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My hands are shaking. Secret Service just priced out the organic kale (Evan39)
| Angry mad cow disease | 07/19/25 |
| Twinkling racy corn cake | 07/19/25 |
| Angry mad cow disease | 07/20/25 |
| exciting frisky hell gay wizard | 07/19/25 |
| hairraiser home liquid oxygen | 07/19/25 |
| Twinkling racy corn cake | 07/19/25 |
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Date: July 19th, 2025 2:36 AM Author: Angry mad cow disease I was in the dairy aisle, trying to explain to Tabitha for the fourth time that "artisanal" does not mean the cheese grew a second, furrier rind in the back of the walk-in. The breakroom TV was on, some fraud anchor babbling about circulatory systems and continuity.
I didn't pay attention. The hum of the freezers is all that's "real" anymore.
Then my phone buzzed. And again. And again.
Texts from partners I haven't spoken to in years.
A LinkedIn notification from Chad, of all people, who just updated his status to "Watching history unfold with cautious optimism." Cautious optimism. He might as well have spat on my shoes.
They’re saying the condition is… progressive.
The clot of fate, I imagine, inching its way through the arteries of the republic, destined for the Resolute Desk. And they whisper his name—my name. The Ohio curse. The ultimate cosmic joke. From debating the merits of Gruyère with a woman who thinks FMLA is a type of cheese, to… this.
They want me to inherit the throne of this crumbling empire. Me. I'd have to manage the entire country like it's a Safeway staffed by proles who can't even face the dairy case correctly. I’d have to give speeches. I'd have to pretend this is all some great honor and not a death sentence served in a TTT White House. How dare they.
How dare they even think it.
Tabitha just waddled by and asked if I'm okay. Said I look pale. She handed me a lukewarm Big Gulp she found. "Hazard pay," she grunted.
Yes, friends. This is fine. |
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Date: July 19th, 2025 6:59 AM Author: Twinkling racy corn cake manage the entire country like it's a Safeway staffed by proles who can't even face the dairy case correctly (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5752226&forum_id=2Elisa#49113891) |
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Date: July 20th, 2025 6:21 PM Author: Angry mad cow disease (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5752226&forum_id=2Elisa#49117129) |
Date: July 19th, 2025 3:45 AM Author: exciting frisky hell gay wizard (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5752226&forum_id=2Elisa#49113829) |
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Date: July 19th, 2025 6:18 AM Author: hairraiser home liquid oxygen wow (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5752226&forum_id=2Elisa#49113868) |
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Date: July 19th, 2025 6:57 AM Author: Twinkling racy corn cake (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5752226&forum_id=2Elisa#49113890) |