I describe two men. You pick the one you'd prefer as a father in law.
| offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/25/17 | | mischievous native partner | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | coiffed old irish cottage | 11/24/17 | | mischievous native partner | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | mischievous native partner | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | mentally impaired hyperventilating immigrant | 11/24/17 | | Passionate Angry Digit Ratio Nibblets | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | pearly athletic conference | 11/24/17 | | Ruby electric corner bbw | 11/24/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | flickering concupiscible trump supporter | 11/28/17 | | coiffed old irish cottage | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | mischievous native partner | 11/24/17 | | coiffed old irish cottage | 11/24/17 | | turquoise exciting area | 11/24/17 | | mint cracking center depressive | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | Brindle Gas Station Indirect Expression | 11/24/17 | | elite razzmatazz theater associate | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | pearly athletic conference | 11/24/17 | | flickering concupiscible trump supporter | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | mischievous native partner | 11/24/17 | | supple iridescent plaza | 11/24/17 | | very tactful aphrodisiac ceo | 11/24/17 | | Passionate Angry Digit Ratio Nibblets | 11/24/17 | | turquoise exciting area | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | flickering concupiscible trump supporter | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | mischievous native partner | 11/24/17 | | turquoise exciting area | 11/24/17 | | mint cracking center depressive | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | pearly athletic conference | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | mischievous native partner | 11/24/17 | | Razzle-dazzle Personal Credit Line | 11/24/17 | | Sable Self-absorbed Lettuce | 11/24/17 | | turquoise exciting area | 11/24/17 | | drab bateful business firm chad | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | galvanic glassy fanboi station | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | pearly athletic conference | 11/24/17 | | flickering concupiscible trump supporter | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | mischievous native partner | 11/24/17 | | turquoise exciting area | 11/24/17 | | mint cracking center depressive | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | galvanic glassy fanboi station | 11/24/17 | | diverse bossy house | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | pearly athletic conference | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | Razzle-dazzle Personal Credit Line | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | Hateful therapy | 11/24/17 | | turquoise exciting area | 11/24/17 | | mint cracking center depressive | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | galvanic glassy fanboi station | 11/24/17 | | Alcoholic blood rage | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | pearly athletic conference | 11/24/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | mischievous native partner | 11/24/17 | | Carnelian Telephone | 11/24/17 | | turquoise exciting area | 11/24/17 | | blue heaven liquid oxygen | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | galvanic glassy fanboi station | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | mint cracking center depressive | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | galvanic glassy fanboi station | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | galvanic glassy fanboi station | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | mint cracking center depressive | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | galvanic glassy fanboi station | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | embarrassed to the bone rehab weed whacker | 11/24/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | galvanic glassy fanboi station | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | galvanic glassy fanboi station | 11/24/17 | | drab bateful business firm chad | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | diverse bossy house | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | mint cracking center depressive | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | pearly athletic conference | 11/24/17 | | yapping bat-shit-crazy headpube | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | galvanic glassy fanboi station | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | diverse bossy house | 11/24/17 | | drab bateful business firm chad | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | pearly athletic conference | 11/28/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | Hot Vermilion Trust Fund | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/28/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | Spectacular hyperactive karate | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | yapping bat-shit-crazy headpube | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/24/17 | | chocolate titillating party of the first part | 11/24/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/24/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/24/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | Grizzly Locus | 11/24/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/25/17 | | rebellious forum | 11/28/17 | | pearly athletic conference | 11/28/17 | | rambunctious puppy | 11/28/17 | | vibrant internet-worthy den | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 11/28/17 | | offensive rigor kitchen | 01/01/18 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: November 24th, 2017 12:46 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. Hardcore University of Alabama football fan who proudly boasts that he has not used toilet paper since 1976 because it is an Auburn thing. (Alabama's great rival, Auburn, throws toilet paper into trees to celebrate big wins).
B. Hardcore New York Mets fan who cannot go 5 minutes without insulting the Yankees somehow. Has a huge inferiority complex.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34759980) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 12:49 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. Poasts on AutoAdmit as an obscure sudo. Has never had a really good or original thread, but occasionally posts a good execution of a meme or a thread with good advice.
B. Has a pumo, and uses it only to bump classic threads from years ago. He is good at timing this: so, for example, if the board is talking about philosophy that night, he might bump a thread from 2013 where twist and steez talked about that same thing. Never posts original content of his own, but the threads he bumps are always on point.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34759994) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 12:52 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. He is incredibly neurotic about the freshness of fruit. When he goes to the grocery store, he squeezes a dozen oranges to see how firm and ripe they are before deciding which one to buy. Whenever he comes over to your place, he inspects your fridge to see whether or not you are buying good fruit and keeping it fresh. (He thinks you and your wife need fruit as part of a healthy diet).
B. He is a big "car guy" and is super judgmental about how other people take care of their cars. He will sometimes sneak around and check the oil level on your car, yelling at you if you are not getting oil changed frequently enough.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34760013) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 12:54 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. He is a huge liberal and thinks that George W. Bush and Karl Rove stole the 2004 election because Diebold voting machines in Ohio were rigged to give Bush extra votes. He talks about this all the time.
B. He is a huge conservative and still talks about Benghazi all the time. He thinks it is outrageous that Hillary Clinton has not been prosecuted for this.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34760020) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 12:56 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. He thinks his daughter is extremely attractive, and constantly reminds you that you married way out of your league and need to recognize this and be a grateful, submissive husband. He also gives your wife constant positive reinforcement.
B. He thinks his daughter is very ugly, and constantly thanks you for giving her a chance. He is also frequently critical of your wife.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34760033) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 12:59 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. He wants to start a business selling bras for men. He points out that there are a lot of fat men who need support, that this is a huge untapped market. He wants your legal advice and money to help him start this business and is willing to give you a share of it. Yes, he realizes this was the plot of an episode of Seinfeld, and that's in fact where he got the idea.
B. He wants to start a crypto-related business, but knows nothing about crypto. He wants you to help him figure out a plan for this business and constantly asks you about how crypto works.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34760052) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 1:03 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. For reasons that have never fully been explained, he hates Indonesia and Indonesians. He always talks shit about Indonesia and never misses a chance to chime into a conversation with tangential points about how Indonesian culture is garbage or Indonesians are messy eaters. On the rare occasions that an Indonesian is actually present, he will be outwardly rude to them while reminding him of how poorly Indonesian troops fared in that one war they fought against Malaysia.
B. For reasons that have never fully been explained, he loves Colombia and Colombians. He always talks up the virtues of Colombian culture, and talks shit about Panama and Venezuela and how inferior to Colombia they are. He will chime into conversations to recommend Colombia as a tourist destination or recommend products made in Colombia. On the rare occasions that a Colombian is present, he will try to impress them with his knowledge of Colombian geography and history.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34760075) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 1:18 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. He doesn't speak Latin, and knows very little about Ancient Rome and its culture, but somebody at one point taught him the word "paterfamilias", told him that it means head of the family in Latin, and now he constantly refers to himself as the paterfamilias. Or PF for short. He has at least one item monogrammed PF.
B. He doesn't really understand philosophy, but somebody gave him a book of Nietzsche quotes and now he quotes Nietzsche all the time, often out of context. For example, when he is cooking dinner and his wife refuses to help him, he will say "companions the creator seeks", or when he sees irreligion he will say "God is dead"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34760150) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 9:26 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. Really into Flag Day. Every June 14, he flies a big-ass American flag in his front yard, and invites all of his friends, family, and neighbors to his big Flag Day party. At this party, he puts on a one-man play about Betsy Ross that he wrote himself. In the play, he plays the parts of both George Washington and Betsy Ross. He also reads speeches about the flag by US politicians, and organizes a "pin the stars on the flag" game for any kids in attendance. He will get VERY mad if you miss his Flag Day party.
B. Really into community service. Every weekend and holiday he volunteers for one charity or another, doing things like picking up litter, feeding the hungry, or giving free job interview coaching to veterans returning to civilian life. Donates thousands to charities each year too. Will judge you if you are not charitable with your own time and money.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34761144) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 9:37 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. He tried for many years to become a screenwriter, but his only success was writing a script for the TV show "Community" that was turned into a single episode. After his failure to follow that up, he quit screenwriting. He now considers that episode of Community to be his greatest accomplishment in life. At every party he hosts, he plays that episode on TV. His house is decorated with stills from that episode. He talks about his brief interaction with the producers and cast of the show. Let's say that it's the episode where a bunch of Germans take over the foosball table and they have to beat them to get the table back.
B. He is considered the best lawyer in the country when it comes to defending property owners from adverse possession claims. Once every few years there will be an adverse possession claim somewhere in the country, and your father in law is flown in to ruthlessly take the claim apart. He talks about adverse possession law all the time at parties. If he finds out that somebody he just met went to law school, he will deliver a stock lecture beginning with "You know, adverse possession law in the 21st century is nothing like what they taught you in law school. Actually, it..."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34761209) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 9:50 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. His hobby is creating constructed languages ("conlangs" as they are known in the community), which are artificial languages like Esperanto or Klingon. All of his languages are very well made, with big vocabularies, fully fleshed out grammars, etc. He is very respected among people who have this hobby. He has given you a dictionary of one of his made-up languages and wishes you would learn a bit of it. He's also very excited about the possibility of grandchildren, as he thinks he could raise a child to be bilingual from birth in English and one of his made-up languages.
B. His hobby is training cats to do circus tricks. His house is full of stray cats that he got from the shelter, and he is trying to teach them all to perform tricks like jumping through hoops. He also organizes cat circus shows in his house and expects you to come to these. This is the kind of stuff he does: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mfUJTF5zYI&t=145s
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34761266) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 9:56 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A. His hobby is playing really complex, 6-hour board games. Through his hobby, he knows CharlesXII, the XO poaster. In fact, he loves CharlesXII, and he tried to set your wife up with CharlesXII once but she did not find him attractive at all. He constantly talks about your shortcomings relative to CharlesXII and is clearly disappointed his daughter picked you over Chuck 12.
B. He is a Maroon 5 superfan. He literally thinks Adam Levine is the greatest talent in the history of music. He goes to Maroon 5 concerts, often multiple times on the same tour. He is always playing Maroon 5 in the background at parties he hosts. His house is full of autographed pictures of Maroon 5. He hopes that when you and your wife have kids, you will name them after Maroon 5 members.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34761306) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 10:04 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A: He takes frequent vacations to Dubai. He loves all the tacky things to do in Dubai: pay hundreds of dollars for British high tea at an expensive hotel, shopping for overpriced luxury goods at an oafishly large mall, going "dune busting" in the desert, etc. He even knows a few wealthy Emirati guys and gets invited to the occasional party on their yacht. He is constantly suggesting that you and your wife should go party in Dubai with him and doesn't understand why people would ever want to go somewhere else.
B: Same, but instead of Dubai it is all-inclusive resorts in the Caribbean.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34761365) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 10:16 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
A: He is 5'8", and a true believer in what XO would call the height meme. He thinks that tall men have all of the advantages in life and that shortmos will always be at a disadvantage. He ended up being relatively successful in life: he worked hard, started his own business, and after many years attained a degree of prosperity and respect. But he laments that if he were just a few inches taller, he would have been far more successful with less work required.
B: He is 6'4" and extremely successful. He's never met a chick who doesn't want to sleep with him, he's never had a job interview where they don't want to immediately hire him. But he thinks this is due to his good nature and talent, when in fact it is due almost entirely to his height and superior facial aesthetics.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34761431) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 11:38 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
Option A: He always refers to pizza as "pizza pie" or "a pizza pie" - he never uses the word pizza without the modifier pie. Order a pizza pie, make a pizza pie, do you prefer New York pizza pie or Chicago deep dish pizza pie, etc.
Option B: He is in love with the phrase "the legal profession". He never refers to "lawyers" or "attorneys" but rather "people in the legal profession". He sometimes waxes poetically about the state of "the legal profession".
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34761764) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 1:22 PM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
Option A: He runs an unofficial fan Twitter page called "Giancarlo's bat" where he pretends to tweet as the baseball bat of star MLB player Giancarlo Stanton. Whenever Giancarlo hits a home run, he posts things like "wow - I hit that one real hard!" and when Giancarlo breaks his bat he posts things like "ow! time to go to the bat hospital and get fixed up". Literally dozens of hardcore Florida Marlins fans follow this account and retweet it. Giancarlo likes the account and sends your father in law lots of signed bats, balls, and jerseys.
Option B: He holds a low-level job in the Washington Redskins front office. He is totally incompetent at his job, understands little about modern football analytics and best practices, but is absolutely and uncompromisingly loyal to Redskins owner Dan Snyder and thus has rock solid job security for as long as Synder owns the team. Oh yeah, and he can hook you up with skybox seats to any Redskins game as long as its not against the Cowboys. Against the Cowboys, he can only offer you lower deck seats behind an end zone.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34762261) |
Date: November 24th, 2017 2:28 PM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
Option A: Works as a movie critic for his hometown local paper. Not famous nationally, but gets to make a living by watching movies before everyone else and writing about them. He can get you in on advance screenings of most of the big blockbusters.
Option B: Acclaimed director of independent art house films. Nobody knows who he is, except for people who are either arthouse film connoisseurs or film studies majors. Those people not only know him, but greatly respect and admire him.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34762757) |
Date: November 25th, 2017 10:15 AM Author: offensive rigor kitchen
Option A: Was never into hip-hop or rap until a few weeks ago, when he discovered Gucci Gang by Lil Pump. Now he loves that song and is really getting into Lil Pump and similar rappers. He has almost no knowledge or appreciation for classic hip-hop like Wu Tang, NWA, Ja Rule, or any of that. To him, hip hop began with Lil Pump.
Option B: Is really into old school rappers from the 1980's. He likes long rap songs that tell a story and doesn't like it when rappers use bad words. The only rapper from your lifetime that he likes is Will Smith.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3807378&forum_id=2#34767535) |
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