friends and say, ‘You’re not going to believe what I just read. It’s going to make you feel so much better.’ ”
Once it was seen as a blessing in certain circles to have a wealthy, powerful partner who would leave you alone with the credit card while he was busy brokering deals. Now, many Wall Street wives, girlfriends and, increasingly, exes, are living the curse of cutbacks in nanny hours and reservations at Masa or Megu. And that credit card? Canceled.
Raoul Felder, the Manhattan divorce lawyer, said that cases involving financiers always stack up as the economy starts to slip, because layoffs and shrinking bonuses place stress on relationships — and, he said, because “there aren’t funds or time for mistresses any more.”
(One such mistress wrote on the blog that when she pouted about not having been taken on a trip lately, her married man explained that with money so tight, his wife had taken to checking up on his accounts.)
Harriet Pappenheim, a psychotherapist at Park Avenue Relationship Consultants who wrote “For Richer or Poorer,” a 2006 book on money in marriage, said that the repercussions could be acute for Wall Street wunderkinds who define their identities through their job titles and the size of their bonuses.
“It’s a big blow to their egos and to their self-esteem,” she said of the endless stream of economic bad news, “and they may take it out on their partners and children.”
Ms. Petrus, a lawyer, and Ms. Crowell, who works for a fashion Web site, started the support group when they realized that they were facing similar problems in their relationships with bankers last fall.
“We put two and two together and figured out that it was the economy, not us,” Ms. Petrus recalled at a recent meeting in the lobby bar of the Bowery Hotel. “When guys in banking are going through this, they can’t handle a relationship.”(She and her boyfriend split up last year; he declined to discuss it.)
Many of the women said that as the economic crisis struck last fall, they began tracking the markets during the day to predict the moods that the men they loved might be in later. On big news days, like when the first proposed government bailout failed in Congress, or when Lehman went belly-up, they knew that plans to see their partners would be put off.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/nyregion/28daba.html?_r=1&ref=nyregion
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808212) |
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Date: January 28th, 2009 1:23 PM Author: 180 hairy legs
I guess the blatant repudiation that this notion even should cross her mind when marrying someone is what I find most repugnant.
At least most people pay lip service to "for better or for worse."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808929)
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Date: January 28th, 2009 2:06 PM Author: Ebony beady-eyed french chef scourge upon the earth
Mrs. Krabopple: This is so exciting. I've never been on a date with a murdered before.
Sideshow Bob: To be fair, I never *successfully* killed anyone.
Mrs. Krabopple: (disapppointed) Oh. I see.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10809252)
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Date: January 29th, 2009 9:36 AM Author: Chestnut aromatic digit ratio
To be fair,
This makes perfect sense.
This is also why we subjectivize the "average reasonable person" legal standard to take into account things like being greedier and less intelligent than normal, having a fucked up childhood, being more prone to rage fits, suffering from a mental illness, etc.
Oh wai
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10815874) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 11:02 AM Author: odious corner trust fund
The blog is priceless.
http://dabagirls.com/
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808229) |
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Date: January 30th, 2009 3:44 PM Author: mentally impaired fishy area gay wizard
http://dabagirls.wordpress.com/2009/01/27/ain%E2%80%99t-messin%E2%80%99-with-no-broke-banker/
Ain’t Messin’ With No Broke Banker
January 27, 2009 in Uncategorized
This whole messy ordeal has advanced my Botox start date by at least two years. Like every other DABA girl, the economy was wreaking havoc on my relationship and youthful good looks. Phone calls went unanswered, Hamptons invitations un-extended, plans canceled (including, but not limited to, expensive opening night tickets to the ballet, which were scalped instead of being graciously offered to me and a galpal), and so forth and so on. Until – the horror of all horrors – my FBF lost his job, which I guess technically downgrades him to just my BF.
Overnight, he went from unavailable to downright clingy. He wants to have dinner every night. By dinner I mean staying in and cooking as Megu is no longer in the budget. AND, FYI DABA girls – chopping vegetables along side your man in a hot New York sized kitchen is NOTHING like the sexy kitchen scene between Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger in Nine and a Half Weeks. Seriously. It sucks. Anyhow, he suggested I meet his parents over the holidays and he keeps commenting that half Asian babies are by far the cutest. My take on his 180: having no steady source of income for the foreseeable future, he realized that his chances of securing another fashion industry type girl are pretty much zilch and so he is cleaving to me as the last vestige of his former high rolling lifestyle.
Thanks to the recession, I now have a completely devoted BF, which is exactly what I wanted. So I should be happy, right? Wrong. I’m bored and can’t stop thinking about my perpetually unattainable Euro ex-boyfriend who is recession proof courtesy of an offshore trust account. To be honest, I’m only with my BF because I just don’t have the heart to change my facebook status from “in a relationship” to “I ain’t saying I’m a gold digger, but I ain’t messin’ with no broke banker.”
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10825361) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 11:11 AM Author: disgusting locale foreskin
Money:
Despite the seemingly endless stream of disparaging remarks and shaking heads, some of the appeal of dating a banker remains.
“It’s not even about a $200 dinner,” Ms. Petrus said. “It’s that he’s an alpha male, he’s aggressive, he’s a go-getter, he doesn’t take no for an answer, he’s confident, people respect him and that creates the whole mystique of who he is.”
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808255)
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Date: January 28th, 2009 11:15 AM Author: odious corner trust fund
Overnight, he went from unavailable to downright clingy. He wants to have dinner every night. By dinner I mean staying in and cooking as Megu is no longer in the budget. . . . Anyhow, he suggested I meet his parents over the holidays and he keeps commenting that half Asian babies are by far the cutest. My take on his 180: having no steady source of income for the foreseeable future, he realized that his chances of securing another fashion industry type girl are pretty much zilch and so he is cleaving to me as the last vestige of his former high rolling lifestyle.
Thanks to the recession, I now have a completely devoted BF, which is exactly what I wanted. So I should be happy, right? Wrong. I’m bored and can’t stop thinking about my perpetually unattainable Euro ex-boyfriend who is recession proof courtesy of an offshore trust account. To be honest, I’m only with my BF because I just don’t have the heart to change my facebook status from “in a relationship” to “I ain’t saying I’m a gold digger, but I ain’t messin’ with no broke banker.”
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808271) |
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Date: January 28th, 2009 12:50 PM Author: Razzle frozen menage
You ignorantly deleted a great line: AND, FYI DABA girls – chopping vegetables along side your man in a hot New York sized kitchen is NOTHING like the sexy kitchen scene between Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger in Nine and a Half Weeks. Seriously. It sucks.
LOL NY Apartments
LOL NY Women
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808690)
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Date: January 28th, 2009 11:15 AM Author: odious corner trust fund
Me *pouting*: You haven’t taken me on a trip since we went to Bermuda in September. What’s going on?
Charles: Honey, finances are tight right now so my wife has taken it upon herself to check up on all of our accounts. She will notice any big expenditures.
Me *cute voice*: Wellllllllllllll, what are you going to do to make it up to me?
Charles: Can we talk later sweetheart? I’m really busy right now.
Me: No. Give me an answer NOW. Don’t you realize what you have? I’m way too hot to be treated like this. (Disclaimer: Yes, I come across as bratty here, but it typically works when trying to get something out of him)
Charles *yelling for the first time in our almost two-year relationship*: I’VE GOT TO FIRE TWENTY PEOPLE BY THE END OF THE WEEK. Z has four kids, X just had a baby girl, Y just sent his son to college and I’ve got to get rid of two of those guys… and you’re complaining about vacations and dinner? God, you are so 24! GROW UP!
Me *stunned*: Okie dokie, let’s talk later lover.
He apologized a few hours later. He promised my age was one of the things that endears me to him the most, but that I just don’t understand the tremendous amounts of pressure he is under right now. Fair enough. But damn, it’s tough to date a banker, even for the girl on the side.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808272) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 11:17 AM Author: odious corner trust fund
It was the summer of ’08. I had just graduated from law school. He was an i-banker. We were a power couple in the making. His stats:
6’2”. Check.
Ivy League Educated. Check.
Apartment Owner, Dog Lover. Check, Check.
Upwardly Mobile. Check.
It was just a matter of time before the two of us would be strolling through the West Village in matching peacoats with our adopted Asian children in tow.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808278) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 11:23 AM Author: disgusting locale foreskin
My FBF lost his job, sigh, and has been working steadily at going crazy ever since, but I think he’s finally lost it. I heard through the grapevine (aka Twitter and Facebook) that he had been losing his temper and starting fights. I didn’t experience it myself until New Year’s Eve.
As had seemed to become the norm, he got wasted within the first hour of the evening. Whatevs, it was New Years. Some other party goer accidentally knocked my champagne glass out of my hand. My FBF grabbed him by his shirt collar and demanded that the poor bloke apologize to me. Excessive use of force but tres adorable that he was defending me. A half hour later I had lost track of his whereabouts but quickly located him when another fight broke out. My FBF was then escorted out by security, and, I’m told, on the way out he also unleashed his fury on the coat check girl and a lamppost that was at the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn’t so bad that he got kicked out, these things happen with alpha males. It was that I was left alone, at a party, with his friends, on New Year’s Eve. Assuming he would follow-up with some apology, I texted him the next day and told him that I never wanted to see him again. His text response, “Fine by me.” Well he’s obviously lost it.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808300)
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Date: January 28th, 2009 11:55 AM Author: Splenetic diverse kitchen pocket flask
Missed this gem on the 2nd page: "Brandon Davis, Ms. Spinner Davis’s husband of almost three months, acknowledged in a recent telephone interview that his new job was “certainly more stressful and there’s certainly more pressure” because of the economy, but disagreed that such stresses had affected his home life. He did not want to talk about golf."
Gotta love your fucking wife of 3 MONTHS trying to get her 5 minutes at your fucking expense. If this faggot had any balls he would file for divorce TODAY.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808445)
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Date: January 28th, 2009 12:01 PM Author: disgusting locale foreskin
"Mr. Davis, what's that clicking sound?"
"Oh, it's just my antique stock ticker. Excuse me, I have to get the door"
*Phone goes dead*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808493) |
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Date: January 28th, 2009 12:41 PM Author: 180 hairy legs
I really want to send the following e-mail to Mr. Davis:
Dear Mr. Davis,
We would like to send our sincere condolences regarding your recent marriage.
Sincerely,
*list of every male w/ Internet access*
*link to article*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808641) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 11:55 AM Author: odious corner trust fund
Sure they were being complete jerks, but really, in the end, we felt bad for them. They had sacrificed their Friday nights in high school to take SAT practice tests so they could get into Ivy league schools. They passed on keg parties in college to get positions as analysts at the most prestigious investment banks in the world. They sacrificed their early twenties to getting promoted. Now, just when they were finally poised to reap the benefit of all their hard labor, the recession reared its ugly head. Their entire careers, livelihoods, and income were disappearing, and their self-image as successful Wall Street men was under siege. Given all that, can I really blame Ken for leaving snotty-nosed-me to go watch Blake Lively tousle her I-just-had-sex hair?
Although we empathized with what they were going through, it didn’t take the sting out of their actions. We felt our relationships were being victimized by the economy and there was nothing we could do to stop it.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808449) |
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Date: January 28th, 2009 11:59 AM Author: Red state
dearest TCQ,
wai no wai dewt!
warmly,
s
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808480) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 11:57 AM Author: odious corner trust fund
Better photos.
http://dabagirls.wordpress.com/about/
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808466) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 12:53 PM Author: arousing mint meetinghouse sound barrier
The underlying message is that all you guys that expected biglaw money to 'finally' land you girls (b/c you failed in HS, College, and life) should expect this ten times worse.
Not only will you land the poor quality gold diggers (the ones that have to 'settle' for 160K+ salary, rather than big finance money) but you'll get all the same qualities (vapid money hungry whores that only 'sign up' for your money)
Although unreported, I'm sure this is also happening at an alarming rate among laid off biglaw associates. Seriously, if you weren't able to pick up women without money, you're in for a miserable life.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808712) |
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Date: January 28th, 2009 1:39 PM Author: 180 hairy legs
Second grade.
True about the name brands and stuff. Of course, that was true long before she became a teacher.
However, she works at a school with relatively well-off students/families, and she did just mention to me that she's glad she could mention that we're going on vacation somewhere in the Spring so her families wouldn't think she was a poor.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10809040) |
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Date: January 28th, 2009 1:31 PM Author: arousing mint meetinghouse sound barrier
lol. you're fucking delusional. Only one girl in that article makes a decent amount of money on her own, the cunt-lawyer. the rest are 'beauty writers' (blogger) and other BS 'career' women.
My view on women isn't some bright line, I can still spot a self-interested cunt money whore even if she has an advanced degree. But 99% of the time women that don't fit into my categories are money hungry whores. After all, we're talking about good looking women, and those that decided to do nothing with their lives but wait for Mr. Right are almost always looking for an ea$y life.
And will you shut the fuck about 'alpha' males, if you even use that term in your own sentence you're obviously not one. Like the money cunts you desire said, your type is basically an overpaid math geek. The behavior they, and probably you, attribute as 'alpha' is really just a napoleon complex.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808987) |
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Date: January 28th, 2009 1:13 PM Author: arousing mint meetinghouse sound barrier
No, picking up women w/out money means just that. When we were poor UGs, or high school students, we had soo many opportunities to pick up on loads of available good looking girls. Many failed, and will continue to fail simply because women aren't into them. The only way they can hope to get good looking girls is to practically buy them. This article shows the bargain they're really getting.
Sure now that we're in our late 20s you need a job, an apt, and a car to be taken seriously by quality girls, but that's just basic necessities for an adult. Big difference b/w being a self-sufficient adult and a guy that thinks his biglaw salary will land him girls.
Also, I don't give a fuck how much that costs in your shit-city, but I'm willing to bet you can have all of the above with just 50K/yr. Even if you have to get a roomate. Maybe I'm wrong, is the median salary in NYC 110K?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808839) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 12:58 PM Author: Adventurous juggernaut
Sad.
I'm glad I met my wife before I moved to this shitty city. So many despicable people here.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808737) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 1:27 PM Author: Boyish dragon
Reposted from above: should we really blame these women? They signed up to be arm candy for rich doods. They're still arm candy but the doods aren't rich so they feel shafted.
To be fair, do you think these guys would behave any differently if their trophy wives were permanently disfigured or gained 100 pounds? Woul these guys be accompanying them to overeaters anonymous sessions/
The relationships seem more like business deals than actual marriges.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808953)
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Date: January 28th, 2009 1:32 PM Author: Razzle frozen menage
I think you are right.
And this hasn't been talked about too much, but the tone of the blog entries is pretty tongue-in-cheek, which is a definite positive sign.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10808989)
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Date: January 28th, 2009 1:42 PM Author: Sick school
So...she's single now?
*puts on bow tie, grabs flowers*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10809058) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 2:43 PM Author: motley swollen volcanic crater garrison
I don't know. Really, these chicks don't seem flat-out stupid like I would expect. This is the whole problem with the 'new feminism' where it's all "You go, girl!" to buy expensive shit because "You're worth it!"
And I'm forced to wonder WTF is wrong with women while cringing at the commercial for that new comedy about a redhead materialistic bitch.
Somehow designer-shoe culture has duped women into thinking they're sophisticated or strong because they buy shit.
All you whores fell for it. You're just a matter of degrees away from these stupid whores.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10809452) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 2:53 PM Author: Razzle frozen menage
Ok--this blog is officially flame but awesome.
Buy American
November 14, 2008 in Uncategorized | 1 comment
I couldn’t comprehend why people were so insistent that America’s automobile industry had to be saved. We import safer more fuel efficient cars from Asia. No big deal. Survival of the fittest, that’s my motto, or was, until my FBF broke up with me. He explained my termination as follows:
“Princess, we need to talk. How do I explain this? You are a costly investment. During better economic times, I was happy to spend a little extra to buy American, but now we are all being forced to make tough decisions and, well, bottom line: I can quite literally get more bang for my buck if I invest with a foreign model instead. Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”
And that my fellow DABA girls is more or less how my girlfriend services were outsourced to an underage Russian model who was willing to provide services substantially equivalent to my own but at well-below market value and without the regulatory hassle. F*cking mercenary.
I hope the government earmarked some bailout money for ex-DABA girls. Without my FBF subsidizing my lifestyle, I am seriously over leveraged with Saks and I’m not talking about Goldman.
-”Jen’s” story, as retold by the DABA Girls
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10809506)
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Date: January 28th, 2009 3:02 PM Author: Misanthropic windowlicker spot
Suddenly, I found myself being taken out less and less frequently. A recent argument went along these lines:
Me *pouting*: You haven’t taken me on a trip since we went to Bermuda in September. What’s going on?
Charles: Honey, finances are tight right now so my wife has taken it upon herself to check up on all of our accounts. She will notice any big expenditures.
Me *cute voice*: Wellllllllllllll, what are you going to do to make it up to me?
Charles: Can we talk later sweetheart? I’m really busy right now.
Me: No. Give me an answer NOW. Don’t you realize what you have? I’m way too hot to be treated like this. (Disclaimer: Yes, I come across as bratty here, but it typically works when trying to get something out of him)
Charles *yelling for the first time in our almost two-year relationship*: I’VE GOT TO FIRE TWENTY PEOPLE BY THE END OF THE WEEK. Z has four kids, X just had a baby girl, Y just sent his son to college and I’ve got to get rid of two of those guys… and you’re complaining about vacations and dinner? God, you are so 24! GROW UP!
Me *stunned*: Okie dokie, let’s talk later lover.
180 LOL!
http://dabagirls.wordpress.com/2009/01/23/god-you-are-so-24/
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10809552) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 3:14 PM Author: smoky nursing home multi-billionaire
Again, I ask:
women CAN be bought, right?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10809648) |
Date: January 28th, 2009 4:02 PM Author: Elite Wrinkle Toilet Seat
Those bitches post here.
The alpha thing at the end gave it away.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10809945) |
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Date: January 28th, 2009 5:31 PM Author: alcoholic insanely creepy brunch
idk. it's debatable as to how much of this is actually tongue in cheek.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10810604)
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Date: January 28th, 2009 7:54 PM Author: self-absorbed main people electric furnace
I can't tell how much of the blog is tongue-in-cheek. I'd bet that it's based off of real life experiences that the affected girls make light of in order to cope with them better. Bloggers being bloggers, I wouldn't be surprised if they took considerable liberties with the truth to make the stories more "OMG what a money-grubbing whore" in order to gain readership. It obviously worked with you all.
Women like this are pretty horrible, but what kind of man dates these girls? I'm sure there are plenty of decent looking women in NYC (and other places) who DON'T think like this and actually know the meaning of "for better or for worse", don't even think of asking for shopping allowances and would enjoy seeing their boyfriend more during a recession. Makes me think that these finance guys aren't really looking for love, so they're just as equally to blame.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10811602) |
Date: January 29th, 2009 2:09 PM Author: odious corner trust fund
On Tue, Dec 30, 2008 at 2:02 PM, “Jim” wrote:
Dear Nancy,
I regret to inform you that I will be cutting you out of my life completely in FY09. Having just reviewed my entertainment spending for the month of December, I discovered that, while I spent an exorbitant amount on alcohol throughout the month, I spent an exorbitant-er amount when you were in my company, and or involved in the evening in some way shape or form.
Please note, this is a decision I make with a heavy heart, but it is a necessity. I will be 30 years old in 2009′! The amount I am spending on Nancy-related-boozing would be better served in mutual funds, an IRA or put towards a down payment on a home. The unfortunate fact is, Nancy-related-memories don’t accrue interest. Nor are they easy to remember.
Please send all formal protests to my future progeny.
Thank you for your understanding in said matter and keep your chin up. Like all things, this too shall pass.”
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10816962) |
Date: January 29th, 2009 2:10 PM Author: odious corner trust fund
DABA Vocab
AR: After the recession. From the moment the market started spiraling down to present time. DABA scholars estimate that this transition started as early as December 2007 to as late as August 2008.
BR: Before the recession. When the champagne flowed and being independently wealthy by age 30 was a realistic goal.
Brittany: Named after the hastily dressed pop star- think about it.
Cokette: Aka Bottle Poppin’ Girl, adept at dancing on tables and useful for entertaining, but fundamentally un-datable by any respectable finance guy.
DABA: Dating A Banker Anonymous. A safe haven for women who like to date successful men and anonymously dish on it.
DABA Girl: A charming and successful woman (imagine Tina Fey’s wit and Zoe Cruz’s ambition) who’s looking for a man who can keep up.
FBF: Finance guy Boyfriend (the G is silent), a DABA Girl’s significant other. Their work spans the gamut from investment bankers at Goldman Sachs, to private equity analysts at Morgan Stanly, to hedge fund guys any company that sounds like a high school school mascot, to traders on the floor or upstairs, and to commercial real estate men. He is ambitious, well-dressed, over caffeinated, may or may not have a social conscious (but will always show up at charity balls regardless), exudes confidence even when touting a trade he’s only 50% sure of, and had serious throw-down in the bedroom BR.
Je Ne Sais Finance: Those magic qualities that attract DABA Girls to their alpha male counterparts.
Livin’ the dream (for finance guys): Think Mickey Rourke in 9 ½ weeks.
Livin’ the DABA dream: Having a successful career and successful relationship. Yep, seriously, that’s all we want.
Not Livin’ the DABA dream: 1) living in the suburbs 2) wearing Ann Taylor 3) eating at non-Zagat reviewed restaurants 4) single at 40 or married to mediocrity 5) having to wear sensible shoes 6) living in a home with wall-to-wall carpeting 7) having to do laundry 8 ) missing out 9) forced to live sans access to Sally Hershberger 10) taking life too seriously.
Lost boys: Unemployed finance guys. For example, “When T. Christopher Pettit resigned the dive bar scene was like a Lost Lehman boys playground”.
Young: In New York, defined as under 40 years of age. Varies in other cities.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10816964) |
Date: January 29th, 2009 4:59 PM Author: twinkling personal credit line
[a friend of mind in an email reply to this article]
Thanks for the article, an insightful read for several reasons. First, it confirms much of what I know about attraction, women, and relationships (more on that below). Second, it actually suggests the extreme volatility of the "models and bottles" equation. While in the short term, a man receives what he wants (sex by way of a commodity exchange), in the long term, he's only an empty shell of himself. Below you'll find my explanation for the short term success of "models and bottles," and an elaboration of what I'm talking about.
There's one significant flaw in the "models and bottles" philosophy. This has to do with its conception of what it is that attracts the woman to the man in question. Is it his money? The equation provides a resounding "yes" (at least insofar as I understand it). However, this is wrong. Money, by itself, never creates attraction. Attraction is, as David DeAngelo has wisely noted, not a choice. A woman does not choose to be attracted to a man, as in: "He has bought me so many things - now I want to sleep with him because he just looks insanely hot to my eyes." No. So what is it about "models and bottles" that leads to success for the man? In a word, confidence. Men of this mindset believe that they are entitled to the hottest women. While this often results in arrogant behavior lacking any significant charm, women fall for it (as they often do) because it creates emotion, and thus, it sparks attraction.
I don't think I need to speak at much length about the volatility of such a relationship. This is, of course, where money comes in. Because some of these men are hardly charming or funny (the men profiled in this NYTimes article), the only way they can keep these women around is essentially by paying them off. This is significant. The man's two weapons, arrogance and money, work in tandem together here. The arrogance keeps a woman's emotions on edge (contrast this with the "nice guy" - someone who doesn't create a single emotion in a woman save pity or perhaps revulsion), while the money keeps her hanging around (it's the carrot on the end of the stick as it were). But when one, or more dramatically in the case of these bankers both, of these things disappear, so too does the woman.
Is there a secret formula to getting women? No, not really. In the last month I've become extremely comfortable approaching women of all types, just about anywhere. How did this happen? Well, a few things contributed. First, I started studying this stuff pretty regularly. A good friend of mine, B., is an absolute killer with women. Yes, he's tall and pretty handsome, but I know other attractive guys who just flail around with women. So what's his secret? Well, I started studying his body language and that was where I found my answer. It didn't matter what he was talking to a woman about, because he'd already communicated to them that he was a sexual threat (this, by the way, is a good thing). So I took some things from him such as a scanning swagger (I'd have to demonstrate), never breaking eye contact first, and basically being indifferent to what women think.
But this isn't enough, of course. Something was missing. That "something" was serious confidence. But one day, I started thinking about why I'd had several female friends (and coworkers) almost unwittingly fall for me. It happened at UG, it's happening with a friend and another coworker right now. So what the hell? Now, I'm not sure how much you read up on picking up women, but one of the main guys in that circle is David DeAngelo. He stresses this thing he calls "cocky-funny," that is, a little bit of confident arrogance (ball busting, etc.) combined with a potent mix of humor. What I realized in that moment was that this is what I already do, just with women who I know and am comfortable with. So I got to thinking: "Why can't I do this with women I don't know?" The answer was simple fear. When I realized that, I realized that success was within my grasp. I then made a point of going out of my way to talk to almost everyone I see (man or woman) to get over the fear of approaching people. Believe me friend, this stuff is potent and soooo much fun.
I've overstayed my welcome in this e-mail already. I welcome your thoughts. Agree/disagree with my take on "models and bottles"? Many thanks for the enlightening Times article.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10818036) |
Date: January 29th, 2009 5:14 PM Author: Opaque cheese-eating pit halford
“OK I’m not in my 30’s I’m in my 40’s, so me and my banker have a lot to lose - the apartment with private roof deck, 2 kids, opera tickets, the wine club. We agreed to pretend nothing would change (though we wouldn’t do anything lavish - we stayed in Manhattan for Christmas and finally saw the Nutcracker, for example) until he got his number in January, and then we’d adjust, whatever.
Number is in and it’s a 75% cut, ladies. We’re looking at just enough money to make our mortgage payments, paying none of the principle down. So we aren’t going to lose the house yet, but we aren’t going to think about THAT until NEXT January. Meanwhile: My own dinky-by comparison salary, which had been my own since I went back to work so I could have the company of grownups, is no longer my own. It all will be spent on family expenses. The sitter’s hours are cut, both the family and my private credit card are cut in half, and I’m switching from having my facials and massages in my earthy, yoga-and-wine serving downtown spa to a midtown been-in-business-forever place with ladies in cubbies wearing pink jackets and lots of make-up giving facials only. I know, I know, only old people and gay men go there these days, but congested skin isn’t an alternative for me, so I have to go someplace. I’ll do it once every 6 weeks instead of monthly, and it is 1/3 the price of the facials at the spa. And I remember from the 80’s that they do a good job.
It gets worse. I’ll now be doing my pilates with others, in class, on the mat instead of on the machines with my private instructor. This truly frightens me. I could hurt myself competing with you 20-30 yr-olds. Private was so much less humiliating.
And yes, cooking at home. We had been enjoying the new Whole Foods to-go foods section so very much. Oh well - hello Associated Market. Did you know you can sauté’ an entire bag of frozen spinach in a large frying pan with a bit of onion and olive oil, chop a bit of domestic feta into and serve it to your whole family with a squeeze of lemon, and it’s a healthy and cheap alternative to pasta as a main dish? It is so good for you and the kids love it. And we’ll need the alternative because there will be a lot of pasta. Cooking pasta sauce on the weekends isn’t my idea of a good time, but that’s what we will be doing because I’m not ready to do something original every day. I have always been a great appreciator of other people’s cooking.
My kids are unspoiled enough to be happy but their over-programmed lives are going to be a lot less programmed. My daughter said, “Yay - can I have more play dates?” They are, however, pissed off about the end of cable TV and Internet access on their cell phones. They have to do something when there is no cartoon network, Nick or Disney Channel. We’re going high-brow; PBS only, and they will keep their piano lessons. They are getting good - we haven’t the heart to cut that off, and someone has to be entertaining around here.
And I’m very lucky - I love this banker, and he gives nearly as good a massage as my spa does. This is the first thing we’re doing this weekend to inaugurate our brave new world - give massages to EACH OTHER with ginger-scented oil. It was a gift with some lotion and soap, which is long gone. It kept well in the drawer, and I think it will last awhile.
I’ve seen some negative responses to your blog and I think they’re all transparent douche-bags. I think you two are great. My banker emailed the NYT article to me 30 minutes ago…Probably because he is now more connected to his blackberry, CNBC, and generally any update he can get his hands on, more than he has ever been before. When I started reading the posts I felt like someone had been hanging out in my brain for awhile. The need for sex, the fighting, the emotional crap, the pathetic new social life….It is all the same over here in my world! Thanks for the laughs and comfort! We’ll all have better days again….maybe we should consider dating artists? Nah!”
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10818120)
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Date: January 30th, 2009 11:22 PM Author: Swashbuckling snowy indian lodge boistinker
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
How did I miss this until now?
I would feel sorry for the dudes in question, but anyone who could be in a relationship with those bitches for more than 2 hours is obviously a douchebag of equal proportions.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=923716&forum_id=2#10828466)
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