The sound of a crackling antenna radio and Bob Costas voice….

“And they did it! You can hear the enormous cheers from the city streets. As the United States shoots down its second plane into the Hudson River as it was approaching the south tower, avoiding the worst terrori—“

*alarm sounds as James Lovers-Brunch wakes up in a cold sweat*

“Thank god. Just a bad dream.”

James looks out his luxurious penthouse window towards downtown Manhattan as the sunrise reflects off the glass World Trade Center building.

“Today is the day…I become a world lacrosse champion!”

James heads to a local outdoor athletic field with his duffle bag with “France” facing outwards. He says “Today we play Sudan in the finals!”

As the game went on, the group of Sudanese ringers all looked confused as JLB and his friends scored goal after goal leading the game 31-0. As the final whistle blew, all of the members of the Sudanese took off running out of the complex.

JLB was confused. A Sudanese man approached dressed in traditional garb and replied to James’s confusion “They not know this game. In home country you’re killed if you lose game. They’re scared.”

James replied “How DARE you try to downplay my athletic accomplishments?”

At that moment a baseball rolled towards James foot. He said surprised “wait what-“

He looked up and saw a 5’10 Puerto Rican man, well built trim waist athletic forearms, Mizuno t shirt and a backwards SF giants hat. Huge grin. White teeth.

“How’s it going James?”

“Roberto!” James replied. “What are you doing here? Still trying to get picked up by an independent league team you LOSER?”

Roberto laughed and replied “Not exactly James. My son is 14 now. Just practicing—He’s trying to make varsity as a Freshman. My playing days are over but I still do it for them. Still got my hair though (*with a youthful grin takes off his hat and shows a neat crew cut with handsome salt and pepper 1 length on the sides*).

James “oh please! Kids at your height?”

Roberto replies with a smile “5 actually. These lifts did me well. They make cushion ones now.”

Before James could reply with insult, a beautiful 5’7 female holding a baby walks over and says to Roberto “hey the baby’s getting fussy, wanna head out?”

James jeers “oh are you sure these are his? You chose to reproduce with a short man!? I’m TALL!”

The woman looks on confused at James. Says to Roberto “um babe…let’s…go.”

Roberto grins and whispers to James. “Hey…so I’m due for a guys night out. Waddya you say we head downtown and check out the new Pace girls. There’s this bar I’ve been meaning to go to near Fulton. Like the old days.” Roberto winks.

James “you’re on! I’m gonna show you that short men CANNOT attract women.”

Roberto looks on slightly confused at James hostility trying to determine if it’s a joke considering the offer was a simple friends night out. Roberto replies “ok…so let’s meet at 8. Corner of Fulton and Broadway.”

That night JLB headed downtown with his gorgeous Ukrainian date who looked slightly annoyed. “This bar is gonna have a bunch of college kids.” JLB replied “don’t worry we’ll be outta here once we show this SHORTMO that he’s a LOSER!”

As JLB went to pay the bouncer put his hand out and said “don’t worry, Roberto took care of it for you guys. He’s inside.”

James went in and confronted Roberto, who was sitting in the VIP with two 19 year old college girls. Roberto said “don’t worry James. I threw my life savings in $MU at $64 last year and sold at $1000. Then threw it in DELL. I’m good. Caught up two generations of wealth” (*with a grin*)

James was seething. At that moment Modern Talking “Cheri Cheri Lady” starts playing. Roberto says “I love this song!”

He gets on the dance floor and leads a synchronized dance with no less than 50 Pace college girls all dressed in short shorts or short dresses. Everyone laughing…except James. James shouts “check his shoes! He’s wearing lifts!” But no one heard over the laughing, screaming and bottle throwing.

As the song stopped Roberto approached James and said “I’m hosting an after party in Staten Island..you’re welcome to come.”

James turns to his beautiful Ukrainian date and begins to say “We’re leaving for St. Tropez tomorrow. I wouldn’t be caught dead!” But when he turned she wasn’t there.

He asked the bartender “Did you see my date?!”

The bartender a man in his 40’s manipulating a rag in his hand says “ Ayyyy Jimmy! You lookin' for yer girl? She was headed to the Staten Island ferry. She was dressed for a party.”

James seething grabs the first cab he can find and says “take me to South Ferry!”

As James arrives he sprints through the ferry terminal to find out the ferry had already taken off. Roberto was at the front of the ferry packed with women and the Ukrainian model everyone waving their arms in unison as the party just started.

James grabs his cell phone to his helicopter pilot and yells “RIGHT NOW GET OVER HERE WE NEED TO GET TO STATEN ISLAND!”

Will James get his girl back? Will he make his flight to St. Tropez? Boy does he have decisions to make…

Thank you Judas Jones for the edit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5898334&forum_id=2锞兾告触锟界锟絇HPSESSID=962c303388ae8b5678383d002493727e#50099240)

And today… holy shit it’s here. It’s everything I’d hoped it’d be. 199. You are the king.

Need to go take a walk outside to think more about this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5898334&forum_id=2锞兾告触锟界锟絇HPSESSID=962c303388ae8b5678383d002493727e#50099471)

fucking understatement of the century. this sucked.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5898334&forum_id=2锞兾告触锟界锟絇HPSESSID=962c303388ae8b5678383d002493727e#50099764)

You really turned into a nasty lonely middle aged man.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5898334&forum_id=2锞兾告触锟界锟絇HPSESSID=962c303388ae8b5678383d002493727e#50100098)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5898334&forum_id=2锞兾告触锟界锟絇HPSESSID=962c303388ae8b5678383d002493727e#50101561)

but more importantly, i fear JLB is becoming a shallow one-note sort of Wile E. Coyote / Yosemite Sam character. bumbling around and occasionally growling. also, the nightclub scene would be a good spectacle but it's just ... Home Alone 2 or i can't even think of comparable schlockiness

look, i get it. you want to cash in on this one. I was "Rocky" and this is "Rocky V". but maybe we could give JLB and Roberto the human treatment after we release this as next summer's tentpole?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5898334&forum_id=2锞兾告触锟界锟絇HPSESSID=962c303388ae8b5678383d002493727e#50099818)