Date: July 30th, 2025 1:42 PM
Author: birdshit monolith
Alright, brejs, I popped some adderall and fired up "Wild Things" (1998) last night on my crusty old DVD player. Been hearing about this flick for years on /tv/ and finally pulled the trigger. Here’s my unfiltered scholarship.
Movie’s set in some swampy Florida hellhole where everyone’s sweaty and scheming. Matt Dillon plays a high school guidance counselor (UUUUNNNGGGGHHH, imagine that gig) named Sam Lombardo, who’s basically a Chad with a mullet. Denise Richards and Neve Campbell are two high school girls, Kelly and Suzie, who accuse him of some serious shit. Bill Murray shows up as a sleazy lawyer (is there any other kind?). It’s like a 90s fever dream of babes, betrayal, and bad decisions. Think "Cruel Intentions" but with more alligators and less Sarah Michelle Gellar.
THE 180 ELEMENTS:
(1) Denise Richards. Holy shit, bros, she’s peak 90s hotness. That pool scene? My lizard brain went full MONKEY MODE. 10/10, would coom again.
(2) Neve Campbell. Gritty, damaged vibe. Not as in-your-face as Denise, but she’s got that “I’ve seen some shit” energy. Her character’s trailer park aesthetic is pure kino.
(3) Plot Twists. This movie’s like a 4chan thread—every 10 minutes you get a new twist that makes you go “WTF JUST HAPPENED.” Kept me glued, ngl.
(4) Bill Murray. Dude’s a national treasure. His lawyer character is a scumbag but you can’t stop watching him chew scenery. 180 performance.
(5) Soundtrack’s got that cheesy 90s vibe. Makes you wanna crank Third Eye Blind and chug a Surge.
THE 120 ELEMENTS:
(a) Matt Dillon’s acting is like a cardboard cutout of a Chad. Bro, emote or something. His “I’m innocent” face looks like he’s reading a script for the first time.
(b) Some of the dialogue is straight out of a USA Network late-night flick. “You’re not my type” — who says that IRL? Cringe/10.
(c) The pacing in the second half drags a bit. Too many “gotcha” moments start feeling like M. Night Shyamalan jerking himself off.
(d) Florida setting is gross. Why is everyone so sweaty? I could smell the BO through my CRT TV.
MEMORABLE SCENES:
(i) Pool scene with Denise and Neve. If you know, you know. My GF walked in during it and now she thinks I’m a degenerate. Worth it.!<
(ii)Bill Murray’s neck brace scam. Lmao, this guy’s the OG grifter. Should post on /biz/ with that hustle.!<
(iii)The courtroom scenes. Felt like a Law & Order episode but with more sexual tension. 180 for drama.!<
OVERALL THOUGHTS
This movie’s a guilty pleasure. It’s like if /tv/ and /pol/ had a baby and raised it on Red Bull and Penthouse mags. It’s trashy, it’s sleazy, it’s peak 90s schlock, but damn if it ain’t entertaining. I give it a solid 167 -- not quite kino, but close. Perfect for a Friday night when you’re too broke for the bar and too lazy to poast.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5756344&forum_id=2#49143021)