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OFFICIAL Reporter, D. Auto.
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:46 AM Author: Splenetic crotch Subject: Official Reporter, D. Auto. Collecting the jurisprudence of Whokebe, J.
Annotations and law review articles commenting on the Hon. Whokebe's decisions are welcome. As are any decisions I've missed.
Note: Pursuant to D. Auto. L.R. 7(d)(1), all decisions by Magistrate Whokebe, M.J. and Pensive, J., are hereby designated UNPUBLISHED and may not be cited for any reason. |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:47 AM Author: Splenetic crotch 1 X. Supp. 1 (D. Auto 2009)
IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF AUTOADMIT
In re: URM w/ 160 LSAT @ Top 14, Petitioner.
Whokebe, J., United States District Judge This matter comes before this Court on a "Petition to BAN Gay Prosse" [sic] filed by URM w/ 160 LSAT @ Top 14 ("Petitioner"). On January 21, 2009, at 8:12PM, this Court entered an order sua sponte requiring Petitioner to show cause, in writing, as to why his Petition should not be dismissed for lack of subject matter jurisdiction. Petitioner submitted a reply on 8:17PM, stating that he has been "fucking pwned." This Court shall construe Petitioner's reply as an admission that this Court lacks jurisdiction to consider the instant action. Having considered the entirety of the record in this matter, it is hereby,
ORDERED that Petitioner's Petition to BAN Gay Posse is dismissed for lack of subject matter jurisdiction. It is further
ORDERED that this matter is deemed closed. It is further
ORDERED that the Clerk is directed to send certified copies of this Order to all counsel of record.
Entered: This 21st day of January, 2009.
/s/
Whokebe, J. United States District Judge
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:53 AM Author: Splenetic crotch KEY CITE
3 - Subject Matter Jurisdiction
64 - Admission against Interest 64a - Binding effect thereof
88 - Pwnage |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:48 AM Author: Splenetic crotch 1 X. Supp. 2 (D. Auto. 2009)
IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF AUTOADMIT
In re: Dead Ledger Office, Petitioner.
Civ. No. 1:09-CV-002 (WHO)
ORDER
Whokebe, J., United States District Judge
This matter comes before this Court on a "Petition to BANG Gay Posse" filed by Dead Ledger Office ("Petitioner"), a prisoner proceeding pro se and in forma pauperis. It is well established that this Court does not have jurisdiction to consider a petition for writ of mandamus. See In re: In re: URM w/ 160 LSAT @ Top 14, Civ. No. 1:09-CV-001, slip. op at 1 (D.A.A. Jan. 21, 2009, 8:23PM). Furthermore, even if this Court had jurisdiction to consider Petitioner's action, Petitioner's request for a court order sanctioning the rape of a citizen of this territory is patently frivolous and without any arguable merit. Accordingly, this Court imposes a strike against Petitioner pursuant to the three-strikes provision of 28 U.S.C. § 1915(g).n.1
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n.1 28 U.S.C. § 1915(g) states: In no event shall a prisoner bring a civil action or appeal a judgment in a civil action or proceeding under this section if the prisoner has, on 3 or more prior occasions, while incarcerated or detained in any facility, brought an action or appeal in a court of the United States that was dismissed on the grounds that it is frivolous, malicious, or fails to state a claim upon which relief may be granted, unless the prisoner is under imminent danger of serious physical injury.
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Thus, it is hereby
ORDERED that Petitioner's Petition to BANG Gay Posse is dismissed for lack of subject matter jurisdiction and as frivolous pursuant to 28 U.S.C. § 1915(g). It is further
ORDERED that this matter is deemed closed. It is further
ORDERED that the Clerk is directed to send certified copies of this Order to all counsel of record. Entered: This 21st day of January, 2009.
/s/
Whokebe, J.
United States District Judge |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:54 AM Author: Splenetic crotch KEY CITE
3 - Subject matter Jurisdiction
14 - Three Strikes Rule
41 - Buttrape 41c - Gay buttrape |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:49 AM Author: Splenetic crotch 1 X. Supp. 3 (D. Auto 2009)
IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF AUTOADMIT
In re: URM w/ 160 LSAT @ Top 14, Petitioner.
Civ. No. 1:09-CV-001 (WHO)
ORDER
Whokebe, J., United States District Judge
This matter comes before this Court on a "Petition to BAN Gay Prosse" filed by URM w/ 160 LSAT @ Top 14 ("Petitioner").
Petitioner has failed to designate in his Petition which Federal Rule of Civil Procedure, local rule of procedure, or statute authorizes this Court to grant the relief Petitioner requests. Although it appears that Petitioner is seeking a Petition for Writ of Mandamus, it is well established that Rule 81(b) of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure prohibits this Court from granting mandamus relief. See Russillo v. Scarborough, 935 F.2d 1167, 1172 n.4 (10th Cir. 1991). Consequently, it does not appear that this Court has jurisdiction over Petitioner's action. Thus, it is hereby
ORDERED that Petitioner show cause, in writing, within twenty (20) minutes, as to why this Court should not deny Petitioner's Petition to BAN Gay Posse for lack of subject matter jurisdiction. It is further
ORDERED that the Clerk is directed to send certified copies of this Order to all counsel of record. Entered: This 21st day of January, 2009.
/s/
Whokebe, J.
United States District Judge
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:55 AM Author: Splenetic crotch KEY CITE
3 - Subject matter Jurisdiction
44 - Bannage
101 - Writs of Mandamus |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:50 AM Author: Splenetic crotch 1 X. 1 (Xth Cir. 2009)
IN THE UNITED STATES COURT OF APPEALS FOR THE XO CIRCUIT
In re: Dead Ledger Office, Appellant/Petitioner.
App. No. 1:09-APP-001
Re: Civ. No. 1:09-CV-002 (WHO)
PER CURIAM ORDER
Having received Appellant Dead Ledger Office's timely-filed notice of appeal of the district court's January 21, 2009, 8:56PM order, this Court issued a briefing schedule directing Appellant to file his brief by 9:45PM on January 21, 2009. After Appellant failed to timely file his brief, this Court issued a January 21, 2009, 9:50PM order dismissing Appellant's appeal for lack of prosecution. On January 21, 2009, at 9:51PM, Appellant finally submitted his brief, six minutes after it was due. On January 21, 2009 at 9:56PM, this Court rejected Appellant's brief and re-affirmed its January 21, 2009, 9:50PM order. Appellant filed a motion to vacate dismissal on 9:53PM on the grounds that "that the district covers multiple time zones and no specific time zone was noted on the docket."
However, Local Rule of Appellate Procedure 26(a)(4) states that it is the time zone of this Court, not that of the litigant, that governs filing deadlines. Accordingly, it is hereby
ORDERED that Appellant's motion to vacate dismissal is denied. It is further
ORDERED that this Court's January 21, 2009, 9:50PM and 9:56PM orders are re-affirmed. It is further
ORDERED that Appellant is prohibited from submitting any further pro se filings in this action without first obtaining leave of Court. It is further
ORDERED that the Clerk serve this Order on the parties. Entered: This 21st day of January, 2009.
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:56 AM Author: Splenetic crotch KEY CITE
17 - Failure to Prosecute 17a - Warranting Dismissal
21 - East Coast Bias |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 9:06 PM Author: Bearded fiercely-loyal pisswyrm It should also be noted that this case was a traveshamockery and is often now cited as Whokebe's "Plessy v. Ferguson". (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10859396) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:51 AM Author: Splenetic crotch 1 X. Supp. 4 (D. Auto 2009)
IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF AUTOADMIT
Hizzla's Feminist Thought Professor, Plaintiff,
v.
Government of AutoAdmit, Defendant.
Civ. No. 2:09-CV-001 (WHO)
ORDER
Whokebe, J., United States District Judge
This matter comes before this Court on a complaint for injunctive relief filed by Hizzla's Feminist Thought Professor ("Plaintiff"). In his petition, Plaintiff requests that the Government of AutoAdmit ban all "BAM!" parody threads or, in the alternative, that the word "BAM!" be substituted with "SHAMWOW!" For the following reasons, this Court shall dismiss Plaintiff's action for lack of standing.
The Supreme Court of the United States has implemented a three part test to determine whether a litigant has standing to bring suit. See Lujan v. Defenders of Wildlife, 504 U.S. 555, 560 (1992). Pursuant to the Lujan test, a party must demonstrate that he has experienced "an invasion of a legally protected interest which is (a) concrete and particularized and (b) actual or imminent, not conjectural or hypothetical." Id. at 560. Second, the litigant must demonstrate a causal connection between the injury and the defendant's conduct thatis "fairly... trace[able] to the challenged action of the defendant, and not... the result [of] the independent action of some third party not before the court." Id. at 560-61. Finally, a favorable decision must be likely to redress the injury. Id. at 561.
The failure to satisfy all three of these claims requires that the plaintiff's action be dismissed for lack of subject matter jurisdiction. See Goode v. Phila., 539 F.3d 311, 327 (3d Cir. 2008).
Standing has been a consistent barrier to lower courts hearingg eneralized [sic], undifferentiated claims by citizens. See Crist v. Comm'n on Presidential Debates, 262 F.3d 193, 194 (2d Cir. 2001) (holding that voter lacks standing to challenge policies of corporation responsible for organizing presidential debates); Becker v. FEC, 230 F.3d 381, 389-90 (1st Cir. 2000) (holding that citizens may not challenge FEC's debate regulations that resulted in harm to Ralph Nader). Here, as in these cases, Plaintiff's harm is abstract and widely shared and is no different than the harm experienced by any other citizen of the territory.
Furthermore, Plaintiff's purported harm is too vague and its effects too attenuated to confer standing on any and all citizens. See id. at 390. Consequently, Plaintiff lacks standing to bring the instant suit. Thus, it is hereby
ORDERED that the instant action is DISMISSED. It is further
ORDERED that the Clerk is directed to send certified copies of this Order to all counsel of record. It is further
ORDERED that this matter is now deemed closed.
Entered: This 3rd day of February, 2009.
/s/
Whokebe, J.
United States District Judge
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Date: February 4th, 2009 1:57 AM Author: Splenetic crotch KEY CITE
1 - Overused memes
4 - Standing
22 - Infomercial products
22d - SHAMWOW!
24 - Incest
24a - Hot Daughter
24a(1) - BAM! |
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Date: February 9th, 2009 9:39 PM Author: Sienna karate kewl.
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Date: February 4th, 2009 9:05 PM Author: Bearded fiercely-loyal pisswyrm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10859387) |
Date: February 4th, 2009 1:48 AM Author: Sickened khaki volcanic crater range 180. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854710) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 2:03 AM Author: salmon orchestra pit deer antler wow (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854823) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 2:03 AM Author: Sickened khaki volcanic crater range A++++++++++++++++ (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854825) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 11:13 AM Author: Chartreuse Trust Fund outstanding work (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10855787) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 11:23 AM Author: Iridescent black woman easily the best shtick since dungeonmasTTTer (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10855835) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 11:24 AM Author: Lemon nursing home well done bro (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10855842) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 11:28 AM Author: burgundy naked heaven *runs keycite search for shamwow* (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10855862) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 7:21 PM Author: Splenetic crotch gasp - a sticky! *squeeee* Rach, you made my day!
I know there's some reported cases involving Rowan that I'm missing but somebody has to fix search first. |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 7:46 PM Author: Lemon nursing home congrats d00der, this is an impressive achievement. have you updated your resume yet? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10859005) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 7:48 PM Author: Splenetic crotch Why? Have you heard things about layoffs?
*looks nervously around*
Oh, and I should add that I'm not Whokebe, J. I don't know who that is, but he's awesome. I just cut and pasted these mofos. |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 7:02 AM Author: shivering nighttime fanboi church building I'm new here, and I too would like to know more about this Whokebe, J fellow. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10862182) |
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Date: September 17th, 2010 1:34 PM Author: charismatic state This is my first ever visit to this BBS string, and I too am curious to learn about Whokebe, J. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#16067556) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 8:24 PM Author: 180 charcoal stag film legal warrant outstanding (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10859214) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 7:30 PM Author: Hyperventilating immigrant water buffalo Damn, really well done. The Keycites are excellent. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10858922) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 7:52 PM Author: swashbuckling abode YESS!! My case has its own cite. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10859035) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 8:45 PM Author: Citrine faggot firefighter gaping very nicely done, homey (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10859306) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 10:22 PM Author: Lavender university 1 week on the bench and Judge Whokebe is already gunning for a COA judgeship huh? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10860029) |
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Date: February 4th, 2009 10:24 PM Author: unholy primrose goyim school This. Is superb. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10860059) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 1:07 AM Author: Curious cruise ship codepig my. god. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10861397) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 3:18 AM Author: trip fat ankles bawdyhouse titcr. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10862028) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 1:08 AM Author: dun bat shit crazy tanning salon pervert clever (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10861406) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 8:22 AM Author: Floppy Flushed Marketing Idea why do people think this shit is funny? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10862203) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 9:36 AM Author: Overrated razzle-dazzle sandwich stead Because we're shut-in law geeks (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10862292) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 11:56 AM Author: Iridescent black woman because we have vastly more refined senses of humor than you do. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10862787) |
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Date: February 21st, 2010 4:08 AM Author: Spruce parlour prole cut off your hands for this ape (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#14187657) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 12:12 PM Author: Sable dragon i'm pretty sure some local judge would accept a print-out of this as binding in their court. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10862879) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 2:18 PM Author: swashbuckling abode where is the case against Rowan deleting SQUEEM threads...? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10863661) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 2:25 PM Author: Splenetic crotch I wasn't able to find it (no search). If you get the link edit it into your post and I'll add it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10863704) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 3:15 PM Author: sepia french turdskin temple this place has officially become LSD. What's next, a fake XO law firm? unbelievable. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10864061) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 3:39 PM Author: Vivacious garnet incel HIZZLA CAPITAL PARTNERS. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10864199) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 7:49 PM Author: seedy black locale weed whacker the C+C action needs to be in here bad (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10865840) |
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Date: February 5th, 2009 8:04 PM Author: Splenetic crotch There hasn't been a disposition or ruling. We're still waiting on C+C's opposition brief. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10865948) |
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Date: February 10th, 2009 10:31 AM Author: vigorous kitty cat dog poop he's not filing! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10893229) |
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Date: February 10th, 2009 3:40 AM Author: buck-toothed up-to-no-good home sound barrier excellent work, ignore the haters (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10892983) |
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Date: February 10th, 2009 5:27 PM Author: Diverse theatre I just wanted to compliment you on how fantastic this is. Some work went into this shit. 180 if you were billing hours while you cooked this shit up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10895418) |
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Date: February 10th, 2009 5:30 PM Author: Splenetic crotch Whokebe, J. seems to have disappeared. No ruling on the C+C case. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10895434) |
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Date: February 10th, 2009 6:31 PM Author: Curious cruise ship codepig DON'T LET SHE LOSE (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10895858) |
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Date: April 29th, 2009 10:56 PM Author: lascivious abusive chad office excelente senor (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#11589229) |
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Date: September 16th, 2009 9:38 PM Author: snowy plaza (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#12763467) |
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Date: February 21st, 2010 4:04 AM Author: Talking crystalline parlor ty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#14187634) |
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Date: February 22nd, 2010 7:03 PM Author: Haunting red sanctuary doctorate (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#14203760) |
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Date: September 17th, 2010 10:15 AM Author: Comical lime puppy becky (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#16066929) |
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Date: November 21st, 2010 1:55 AM Author: Chartreuse Trust Fund (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#16605684) |
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Date: November 21st, 2010 2:03 AM Author: adventurous maize center LMAO TYFT bump (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#16605766) |