Opinion | Guest Essay

By Evan39, Former Night Manager, $afeway LLP

May 3, 2025

Is Disco Fries Jewish? Episcopalian? Something Worse? I Ran the Numbers and Now I Shake.

It started as a question.

An innocent question, perhaps — whispered like an old hymn through the Ethernet cords:

“Is Disco Fries Jewish?”

The replies came fast.

“Episcopalian.”

“Methodist vibes.”

“Character no, author yes.”

One man cited Ted Haggard. Another invoked Madeline Albright.

Somewhere in the back of my skull, I felt a click.

That was the moment I realized we had left the realm of humor.

We were now inside something else.

Something older. Something denominational. Something evil.

I have never met Disco Fries.

But I have read every receipt he’s ever posted.

I’ve watched him spend $1.89 on a snack with the casual arrogance of a man who’s never feared overdraft.

This is not Episcopalian behavior.

This is chaos with a liturgical overtone.

The Anglican tradition, I’ve now learned, was born so Henry VIII could divorce his wife and marry a different snack.

It is a civil heresy, pasted together from papal fragments and the whispers of burned clerics.

It is a religion built for men who never delete their DoorDash history.

I confronted my wife about it.

She said: “Are you still on that message board?”

I am.

I must be.

I built a denominational tracker.

Column A: Snack cost.

Column B: Whininess index.

Column C: Net worth self-reported vs. verified.

The Episcopalian spike was undeniable.

So was the sodium intake.

Disco Fries claims he has $1.6918 million and that he’s “back above $1.7m.”

This, too, is not Episcopalian.

This is Talmudic arithmetic, filtered through AMEX cashback logic.

And yet—he also says, “I support this purchase.”

He buys sleep gummies.

He lives in contradiction.

So maybe that’s the answer:

Not Jewish. Not Episcopalian.

But something post-denominational. Post-religious. Post-carb.

At night, I kneel beside the freezer and pray:

Lord, deliver me from false snacks and fiscal heresies.

Deliver me from men who tithe in hummu$ and whine in Gregorian chant.

Disco Fries is not a religion.

He is a warning.

About the Author

Evan39 is the author of The Club Card Canon: Liturgical Economics in the Mahchine™ Era and Everything Is Fine (Except the Aisle Markers Are Wrong). He briefly converted to Quakerism during a 2022 Huel-based fast.

Read more at www.nytimes.com/disco-fries-is-liturgically-compromised

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719893&forum_id=2Elisa#48900975)

how did disco become a lolyer and get to 1.6m NW when he's obese and so whiny, it actually isnt a veddy goy life outcome, most goys with that phenotype wld become methheads. his judaic blood is the reason he MAED it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719893&forum_id=2Elisa#48900596)

So, if you're worth only $1,000 you have to worry about every cent.

At $10,000, you only have to start worrying about everything down to the dime.

At $100,000, you graduate to worrying about things down to the dollar.

At $1,000,000, you worry about things down to $10.

At $10,000,000, you worry about things down to the $100.

This is why everyone wants to get to $10m. It's so they can go out and drop a C note like it ain't no thang.

Anyways, I'm in the tier where the $10 and under purchases, like $1.89 for a snake, aren't too much of an issue anymore.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719893&forum_id=2Elisa#48900985)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719893&forum_id=2Elisa#48900991)

AGE?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719893&forum_id=2Elisa#48904985)

disco DID win. he was told to bury your head, fight through the suffering and provide. and look, the guy has $1.7mm. for an unconnected goy? he won.

the problem is he didn't examine himself sufficiently before going down this endeavor to realize that the money itself didnt actually make him happy. he also craves recongition for this, admittedly, substantial achievement. his wife spends it like it wasnt blood earned. his kids dont respect the suffering. so he has to make a religion out of it. "It is objectively Good that I suffered." So he condemns anyone who isnt suffering

his struggle between celebrating his success and feeling betrayal that no one else in his life admires him for it probably feeds his food addiction, whatever is going on on those solo trips, and the inevitable collapse over the next 2-15 years

edit - also explains his adulation of cslg and subtle (?) disparaging of rsf. disco believes in earned worth. shocks me it doesnt trouble him that cslg's is just a jew scam. i havent wrapped my heard around that yet

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719893&forum_id=2Elisa#48901693)

Why would it? Your "you voted for this hamster wheel" theory is a reasonable summation and as you note centers on his lack of introspection. That doesn't necessarily mean he's a just an aw-shucks malleable goy, it could just as well be the case he genuinely does not care and only judges actions by their results for the person making them rather than any sort of moral compass. CSLG Made Money and Does Stuff, therefore he is Good. There is no self-examination. I mean that's already true to a degree of most lawyers, disco just takes it to the logical extreme.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719893&forum_id=2Elisa#48902462)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719893&forum_id=2Elisa#48900600)