No flame, even if you just volunteer to read to old people two hours a week your life will significantly improve.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754633&forum_id=2Elisa#49131449)

(1) Become more successful, to the extent it does not interfere with the (2)-(9) below.

(2) Get in really good shape

(3) Exercise every day

(4) Spend time outside every day and get sun every day

(5) Sleep 7-8 hours each night on a steady schedule

(6) Get meaningful social interaction regularly

(7) Limit substance use

(8) Eat only organic whole foods, with no GC poison

(9) Take 10 mg of creatine every day

If that does not work, get on conservative TRT. If that doesn't work increase dose.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754633&forum_id=2Elisa#49131457)

There’s this devil in me that sabotages any long term changes in behavior almost like I don’t deserve to feel good and need to be taken back down into the gutter. There’s comfort in misery and mediocrity and I can avoid the inevitable letdown of being faced with my limitations if I prevent myself from even having a chance to find out.in a strange way eating shit food is a rebellion. Doing what I know I shouldn’t gives me a sense of control.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754633&forum_id=2Elisa#49131557)

i think lack of confidence is typically rooted in being neurotic about how you're perceived by orhers. cslg versus rsf is a good comparison. like most things either end of the spectrum is problematic. too much confidence is hubris, too little is cowardice. but i think most people would be better served if they defaulted to doing things regardless of what others think.

i could adhd screed further but it boils down to dance like no one is watching friend. and dont dwell on your failures, which are inevitable. if you know you did the best you could, inclusive of fails, everyone else in the world disagreeing is wrong. and if you could do better than remorse and self-pity just inhibits that. despodency is self-indulgence. if you failed someone you care about, then you owe it to them to try harder; wallowing is just failing them again.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754633&forum_id=2Elisa#49131467)

Find God. Know God, and that’s the start of truly knowing yourself. God delights in you (Zep 3:17), you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14), He sees you as His child (1 John 3:1). All that is because of who He is, not who you are. You cannot know your worth without knowing God.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754633&forum_id=2Elisa#49132091)

radical solipsism (not modified) is basically an extension of solipsism to its furthest logical extent. the phrase "imagine sisyphus ejaculating" is an example of radical solipsism. it means that 'reality' is located so deeply into someone's head that conscious choices can override what would otherwise be autonomic or natural stimuli.

eg, rather than feeling 'pain' from placing your hand on a burner (the natural and healthy reaction), you could modify your neural system to the point where such a stimulus would lead you to start masturbating from pleasure. at a biophysical level, it means that you have trained your mind to issue neurotransmitters at will rather than reactively to outside stimuli.

in some sense, this is what long-term monks and gurus are trying to do via meditation. acquiring the capacity to override autonomic physical processes, and replacing their 'natural' reactions to external events with elective responses.

this is an incredible amount of power if you can pull it off. but it's not REALLY what you want to do, since it leads to the total exclusion of anyone outside of your weird solipsistic bubble.

instead, you want to take the general lesson of solipsism (all is within) and extend it to a broader canopy of loves and interests, and create a mental structure which regards yourself as the steward of the entire remainder of your own reality.

in this structure, no external agent can make you feel 'bad' in any sort of enduring sense, since you are the manager of all things which are felt. but their responses are still important, because they are part of the same embedded system as yourself, and your responsibility is toward that system.

the goal is to separate 'ego' (the sense of self) from outside reactions to your personage. ego should be incorporative of suggestions and advice and outsider input, but fundamentally independent in terms of emotional reactions to those particular stimuli.

this is not radical solipism in a pure sense, since it regards outside stimulus as meaningful, and as a potential helpful source of behavioral change. it is modified to adapt to the nature of reality as best we can perceive such things.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754633&forum_id=2Elisa#49132173)

Second you need a better moniker. You have gone off the rails

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5754633&forum_id=2Elisa#49132176)