Annotations and law review articles commenting on the Hon. Whokebe's decisions are welcome. As are any decisions I've missed.

Note: Pursuant to D. Auto. L.R. 7(d)(1), all decisions by Magistrate Whokebe, M.J. and Pensive, J., are hereby designated UNPUBLISHED and may not be cited for any reason.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854699)

IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF AUTOADMIT

In re: URM w/ 160 LSAT @ Top 14,

Petitioner.

Whokebe, J., United States District Judge

This matter comes before this Court on a "Petition to BAN Gay Prosse" [sic] filed by URM w/ 160 LSAT @ Top 14 ("Petitioner"). On January 21, 2009, at 8:12PM, this Court entered an order sua sponte requiring Petitioner to show cause, in writing, as to why his Petition should not be dismissed for lack of subject matter jurisdiction. Petitioner submitted a reply on 8:17PM, stating that he has been "fucking pwned." This Court shall construe Petitioner's reply as an admission that this Court lacks jurisdiction to consider the instant action.

Having considered the entirety of the record in this matter, it is hereby,

ORDERED that Petitioner's Petition to BAN Gay Posse is dismissed for lack of subject matter jurisdiction. It is further

ORDERED that this matter is deemed closed. It is further

ORDERED that the Clerk is directed to send certified copies of this Order to all counsel of record.

Entered: This 21st day of January, 2009.

/s/

Whokebe, J.

United States District Judge

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854705)

3 - Subject Matter Jurisdiction

64 - Admission against Interest

64a - Binding effect thereof

88 - Pwnage

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854747)

IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF AUTOADMIT

In re: Dead Ledger Office,

Petitioner.

Civ. No. 1:09-CV-002 (WHO)

ORDER

Whokebe, J., United States District Judge

This matter comes before this Court on a "Petition to BANG Gay Posse" filed by Dead Ledger Office ("Petitioner"), a prisoner proceeding pro se and in forma pauperis.

It is well established that this Court does not have jurisdiction to consider a petition for writ of mandamus. See In re: In re: URM w/ 160 LSAT @ Top 14, Civ. No. 1:09-CV-001, slip. op at 1 (D.A.A. Jan. 21, 2009, 8:23PM). Furthermore, even if this Court had jurisdiction to consider Petitioner's action, Petitioner's request for a court order sanctioning the rape of a citizen of this territory is patently frivolous and without any arguable merit. Accordingly, this Court imposes a strike against Petitioner pursuant to the three-strikes provision of 28 U.S.C. § 1915(g).n.1

-----

n.1 28 U.S.C. § 1915(g) states:

In no event shall a prisoner bring a civil action or appeal a judgment in a civil action or proceeding under this section if the prisoner has, on 3 or more prior occasions, while incarcerated or detained in any facility, brought an action or appeal in a court of the United States that was dismissed on the grounds that it is frivolous, malicious, or fails to state a claim upon which relief may be granted, unless the prisoner is under imminent danger of serious physical injury.

-----

Thus, it is hereby

ORDERED that Petitioner's Petition to BANG Gay Posse is dismissed for lack of subject matter jurisdiction and as frivolous pursuant to 28 U.S.C. § 1915(g). It is further

ORDERED that this matter is deemed closed. It is further

ORDERED that the Clerk is directed to send certified copies of this Order to all counsel of record.

Entered: This 21st day of January, 2009.

/s/

Whokebe, J.

United States District Judge

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854713)

3 - Subject matter Jurisdiction

14 - Three Strikes Rule

41 - Buttrape

41c - Gay buttrape

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854760)

IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF AUTOADMIT

In re: URM w/ 160 LSAT @ Top 14,

Petitioner.

Civ. No. 1:09-CV-001 (WHO)

ORDER

Whokebe, J., United States District Judge

This matter comes before this Court on a "Petition to BAN Gay Prosse" filed by URM w/ 160 LSAT @ Top 14 ("Petitioner").

Petitioner has failed to designate in his Petition which Federal Rule of Civil Procedure, local rule of procedure, or statute authorizes this Court to grant the relief Petitioner requests. Although it appears that Petitioner is seeking a Petition for Writ of Mandamus, it is well established that Rule 81(b) of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure prohibits this Court from granting mandamus relief. See Russillo v. Scarborough, 935 F.2d 1167, 1172 n.4 (10th Cir. 1991). Consequently, it does not appear that this Court has jurisdiction over Petitioner's action.

Thus, it is hereby

ORDERED that Petitioner show cause, in writing, within twenty (20) minutes, as to why this Court should not deny Petitioner's Petition to BAN Gay Posse for lack of subject matter jurisdiction. It is further

ORDERED that the Clerk is directed to send certified copies of this Order to all counsel of record.

Entered: This 21st day of January, 2009.

/s/

Whokebe, J.

United States District Judge

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854718)

3 - Subject matter Jurisdiction

44 - Bannage

101 - Writs of Mandamus

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854766)

IN THE UNITED STATES COURT OF APPEALS FOR THE XO CIRCUIT

In re: Dead Ledger Office,

Appellant/Petitioner.

App. No. 1:09-APP-001

Re: Civ. No. 1:09-CV-002 (WHO)

PER CURIAM ORDER

Having received Appellant Dead Ledger Office's timely-filed notice of appeal of the district court's January 21, 2009, 8:56PM order, this Court issued a briefing schedule directing Appellant to file his brief by 9:45PM on January 21, 2009. After Appellant failed to timely file his brief, this Court issued a January 21, 2009, 9:50PM order dismissing Appellant's appeal for lack of prosecution. On January 21, 2009, at 9:51PM, Appellant finally submitted his brief, six minutes after it was due. On January 21, 2009 at 9:56PM, this Court rejected Appellant's brief and re-affirmed its January 21, 2009, 9:50PM order. Appellant filed a motion to vacate dismissal on 9:53PM on the grounds that "that the district covers multiple time zones and no specific time zone was noted on the docket."

However, Local Rule of Appellate Procedure 26(a)(4) states that it is the time zone of this Court, not that of the litigant, that governs filing deadlines. Accordingly, it is hereby

ORDERED that Appellant's motion to vacate dismissal is denied. It is further

ORDERED that this Court's January 21, 2009, 9:50PM and 9:56PM orders are re-affirmed. It is further

ORDERED that Appellant is prohibited from submitting any further pro se filings in this action without first obtaining leave of Court. It is further

ORDERED that the Clerk serve this Order on the parties.

Entered: This 21st day of January, 2009.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854727)

17 - Failure to Prosecute

17a - Warranting Dismissal

21 - East Coast Bias

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854773)

IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF AUTOADMIT

Hizzla's Feminist Thought Professor,

Plaintiff,

v.

Government of AutoAdmit,

Defendant.

Civ. No. 2:09-CV-001 (WHO)

ORDER

Whokebe, J., United States District Judge

This matter comes before this Court on a complaint for injunctive relief filed by Hizzla's Feminist Thought Professor ("Plaintiff"). In his petition, Plaintiff requests that the Government of AutoAdmit ban all "BAM!" parody threads or, in the alternative, that the word "BAM!" be substituted with "SHAMWOW!" For the following reasons, this Court shall dismiss Plaintiff's action for lack of standing.

The Supreme Court of the United States has implemented a three part test to determine whether a litigant has standing to bring suit. See Lujan v. Defenders of Wildlife, 504 U.S. 555, 560 (1992). Pursuant to the Lujan test, a party must demonstrate that he has experienced "an invasion of a legally protected interest which is (a) concrete and particularized and (b) actual or imminent, not conjectural or hypothetical." Id. at 560. Second, the litigant must demonstrate a causal connection between the injury and the defendant's conduct thatis "fairly... trace[able] to the challenged action of the defendant, and not... the result [of] the independent action of some third party not before the court." Id. at 560-61. Finally, a favorable decision must be likely to redress the injury. Id. at 561.

The failure to satisfy all three of these claims requires that the plaintiff's action be dismissed for lack of subject matter jurisdiction. See Goode v. Phila., 539 F.3d 311, 327 (3d Cir. 2008).

Standing has been a consistent barrier to lower courts hearingg eneralized [sic], undifferentiated claims by citizens. See Crist v. Comm'n on Presidential Debates, 262 F.3d 193, 194 (2d Cir. 2001) (holding that voter lacks standing to challenge policies of corporation responsible for organizing presidential debates); Becker v. FEC, 230 F.3d 381, 389-90 (1st Cir. 2000) (holding that citizens may not challenge FEC's debate regulations that resulted in harm to Ralph Nader). Here, as in these cases, Plaintiff's harm is abstract and widely shared and is no different than the harm experienced by any other citizen of the territory.

Furthermore, Plaintiff's purported harm is too vague and its effects too attenuated to confer standing on any and all citizens. See id. at 390. Consequently, Plaintiff lacks standing to bring the instant suit. Thus, it is hereby

ORDERED that the instant action is DISMISSED. It is further

ORDERED that the Clerk is directed to send certified copies of this Order to all counsel of record. It is further

ORDERED that this matter is now deemed closed.

Entered: This 3rd day of February, 2009.

/s/

Whokebe, J.

United States District Judge

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854736)

1 - Overused memes

4 - Standing

22 - Infomercial products

22d - SHAMWOW!

24 - Incest

24a - Hot Daughter

24a(1) - BAM!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10854783)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10890692)

I know there's some reported cases involving Rowan that I'm missing but somebody has to fix search first.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10858866)

*looks nervously around*

Oh, and I should add that I'm not Whokebe, J. I don't know who that is, but he's awesome. I just cut and pasted these mofos.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=927632&forum_id=2#10859010)