Evan39 paces at the edge of the Well™, wringing his twink-like hands.

“Are you certain about this, Mainlining? The liability exposure alone is staggering. And look at the state of him. It’s...unseemly.”

I ignore him. The Procedure™ requires this.

Slowly, the Asset emerges from the darkness, blinking against the harsh Wyoming sun.

Boom.

He is filth-caked, shivering, his eyes darting wildly, searching for escape routes that do not exist. He mutters about rigged pulley systems & ADM-branded winch motors.

“Hose™ him down,” I say, my voice flat.

Evan39 recoils. “With that? From the creek? Is it even potable? The potential for bacterial infection… How dare you! Risk a lawsuit over improper sanitation protocols?!”

The glacial water from The Hose™ hits Boom’s emaciated frame.

He sputters, a torrent of conspiracies pouring out between gasps. “CHEM TRAIL$$$! ADM™ MIND CONTROL MIST! IT’S IN THE WATTttER!”

We strip him.

We burn the rags.

We affix a fresh diaper, the crisp, clean plastic a stark contrast to his wasted form.

For a moment, a flicker of something like hope sparks in his eye$. He thinks he $ees this is freedom. He thinks he has won.

Evan39 produces a small, velvet-lined box.

“If we must do this, let it be with a modicum of dignity,” he says, his voice dripping with condescension. He opens it. Inside, resting on a silk pillow, is a single, perfect, glistening Kalamata olive.

“A token of our esteem,” Evan39 sneers. “For your continued cooperation.”

I take the olive and place it on Boom’s wheel-chair bound tongue. He chew$, confu$ed. The taste of something other than Tilapia™ seems to momentarily break through the psychosi$. His eye$ well up with tears.

“Pep…?” he whispers, the word catching in his throat.

“No, friend,” I say, already attaching the harness to winch him back down. “It is a gesture. A performance metric. Phase II requires the brief illusion of reward before baseline suffering is re-established. It enhances the efficacy of The Great Becumming™.”

I direct Evan to initiate the pulley system, lowering Boom's wheel-chair back into the blackness of The Well™, with Boom's final, choked sob echoes up. "IT WAS A GREEK FRAUD! THE OLIVE WAS RIGGGGGGGGGGGgED!"

I slide the heavy pine hatch closed. Evan39 is already wiping his hands with a silk handkerchief and applying his portable hand sanitizer.

“Well™, hehe,” he sighs, “I suppose that’s one way to handle quarterly asset review. Now, about that espresso machine…”

The muffled thumping resumes below. The procedure continues.

This is fine.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5747110&forum_id=2#49078999)

The use of non-potable water from a "creek" (see Exhibit A: The Hose™) for sanitation purposes violates OSHA §1910.141.

Furthermore, the provision of a single olive as a "performance metric" is not an approved incentive under the Q3 2025 Total Rewards Package.

Please submit Form 8-C (Non-Standard Employee Interaction) in triplicate by EOD.

I am now on my FMLA-mandated lunch break.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5747110&forum_id=2#49079018)

Looks like a fantastic off-site!

Love to see this kind of hands-on, synergistic problem-solving.

Great leadership, Mainlining!

And Evan, way to think outside the box with that olive-based motivation strategy! #TeamBuilding #AssetOptimization #Synergy.

Just RSVP'd to the next one!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5747110&forum_id=2#49079023)