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Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
disgusting cruise ship knife
  04/30/21
"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenge...
Aphrodisiac startled sweet tailpipe psychic
  04/30/21
they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a ...
Slippery genital piercing
  04/30/21
Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, jus...
Jade rigpig point
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
pale shrine
  05/02/21
Quick fixxx
cobalt embarrassed to the bone legend
  02/25/22
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a ...
Jet outnumbered azn
  04/30/21
...
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  04/30/21
i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts e...
disgusting cruise ship knife
  04/30/21
Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main pe...
Jet outnumbered azn
  04/30/21
C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "...
disgusting cruise ship knife
  04/30/21
"at this time" ROFL
Aphrodisiac startled sweet tailpipe psychic
  04/30/21
Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually d...
Slippery genital piercing
  04/30/21
Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/...
Jet outnumbered azn
  04/30/21
You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be impo...
Slippery genital piercing
  04/30/21
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C w...
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...
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As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passe...
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This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just g...
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Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like...
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As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, an...
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...
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FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshi...
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As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX ...
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i think you nailed it.
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i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being perform...
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A and B passed D and C, who was driving.
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...
stubborn library
  04/30/21
sounds like a riddle
Aphrodisiac startled sweet tailpipe psychic
  04/30/21
i hate this crap As A and B were driving in the X area, t...
Pearl gaping pervert
  04/30/21
i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly o...
disgusting cruise ship knife
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who...
Pearl gaping pervert
  04/30/21
doesn't it need "D's car"
disgusting cruise ship knife
  04/30/21
it says he was driving, which means an automobile. if y...
Pearl gaping pervert
  04/30/21
Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was ...
Slippery genital piercing
  04/30/21
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interest...
brilliant glittery plaza
  04/30/21
Were A and B both at the wheel?
excitant tank
  04/30/21
turns out it was a tandem bicycle.
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...
stubborn library
  04/30/21
As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted...
Adventurous coffee pot lodge
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The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the ot...
Haunting church boistinker
  04/30/21
star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain
Stirring Claret Death Wish Double Fault
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still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of i...
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...
Jet outnumbered azn
  04/30/21
Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going thr...
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A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged...
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So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's th...
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400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the for...
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Wow
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I just copied this from a brief.
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Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car...
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A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as ...
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two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his ca...
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C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook a...
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As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
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Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may h...
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writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I ...
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What’s that
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You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. Th...
grizzly hell
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Mind-boggling national security agency
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Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, ...
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A and B saw C driving in X
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andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed ...
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Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence. A and...
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A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through ar...
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Where are we on this? Thank
grizzly hell
  05/02/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
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  02/22/22
OP, does this help?
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"and containing D as" -> "in which D was&q...
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Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:48 AM
Author: disgusting cruise ship knife

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376133)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:57 AM
Author: Aphrodisiac startled sweet tailpipe psychic

"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenger, by both A and B."

(no one gives a fuck whether A and B were driving or doing a standing 69 at the time they saw these faggots)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376836)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: Slippery genital piercing

they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a role potentially. Better to keep it clean.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376873)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:10 PM
Author: Jade rigpig point

Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, just that they passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377665)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:40 PM
Author: pale shrine

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42386999)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:42 PM
Author: cobalt embarrassed to the bone legend
Subject: Quick fixxx

As A and B were driving in X, they passed a car driven by C containing D as a passenger.

EDIT: LMAO at the date

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032731)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM
Author: Jet outnumbered azn

“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”

Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376145)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:53 AM
Author: ultramarine skinny woman national



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376148)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: disgusting cruise ship knife

i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts emphasis on "D was a passenger in C’s car at this time" -- which is a minor detail.

it doesn't really matter whether C or D is the driver.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376159)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:56 AM
Author: Jet outnumbered azn

Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main person.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376166)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: disgusting cruise ship knife

C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "C's car" for clarity

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376201)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:51 AM
Author: Aphrodisiac startled sweet tailpipe psychic

"at this time"

ROFL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376807)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:54 AM
Author: Slippery genital piercing

Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually driving. Or were they in two separate cars, both of which passed C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376155)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Jet outnumbered azn

Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/c I didn’t know what the surrounding sentences are like.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376160)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:04 AM
Author: Slippery genital piercing

You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be important to be clear who was driving in the passing car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Misunderstood supple menage

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C was driving with a passenger, D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376157)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:57 AM
Author: racy depressive parlour



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376168)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 9:58 AM
Author: Marvelous Striped Hyena Nowag

As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: grizzly hell

This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")

WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.

WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.

Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.

[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]

Please handle and recirculate, thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: disgusting cruise ship knife



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376203)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: Mind-boggling national security agency



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376392)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:08 AM
Author: Fluffy deep piazza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376526)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:25 AM
Author: galvanic buff toaster



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376657)



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Date: May 4th, 2022 12:40 PM
Author: sapphire sandwich

Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44453959)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: flickering amber whorehouse crotch

As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, and although none of them said a word, they understood each other perfectly. It was X area after all. Are there any Xs around, they wondered? They passed a beaten-up vehicle with ridiculous oversized chromed wheels with C as a driver and D as a passenger. X's! - thought A and B. C and D did not think anything. They were high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376178)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:36 AM
Author: twinkling casino



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376332)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Laughsome abode travel guidebook



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376340)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: topaz public bath

FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshit car alone(some other NIFmGGA was drivomg alone in another car) they passed ALPHA TURD C , who has MANY DRINKING BUDDIES, SO NATURALLY HAD A PASSENGER (most likely an AZNgirl getting wet for MAMMOTH TURDCOCK)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376183)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: Shimmering Odious Juggernaut Crackhouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376187)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: grizzly hell



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376195)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Adventurous coffee pot lodge



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376249)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Cyan Dog Poop



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376406)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:36 AM
Author: irradiated field



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376713)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:37 AM
Author: Mind-boggling national security agency



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376724)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:32 PM
Author: alcoholic kitty site



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377057)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: Shimmering Odious Juggernaut Crackhouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42380818)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Shimmering Odious Juggernaut Crackhouse

As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX area, C drove by with D cumming in his ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376184)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: ultramarine skinny woman national

i think you nailed it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376191)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: bisexual gas station



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378174)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: ultramarine skinny woman national

i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being performed right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376189)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: snowy idiotic becky



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376669)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Stirring Claret Death Wish Double Fault

A and B passed D and C, who was driving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376194)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: stubborn library



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376341)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:52 AM
Author: Aphrodisiac startled sweet tailpipe psychic

sounds like a riddle

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376816)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Pearl gaping pervert

i hate this crap

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376197)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: disgusting cruise ship knife

i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376206)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: Pearl gaping pervert

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who was driving with C).

This is it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376211)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:07 AM
Author: disgusting cruise ship knife

doesn't it need "D's car"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376216)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:42 AM
Author: Pearl gaping pervert

it says he was driving, which means an automobile.

if you think specifying what kind of automobile is a key detail then can add that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376370)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: Slippery genital piercing

Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was driving. Ever. If he wasnt.

As A was driving, they passed ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376208)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: brilliant glittery plaza

you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.

"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376212)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:08 AM
Author: excitant tank

Were A and B both at the wheel?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376217)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:13 AM
Author: ultramarine skinny woman national

turns out it was a tandem bicycle.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376233)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:20 AM
Author: stubborn library



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376607)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Adventurous coffee pot lodge

As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted area, they passed a car driven by a nigger and containing some other faggot as a passenger. Regards, I hope this helps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376246)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:26 AM
Author: Haunting church boistinker

The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the other, C was driving D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376290)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:29 AM
Author: Stirring Claret Death Wish Double Fault

star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376306)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:31 AM
Author: Haunting church boistinker

still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of items to hit: location, two cars, who was each driver and who was each passenger, that they passed.

This does it and leaves no uncertainty at all

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376317)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:34 AM
Author: Jet outnumbered azn



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376330)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:35 AM
Author: Laughsome abode travel guidebook

Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going through section X. *makes large "X" using forearms* And boom! Right there, they pass car C. *makes "C" using hand* A car which, at the time, was containing D *unzips pants* as a passenger. *pulls cock out of fly* Any questions?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376331)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: twinkling casino



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376336)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM
Author: Submissive famous landscape painting digit ratio

A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376358)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:09 AM
Author: Scarlet den candlestick maker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008930)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: Swashbuckling Light Water Buffalo Deer Antler

So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's the thing: they were in X area, and what's problematic is they passed by C—yes, THAT C. C had a passenger at the time, D. Here's why that's not okay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376389)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: very tactful razzle-dazzle fat ankles

400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376393)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Swashbuckling Light Water Buffalo Deer Antler

Wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376411)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: very tactful razzle-dazzle fat ankles

I just copied this from a brief.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376419)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:15 AM
Author: Cyan Dog Poop



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376574)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:54 AM
Author: Slippery genital piercing

Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. Every time, I explain that "It's just lawyers--we get bored at work--yeah, I know, that's what makes it funny--"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376824)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:21 PM
Author: Electric spruce bawdyhouse indirect expression



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377415)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: sticky business firm jew



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008886)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Passionate weed whacker masturbator



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722509)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:51 AM
Author: racy depressive parlour



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376432)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: stubborn library

titcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376504)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:10 AM
Author: Electric spruce bawdyhouse indirect expression

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376531)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:18 AM
Author: Mind-boggling national security agency



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376589)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:23 AM
Author: bisexual gas station



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376641)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: sticky business firm jew

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376648)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Mind-boggling national security agency

attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376708)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 1:13 PM
Author: Stirring Claret Death Wish Double Fault

how

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377366)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:36 AM
Author: alcoholic kitty site



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722527)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:35 AM
Author: grizzly hell



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376711)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 12:00 PM
Author: Demanding Chapel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376866)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: bistre school degenerate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376872)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 3:27 PM
Author: bisexual gas station



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378128)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 1st, 2021 9:20 PM
Author: Demanding Chapel



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42558237)



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Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: sticky business firm jew



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008882)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:05 AM
Author: Demanding Chapel

this is incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008910)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:39 PM
Author: sticky business firm jew



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032706)



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Date: May 4th, 2022 12:31 PM
Author: Arousing orchid ticket booth



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44453902)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:31 AM
Author: Passionate weed whacker masturbator

wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722507)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:34 AM
Author: Electric spruce bawdyhouse indirect expression



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722517)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:44 AM
Author: primrose pit



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722548)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: diverse lay personal credit line

High | level | legal work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376422)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: snowy idiotic becky



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376672)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:55 AM
Author: appetizing french mad cow disease

Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car driven by C with D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376456)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Dashing Corner Volcanic Crater

A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as a passenger, as they drove through the X area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376505)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:07 AM
Author: Floppy place of business

two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376517)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:13 AM
Author: Rough-skinned scourge upon the earth

C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook and passed them. B overtook and passed them too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376555)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:19 AM
Author: Onyx associate

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C, which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376600)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Aquamarine Bateful Church Building

Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376651)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:27 AM
Author: bisexual gas station

This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more concise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376665)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: sticky business firm jew



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376704)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: grizzly hell



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376736)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:08 PM
Author: very tactful razzle-dazzle fat ankles



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377648)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:01 AM
Author: sticky business firm jew



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008887)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Charismatic Generalized Bond Property

writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I recently jumped from GOV to tech

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376695)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: grizzly hell

Did you try the hydro hack?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376699)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: house-broken sanctuary dragon

What’s that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376738)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:41 AM
Author: grizzly hell

You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. This will, among other things, improve cognitive function and therefore improve your writing. While you're at it also check your posture I bet you're slouching right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376746)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:49 AM
Author: Mind-boggling national security agency



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376800)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:17 PM
Author: ruby rehab

Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, subject verb object. Not hard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:16 PM
Author: ruby rehab

A and B saw C driving in X

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377381)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM
Author: emerald magical theater stage

andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.

this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377449)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:38 PM
Author: Charcoal Massive Temple

I am gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377484)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: bisexual gas station

great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:39 PM
Author: lascivious sneaky criminal

Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence.

A and B were driving in the X area. [query: are they both driving separate cars?] C driving D passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 8:29 PM
Author: brilliant glittery plaza

A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through area X, and with them were B and D, passengers; B was with A while D was with C; A and B passed by C and D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42379691)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:50 PM
Author: brilliant glittery plaza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42387061)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 23rd, 2021 3:44 PM
Author: brilliant glittery plaza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42509184)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:36 PM
Author: grizzly hell

Where are we on this? Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42386977)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:06 AM
Author: Scarlet den candlestick maker

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C in which D was a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008916)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:44 PM
Author: Aphrodisiac startled sweet tailpipe psychic

OP, does this help?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032743)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Honey-headed Quadroon Kitchen

i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't matter. aren't state court judges borderline retarded?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722512)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:23 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:42 PM
Author: UN peacekeeper

"and containing D as" -> "in which D was", otherwise fine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 1:15 PM
Author: tubby spastic 11yo playing in toddler section

Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not sure we’ve got it figured out just yet. Let’s put a pin in it and move on. OP: what’s the next sentence?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827228)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 2:57 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827363)