Mainlining, please blow your bald brains out with a shotgun
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Date: June 23rd, 2025 7:10 AM Author: Emperor CRISPR Chad von Neumann III
Can you imagine the sheer autistic intensity that would be put into doing something like this? Honestly it’s probably the best possible suicide prevention technique you could offer someone here.
First it would be what type of shotgun to use. 12 gauge obviously. But a bird gun is too long and one of the silly tactical models has gigantic front sites that might chip your teeth or scratch the roof of your mouth. Owie. So about 100 hours of research goes into figuring out that a youth model gets you the perfect combination of short pull, short barrel, and smooth front sight.
Then you’re at least another 250 hours in ammunition choice. Buckshot vs slug vs weird defensive rounds. Powder load. Shell length. The reputation for reliability between all of the different brands. Unsatisfied with all of the options you eventually get into hand loading. But you’re not going to use the very first shell that you construct in such a high-stakes endeavor. So you take up sport shooting, first just at the sketchy local indoor range but eventually at the local rod and gun club so you can spend some time outdoors. Shooting clays is fun, but eventually you realize that your youth model shotgun isn’t right, so, given the personalities here, you get into fancy double barrels.
Not to be deterred, you start thinking about triggering mechanism. Atrophied from a couple of decades at a desk, you’re not flexible enough to use your toes. And with the barel in your mouth and oriented correctly (another 300 hours of research) your arms are too short, obviously, to reach the trigger even on the youth model. So you get into 3D printing to make a toe trigger switch. You’d wanted to find something online but the search results just kept pointing you toward a hotline. 1,000 more hours, thousands more in equipment, and a house now littered with Benchys and tons of other little annoyances around your house and car that you can “fix” with printed parts. You start offering them to family as gifts and printing stuff for your new 3D printed gun part forum buddies.
Everything is in order now and you’re finally ready to pull the trigger. But honestly, at this point you’re kind of excited to see what the new extruded carbon fiber filament printers are going to be capable of and you’re almost done saving for that hand fitted over-under on display at the fancy gun club you upgraded too. And you’re dreaming of a Holland & Holland as a retirement present to yourself. And things have been going well with the cute lady you met at the reception for the CCW class. She was there because she gets nervous closing up at the grocery store. Others may think her plain but she makes you happy and her 7 year old is a cute and fun kid really.
So you toss your Project Cobain binders in the trash and archive all of your OneNote materials in a folder marked “Revisit in 2055” and then take the family out for ice cream.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5433655&forum_id=2#49041962) |
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