(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3765626&forum_id=2#34456722)

*dissolve in to a sunny Saturday morning in Frasier's apartment*

*sound of doorbell*

*Frasier, in a pink shower cap, face slathered in a green facial mask, some of which has drizzled onto his black bathrobe, waddles toward the door, fussing with his robe to cinch it*

Frasier: "I'll get it!"

Daphne: (calling from kitchen) "Are you sure?"

Frasier: (calling in response) "Yes Daphne! You see, I have a new objet d'art arriving, the handling of which requires a bit of delicacy! I've ordered a courier service to ship it tout de suite from Papua!"

Daphne: (bringing coffee to table) "Ah, yes. I think me Grammy Moon once had a touch of that."

*Frasier, pausing a beat and declining to answer, swings the door open. Niles is standing in the doorway, double-breasted suit, immaculately tailored, holding what looks like a crushed cardboard box*

Niles: (staring right at Frasier, pausing a beat) "Good morning Frasier." (another pause) "I see Dr. Frankenstein's experiment in bodily reanimation is going well."

*Niles, smirking, steps by Frasier and sets the box on the sofa.*

Frasier: *sour tone* "Yes, yes Niles, very a-muuusing. Oh, dear Lord, is that package addressed to me?"

*Frasier waddles to the package, concerned*

Niles: "Yes, it was on your welcome mat when I arrived. And if I may, a welcome mat?"

*Frasier picks up the box and wheels around*

Frasier: "Yes, a welcome mat."

Niles: "Isn't that a bit kitschy?"

Frasier: "I'm sorry, did you say isn't that a bit bitchy?"

Niles: "No, kitschy, not bitchy."

Frasier: (beat) "Well, six of one."

Niles: (beat) "So, what's in the box?"

Frasier: (excitedly) "Well, Niles, I must confess I am quite excited! Though I dread discovering the state of my petit objet given the exterior of the box."

*Frasier rummages for scissors in console table, still talking*

Frasier: "As you know, I have of late expanded my menagerie of strictly African art to include [leaning into the word] Oceania! And while at a gallery searching for an addition to round out my collection of Vanuatuan scrying bowls, I came across the most fascinating artist, an Indian gentleman by the name of Tommy Turdskin."

Niles: *taken aback* "Tommy TURDskin?"

Frasier: *opening the package, turning to Niles thoughtfully, lowering register* "Well yes Niles. You see, he is one of these types who reappropriates language meant to diminish, and instead breathes a kind of new life into it."

Niles: "So obviously, Frankenstein's monster has a natural affinity."

Frasier: *beat, sourly* "No. In point of fact, I was initially put off by the vulgarity of it all. But when I heard about the pieces that his workshop puts out, I simply had to order one."

Niles: "Which is?"

*Frasier reverently pulls what looks like a coconut from the packaging*

Frasier: "A coconut inscribed with a glyph in the manner of a woodcut and then colored with native pigments, intended to transmit the most sacred and most profound truth of the Vanuatuan people's culture."

*Frasier turns the coconut around in his hands, away from the audience, audibly gasping at the macguffin. Niles approaches.*

Frasier: "Just look at it Niles. Isn't it exquisite?"

Niles: "Yes, it is."

Frasier: "Isn't it just profundity itself, summoned up from the bowels of the anima?"

Niles: "Yes, it is."

Frasier: "It's an Indian man drinking a glass of juice, isn't it?"

Niles: "Yes, it is."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3765626&forum_id=2#34457098)

Nails the tone.

Missing only a Daphne laugh line playing on Frasier's petit objet ("ah dohn wahrry, it's just a bit below average") and a Niles - Martin exchange where Martin asks "Dr. Frankenstein? Like the monster" Niles says something pedantic and Martin gets in a zinger about how he could have helped with Lilith - but then there are some dead fish no amount of sparks can bring to life.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3765626&forum_id=2#34475628)