Date: October 12th, 2006 10:00 AM Author: 180 codepig
Most guys think that diamonds only come in one shape .... round. The truth is that they come in many shapes, princess cut, pear and hearts. I suggest that you ask your girl what she prefers. When Tom Shane gets back from Belgium, where he is currently murdering blacks for blood diamonds, he will provide you with a fancy cut stone at a reasonable price.
Date: October 12th, 2007 10:17 AM Author: insecure state
"Do you have a girlfriend who is romantic? Are you scared shitless because your "romantic" girlfriend needs some fine jewlery and you only have $200? I would be scared too. What kind of piece of shit can you get for $200?"
Date: October 12th, 2006 10:06 AM Author: 180 codepig
You need to pay better attention to your friends, namely Tom Shane. He is in the diamond business and travels the world for your FUCKING benefit. So show some respect.
Date: October 12th, 2006 10:15 AM Author: 180 codepig
What? Are you asking if your friend Tom Shane has had the honor of becoming a Knight of the Kingdom of Belgium? He is your FUCKING friend and he is in the diamond industry. You should know that King Badouin the 1st knighted Tom Shane for killing maccacas in Jakarta and shipping back sackfuls of lovely emeralds that YOU can purchase at fair prices. Wake the fuck up!
Date: October 12th, 2006 10:42 AM Author: 180 codepig
Reminding you once again, about YOUR friend in the FUCKING diamond business. I know he is dull, but he is FUCKING brilliant, and he treks to the farthest reaches of the globe so YOU can have affordable, high quality jewelry.
Date: October 12th, 2006 10:58 AM Author: 180 codepig
Tom makes YOUR life better for a living. Why are you asking me where you can get a diamond? What you need is a little help from your FRIENDS, namely Tom MOTHERFUCKING Shane. If you enter his shoppe, you will be greeted by graduate GEMOLOGISTS who will help you navigate the intricate world of the diamond. If you are not presented with a stone that suits your fancy, be assured that Tom Shane will be on the first plane to Mongolia, prepared to kill many a mongol miner in order to provide YOU with the diamond you deserve.
Date: October 12th, 2006 11:12 AM Author: 180 codepig
How can you ask this question?
We have established that Tom Shane is YOUR friend.
We have established that YOUR friend Tom Shane is in the diamond business.
What kind of friend, who happens to be in the FUCKING diamond business, as Tom Shane is, would not help a friend find a high quality jewel for a reasonable and fair price?
I don't know that answer to that, but I can tell you right now that Tom Shane is not that kind of friend. He is the kind of friend who will provide you with cool beverages while his graduate GEMOLOGISTS assist you. And if the price is not low enough to meet your needs? What will YOUR frined Tom Shane do? Why, he shall gird his loins and cruise to Bangalore where he will literally KILL people until such time as he procures an excellent diamond that fits your budget.
YES, Alway Adds Value, Tom Shane can, and will, help you find a lovely diamond within your budget.
Date: October 12th, 2006 2:19 PM Author: 180 codepig
YOUR FRIEND TOM would point out that he is your friend in the diamond business, not your friend in the FUCKING CHEAP GLASS business. Tom travels to the peaks of the chilean simply to find the most opaque onyx available. Does he then keep these wonderful items for himself? No, he offers them to you, at a reasonable price. Don't bother talking to your friend TOM SHANE about trinkets.
Date: October 12th, 2006 2:11 PM Author: 180 codepig
Tom Shane sounds somewhat dull; but, do you really keep around truly dull friends? Of course not. And Tom Shane is your friend. His perceived dullness is simply a clever ruse to lure chinamen into a state of placidity while he is in Saigon purchasing the choicest topazes. Once they have relaxed their guard, Tom Shane slits their yellow throats and returns home. YOUR FUCKING FRIEND Tom Shane, then provides you with beautiful topazes at the lowest price possible.
Date: October 12th, 2006 2:51 PM Author: 180 codepig
Do you have a FRIEND in those gallerias? No? Well, you do have one in the diamond business, and his name is Tom MOTHERFUCKING Shane. His extensive globe hopping has resulted in Tom Shane having the most expansive and asffordable collection of the finest jewels known to man. Tom Shane has had to murder foreign babies in their sleep to provide these precious stones to you at the lowest possible price. Do you want the spilt blood of innocents to go to waste because you visited a galleria that will overcharge you for an inferior jewel?
Of course not. Because thats not what friends do to each other. And Tom Shane is YOUR friend. Also, he has expert GEMOLOGISTS on hand to assist you in your selection. And free peach tea.
Date: October 12th, 2006 12:38 PM Author: Slate School Cafeteria
the new mastercard commercial (about the white guy and azn girl getting married, starts with "engagement ring: $9000) immediately made me think of xoxo
Date: October 12th, 2006 3:00 PM Author: 180 codepig
Other guys try to drive their prices up by offering warranties on jewelry. Do friends do that to each other? Would a friend who traveled to the island of Yap, and killed every third samoan there, solely to provide you with gorgeous polynesian pearls at affordabale prices do that to you?
Thats right, he wouldn't. Thats why your friend, Tom Shane, GURANTEES ALL OF HIS GORGEOUS JEWELS AT NO EXTRA PRICE. If you lose one, he simply kills another samoan at no charge to you.
Date: October 13th, 2006 9:58 AM Author: 180 codepig
Most guys are nervous and clueless about fine gems, it is a foreign world in which they need guidance and advice.
And what does one do when one needs assistance?
Thats right, one turns to ones friends.
And you have a friend, Tom MOTHERFUCKING Shane, and coincidentally, he happens to be in the diamond business.
"But" you ask "What if my FRIEND, Tom Shane, is in Burma having leading government officials assasinated so that he can procure Opals of the finest quality to provide at fair and honest prices? I know that it important work, and that Tom Shane is doing it for me, but I need help right now."
Never fear, Tom Shane has left a stable of highly trained GEMOLOGISTS for YOU to use. They will select the most panty dropping stone in the store, just for you. And this stone will be provided to you at a reasonable price. A friend never leaves one in the lurch, even when he is defying death and toppling governments in pusuit of reasonably priced jewelry. And Tom Shane is YOUR friend.
Date: October 12th, 2006 6:19 PM Author: 180 codepig
Of course. Why would you hang out with any one who is not cool? You would not. Thus, Tom Shane, your good friend, who happens to be in the diamond business, is FUCKING cool.
Date: October 13th, 2006 3:03 PM Author: passionate ruby potus
This might help clear it up:
"YOUR FRIEND TOM would point out that he is your friend in the diamond business, not your friend in the FUCKING CHEAP GLASS business. Tom travels to the peaks of the chilean simply to find the most opaque onyx available. Does he then keep these wonderful items for himself? No, he offers them to you, at a reasonable price. Don't bother talking to your friend TOM SHANE about trinkets."
Date: October 13th, 2006 3:03 PM Author: 180 codepig
Its a shame that, for generations, some peddlers of cheap glass have been trying to pawn off their wares by stating they have all the properties of a real diamond. Its simply a scam. Would Tom Shane risk life and limb traveling to the deepest jungles of Borneo, killing every wildman that he encounters, to bring back some cheap piece of glass? No, and if he did, there would be no way the price would be reasonable. Your FRIEND Tom Shane, knows that cheap glass cannot be used as a filler for a real fine jewel
Tom Shane would TRAVEL TO BORNEO and kill WILDMEN for his friend, NAMELY YOU, but only if he were to acquire amethysts of superior color and quality, that he could offer to you at a fair and reasonable price. You can pass that down through your family for generations. You could pass cheap glass down through your family for generations as well, but only if you are a dirty fucking poor.
Hear that, its the phone ringing. And YOUR FRIEND Tom Shane is on the other end. He's back from Borneo, and he brought back some great deals. Pick up that phone.
Date: October 13th, 2006 3:26 PM Author: 180 codepig
Tom Shane is YOUR friend in the diamond business. He is also your friend in the precious metals business. He is not, as has been noted above, in the "I GOT A MOTHERFUCKING RING OUT OF A QUARTER VENDING MACHINE" business. And that is what you are asking for when you mention 10k gold. While some people WHO ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS, may try to sell you a piece that is less then 50% gold, your FUCKING friends will nto try to cheat you. Tom Shane is not going to allow a DIRTY BLACK RESIDUE to appear on your finger, therefore, he isnt selling you any FUCKING 10k gold.
Date: October 13th, 2006 3:40 PM Author: Violent Naked National
Ok, what if I splurge a bit and get a nice piece that is more than 50% gold, but I decide that I don't like it exactly 32 days after the purchase? What kind of guarentee is there?
Date: October 25th, 2006 2:42 PM Author: 180 codepig
Just thought I would take a minute to note that YOUR fucking FRIEND Tom MOTHERFUCKING Shane has been chosen as the number one jeweler for engagement rings by Bridal Magazine. "Why," you may ask? Because Tom Shane travels the world killing dozens so that your bitch can choose from many different fancy shapes of DIAMONDS. No slim selection of shapes when you deal with your FRIEND in the diamond business.
Date: December 9th, 2006 1:36 PM Author: Wonderful trust fund corner
He is TOM SHANE, your MOTHERFUCKING FRIEND in the diamond business. He dosn't just cut out the middle men of zales, he FUCKING KILLS THEM. He goes directly to Bangkok to get stones, after FUCKING KILLING the 11 year old Thai miners that dug up the stones. TOM FUCKING does all of this work himself to save you money over the department store retailers, why? BECAUSE HE IS YOUR FUCKING FRIEND IN THE DIAMOND BUSINESS.
hearing the commercials all the time in the last few days is cracking me up. somehow he came up in conversation at the bar when I was home for thanksgiving and I cracked up a couple girls by talking in this style.
i don't want to make too crazy a claim, but it might be the first time someone has used xo schtick to successfully get pussy.
Date: December 9th, 2006 11:58 AM Author: 180 codepig
Durigng the holiday season, your woman may be thinking of some sparkling bauble that hse can show to her friends as proof of your affection. Its a good thing you real FRIEND Tom MOTHEFUCKING Shane is only thinking about YOU sruignthis important time. Your FRIEND has spent the time between Thanksgiving and right NOW traveling to the depths of judea, killing musselmen after musselmen (and one jew who looked like a musselman by accident, but he was sorry about it)to bring you the widest selection of jewels for the HOLIDAYS. Avoid the gallerias, and turn to your FRIEND in this time of need.
Date: January 26th, 2007 5:50 PM Author: 180 codepig
Do you have a girlfriend who is romantic? Are uyou scared shitless because your "romantic" girlfriend needs some fine jewlery and you only have $200? I would be scared too. What kind of piece of shit can you get for $200?
You will never find out. Why? Because YOUR FRIEND Tom Shane has once again to your rescue. Tom Shane just disembarked form a quick trip to the Dominican Republic where he went to procure some lovely heart shaped diamond pendants. Since he only had to kill a negro or two to get them, he is able to offer these fine quality pendants to you at the very reasonable price of $175. Thats right, $175. Who would provide a heart shaped diamond pendant to you for a measly $175? Only a FRIEND would do that.
Date: August 30th, 2007 10:39 AM Author: gold becky station
He may be dull, but his diamonds are brilliant. His name is Tom Mother Fucking Shane. At 394 and Hopkins Crossroad, and in Woodbury at I94 and Radio Drive.
Date: August 30th, 2007 11:50 AM Author: gold becky station
That's right, fuckers. I fly directly to Kashmir to get only the best, bluest fucking sapphires on the planet. Last year, I fell in the mountains and almost lost a leg due to gangrene trying to get you your damn sapphires. Glad you appreciate it, bitch.