crippling social anxiety?

ugliness?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605534)

the biggest issue is i have trouble expressing attraction to women. i have never understood "flirting" or "hitting on" someone and have never done it. i basically interact with everyone in the exact same way -- friendly and professional

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605561)

so i dont' know if i'm really an autist. it's just that expressing sexual attraction seems shameful and strange to me, as is changing one's behavior toward someone else because of such base instincts

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605592)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605600)

does your heart start beating faster when an attractive girl talks to you?

you would be better off literally straight up saying "btw I think you're beautiful" instead of trying to flirt in a subtler, more experienced way

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605623)

the next time you're talking to a girl you find attractive, just be 100% honest if the conversation seems to be going well at all. Don't try too hard to be "smooth." Just tell her you think she's hot and go from there. If she rejects you, who fucking cares? You're better batting .100 than 0/0.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605652)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35606164)

https://twitter.com/mlauzon/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605542)

not flame. you bombed out of this society. but you have the privilege of descending on a lesser scene and being gifted bigstatus.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605584)

I believe in you, friend

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605806)

I know, I know you detest the very idea of dating apps, but IME OKC is better than Tinder for finding more than just a hookup. You can fill out an extensive written profile, answer lifestyle questions that determine match %, indicate prominently that you're exclusively looking for a long-term relationship, that you're Christian and it's very important to you, etc. All of this information is instantly featured on all the women you'll look at. True, the quality of women looks-wise is not as good as Tinder/Bumble, but I don't think you can be too picky at this point.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605895)

Still, point taken. Maybe I'll give it a look.

Maybe.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35606220)

your inability to form emotional relationships is the key factor

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605705)

probably best if you keep not having sex

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605732)

The fundamental problem for you is that most women do not want what you want. In fact, wanting it makes you less desirable in their eyes. Somewhat counterintiutively, that is probably true *even* for the women who have similar goals to you because they will be attracted to high social status.

In my case I could use being better than average looking as a crutch. Got even more jacked, dressed well, etc. That combined with being successful and getting some real confidence (confidence that was actually innate, not the forced PUA kind) put me in a place where I could pointedly tell women that I prefer to keep to myself and not have it be a big deal. If you convey high status in other ways, being anti-social isn't fatal because it is perceived as a choice, but if you look like a slob you're creepy and DONE HERE.

Unfortunately I can also tell you that being aggressive is a requirement. My results got drastically better when I went in with the goal of FUCKING girls rather than hoping that I would have a nice date with some one I liked who also liked me. You gotta FUCK them and then it becomes your option as to where things go, but being nice and hoping they like you and that you go on several dates and form a bond is a path that will get you a lot of "didn't really feel a spark" texts.

I know having someone tell you these things isn't pleasant (nor did I find it pleasant learning them through trial and error), but you'll have to go against your personality in uncomfortable ways to get women.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35606012)

How to succeed on the dating market as a woman: Whatever, just show up, guys will fawn over you and no matter what you look or act like you're somebody's fetish.

How to succeed on the dating market as a man: Just do adopt an elaborate false consciousness and never deviate from wearing the mask.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35609648)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35611912)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35605675)

the main thing is i think starting a family would be cool in the next 10 years but i don't really see any way for that to happen given my personality and experience.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35611895)

have you also had this similar difficulty with expressing attraction? i'm not religious, but i feel like for some reason i have internalized the idea of sexual attraction as something to be hidden, or something that should be revealed and acted on only in rare, private situations. so flirting and being "physical" with women have always struck me as highly inappropriate and strange, even when i was a kid. i had always noticed some guys doing what i would identify as stupid, cringe-inducing things around women just for their attention, and I looked down on it. i remember noticing when friends would act differently around women. i treated women just like i treated men - friendly, professional, what i would call "normal." but clearly something is wrong with my approach. i feel very similar to Stevens in Remains of the Day. the way that he interacted with Kenton reminds me of my own interactions with girls i've had crushes on before. we have decent friendships and interaction, but i cannot bring myself to elevate those interactions to a more personal level; i wouldn't even know how and would feel like some ass doing anything that i see other people do with their girlfriends/wives/dates etc.

what troubles me is this whole "metoo" movement and anti-harassment movement seems to JUSTIFY my own behavior...as if what i'm doing is actually what society is saying is good and it's those other men who are bad.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35612038)

Like you, I have a very hard (really, almost impossible) time expressing attraction for others, and I think I also view it as subtly inappropriate to be overly attracted to a person I just met. This is apparently an extremely non-CR attitude to have ('friend zone' and all that) but has proven difficult to overcome. Maybe this is an outgrowth of my religious conservatism but I personally don't think so.

I'm also self-conscious to a high degree and one of my deepest fears is being publicly humiliated. This makes me extremely wary of putting myself "out there" by admitting interest in somebody. Basically, I have every teenage boy's fear of rejection but I never really got over it. This combines badly with my sentiment against expressing attraction quickly, because this means most people I could express an interest in are friends to one degree or another, and so there's a genuine downside to expressing interest and getting rejected.

I can selectively overcome this fear in certain domains or for a short period of time but it's proven very hard to totally abolish. Add to that the #MeToo concerns about getting labeled creepy and it's a toxic mix.

If my goal were solely to find a slut and get laid I could probably start using brute-force methods to overcome this, but that's not my goal, and instead it's pretty rare for me to even meet a woman who I find interesting.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3918708&forum_id=2#35612658)