Moving to new city at 37 - how long to build new social circle?
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: September 21st, 2020 9:04 AM Author: Chest-beating place of business party of the first part
oh wow what a difficult and confusing question! jk it's actually really fucking simple because the answer is you can't make friends in a new city at age 37. people don't make friends--real friends who truly enrich their lives--at 37. they already have those friends and you're just a guy they're being nice to or hanging out with to pass the time.
there are no solutions. you done fucked up if you're romantically/socially isolated at 37. it's called life and it already happened for everyone else and you're just the dumbass who decided to start trying with a new job/city/okcupid profile like you're going to still maek it with a loving woman who is 31 and single but totally not broken or slutty.
and you're going to find a community of chill, loyal friends and neighbors who genuinely care about you and your family and it will finally be morning in pumo america!
but then again no.
it won't be morning in america in your 30s. you're already slipping down the slope of a life wasted and in your heart you know that. it's not a question of what will happen. it happened. you missed your chance and it's only getting worse. time only moves in one direction, faggot.
here's the only advice that can help you: hit the motherfucking reset button and hope your next life isn't the dumpster fire your current one is.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40958180) |
Date: September 21st, 2020 9:12 AM Author: beady-eyed stag film
my BIL's who overestimated their market value and are now the odd couple at 47 and 52 sharing an apartment in queens they cant unload.
you have a year to find a wife and you cant be picky.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40958208) |
Date: September 21st, 2020 9:12 AM Author: Adulterous death wish parlor
This actually sounds exciting to me. I'd love to be in a new city knowing no one--it's energizing. You get to pretty much reinvent yourself.
I'd start by going to local happy hours--find a bar with cool/attractive (this is important) staff where you seem to fit in. Go to that bar a few times a week to establish yourself as a regular. Start talking to the staff, but do NOT hit on any of them. You'll be using them to break into their friend network.
As soon as you have a coke hookup, chicks/everything else will follow. It's pretty easy if you follow the formula.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40958209) |
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Date: September 21st, 2020 9:19 AM Author: beady-eyed stag film
you're a great poaster, this is wretched advice.
Op, nigga. You must be married in about a year with a young woman willing to have babies who isnt a shrew or is at least an almost fully reformed shrew.
Thats it. It isnt pretty. Its reality. You arent gonna meet a nice girl through fucking bartenders.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40958244) |
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Date: September 21st, 2020 10:39 AM Author: beady-eyed stag film
tsinah's advice was "go to a bar multiple times a week".
that's kinda alky 20s behavior. but i'm a dad with a family so different atmosphere.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40958636)
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Date: September 21st, 2020 10:00 AM Author: Exhilarant tattoo
Depends on what city, what your job is, and where you live, but in general:
Co-workers are important. Hang out with them a lot and meet their friends. Don't be a stand-offish douche. Wives are always wanting to fix up single guys.
Connect with your local university(ies) alumni club(s). If you are eligible, go to Ivy+ events. They are like what I always imagined Mensa meetings would be: lots of on-the-spectrum people looking for sex.
Join a do-gooder non profit board. If you are a lawlyer the firm may even encourage this. Lots of contacts to be made and there will be many women involved. Remember that every person you meet will be able to introduce you to others.
Get to know your neighbors.
Some people have bar personalities. I do not. If that works for you, become a regular some place. My observation is that it works better than floating around.
I have lived in 7 different cities since getting out of school. I'm married, which is different, but never had a problem establishing a social network. As always YMMV and these are weird times.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40958410) |
Date: September 21st, 2020 10:06 AM Author: talking chrome heaven
Single and moving to a new city at 37?
When I lived in New York and would ride the subway I would sometimes see that gray, sullen looking guy in an ill-fitting JC Penney suit riding home at 7pm. Mid-50s. No wedding band. Definitely not going out to socialize.
I imagined him riding home to some awful walkup in Queens. Probably Astoria. It was probably above some laundromat or maybe a Greek diner. He would stop at a grocery store after getting off the train to get some pre-packaged dinner from the deli area. Maybe a microwavable lasagna.
He'd climb the stairs to his apartment and hope for his cat to greet him. The cat is napping instead.
He'd turn on the TV and microwave his lasagna. He'd watch two hours of TV, maybe read a book for a half hour, and then go to sleep. Another big day of Excel at work tomorrow.
And this was it. Eventually, he would retire and be left alone in his apartment with no friends or family. He'd be the old man that sits alone in the park reading a newspaper for hours.
And that will be you.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40958434)
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Date: September 21st, 2020 12:01 PM Author: Razzle rose senate voyeur
I would think that right now its really hard to meet people anywhere.
Normally, go out to bars, go to networking events, join a softball/kickball league, go on app dates, join some meetup group (the ones I've seen in person seemed like a bunch of dorks and weirdos, but I know people who met cool people in some of the outdoorsy groups).
But the best way of all is to make a friend who already has an active friend group and wiggle your way into that. I know that in my friend group(s), several people have infiltrated our core group(s) via a current member of the friend group, but they are all awesome people so "bring em on"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40959136) |
Date: September 21st, 2020 12:29 PM Author: Fluffy Gas Station
Men only bond over a shared activity. That is why people make close friends in the military, playing sports, or in school.
I would join a sports league or do some sort of regular group exercise class at a small studio. Like Cross Fit or something.
In reality, it is essentially impossible to make real friends as an adult male. I have been away from my hometown for 5 years now and have not made a single friend outside of some casual work friends.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40959288)
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Date: September 21st, 2020 12:53 PM Author: Floppy feces location
pathetic thread. why would you even want to? yeah let's all gather around at some restaurant with a bunch of late 30s white collar dorks, maybe we can talk politics lol.
i still talk to my friends from high school, that's good enough for me. even if i didn't i wouldn't want to make new ones. at this age you should be able to live with your own company.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40959437) |
Date: September 21st, 2020 4:48 PM Author: greedy dilemma jewess
Sadly, only shitlibs seem capable of making new friends (with each other) at advanced ages. Probably has something to do with being able to bond over shared self-righteous anger with no critical faculties to check the emotions.
If you can get invited to lib hipster gluten-free potluck dinner parties and play the game, you've got a shot
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40961123) |
Date: September 21st, 2020 4:57 PM Author: Mint filthpig rigor
Whenever I moved to a new city, I would always go golfing and ask to get paired up in a group. It was always hit or miss, but I got to bullshit and meet a lot of new people. In my prime, I was a 5-6 handicap. Not great, but good enough that others wanted to golf with me.
I would also find out where the local ice rinks were located and go skate shinny/drop in hockey. I’m really good at hockey, so I would almost immediately get recruited to join a beer league team. This was always my go to as far as finding a like minded group.
I would also go on group cycling rides, i hated it, but it forced me to be social and I’d meet a lot of chicks whether it was road or mountain biking.
It usually didn’t take long to build up a basic social network and cross over into other social groups. If Tinder had been a thing, I would have found a way to work that into my social networking.
I always avoided hanging out with co-workers at all costs.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#40961200) |
Date: October 13th, 2020 4:23 PM Author: appetizing rebellious doctorate base
I don't understand how any men have any real friends left by late 30's.
Between people moving away, getting on completely different life paths, becoming Libs, etc., I just don't see high odds of earlier life friendships lasting.
I don't have any old friends that I would want to hang out with now. I have recent acquaintances that I enjoy 1-2 hour hang outs with
I love my wife and kids and am fully prepared to have no friends when I am old
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4629568&forum_id=2#41104724) |
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