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Typical Day For First Year Litigation Associate
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:42 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge 7:00 - wake up, jack off, shower, jack off again
7:50 - Buy bagel and coffee from cafe; dream of fucking the somewhat cute cashier girl who must wonder why I look so sad and depressed every morning
8:00 - Go into office, try not to look at old, fat, ugly, bitchy associate whose office I have to pass. God she is dumb too. Wonder what I have done in my life to deserve to work with such a stupid bitch.
8:01 - Log onto system. Check nytimes.com and stock market. Check two dozen useless e-mails, most of them from dumb ass junior female associates on the other coast who are stupid enough to send out email questions to the entire fucking firm rather than research it themselves. Wonder why it is that female associates send 90% of the dumbass e-mail questions.
8:20 - Start dreaming about fucking a hot bitch; will continue for most of morning. Wish I could close my office door and jack off.
8:30 - Start working on actual billable stuff even though I've been billing the client for my dreaming and surfing. Close door to keep out sounds of annoying fat ass secretaries. Wonder why anyone would want to waste their life being a legal secretary.
Until noon - Continue working on whatever, hoping not to be called by any other attorneys asking for help. If busy actually try to finish shit. If not busy try to waste time so I can bill more on the project and fuck over the client.
Noon - go out of office, walk down street hoping to see some hot bitches since all I see are ugly fat bitches in the office. Buy a sandwich, come back to office and eat it alone checking nytimes and billing client for the time
Afternoon - fat ass stupid bitch secretary comes into office for third time. Asks stupid ass question; wastes my time; I pretend to be nice even though I wish she were dead. Wonder why secretary can't write a cover letter without having to ask me a question. Wonder why I can't have a 22 year old hot secretary instead of a 60 year old haggy fat bitch.
4:00 - asshole senior partner calls me with "emergency" assigment that must be completed by tomorrow morning. I know fucking ass partner will come into my office tomorrow morning so I actually feel like I have to work on it. Wonder why this partner always calls me after 4 and always needs an answer within 18 hours. Dream of shooting him.
8:00 - somewhat finish assignment. E-mail partner with answer and hope he won't ask follow up questions even though I know he will. Input my hours into the firm's billing system. Try to double bill as much as I can. Try to "estimate" my time, being fair to myself of course.
8:15 - leave office, take taxi home that firm pays for. Buy some Indian or Thai food. Get home, surf net for porn. Jack off two or three times. Take hot bath. Jack off. Go to sleep dreaming of fucking hot bitch.
Repeat next day.
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:46 PM Author: Cracking cruise ship I think your life would be alot more fulfilling if you just jacked off a few more times a day... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119431) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:47 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Sometimes I jack off 7-8 times in a day. It doesn't help. I think I have a problem. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119434) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:49 PM Author: Cracking cruise ship damn...thats tough.
how come you dont just fuck the hot chick at the bagel place? |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:50 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I'm too chicken to hit on her. I think she liked me at first, but now she must think I'm a pyscho since I always look so sad. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119456) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:53 PM Author: razzmatazz queen of the night are you a sickly looking azn male? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119471) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:55 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Pretty much. Not white so most girls hate me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119479) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:55 PM Author: razzmatazz queen of the night indnindn? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119481) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:15 PM Author: Jet-lagged voyeur orchestra pit Hmm. I've been with white and latino guys. I'd like to try sex with a black man, but fantasies of asian or indian dudes have never entered my mind... not that I'm unattracted or repulsed but just... mehhh... not so much... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119623) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:19 PM Author: Jet-lagged voyeur orchestra pit LOL. I'd also like to add that after reading this post, I'm so SoCal it's not funny. I swear I'm not from there I swear it. Anyway I'm flirting with a black guy now. He's hot but has two kids. Oh well. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119660) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:37 PM Author: Wine 180 twinkling uncleanness NO SOUP FOR YOU!!! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119786) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:39 PM Author: Jet-lagged voyeur orchestra pit TY. You may be right...
PS this schtick is silly. I predict it won't last long. |
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Date: July 18th, 2007 6:18 AM Author: supple idea he suggested fuck you faggot bitch (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#8400832) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:01 PM Author: Cracking cruise ship well the only way to find out if shes down, or thinks you are a tool is to hit on her and see her reaction (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119510) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:03 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I'm shy. I can't hit on girls unless I'm drunk and in a dark place. Hence, the reason why I masturbate so much and only fuck prostitututes in Asian countries. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119533) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:06 PM Author: Cracking cruise ship man, just have some confidence in yourself. you are a bigshot lit atty and she would proly be happy to drop her panties for you, despite the fact that you resemble a hideous troll.
HTH |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:07 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I know, but it's never that easy. All I can tell her is "seasame bagel and coffee please"
That is not a good pick-up line. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:10 PM Author: Cracking cruise ship well it sounds to me like you desperately need to get some pussy, and you arent interacting with much outside the office. so unless you want to fuck one of the nasty fat bitches you are stuck with all day in the office, you need to come up with a clever way to hit on this chick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119583) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:12 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I know. Part of my problem is that I have high standards, even though I shouldn't. I want to fuck the cafe girl, but whatever. It never will happen - I'm a pussy.
My goal in life is to make over 2 million by 40 and then retire early and go to Brazil or Thailand or someplace and fuck hot ass girls all day until I die. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:14 PM Author: Cracking cruise ship well at your current rate, it doesnt sound like you will be fucking much of anything no matter where you are.
unless of course tehy are brazilian or thai prostitutes, where you dont have to attract them before you stick them |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:17 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Duh. You think I would move to Thailand or Brazil to fuck a non-hooker? I mean whatever. All girls in those countries are hookers. I figure I'll just find a hot Brazilian bitch who maybe fucks guy for money on the side and then make her my temporary GF and keep her till I get bored and then get a new one.
I mean it's not PC to say this but that's every guys dream. I see these fucking guys over 40 working themselves to death so their whore daughter can shop Versace and their ugly ass wife can get plastic surgery and I just wonder. Most guys would be happier fucking lots of young girls in an exotic location. That is my goal in life. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:25 PM Author: Khaki Dog Poop Sound Barrier A+ (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119708) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:19 PM Author: vivacious startled pozpig really tough guy Be more proactive. If you know a partner will ask follow up questions be sure to attempt to address these questions in your assignment. By taking this pave your road to partner. Your life is lacking sir, please take a gander at the Dead Poets Society and implement some of the central ideas into your life. Carpe diem a mantra to live by. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119651) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:19 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge That's horse shit. Some partners will ask follow up questions no matter what. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119661) |
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Date: October 15th, 2006 11:25 PM Author: big-titted racy tanning salon love this post (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6795273) |
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Date: April 24th, 2007 1:02 PM Author: Electric Sable People Who Are Hurt rbtlolzz
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Date: October 15th, 2006 11:35 PM Author: garnet legend Haven't jacked off that many times a day (regularly) since I was 16. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6795361) |
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Date: April 15th, 2007 6:25 AM Author: Ebony Range Lettuce Subject: Compilation of Negative Links About R.D. and Michael Fertik Reputation Defender Michael Fertik http://www.repdefender.ytmnd.com http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=611106&mc=2&forum_id=2 Michael Fertik http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=612051&mc=19&forum_id=2 Mike Fertik http://snarkybastards.com/index.php/category/the-law-is-an-ass-an-idiot/page/2/ ReputationDefender http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Michael_Fertik http://positiveliberty.com/category/the-bureau/page/2/ Michael Fertik Reputation Defender Mike Fertik http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYEHkXJmsO0 Reputation Defender ReputationDefender http://www.hlrecord.org/news/2005/03/17/Etc/Fenno-896966.shtml Michael Fertik Reputation Defender ReputationDefender http://authorskeptics.blogspot.com/2004/11/professor-tribe-new-harvard-law-record.html Mike Fertik Reputation Defender ReputationDefender 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http://positiveliberty.com/2007/01/ Mike Fertik http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=608398&mc=42&forum_id=2 ReputationDefender http://bamber.blogspot.com/2007/01/death-of-online-gossip.html Mike Fertik ReputationDefender Reputation Defender Michael Fertik http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=608398&mc=42&forum_id=2 http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=606551&mc=127&forum_id=2 http://snarkybastards.com/index.php/2007/01/ Michael Fertik ReputationDefender http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=606557&mc=23&forum_id=2 ReputationDefender Reputation Defender http://snarkybastards.com/index.php/category/excruciatingly-correct-behavior/page/3/ Michael Fertik ReputationDefender Reputation Defender http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=611106&mc=2&forum_id=2 Mike Fertik http://bamber.blogspot.com/2007/01/i-know-you-got-bad-reputation.html ReputationDefender http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=606557&mc=23&forum_id=2 Michael Fertik Reputation 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Date: November 11th, 2007 2:14 PM Author: French Jewess 180, though the masterbation I agree seems excessive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#8881980) |
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Date: September 9th, 2008 5:28 PM Author: Sadistic Boltzmann Principal's Office that's basically my life in a nutshell too only lately the fuckers have been making me go to court more and more and I HATE IT. I want to do transactional so I never have to go to court again. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#10143301) |
Date: July 1st, 2006 7:43 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting I LOVE IT (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119419) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:48 PM Author: razzmatazz queen of the night replace "read nytimes" with "post insanely racist hate messages and inane white chicks/asian guys bullshit on xoxo" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119443) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:49 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Only do that when I get home. I forgot to mention I drink a lot when I get home. Or atleast I drink a beer or two. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119449) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:50 PM Author: excitant chrome base That's actually not too bad. NYC? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119457) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:52 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Do that everyday and then say it's "not too bad"
NYC-LA-Boston-Chicago-SF-DC |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:53 PM Author: razzmatazz queen of the night on avg how many days a week do you have to stay till 8? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119466) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:57 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge M thru Thurs I work until around 8. Sometimes I've leave around 7:30 if I don't have a ton of work. Occassionally I'll stay to 8:30 but usually not past that. Sometimes I came into the office earlier, like around 7.
On Friday I leave by 7, sometimes earlier. I get nothing done on Fridays.
I'll probably bill 2000, maybe 2100 hours this year. I don't understand how anyone can bill more without going crazy. When I hear of people billing 2400 or even 3500 (Watchell partner) then I want to kill myself. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:59 PM Author: razzmatazz queen of the night what school/class rank? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119502) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:04 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge A good school. I had shitty grades, which is the reason I'm at a law firm that isn't Vault 50. Sometimes I feel bad for having to work with some associates who are clearly stupid. But most of the partners are smart, so whatever. I guess I deserve it for playing poker and jacking off too much in LS. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119539) |
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Date: October 16th, 2006 1:20 PM Author: federal translucent spot friendly grandma 3500 hours per year/50 working weeks = 70 billables per week
Assume 90 percent efficient = approx. 80 hours in the office/week
6 days a week at 13 hours a day.
8am to 9pm 6 days a week.
Kill self. |
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Date: October 16th, 2006 7:01 PM Author: diverse crawly shrine dingle berry How about assuming a 110% efficiency? Methinks thats the only way someone could get to 3500. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6799921) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:01 PM Author: pontificating doctorate abode How can you be in the office for 12 hours per day and only manage to bill 2000 hours? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119518) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:02 PM Author: Overrated soul-stirring stock car senate i take it you haven't worked at a law firm. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119527) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:09 PM Author: pontificating doctorate abode Only for about 9 months now. Except for lunch, I manage to bill probably about 95% of the time that I am in the office. What the hell are y'all doing all day? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119572) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:06 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Even when I work 12 hours I only manage to bill 9-10 hours. Even though I have no ethics and don't give a shit about a client's expenses, I still don't bill the full 12 hours because I figure the partners would figure out eventually.
Once you factor into Fridays - when I jack off and only bill maybe 6 hours and then you add holidays, the occassional slow day/week, a one/two week vacation in August and CLE, training bullshit then you only can bill 2100 hours tops working 12 hours a day. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:10 PM Author: pontificating doctorate abode What are you doing for the other 2-3 hours during the day? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119580) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:14 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I have to factor in time I take to go take a dump in the bathroom, pick up lunch, talk to fat ass stupid bitch secretary, time to talk to fat ass bitch associates, and other shit.
Generally, ppl say you should only bill 80% of your time in the office. If I stay 12 hours, 80% is like 9.6 hours. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:17 PM Author: pontificating doctorate abode You spend 3 hours per day going to the bathroom and talking to people? I don't know who says you are supposed to bill 80%, but I can see no reason why that would be the case. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119639) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:19 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Ethically you should only bill 80% Hell, there are some people who say ethically you should only bill 2/3rds.
80% is fair. Even when you are working you're writing non-work e-mails. You're checking websites. You're staring out the window. I mean if I bill 10.25 for being in the office 12 hours, that's a very fair ratio so whatever. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:23 PM Author: pontificating doctorate abode Um, ok. I am certainly going to bill 100% of the time that I am actually working on something. Don't really check web sites or write personal e-mail beyond possible a 30 second response to someone or a quick check of the market on ameritrade. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119688) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:25 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Good for you. If you are a robot and never look out the window. Never talk to a co-worker. Never check cnn.com or write personal e-mails. Never go out to pick up lunch, the yes you can bill 12 hours for being at the office 12 hours. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119710) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:30 PM Author: pontificating doctorate abode Well, obviously I am not including lunch. But, looking out the window? Nobody expects you to be a robot. Obviously, there will be a few distractions during the day. It is not like you need to dock yourself time because at some point you may have taken 30 seconds to look out the window or spent a minute talking to someone who happened to stop by the office. I also don't bill someone for the time that I am sitting at home watching tv and happen to think about some argument to make. I am sure it evens out, probably in their favor. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119749) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:32 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge All I'm saying is that billing 9.5 to 10.5 hours for working from 8 to 8 is a good ratio. It's between 80% and 90% which I think is fair. Sometimes when my concentration is good I'll bill 11 hours for 12 hours in the office. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119762) |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 8:43 AM Author: swollen brunch "Ethically you should only bill 80% Hell, there are some people who say ethically you should only bill 2/3rds."
"Ethically" you should bill what you work. Trying to hit some target percentage is foolish. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:03 PM Author: excitant chrome base WAHWAHWAH STFU BITCH (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119530) |
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Date: February 7th, 2007 5:00 AM Author: poppy circlehead nursing home Don't steal my schtick. TYIA. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#7559384) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:04 PM Author: Overrated soul-stirring stock car senate can't be NYC. No one goes to work at 8AM in NYC. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119536) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:09 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge So they say. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119571) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:52 PM Author: ivory hell ceo Subject: a quality post Date: July 1st, 2006 7:42 PM Author: Kill Me Please
7:00 - wake up, jack off, shower, jack off again
7:50 - Buy bagel and coffee from cafe; dream of fucking the somewhat cute cashier girl who must wonder why I look so sad and depressed every morning
8:00 - Go into office, try not to look at old, fat, ugly, bitchy associate whose office I have to pass. God she is dumb too. Wonder what I have done in my life to deserve to work with such a stupid bitch.
8:01 - Log onto system. Check nytimes.com and stock market. Check two dozen useless e-mails, most of them from dumb ass junior female associates on the other coast who are stupid enough to send out email questions to the entire fucking firm rather than research it themselves. Wonder why it is that female associates send 90% of the dumbass e-mail questions.
8:20 - Start dreaming about fucking a hot bitch; will continue for most of morning. Wish I could close my office door and jack off.
8:30 - Start working on actual billable stuff even though I've been billing the client for my dreaming and surfing. Close door to keep out sounds of annoying fat ass secretaries. Wonder why anyone would want to waste their life being a legal secretary.
Until noon - Continue working on whatever, hoping not to be called by any other attorneys asking for help. If busy actually try to finish shit. If not busy try to waste time so I can bill more on the project and fuck over the client.
Noon - go out of office, walk down street hoping to see some hot bitches since all I see are ugly fat bitches in the office. Buy a sandwich, come back to office and eat it alone checking nytimes and billing client for the time
Afternoon - fat ass stupid bitch secretary comes into office for third time. Asks stupid ass question; wastes my time; I pretend to be nice even though I wish she were dead. Wonder why secretary can't write a cover letter without having to ask me a question. Wonder why I can't have a 22 year old hot secretary instead of a 60 year old haggy fat bitch.
4:00 - asshole senior partner calls me with "emergency" assigment that must be completed by tomorrow morning. I know fucking ass partner will come into my office tomorrow morning so I actually feel like I have to work on it. Wonder why this partner always calls me after 4 and always needs an answer within 18 hours. Dream of shooting him.
8:00 - somewhat finish assignment. E-mail partner with answer and hope he won't ask follow up questions even though I know he will. Input my hours into the firm's billing system. Try to double bill as much as I can. Try to "estimate" my time, being fair to myself of course.
8:15 - leave office, take taxi home that firm pays for. Buy some Indian or Thai food. Get home, surf net for porn. Jack off two or three times. Take hot bath. Jack off. Go to sleep dreaming of fucking hot bitch.
Repeat next day.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119411)
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:56 PM Author: Overrated soul-stirring stock car senate you get out at 8 every day and you're complaining? what an idiot. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119487) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 7:58 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge It is bad working till 8 everyday. It gets fucking shitty. You get home and it's 9. By the time you eat your food alone and masturbate it's 10. By the time you jack off in the bathtub it's 11 and you have to sleep. You have no time to watch MTV or depsparate housewives. It sucks. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119498) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:00 PM Author: Overrated soul-stirring stock car senate don't go home after work. go to a restaurant, bar, etc. spend 2-3 hours there. and where are you commuting from that it takes 1 hr. to get home? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119504) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:08 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I'm including the time it takes to buy dinner somewhere. I never eat in because I can't cook and I don't have a stupid maid/GF to do that shit for me so I buy out every night. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119567) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:00 PM Author: razzmatazz queen of the night what do you do on the weekends? besides post here (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119505) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:01 PM Author: Overrated soul-stirring stock car senate i think this guy wouldn't manage to have a life even if he worked 4 hours a day. most people i know work later than 7:30/8 and still enjoy themselves. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119516) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:09 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I admit that I'm a social retard. I suck. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119574) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:02 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I jack off. I get drunk on Friday nights and uselessly hit on girls. Last night a girl actually came up to me and started talking. I was impressed with myself, until I blew it.
On Saturday nights I go to Blockbuster. I sleep alot too. Today I woke up at 3:15. I try to go outside as much as possible, but for some reason I end up spending most of my time in my apartment jacking off.
I use to do recretational activities like b-ball and biking, but now I mostly just exercise my right hand.
Sometimes I work on the weekends, but only if I need to. Maybe one Sunday a month and only for a few hours. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:04 PM Author: Overrated soul-stirring stock car senate "but for some reason I end up spending most of my time in my apartment jacking off." this is your problem, not BIGLAW's.
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:10 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I admit I have a problem with the relationship between my right hand and penis. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119578) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:28 PM Author: Jet-lagged voyeur orchestra pit LOL if you have weekends off you should be getting pussy. That's all there is to it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119725) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:07 PM Author: excitant chrome base Flame. This is :D. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119558) |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 7:24 AM Author: razzmatazz queen of the night titcr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6122369) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:02 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting i don't get what the problem is. without work, you'd be masturbating for 18 hours a day. at least this way you're doing something productive. i think this is good for you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119521) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:10 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I know. I think of this everyday. At least by being in the office I'm learning shit, making money, building useful skills.
In law school I didn't learn a thing. All I did was drink Heinkein and play poker and masturbate even more. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:12 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting you masturbate too much. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119597) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:18 PM Author: excitant chrome base Your life sucks. Thank you for saving me 150k and 8 years of my life (assuming 5 in biglaw to pay debt off). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119646) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:21 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Well my life wouild suck even more of I hadn't gone to law school. I mean at least I make good money now and regardless of what people say being a lawyer at a law firm is very respectable in society.
I'm a social loser so I could have very easily ended up working at Radio Shak for 12 bucks an hour and living with my parents. That would have sucked more than the life I ahve now. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:22 PM Author: excitant chrome base No it wouldn't. You'd have a Level 48 Orc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119682) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 11:26 PM Author: Slippery foreskin But then he wouldn't be able to jack off every single moment of his free time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6120846) |
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Date: October 16th, 2006 12:32 PM Author: lime parlor clown Holy shit LOL (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6797668) |
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Date: October 16th, 2006 1:22 PM Author: federal translucent spot friendly grandma TITMFCR (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6797965) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:22 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting his life sucks because he's ugly and anti-social. his life sucked before BIGLAW, and it will suck after he makes a disgraceful exit in a few years. people don't understand that BIGLAW isn't inherently miserable. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119681) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:26 PM Author: excitant chrome base Yes it is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119717) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:28 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting do you know what the unprestigious fucks working for $60k in NYCIDLAW think about BIGLAW? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119735) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:34 PM Author: excitant chrome base Yeah they're jealous. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119772) |
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Date: October 16th, 2006 5:44 PM Author: Blathering den toaster I'm in small law and not the tiny bit jealous. I make half of what you make, but I get out at 5:30 - 6:30 every night. Zero weekends. I go in at 9:30 usually and when I have court appearances (anywhere from 5-8x/month), I can take a nice long lunch and bill it to the client.
I don't know how you aren't efficient. Working 8 to 8 is a nice 10 hr billable day at least. I worked from 9-6 and have 9 hrs on my billing sheet, even if I took 1 hr for lunch and 45 min daydreaming or talking to people. You simply pad ceertain tasks (ie writing a letter, .4, reviewing a file in prep for letter, 1.7, dictating letter, .3, reviewing another file to ascertain status, 2.1 and so on..
If you know how to bill creatively, you wouldn't be sitting at your desk at 7:30 each night wondering how to plug in those required 8-10 hrs.
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:27 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I agree. My life has always sucked because I'm a social loser and a minority. However, I never said BIGLAW sucks. I actually enjoy it more than I thought I would. It's not bad for the money. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119724) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:29 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting indian or asian? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119741) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:29 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Does it matter? That's like asking whether your left leg or right leg was amputated. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119747) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:32 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting are you ashamed? uncomfortable? i'm a minority too. i'm black. is that better? everything will be OK. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119763) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:36 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Yes. I feel out of place in society because I'm a minority. I know most whites either think I'm a foreigner or a poor, uneducated loser. Most white people hate minorities, regardless of what people say.
I've gotten attention from girls of all races in clubs, etc but I've never really gotten attention from white girls. I realize most white girls hate minority guys. It sucks.
Being black is 10000 times worse than being in my minority group. Society absolutely hates black people, especially black males. I feel bad for you. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:37 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting LOL. white girls like me tho (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119791) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:39 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Hot white girls? I notice that uglier white girls will sometimes go for minorities, but the decent looking ones look at minorities as dirty and shit.
Maybe cause you're a black guy white girls want your big dick. They look at me and now I have a small package and they want to stay away as a result. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:54 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting now i'm sure you're asian. only asians think about their small penis. your biggest problem, as far as i can tell, is your self esteem. you hate yourself and your race. people can detect that, you know. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119904) |
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Date: October 16th, 2006 1:06 PM Author: vibrant address LMFAO. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6797877) |
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Date: October 16th, 2006 1:23 PM Author: federal translucent spot friendly grandma This thread is amazing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6797970) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:29 PM Author: vivacious startled pozpig really tough guy What kind of minority? You beat all sorts of odds. I guess in that way you mad out alright. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119745) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:30 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting he's indian. the only "odd" he beat was escaping his oppressive indian caste. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119753) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:31 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I admit that I've very driven and lucky. And it's hard being a minority in BIGLAW. Everyone is white. And there is not even any diversity within the white people. At least if some were jokers, some were academics, some were frat boys, etc. All BIGLAW white associates are uniformly dipshits with shovels up their ass and they've never had non-white friends in their fucking life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119756) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:33 PM Author: vivacious startled pozpig really tough guy What am I getting myself into.... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119767) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:35 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting work in NYC, LA, or SF and you should be fine. he's painting a pretty grim picture, i agree. however, note that he's not the type of guy who usually has or makes many friends, regardless of whether the setting is BIGLAW or something else. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119775) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:38 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge Even BIGLAW attorneys in NY SF LA are non-diverse assholes. I mean the average white associate either goes to some top schools his whole life and only has rich white friends or he grows up in some fucked up place like Iowa and has no exposure to diversity.
I admit that I'm not good around white people. I didn't grow up around white people so I find them wierd and unusual. I know other minorities who thrive being in white environments. They can hang out with white people as if they are white, but I can't do that. I hate whitey. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:53 PM Author: Dashing hospital famous landscape painting you're not like the other minorities, namely blacks, who whites love. i can't tell you how excited my white coworkers always get when i walk in the office, and how much attention i get from white women and doods when i go out. if america hates blacks, i sure haven't noticed it. sorry, but that's how it is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119893) |
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Date: July 18th, 2007 5:14 AM Author: umber halford menage this hasnt been my experience but it was la. plenty of chinese and quasi-mexicans to go around, a handful each of middle easterners and blacks. i guess im not all that attentive to race but it didnt seem like there was any social segregation going on. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#8400794) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:29 PM Author: Khaki Dog Poop Sound Barrier that type populates biglaw (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119744) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:30 PM Author: razzmatazz queen of the night are you overweight or something? there's no reason you should be masturbating so much. go get a hooker or something.
how shitty were your grades? bottom half? |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:34 PM Author: Histrionic Lodge I'm not fat. I'm skinny. I actually look somewhat okay physically. I mean lots of guts are worse off. I still don't get girls cause I'm a minority and so shy.
I get hookers, but only when I go to other countries. I'm too chicken to do it in the US and it's too expensive here.
My grades were probably middle half, but they declined from first year so most law firms hate me. Also, if you have even one C, most top law firms will hate you. I'm screewed cause I have like two C's. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 8:46 PM Author: flirting fear-inspiring temple volcanic crater Excellent work. Quality. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119844) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 10:45 PM Author: emerald talented theatre goyim White girls do not hate Indian guys.
It is just that the "equipment" that Indian guys are born with is not up to American standards.
Plus, Indian guys come with a mother that slops around showing her flabby, wrinkled belly.
Which is why all the Indian immigrants have to go back to India to buy wives.
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Date: July 1st, 2006 10:55 PM Author: curious site quality post; quality shtick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6120620) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 10:59 PM Author: angry church You ever go on business trips? Or are you stuck in the office every day? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6120648) |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 12:41 AM Author: Histrionic Lodge I'm basically stuck in the office. A couple times I've been allowed to go with a partner to another city, that required staying at a hotel room.
When you're a first year it sorta sucks going anywhere. You end up sitting around at a hearing or mediation all day taking notes and dreaming of being able to masturbate.
Anyone who has sat through a fucking mediation knows how boring that shit gets. It sucks and then you have to talk to the fucking clients - most of whom are ugly white motherfuckers who are too lazy to do big law.
I want to travel to nice places like Miami or San Diego. Maybe I'll get to take deposition within the next two years. Then again, fuck knows. |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 2:06 AM Author: Charismatic Native Half-breed You get your own hotel room, right? Would suck sharing with someone else.
Do they fly first class when they take you somewhere? Again, it would suck if the partner's in first class and sticks you in coach |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 5:51 AM Author: Histrionic Lodge Yeah you get your own room of course. At nice hotels too.
However, you usually have to fly coach. I know some partners who fly business class though but I don't think associates can do that. |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 11:07 PM Author: angry church Your hours aren't nuts enough to be NYC.
You are Indian, but do not sound like one of those pretentious I can fuck white women anytime I want type of Indians. So you aren't an East Coast Indian.
You take a Cab home, so definitely not LA. I'm ruling out San Francisco as well.
You went to a good enough school where mediocre grades got you BIGLAW, but not V50.
I am going to guess you are in Chicago, and went to Northwestern. |
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Date: October 16th, 2006 1:13 PM Author: indigo galvanic indirect expression new version This is a fine analysis. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6797920) |
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Date: April 14th, 2007 4:34 PM Author: balding crimson affirmative action pervert Yeah, the 8 AM starting time gives it away. Nobody on either coast gets in that early. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#7931383) |
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Date: July 18th, 2007 5:09 AM Author: umber halford menage nice (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#8400792) |
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Date: July 1st, 2006 11:13 PM Author: Exciting state electric furnace 9:00 - Go in to work, check and answer e-mails and phone calls.
10:00 - work on long term research project for mentor
12:00 - lunch
1:30 - work on 2 shorter research projects. take stab at drafting basic memo in support of motion for sanctions
3:00 - participate in confernce call
3:30 - defend deposition of nobody witness
5:00 - conference with mentor; send final e-mails, conference with secretary
6:00 - review incoming correspondence and prepare correspondence that has to go out the next day
7:00 - organize for next day
7:45 - leave. |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 12:42 AM Author: Histrionic Lodge You take 45 minutes to organize for the next day? WTF (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6121407) |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 7:36 AM Author: Exciting state electric furnace Or talk to people, or just fuck around. Its not an exact schedule. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6122372) |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 8:33 AM Author: arousing hairy legs ape This is clearly a blend of horseshit with touches of reality.
(1) You are a summer associate, noone else refers to someone as a "mentor"
(2)Since you are a summer associate, you aren't defending depositions. |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 8:38 AM Author: Exciting state electric furnace "This is clearly a blend of horseshit with touches of reality.
(1) You are a summer associate, noone else refers to someone as a "mentor"
(2)Since you are a summer associate, you aren't defending depositions."
The thread title concerns "First Year" associates. WTF are you talking about?
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 8:43 AM Author: arousing hairy legs ape You are not a first year lit associate, you are a summer associate. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6122382) |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 8:45 AM Author: Exciting state electric furnace Umm, wrong.
Are you stupid? |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 8:59 AM Author: arousing hairy legs ape Sorry, I guess I just assumed that anyone who is a big enough fag to refer to some partner as his "mentor" on a consistent basis has to be a summer associate. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6122387) |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 8:58 AM Author: arousing hairy legs ape Here is yet another version:
6:15- wake up, try to shake off mild hangover, shower, jerk off, dress.
8:00 arrive in office, take excederin, check email, check xoxo.
8:20- continue brief that was assigned yesterday, and is inexplicably due tonight even though it doesnt have to be filed for two weeks.
12:30- give brief to secretary to format, resist the urge to smack the bitch when she bitches about being too busy while she is sitting there looking at her friend's wedding pictures.
12:35-decide if you want to round up some people for lunch, decide against it and order sandwhich.
1:00- conference call with parnter and client. Sit there in disbelief as parnter spouts utter bullshit that is contrary to the law and facts to clientin order to make the client think he is going to win. write partner note indicating that he is wrong, watch partner backtrack and eventually tell client something resembling reality.
1:50- return to office, listen as another partner comes by and asks how the brief is coming, tell him he will have it tonight, resist urge to shoot motherfucker. resume working on brief.
4:45-get brief to secretary with changes, pretend to be friendly and sympathetic when she bitches about having to do changes so close to going home. return to office hoping hse gets raped on the way to the parking lot.
5:30- get brief back, give to paralegal to bluebook. Thank God that he comes in at like noon and so has no problem doing work at 5:30.
5:45- check email, see that you have two new assignements and inexplicably, a strategy session with a lit team on another case you are on at 6:30. Begin research for yet another case.
6:30- attend strategy session. get more assingnments, all of which are due in the next two weeks, resist urge to shoot self.
7:45- send brief to partner. get his email back that says he will review it three days from now. resist urge to shoothim and then yourself.
7:50- bullshit with some other associate.
8:00- finish research and begin outlining new brief. consider being greatful that most doc review goes to the contract attorneys, and hey thats something.
9:15- shut down computer in disgust. get in car, go home, pick up dinner. kiss wife, wonder if she is banging co-worker, lawn guy, black mailman. drink alcohol to numb the pain, decide that wife's potential infidelity is unlikely at this juncture.
11:00- pass out. |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 9:15 AM Author: arousing hairy legs ape Oh, and it is 9 am on sunday on July 4th weekend, and I am at work. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6122391) |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 9:30 AM Author: Lake station So you'd say fed. government or academia would be better paths to take after LS? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6122399) |
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Date: July 2nd, 2006 9:33 AM Author: arousing hairy legs ape maybe govt. I have no desire to be a law prof.
EDIT: The real route would be to grow some fucking balls and open up a plaintiffs shop.
However, that requires a way to subsist without income for a year or so. |
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Date: September 9th, 2008 5:15 PM Author: Chocolate sick becky probably the single most revealing and useful post in the history of this board (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#10143282) |
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Date: February 7th, 2007 9:27 AM Author: filthy beady-eyed laser beams strategic bump
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Date: February 7th, 2007 9:28 AM Author: filthy beady-eyed laser beams (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#7559633) |
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Date: February 7th, 2007 1:47 PM Author: Titillating fat ankles (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#7560838) |
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Date: March 26th, 2007 10:30 AM Author: disturbing passionate dysfunction bump for great justice. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#7819220) |
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Date: April 14th, 2007 3:52 PM Author: Ruby House What's the point of making BIGLAW $$$ if you can't use the money to get ass? SRSLY, Some bumblefuck working at a gas station in alabama is PWNING you according to darwin. |
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Date: July 18th, 2007 5:02 AM Author: Disrespectful Stirring Ratface Center (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#8400789) |
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Date: July 18th, 2007 5:06 AM Author: umber halford menage is there an analogous thead for people on the corp side? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#8400791) |
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Date: July 18th, 2007 10:42 AM Author: Unholy Feces Preventive Strike http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=444939&mc=88&forum_id=2#6106646 More seriously: http://xoxoreader.blogspot.com/2007/04/day-in-life-of-real-estate-associate-at.html |
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Date: July 18th, 2007 5:50 AM Author: carmine trip field nowag typical BB summer associate day
7:30 wake up
9:00 arrive at office
10:00 meeting with MD
12:30 hit the gym eat lunch
2:00 back to work
6:00 take coffee break
8:00 eat dinner with fellow SAs
11:00 bring docs to word processing
1:00 call car
*post on xo throughout day |
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Date: July 21st, 2008 9:07 AM Author: contagious apoplectic black woman (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#9994612) |
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Date: July 21st, 2008 9:29 AM Author: Odious mahogany keepsake machete pit tyfriend (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#9994628) |