i split up in a pretty cowardly way. she was up all night on adderall and booze while i tried to get some sleep. when i woke up in the morning i knew she would be asleep until noon at least. several weekends had been wasted by her not getting up until the afternoon and then taking forever to get ready. i knew it was over so i just left. i sent her a text telling her it was over and the reasons why (she's drunk and crazy). she didn't take it great and just sent me a bunch of unhinged shit, mostly begging me to come back but also with plenty of stuff about how i was making a huge mistake.

over the past month she has been spamming me constantly. i've included a few highlights, but it's really hard to capture the insanity without dozens of screenshots. long, long, LONG incoherent rants. several times she would "accidentally" send me conversations with guys from tinder, or talk about being drunk around dudes. clearly trying to make me jealous but i just found it pathetic. most of the time i would not respond.

she switched it up to snapchat, which gave her license to be even crazier. just drunk babbling for hours. often i would not be around to see these chats. sometimes i would log in to see pages and pages of rambling for a brief second, before they all switched to "message deleted". at least she has some self awareness of her crazy, i guess.

she has continued sending lots of horny texts during this time too, which i've responded to sometimes. we've made plans but i've managed to come to my senses and cancel. however, last night she asked me to come over and i decided to give it go. she has been less crazy than normal lately.

we've been wanting to play tennis for a while, i got there around 8pm and we decided to play a bit. she had NO booze in the house and wasn't begging me to go get some! we wound up having a pretty fun time (she's quite good and i've never played). then we head back to her apartment complex and she suggests hopping into their pool. i agree and, stupidly, tell her i've got some tequila and beers in the car from a beach trip this past weekend. there's about 1/4 of a bottle of tequila left, which we split, and i say "that's all". we went to the pool a little tipsy and groped and petted like teenagers. pretty 180. she has gone on a post break up health and exercise binge and is even hotter than she used to be.

we head back to her place to shower and fuck. however, when we get there she mentions going back to grab some beers from my car. this is where things took a turn for the worse. i told her no but quickly caved. after all, she was housing bottles of vodka before: how much damage could two shots of tequila and 2 beers cause? well, i don't think she's eaten and her tolerance must have taken a hit. she gets pretty drunk and incoherent right away. i know that the night is probably a waste at this point, once she gets this way she just gets really annoying, talkative, and crazy.

she insists of putting the conjuring on. we've tried to watch it a couple times, but she just babble through it. we started this time and she just starts babbling. she won't even look at the screen, she's just looking at me the whole time talking. she's talking about her abilities, her experiences shes had, etc. she also starts criticizing the movie because "that's not how it really is". i'm just trying to give a lot of "ok babes" to get through it. i tried telling her i was too tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she refused. i knew she would just annoy me all night so i just tried to get through it. she literally rambled about a myriad of psychic and supernatural experiences and her powers the entire time.

we had off to bed, and i doubt i'm getting laid. she's in kooky crazy mode, and not in the sexy way. i resign myself to just going to sleep, but she won't let me. is just babbling. if i stop talking to her she just babbles to herself or wakes me up. she started saying she was horny, but when i started initiating she started rehashing our break up and how she "didn't deserve this" and how i'm so mean to her. this cycle of babbling, waking me up, and declining sex happened about 3 more times until i would estimate around 3 or 4am.

however, i knew she would want to fuck in the morning. and she did. it was great to end on a high note because she's a demon. just really down for anything. cuddled for a bit and then went to mcdonalds for 2x eggs mcgriddle and 2x hashbrowns. headed home to work and poast this to xo.

example texts + ass: https://imgur.com/a/qGEGnL3

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42848930)

My guy gunneratttt tp has the benevolent patriarchal/paternalistic sheepdog capability to be an excellent family leader for a wholesome girl next door, that much is obvious, but the question is whether both of them would be better off in the long run going their separate ways.

It appears that the answer is yes, as far as I can tell, though there might be a way for him to steer her (and/or her loved ones who might be able to get through to her) towards Jesus as a parting gift.

Something in the vein of "you're going to throw away all your endearing qualities, all your feminine gifts, and not be able to get them back EVER if you don't go full on 12 steps NOW."

(I know some people have to hit absolute rock bottom before they can begin bouncing back, but I've also known a few people who got scared straight by a "faces of alcoholism" kind of warning, and have been on the straight and narrow ever since.)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849053)

i've made it very clear that i don't see a future between us. i don't see the harm in having some trysts while i search for the one. and if she somehow reforms, that would be a pleasant surprise. as i've said, on paper she is perfect. but she has demonstrated so much crazy that it would take a long, long time of demonstrated sanity for me to see a real future with her.

she had no alcohol when i came over. i regret offering her some. this would have been our first no booze date. sober night time pool hopping didn't seem appropriate though. still: she demonstrated that she CAN abstain. i'm sure we'll see each other again, and next time i won't offer her anything and see what happens. she is pretty chill when sober.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849107)

The part about her wanting to be a part of the Church community suggests that she knows there is something out there more fulfilling than solipsism/hedonism/solipsistic hedonism/hedonistic solipsism, which is always a good sign.

Call me crazy, brother, but I wonder if you and her going to Church together might be a wonderful experience for both of you. Just as friends, I mean. And I'm not saying this in terms of trying to convert (as I've said in other threads, I'm not good at that - only at nudging fence sitters):

I think it might illuminate where both of you stand in each other's lives right now, and if there's any potential for the future - 100% serious here.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849167)

this is 100% spot on. she sees value in the community, morality, etc. she is certainly not a hedonist. she is very much into self improvement and her career. if anything she's a huge striver.

"Call me crazy, brother, but I wonder if you and her going to Church together might be a wonderful experience for both of you. Just as friends, I mean."

the one time we went out in public was to my bffs bbq and she got smashed and weirded everyone out with her incoherent babbling.

"I think it might illuminate where both of you stand in each other's lives right now, and if there's any potential for the future - 100% serious here."

maybe the problem is 100% alcohol. she is very successful in her field. that can't just happen on accident, right? she has shown me so much crazy, but it's always been related to booze. it's going to be hard for me to forget how much crazy she has shown me. despite last night becoming a typical insanity show, her behavior pre-tequila was pretty great. we have plans to meet up on weds. maybe i'll insist on 100% booze free and see how she is. the thing that solidified my decision to split up before was several (5?) occasions in a row i insisted on no-booze and she couldn't do it. maybe she can now.

edit: just remembered that i noticed a tithing calculator on her refrigerator this morning.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849196)

God has given him the ability to attract women like her; so he has the responsibility to be a benevolent patriarchal sheepdog, not an enabler.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849263)

It's all about providing DAT benevolent guidance and structure for all creatures great and small, all who are depending on us in some way or another.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849289)

We are closest with God when we are tending to our little flowers, Saint-Exupery once said.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849304)

And the irony is that, like children, most of us resent boundaries when they are first introduced; and yet, in the long run, we can only flourish with God's traditional boundaries and structure, like flowers attended to by the loving hands of a benevolent gardener.

(There's a reason why Mary Magdalene first thought that the Resurrected Jesus was the gardener tending to the flowers outside the upscale tombs - because that's who God is, the gardener of the new Eden, and we as men are subcreators following in His footsteps, as Tolkien would say.)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849388)

A+ content though

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849026)

Also, I'm reminded of some great advice from RDJ:

Instead of denying that one has an addictive personality, which is bound to fail in spectacular fashion like all reality-denying endeavors (see: liberalism)...

...embrace the addictive personality, but CHANNEL it into productive, healthy pursuits, the kind that make one feel better the next morning, and therefore take on a life of their own in a good way, snowballing for a good cause.

(Hiking, becoming a master at cooking, martial arts to get any nervous energy out and becoming really disciplined in general, having an obsessively clean house or perfectly manicured garden - random examples that I've seen which worked for people.)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849110)

maybe her acceptance of her addiction and her commitment to abstain more is a glimmer of hope.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849120)

You 100% have to stop enabling her - that's on you as the patriarchal sheepdog. To whom much is given much is expected: being able to attract women like that (wholesome sex kitten pedigrees albeit mentally rough around the edges) means that you are held to a high standard of leadership.

Polish + Irish = LMAO on one hand in terms of self-destructive potential, and yet the deeply-rooted Catholic tradition for both means that the divine feminine + the fierce loyalty are innate to her pedigree: 180^180

"maybe her acceptance of her addiction and her commitment to abstain more is a glimmer of hope."

I 100% agree, and as I said in my poast above, you and her should go to Church together at least once (100% sober, full-on traditional attire; embrace the journey to the past, when people LITERALLY believed in the benevolent God, who gives us all the beautiful traditions, which we all take for granted, to cherish - Christmas, Easter, golden retriever puppies, all family warmth exemplified by the Holy Family, you name it).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849254)

a lot of your instincts about her and me are very spot on. she is very receptive to her mistakes. she's incredibly anti-lib and does not typically blame others for her failings. she wants all the right things. she constantly tells me i need to "rein her in" and seems to want me to be a sterner patriarch. maybe i've just been too much of a cuck with enabling her boozing. i guess i don't really feel that comfortable daddying someone around too much when a relationship is so new.

however, she has been indescribably insane at times. completely incoherent, speaking in riddles, believing she has supernatural powers (she believes this when sober, too).

at this point i can only remain open to being surprised if she does a complete 180.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849560)

that evening: you know how these things happen. she was being drunk and playful.

hobby: a surprising number of women are really into pole dancing as a workout now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42868775)

“What’s the harm?” get out. change your number. you will regret it if you don’t listen to me.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42849313)

she claims she was visited by a "banshee", a floating rotting corpse, that screamed at her.

she claims to have all sorts of clairvoyant and psychic powers. various abilities to will things to happen or know information she could not have known otherwise.

pretty much your standard dumb 14 year old goth shit, except she's twice that age and REALLY believes it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42851498)

if you really want to be with her tell her she has to quit drinking. it's the only way.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4886555&forum_id=2#42868831)