ITT: Examples of BIGLAW Beta Gotcha!
| yellow institution | 07/07/13 | | cerebral pozpig state | 07/08/13 | | Laughsome tan headpube kitty | 07/06/20 | | orchid roast beef | 07/07/13 | | yellow institution | 07/07/13 | | Maroon At-the-ready Orchestra Pit Travel Guidebook | 07/08/13 | | abusive parlor hominid | 07/08/13 | | Sinister Brindle Indian Lodge | 07/08/13 | | rusted cruise ship dog poop | 07/08/13 | | Vermilion giraffe | 03/16/17 | | yellow institution | 07/08/13 | | concupiscible sanctuary filthpig | 07/08/13 | | indigo pontificating home | 07/09/13 | | sooty business firm double fault | 07/09/13 | | sable twinkling uncleanness spot | 05/31/14 | | buck-toothed comical immigrant philosopher-king | 06/25/17 | | Fragrant patrolman | 03/18/17 | | Sinister Brindle Indian Lodge | 07/08/13 | | Talking University | 07/08/13 | | saffron base | 07/08/13 | | claret motley heaven ceo | 07/08/13 | | Purple Big-titted Marketing Idea | 07/09/13 | | Marvelous Box Office | 05/31/14 | | sable twinkling uncleanness spot | 07/08/13 | | snowy national sound barrier | 07/08/13 | | Drab vibrant hospital dysfunction | 07/08/13 | | yellow institution | 07/08/13 | | odious bearded lay ladyboy | 05/31/14 | | Vermilion giraffe | 03/16/17 | | abnormal 180 main people private investor | 05/31/14 | | Massive Citrine Jewess | 07/08/13 | | yellow institution | 07/08/13 | | light cruel-hearted bbw | 07/10/13 | | Vermilion giraffe | 03/16/17 | | snowy national sound barrier | 07/08/13 | | avocado den legend | 07/08/13 | | yellow institution | 07/08/13 | | Mustard quadroon water buffalo | 07/08/13 | | rusted cruise ship dog poop | 07/08/13 | | claret motley heaven ceo | 07/08/13 | | Laughsome tan headpube kitty | 08/22/20 | | abnormal 180 main people private investor | 07/08/13 | | snowy national sound barrier | 07/09/13 | | yellow institution | 07/08/13 | | Boyish volcanic crater | 07/10/13 | | twinkling chad | 07/10/13 | | Laughsome tan headpube kitty | 08/22/20 | | avocado den legend | 07/08/13 | | Massive Citrine Jewess | 07/09/13 | | Emerald antidepressant drug boistinker | 07/09/13 | | Charismatic scarlet principal's office yarmulke | 03/16/17 | | irradiated kink-friendly church building | 06/25/17 | | fuchsia wonderful tattoo | 06/02/14 | | Vermilion giraffe | 03/16/17 | | abnormal 180 main people private investor | 07/08/13 | | rusted cruise ship dog poop | 07/08/13 | | abnormal 180 main people private investor | 07/08/13 | | yellow institution | 07/08/13 | | Cowardly violent hissy fit locale | 06/27/17 | | Spectacular rigpig trust fund | 07/09/13 | | Offensive Chocolate Meetinghouse | 07/09/13 | | indigo pontificating home | 07/09/13 | | mahogany big tanning salon | 07/09/13 | | elite senate coffee pot | 06/02/14 | | coiffed haunting digit ratio piazza | 07/09/13 | | abnormal 180 main people private investor | 07/09/13 | | Aquamarine locus mad cow disease | 07/09/13 | | snowy national sound barrier | 07/09/13 | | splenetic site | 07/09/13 | | puce school cafeteria | 07/09/13 | | Dashing hall really tough guy | 07/09/13 | | Disgusting very tactful abode community account | 05/30/14 | | lime heady stead mediation | 07/09/13 | | lime heady stead mediation | 07/09/13 | | galvanic liquid oxygen | 07/09/13 | | abnormal 180 main people private investor | 07/09/13 | | galvanic liquid oxygen | 07/09/13 | | snowy national sound barrier | 07/09/13 | | galvanic liquid oxygen | 07/09/13 | | twinkling chad | 07/10/13 | | Transparent property | 07/16/13 | | Aquamarine locus mad cow disease | 07/09/13 | | abnormal 180 main people private investor | 07/09/13 | | avocado den legend | 07/09/13 | | Aquamarine locus mad cow disease | 07/09/13 | | stubborn infuriating organic girlfriend | 05/31/14 | | snowy national sound barrier | 07/09/13 | | turquoise field | 07/10/13 | | mahogany big tanning salon | 07/10/13 | | Ebony Misanthropic Factory Reset Button Bawdyhouse | 07/10/13 | | mahogany big tanning salon | 07/10/13 | | turquoise field | 07/10/13 | | Aquamarine locus mad cow disease | 07/10/13 | | odious bearded lay ladyboy | 05/31/14 | | twinkling chad | 07/10/13 | | turquoise field | 07/10/13 | | Aquamarine locus mad cow disease | 07/10/13 | | turquoise field | 07/10/13 | | Aquamarine locus mad cow disease | 07/10/13 | | mind-boggling carnelian degenerate | 05/31/14 | | angry address | 05/30/14 | | Khaki Dilemma Stain | 05/31/14 | | Disgusting very tactful abode community account | 05/31/14 | | smoky razzle-dazzle pervert church | 05/31/14 | | appetizing deep stage selfie | 06/02/14 | | Khaki Dilemma Stain | 05/31/14 | | saffron base | 05/31/14 | | odious bearded lay ladyboy | 05/31/14 | | odious bearded lay ladyboy | 06/27/17 | | odious bearded lay ladyboy | 05/31/14 | | Lavender reading party pocket flask | 05/31/14 | | Histrionic fear-inspiring mad-dog skullcap | 05/31/14 | | yellow institution | 05/31/14 | | shaky mischievous temple | 06/01/14 | | yellow institution | 06/01/14 | | avocado den legend | 06/01/14 | | Onyx Alcoholic Step-uncle's House | 06/01/14 | | shaky mischievous temple | 06/02/14 | | Ocher Brunch Gaping | 06/02/14 | | Vermilion giraffe | 03/16/17 | | mind-boggling carnelian degenerate | 05/31/14 | | anal razzle cuckoldry | 05/31/14 | | saffron base | 05/31/14 | | Onyx Alcoholic Step-uncle's House | 06/01/14 | | Ocher Brunch Gaping | 06/02/14 | | Bright Beady-eyed Jew Black Woman | 06/01/14 | | avocado den legend | 06/01/14 | | Onyx Alcoholic Step-uncle's House | 06/01/14 | | Vigorous red pisswyrm alpha | 06/01/14 | | Vigorous red pisswyrm alpha | 06/01/14 | | copper set laser beams | 06/01/14 | | avocado den legend | 03/16/17 | | contagious primrose genital piercing juggernaut | 06/02/14 | | vivacious puppy | 03/16/17 | | Poppy talented market | 03/16/17 | | coral pit | 03/16/17 | | exciting area | 03/16/17 | | Laughsome tan headpube kitty | 03/18/17 | | Vermilion giraffe | 03/19/17 | | Laughsome tan headpube kitty | 06/25/17 | | Laughsome tan headpube kitty | 03/18/17 | | Laughsome tan headpube kitty | 03/18/17 | | Diverse pearl space | 03/19/17 | | ultramarine underhanded circlehead | 06/27/17 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: July 7th, 2013 11:24 PM Author: yellow institution Subject: Beta Gotcha!
In response to today's Biglaw thread, ITT we discuss every partner's favorite game:
Partner sends group of associates a draft of a brief that he claims is in "near final" form and asks them to "glance" over it to make sure there are no major problems. Associates respond with "looks good" and maybe a few small typos (abbreviate case names, un-italicize commas, etc.).
Somehow partner comes to realize that one of the case citations misconstrues the case, and sends the group an email about how he is "troubled by the fact that no one managed to catch this very fundamental error. In the future, please be more careful."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23565558) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 12:02 AM Author: Sinister Brindle Indian Lodge
*sends email outlining 450 changes he would like to document*
*could have just made the changes in 1/3rd the time*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23565885) |
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Date: May 31st, 2014 2:23 PM Author: odious bearded lay ladyboy
"We're trying to keep the bill down, so let's just focus on X for now and not spend too much time."
(three days later)
"How did you not realize we also had to address Y? This is sloppy and incomplete work. I expect a better product ready for me to review by 9:00 am."
(three weeks later)
"Can you resend that doc? I'm ready to review now."
*kills self*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662485) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:00 AM Author: Massive Citrine Jewess
Beta Gotcha is a good name for this. Of course it's not just work stuff, it's any casual conversation as well.
- Always looking for some smarmy point to make, ideally one that finds some tiny flaw in a word that the other person uttered. As soon as the point is made, become visibly overwhelmed with smug self-satisfaction and make an exit if possible.
- Come into an interaction with a prepared quip like "well double check everything, given your track record on this project!" This remark in your pocket is like a raging boner (clitoral erection if female) and uttering it is an exciting orgasmic release.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23567414) |
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Date: July 8th, 2013 11:38 PM Author: yellow institution
yeah, don't know where the poster in the other thread got it from, but it is amazing.
"well double check everything, given your track record on this project!"
i lol'd.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572603) |
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Date: July 10th, 2013 10:06 AM Author: light cruel-hearted bbw Subject: So fucking many...
- Nasty senior associate bitch with "mentoring" responsibilities during corporate leadership event. Question: "So you have talked a lot today about motivating junior employees and letting them understand the impact of their work. Could you talk instead about letting them know you don't like them or their work." Admittedly, one partner made a visible fucking gasp.
- Same person also marshaled several secretaries to give unsolicited reviews to people through the formal partnership feedback process, which repeated the same stock criticisms over and over again (the fucking admins were dumb enough to cut and paste her suggestions).
- Finding "errors" in work that are material disagreements of fact within the firm and that may demonstrate little to no knowledge of what the fuck your subordinates do day-to-day, and then seeking a "definitive" answer from some alpha as fuck associate with zero relationship to the question at hand to avoid discussing the matter like an adult.
- Partners insinuating their vacations to St. Lucia etc. are really business in order to make associates feel they are always working, when in reality the business consisted of one round of golf with another partner for leisure.
- Demanding the details of your national holiday / long weekend activities when no one at the firm worked. Proceeds to mention you take a lot of vacation if you say you spent like a night in the Hamptons with your parents (reality: took two real days off in my first two years).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23581745) |
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Date: March 16th, 2017 4:04 PM Author: Vermilion giraffe
- Nasty senior associate bitch with "mentoring" responsibilities during corporate leadership event. Question: "So you have talked a lot today about motivating junior employees and letting them understand the impact of their work. Could you talk instead about letting them know you don't like them or their work." Admittedly, one partner made a visible fucking gasp.
LOL. Expound, brother.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#32845292) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:04 AM Author: snowy national sound barrier
My favorite...
Partner: Send me just a very brief memo/rough draft on X and we'll see if we want to look into this further. Don't spend too much on it.
Me: *Slaps something together in a few hours.*
Partner comes into office 2 hrs later, shuts door, red ink ALL over my memo: This kind of thing really fucking pisses me off. It's like you didn't even read your own work. There are typos and awkward sentences. And it's not very extensive, either. Please do an extensive re-write of this.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23567435) |
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Date: July 8th, 2013 11:39 PM Author: avocado den legend
lololol 180
or the recent variation I encountered:
"Draw up X. Just copy and paste from Y. No changes. It's the same thing."
The next morning:
"What the fuck is this. I can't tell any difference between X and Y. Where is your creativity? Where is the nuance?"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572605) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:41 PM Author: avocado den legend
*sends partner draft of a document 2-3 weeks before due date*
*gives partner frequent email and in-person reminders to review the document*
*partner emails at 3 PM on the day the document is due: "I see a typo." It is a 60 page document. There is no further guidance given. Nothing shows up on spellcheck, grammar check, and proofreads by 2 other associates*
*it is a single semicolon that he believes COULD have been a comma, found after 2 hours and 13 emails back and forth*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572637) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:46 PM Author: abnormal 180 main people private investor
The one that drives me bonkers is when I come to a point where I can do X or Y and both seem pretty good. I think really hard about it and I research the upsides and downsides to both and the I make a decision and choose one way that I think best fits our situation. I literally agonize over what's best.
Then I give to the partner and he's like, "Why would you do X when Y is clearly the right answer. You need to THINK about these things before you do them."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572686)
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Date: July 9th, 2013 1:37 AM Author: Spectacular rigpig trust fund
Not the same thing, but this one always bugs me.
*Weekend email, I'm away from computer.*
*Partner or sr assoc emails about a conference call - "Send an outlook invite as soon as possible."
WTF, you are in Outlook sending the email, why the fuck can you not just take the 30 seconds and send out the invite? Should I also wash your hands for you when you use the bathroom? Can I expect an email asking me to open your door when it's time for you to get lunch?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23573457) |
Date: July 9th, 2013 1:45 AM Author: coiffed haunting digit ratio piazza
One time one of our clients called me (low level associate) freaking out about something and wanting a conference call with partner asap. Apparently partner wasn't answering his calls or emails. I tried him several different ways, by text, email, phone, etc. Nothing. Finally he shows up 2 hours later and I ask where he was. He tells me he was having a "long lunch" with some hot young girl he's seeing. I then tell him what's up with the client.
He gets on the phone and it goes like this:
Partner: Hey, Client, sorry about the delay getting back to you
Client: Where the hell were you all day?
Partner: I'm sorry, i told [Dginobili Unchained] I was at a charity event earlier, but he must have forgot to tell you that. [complete horseshit btw]
me: X_X
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23573505) |
Date: July 9th, 2013 9:21 AM Author: galvanic liquid oxygen
It drives me up the wall when you ask a partner a general timeframe to turn something around and they reply with something like "oh no rush at all, I don't want to ruin your weekend or anything. I'm not some Monster!" Partner chuckles and tells you midday Monday is fine, even though its Friday afternoon and he just gave you 20 hours worth of shit to do.
I have one partner who can't figure out how attachments work. He sent me something to change, no document attached. I email him back saying its not attached and instead of just attaching it he send me and email saying it must be something with my computer, call it support. 30 min later partner emails you again, with the doc attached this time, and then says "we are already behind the ball here so I'm going to need this back in [some unreasonable timeframe]. "
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23574175)
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Date: May 31st, 2014 2:16 PM Author: odious bearded lay ladyboy
Honestly, I do just to avoid the type of shit you described.
I just finished getting yelled at for copying and pasting some summaries into another summary. Counsel told me to do so. Partner yelled at me for doing so.
LOVE THIS JOB LOVE IT
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662465) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 12:19 AM Author: Khaki Dilemma Stain
Not gotcha, but infuriating. One junior partner at our firm always has tight deadlines on his projects. "Need this tomorrow" type shit. All the time, it means people work all weekend or work on holidays.
Invariably, the dude will come up to you 3 weeks after you sent him the completed work on the "I need this tomorrow" assignment, and he'll ask if you've finished it yet.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25660406) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 2:12 PM Author: odious bearded lay ladyboy
I left at 8:30 pm once after hearing nothing from the deal team for a few hours. Wasn't supposed to close that week - we had about two weeks until closing. Nothing frantic that day. Just a normal day at the office.
The senior associate (crazy person trying to make partner) called me 5 or 6 times that night after I left to ASK ME IF I HAD MADE ONE CHANGE. Senior could have just opened the document on the system to check. But no. Senior called 5-6 times instead.
Senior never left a voicemail because that would have meant i would receive an email telling me about the voicemail and I would have figured out senior was looking for me. Senior never sent an email for the same reason. Just called, let it ring, then hung up. 5 or 6 times.
Then the next day senior sent me an email, copying the partner, saying "I called you [x] times last night. Were you still in the office with [other team member] and I?"
Lol.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662444) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 4:22 PM Author: anal razzle cuckoldry
Partner asks me to file a motion in an area I'm totally unfamiliar with, and I let him know that fact. He says they are desperate and also need it ASAP, and I can just rely on two samples that he sends me. He also tells me that to keep costs down I can't do any research, and that the cases in the samples should be fine.
He calls me multiple times that day checking up on my progress. I heavily rely on the two samples, never directly copying but following the format, rewording things and relying on the same case law (which I do look at to make sure it's not obviously bad/unhelpful).
Turn it in early the next morning. I get a call and get yelled at for not doing research, because the cases cited in the brief I sent were not directly on-point or otherwise "not good enough." He says that I relied too much on the samples and that I was "basically plagiarizing" and he'd be ashamed if the motion got highlighted by the ALR or something, asking me how it would look for the firm. (WTF?) Someone else was tasked with redrafting the "urgent" motion, and that associate asked me for the samples sent by the partner!
Weeks later, on a separate matter and in a meeting in front of other associates, I got chewed out for this event. It was bizarre but I just stared and pretended I was just a character in a really boring movie.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25663025) |
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Date: June 1st, 2014 11:28 PM Author: Onyx Alcoholic Step-uncle's House
Your mistake was to rely on this poor advice of "just use the template and do minimal research". That is always code for "let me tell you what NOT to do so you can get screwed later".
Your job was to say "ok" then research the heck out of that area as much as you could using Google or free legal research sources, or CLE (doesnt your firm subscribe to free online CLE??!). Then spend 5 hours carefully crafting an analytical memo that went beyond what was asked for in your assignment.
Thats why they are paying you the big bucks. *smh*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25670808) |
Date: June 1st, 2014 1:53 PM Author: Bright Beady-eyed Jew Black Woman
I work with a partner on a memo that takes about three days to research and write. He calls me to say it is great, he has no changes, and I did an excellent job. He's not in my practice group and I don't normally work with him, and I am pleasantly surprised by the experience. I don't work with him again because I'm tied up on other projects.
Six months later, I have my annual review. Everything is going fine, until they get to this partner's evaluation. Says that I clearly don't meet the firm's standards, and gives a bunch of specific examples of projects that I never worked on. He clearly had confused me with another associate. I email and call him to clarify, and he never gets back to me. So I have this terrible evaluation in my file, and he can't bother to admit that he screwed up.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25667756) |
Date: June 1st, 2014 2:11 PM Author: Vigorous red pisswyrm alpha
midlevel shrew - gives me assignment friday night - she felt bad about it, it was unavoidable. she told me to find all communications b/t counsel and client regarding two memos. i ask, "what about the 3rd memo." she says - don't worry about that, we'll treat it as a separate project.
yesterday - knock out the assignment, make clear i'm only doing it for the two memos, ie, "i found 20 docs for memo 1 and 25 for memo 2."
today - did you do it for the 3rd memo?
i respond - no, you told me that was a separate project.
she - sends super bitchy email that makes zero sense about how the interaction was.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25667850)
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Date: June 1st, 2014 2:59 PM Author: Vigorous red pisswyrm alpha
UPDATE:
we don't even have the emails from the time frame she wanted me to look at.
WHAT A STUPID SHREW.
i am discount double-checking around my apartment right now.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25668064) |
Date: June 2nd, 2014 2:39 PM Author: contagious primrose genital piercing juggernaut
At my old firm:
Partner: *calls me* CCSpecial. I am sending you a director questionnaire (about 30 pages, with 15 or so just full of dense paragraphs). I just need you to swap names. Makes sure there are no dangling headers, etc.
Me: Ok. Got it.
Partner: Let me be clear. Don't spend too much time on this.
Me: Ok. Cool. *Does as instructed. Annihilates orphans and widows. Swaps names. Confirms company name from secretary of state website, etc.*
Partner: *reviews the document* *Calls me to his office.*
CCSpecial. Now, I know I said don't spend too much time on this and simply swap names, but you should have caught these mistakes. Why are we citing regulations of the australian securities and investments commission and FSA? This is stuff you should have caught.
Me: I thought it was good. This is the same document you used previously with X client and Y client? And with the same client, just different prospective directors.
Partner: Other people's mistakes don't excuse your mistakes. This is ridiculous. Now, review the document again.
Edit: I guess it really isn't a gotcha. Just a pain in the ass moment.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25673774) |
Date: March 16th, 2017 6:17 PM Author: exciting area
BIGLAW is a PYRAMID SCHEME for a fucking reason. You make hours? You get 4-5 years. Enough to pay off loans and make a little $. Then you leave. Or, if you "win" you get to stay. LOL.
The entire point is to CYA. Partners are sociopaths. Everyone is CYAing. You would/will/do, too. You fuck over the young. Boomers ruined it all.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#32846326) |
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